Don't look at me

i think turtles are a big threat to our national security

may i ask why

no

Duke Thomas tweeted this

Is she…?

Mariah kill this clown

endgame spoilers

I have no idea what to do with this information

wen u have a $100 gift card 2 da ethiopian supermarket

The best gag in this episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was that the cast isn’t paid and they have to rob the audience for money but no one reports the crimes because then they would have to admit they went to see Cats.

me on a first date: how much sauce can you ingest?

25-35 is such a weird fucking age because you’re 100% a bread-and-butter Standard Edition Millennial but the cool teens are like “ok boomer” because you have a Real Job but the actual Boomers at your job are like “I’m not going to listen to a literal fucking child” as they download 16 self-replicating viruses and meanwhile the Gen Xers are telling you to refinance a mortgage for a house you don’t have and you’re sitting there at the Adults Table with the pretty tasty casserole you cooked because you’ve finally figured out how to do that now but everyone is eating the Boomer’s store-bought macaroni instead and admittedly they do sort of taste similar so it probably wasn’t worth all the trouble of cooking from scratch and you’re trying to comfort the freshly-graduated sobbing 22-year-old next to you because she just woke up here and doesn’t know where she is but you have like maybe 5k dollars in a savings account labelled RETIREMENT that grows approx. twelve cents a year and you keep eating dry macaroni while smiling incomprehensibly and periodically blacking out like ??????????

You guys have savings??????

i know right??? that’s how you know this whole post a lie

This is my favorite tik tok of all time

The fact that the audio is so slightly slightly out of sync in places is sending me.

Fuck you op this made coffee come out of my fucking nose it wasn’t even that funny fuck you