Lexa Deserved Better

Clarke stood in front of her squad, hands on her hips and looking at all the expectant eyes looking back at her. They had finally made it to Daytona and this was their year to prove they could finally win it all. It was her third and last year with this team and it almost brought tears to her eyes as she stood in front of her team. They were all sitting in a semicircle on the warm grass in front of their hotel.

“We are here for a reason,” Clarke began, speaking loudly so everyone could hear her. As confident as she sounded she could feel the butterflies building in her stomach. “We have earned this and no other team has put in the work we have put in this year!” 

Very quickly, Clarke finds out that the forest is forbidding and alive and Hungry. She holds her ground though; fights off a goddamn beast and poisonous vines. Finally, she finds the keeper’s shack that looks like it might fall apart any second. She enters it and is surprised to see how neat it is inside - even if a bit dark - and she immediately spots a sword on the wall. Strangely, it feels like she’s seen it before. She retrieves the sword, but suddenly the door to the shack opens and the keeper enters. They’re both startled by each other - both standing in the shadows. Clarke is absolutely TERRIFIED though, because the keeper wears scraggly furs and armor and half a skull mask over his mouth. His eyes are a stormy green, like the raging sea. Clarke has heard enough about him to be scared to her core. The keeper is rumored to feed on human blood; to be cruel and merciless. And suddenly he snarls at Clarke to give him the sword back and GET. OUT. 

Clarke grips the sword tighter and makes a run for it, but the keeper catches up and grabs her arm. On instinct, Clarke swivels around and reaches out - ripping the skull mask away.

The keeper stumbles back. For the first time, Clarke sees that the keeper is a woman. And she’s young - barely any older than Clarke surely - and Clarke feels her heart thud because she knows her. In fact, she’s seen her before. It’s the woman who threw pebbles at her window in the dead of night just a year ago. The woman Clarke didn’t recognize. And when the woman realized this, she looked stricken and disappeared in the night, leaving Clarke to wonder if she had dreamed the encounter.

Now she seems just as startled as Clarke to see her face in the moonlight. She turns away and begs Clarke to leave the forest, voice raw and on the verge of tears, like she’s broken inside. And Clarke does - still shaken and stunned and trembling.  

But at night she is tormented in her sleep; seeing the keeper’s eyes; the agony on her face when it was revealed to Clarke. And Clarke wakes up screaming Lexa’s name. And all at once she remembers: Lexa the Cook’s daughter; the girl who loved her and kissed her too many times to count; the girl who during the older prince’s travels to the Griffin house witnessed him take Clarke to the stables; put his hands on her even when she protested. The girl who ran a sword through the prince when he held Clarke down; who had to flee when the furious King’s hunters and hounds were unleashed to find her. The girl Clarke’s mother erased from her memories with the help of a crone, knowing that Clarke’s life and future would be in jeopardy if it was ever revealed that she loved the prince’s murderer. 

And one day the hunters found Lexa’s clothes and blood in the forest, and celebrations erupted in the kingdom. Life went on and the prince’s younger brother stepped into the role. Clarke was always told that the deranged girl who had murdered the innocent prince had worked in the Griffin kitchens, but strangely she did not remember her at all. Perhaps that was for the best.

Is that a butterfly knife in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Clexa Halloween Week - day 6: Free Day

Clarke’s going to the party dressed as her favorite character from her favorite TV show - Elyza Lex from Queer the Walking Dead. It’s a slow night up until her eyes land on the brunette dressed as Elyza Lex’s love interest, Alicia Clark.

Now, Clarke Griffin wouldn’t be Clarke Griffin if she didn’t at least try to go up to her and flirt like her life depended on it, would she?

Lexa as ‘love is weakness, i’m all business’ secret agent Sarah.

Clarke as Chuck (maybe not a genius but is a lovable burnout at the Buy-More that was getting her Standford degree but then her dad died and she realized she doesn’t know what she wants to do, and the buymore pay the bills).

Lincoln and Octavia and Devon and Ellie.

Raven as Morgan.

Indra (or Anya?) as Casey.

Kane as Director Beckman

Costia as Bryce

BUT JUST IMAGINE:

Lexa falling for Clarke’s charm but avoiding those feelings as much as she can. Thinking she’s going to die so she kisses Clarke before the “bomb” explodes.

LEXA WITH LIKE 8 WEAPONS STRAPPED TO HER UNDER A HOT DRESS. Clarke running into a wall when she sees her all dressed up and thigh holsters.

so. much. pining.

mission kisses that aren’t just mission kisses.

Jealous Clarke when Costia re-enters Lexa’s life

A BETTER ENDING THAN A MEMORY WIPE BECAUSE IT’S WHAT WE DESERVE.

Clarke Griffin as the genius loser who threw her life away after her dad died and ends up at the Buy More…

…and who is just a true walking disaster.

Badass Undercover Agent Lexa Walker who is just So-Fucking-Hot that she sends every gay cell in Clarke’s body into overdrive…

…she also happens to be a fucking GRUMP…

…but a DEADLY grump…

Anya is most definitely Sourpuss Pants (but gooey on the inside) Undercover Agent Casey

And they’re always surrounded by Clarke’s band of idiot misfits (Her sister Octavia, her brother-in-law Lincoln, and her best friend Raven)

So then…Clarke…this fucking moron…goes and accidentally gets a killing machine/the world’s greatest spy asset downloaded into her brain which in turn transforms Clarke into a Super Spy (who doesn’t actually have a clue about how to be a spy) and walking Supercomputer. For obvious reasons, suddenly every bad guy in the world wants to kill Clarke so Lexa is like…well…F U C K….

…guess I gotta keep your dumb ass alive then??? And Clarke is like *swoon* *ruined underwear*

So now they’re both spies and they gotta start going on missions together, missions where they have to do ALL of the fake kissing…

…and dancing…

But lol…Clarke and Lexa are both too gay for this shit to *just* be fake ANYTHING…

…and no matter how hard Lexa fights it because “love is weakness” and “my job is my only priority, the only thing I care about” bullshit she keeps telling herself OF COURSE falls for the bumbling fool.

BUT THEY CAN’T DO THIS!!! Lexa will not fucking allow it. It’s against everything she is…what she believes…

…and then they start arguing like crazy because not being together SUCKS ASS…

…and Clarke tells Lexa how she feels every chance she gets…

…and Clarke just doesn’t get why Lexa is being so fucking stubborn???…

…and in between all the arguing and the almost dying they do on a daily basis, they fucking PINE SO FUCKING HARD…

…but the MOMENT one of them is in danger shit goes the fuck DOWN and people are going to be fucked the fuck up if it means saving the other’s life…

…and one of those times Lexa *almost* loses Clarke and when Lexa thinks Clarke is gone and she’s wasted her chance, all her walls come crumbling down. Lexa gives into the insanity that she is feeling. Everything starts bubbling over…

…and when they eventually get out of that mess and FINALLY allow themselves go There it’s goddamn fucking electric…

…and then Clarke and Lexa just have to figure out how to be spies in love and all the shit that comes with it…

…and they make it work for a while…

…until one of them is abducted and programmed against the other…

DUN DUN DUN

Clexa Family AU: Music | Part 2/2

In these two masterposts I’m giving you a playlist for every character and major relationship. I’m also giving you at least one song that I think fit each chapter published so far. It may be for the whole chapter or simply for a particular scene.

I had to split the whole thing up into two parts because of the tumblr link limit, so the individual character and relationship playlists are on this separate post. I’m putting everything after Chapter 20 under the cut because I might update this post as the final nine chapters are released and if I do, no matter when you reblogged this you will always have access to the most updated version once you click the “read more”.

Chapter 1: October 2020

“Sweetest Devotion” - Adele [2015]

Chapter 2: July 8, 2028

Refer to the “Lexa & Jake” section on part one.

Chapter 3: July 1, 2014

“Perfect” - Jon McLaughlin [2006]

Chapter 4: May 2031

“Dreaming With a Broken Heart” - John Mayer [2006]

Chapter 5: Early July 2015

“Jackie & Wilson” - Hozier [2014]

Chapter 6: 1994

“Medicine” - Daughter [2012] (For the 1994 section)

“Forget It” - Breaking Benjamin [2004] (For the 1999 section)

“The Tide” - The Spill Canvas [2003] (The chorus is for the 2004 section)

Chapter 7: September 2016 [Part 2]

“Happiness” - The Fray [2009]

Chapter 8: June 14, 2029

“For Blue Skies” - Strays Don’t Sleep [2005]

“Impossible Year” - Panic! At The Disco [2016]

Chapter 9: April 2028

“Feeling A Moment” - Feeder [2005]

“Son’s Gonna Rise” (Ft. Carlos Santana) - Citizen Cope [2003]

Chapter 10: December 2030

“Where I Stood” - Missy Higgins [2007] (It’s for the overall chapter, but especifically imagine this playing over the scene when Lexa drops off Roa’s doll at Christmas and when Lexa doubles back and kisses Clarke)

Chapter 11: December 2009

“Memories (All We Need)” - The Sequel [2004] (Imagine this shit playing the night they first had sex)

“Terrified” (Ft. Jason Reeves) [Acoustic & Live] - Kara DioGuardi [2009] (Imagine this playing over a montage of Clarke and Lexa on the couch)

“Avalanche” - David Cook [2008] (Same as before)

“Just A Kiss” - Lady Antebellum [2011]

Chapter 12: October 12, 2028

“If I Believe You” - The 1975 [2015] (The last scene in Lexa’s office/sex)

Chapter 13: Mid February 2017

“Fiction” - The xx [2012] (This over the montage of them looking for Cos)

Chapter 14: August 13, 2033

“Surround You” - Echosmith [2013]

“Unsteady” - Madilyn Bailey [2016] (This starting the moment they leave Costia’s dorm up until the end of the episode)

“It Gets Better” - Dotan [2014] (First night dinner & Clarke/Costia argument)

Chapter 15: October 2019

“Lullaby” - OneRepublic [2009] (When Clarke finds them sleeping)

Chapter 16: November 2030

“Think Twice - Eve 6 [2003] (Imagine this playing over Costia beating the fuck out of Dax)

“Say You Love Me” - Jessie Ware [2014] (Last scene)

“Slow Dancing In A Burning Room” - John Mayer [2006] (Same)

“Gimme All Your Love” - Alabama Shakes [2015] (Same)

Chapter 17: September 2016 [Part 2]

“Body Say” - Sebazti [2016] (Attempted but failed sex lol)

Chapter 18: Late June 2029 [Part 1]

“Haunting” - Halsey [2015] (Lexa this entire chapter)

Chapter 19: August 16-19, 2024

“She Keeps Me Warm” - Mary Lambert [2013]

“Kiss Me/XO” - Louisa Wendroff [2014] (When they’re walking through the park and sitting on the grass)

“How Long Will I Love You” - Ellie Goulding [2013]

“Still Fighting It” - Ben Folds [2001] (Jexa feels)

Chapter 20: February 2031

“World Spins Madly On” - The Weepies [2006] (Them waking up in different places and mirror scenes)

“Little Do You Know” - Alex & Sierra [2014] (Mirror scene and therapy session)

Clexa Family AU: Music | Part ½

I’ve gotten quite a few asks about the fic regarding music and about 2-3 weeks ago I got this particular one:

Okay so I’m listening to We’re Just Friends as I’m reading a post-Jake chapter and feeling really damn emotional. Can you recommend any other songs to go as a reading companion?

That inquiry prompted this soundtrack masterpost. Sorry it has taken me forever to get back to you on this nonny, but I never had the time to finish the whole thing in one sitting so I’ve just been working on it on and off since you sent it. For the record, I answered something similar two months ago and gave five songs. Here’s that link. I also answered one about all the Paramore songs from AL that fit the fic after the album came out. Here’s the link.

Now, when I’m working on character development one of the first things I do is make a playlist for each character/relationships because for me music is such a vital piece of who a person is that knowing what these people listen to on a daily basis or would identify with helps me know them better. As a writer, it’s one of the early steps I take to make them multidimensional and to educate myself on their inner workings. I then give these playlists to my actors once anyone is cast to help them understand who I see these people as. I offered glimpses of the playlists on this social media post where I created profiles for everyone, but here are a few pickings of random songs for each character from all the ones I have for this story. I’m giving you a playlist for every individual and the major relationships. I’m also giving you at least one song that I think fit each chapter published so far. It may be for the whole chapter or simply for a particular scene. 

I had to split the masterpost up in two because of the tumblr link limit, so the chapter by chapter breakdown is on a separate post. Link to that at the bottom of this one. I might update that post as the final nine chapters are released.

{Note #1: The playlists are meant to give glimpses into their personality outside of what we see in the fic. There should be a clear pattern of what everyone listens to. They all have a genre/style/parameter because most of us do when it comes to music. I tried to do a “mixtape” with at least 10-12 songs for everybody/every category. The character playlists will include things they can relate to at different points in their lives, but for reference let me say that this is primarily stemming from a particular moment in time. If everyone made a playlist for the drive up to The Hamptons/Boston when they were going to drop Costia off to college these songs would be what they listened to. Jake, for obvious reasons, is on another timeline. This would be stuff he was listening to the week he died. The “categories” outside of the individual characters are what I feel relate to each storyline and/or relationship.

Note #2: These all have links attached because there are sometimes more than one version of the same song and I’m putting the one I think fits best. Yes, I did look up and link exactly 250 FRICKING SONGS. I didn’t even plan that, I only figured it out when I counted at the end. Whoops! Apparently I’m just naturally Extra AF. You’re welcome. By the way, please let me know if I skipped any links.

Note #3: I put most of this under the cut because the layout of it made it long.}

 2028-2031: A.K.A The Shitty Years™

“Poison & Wine” - The Civil Wars [2012] (This is them at their worst. Imagine the month leading up to the ultimatum including when Clarke threatens Lexa that if she leaves she shouldn’t come back.)

“Doesn’t Mean Goodbye” - Jon McLaughlin [2013] (Think of Clarke listening to this after she kicked Lexa out of the house :])

“Maybe It’s Over” (Ft. Xenia) - Jon McLaughlin [2011] (Same as before)

“Come Over” [Between The Pines Acoustic Version] - Sam Hunt [2013] (Imagine all the times Clarke almost called Lexa during those months she was living with Gustus)

“She Used To Be Mine” - Sara Bareilles [2015]

“All I Ask” - Adele [2015]

“Dearly Departed” (Ft. Esme Patterson) [Live from the Pandora House @ SXSW] - Shakey Graves [2014]

“Rush” [Live @ SXSW] - Ferras [2007]

“Bumper Cars” - Alex & Sierra [2014]

“Heartbreak Warfare” - John Mayer [2009]

“Come Home” - OneRepublic [2007]

“Six Degrees Of Separation” - The Script [2012]

“It’s Not Over” - Daughtry [2006]

“I’m Coming Over” - Chris Young [2015] (Clarke is weak af)

“Everything But Me” - Daughtry [2011] (Lexa when she got kicked out)

“Breakeven” - The Script [2009] (Same as before)

“Life Without You” (Ft. Esmee Denters) - Stanfour [2009] (Lexa RIGHT when she got kicked out. Like the first few weeks)

“Vindicated” - Dashboard Confessional [2004] (This is when Lexa’s starting to really come out of her funk)

“Battleships” [Acoustic] - Daughtry [2013]

Overall:

“Wildest Moments” - Jessie Ware [2012]

“That’s What’s Up” - Lennon & Maisy [2014] (So one of my biggest headcanons has always been that on their last wedding anniversary before Jake died Costia and Roa surprised their moms with this performance. I don’t need to tell you that Lexa sobbed like a newborn baby)

“I Was Made For Loving You” (Ft. Ed Sheeran) - Tori Kelly [2015]

“When The Right One Comes Along” [Live & Acoustic] - Striking Matches [2012]

“Hurricanes” - The Script [2012]

“Fade Into You” (Ft. Clare Bowen) - Sam Palladio [2013]

“Collide” - Howie Day [2003]

“Who You Love” - John Mayer [2013]

“Clarity” (Ft. Clara C) - Madilyn Bailey [2013]

“My Heart Is Open” (Ft. Gwen Stefani) - Maroon 5 [2014]

Wedding:

“The Beginning” - John Legend [2013]

“Everything” - Lifehouse [2002] (Lexa would play this at home once they’re alone after the wedding)

“My Girl Tonight” - Jon McLaughlin [2011]

College Pinning:

“Fallingforyou” - The 1975 [2013] 

“Staplegunned” - The Spill Canvas [2005] (Clarke’s POV)

“Himerus & Eros” - The Spill Canvas [2005] - (Lexa’s POV is everything before the first chorus. They’re both the chorus. Clarke is the third and fourth verses. Fifth is both of them the first night they have sex.)

“Secret Oath” - The Spill Canvas [2005] (Basically I adore this band and this entire album is College!Clexa. The chorus is Clarke AF. But the overall song is both of them being insecure, broody buttheads. Then the third verse spills a little into Post-Jake but for like…a brief second)

“For You From Me” - Jon McLaughlin [2006]

“Somebody To You” [Acoustic] - The Vamps [2014] (Clarke’s POV)

“Reasons To Love You” - Meiko [2012] (Clarke’s POV)

“If It Kills Me” [The Casanova Sessions] - Jason Mraz [2009] (Clarke’s POV)

“Start Of Something Good” - Daughtry [2011]

“Mixtape” - Butch Walker [2004] (Lexa’s POV)

“Nicest Thing” - Kate Nash [2007] (Lexa’s POV)

“Manhattan From The Sky” - Kate Voegele [2009] (Clarke’s POV)

“Most Of Me” - Mandy Moore [2007]

“I’m Scared” - Duffy [2008]

“When We Were On Fire” - James Bay [2013]

“Hotel Ceiling” - Rixton [2014]

“Can I Be Him?” - James Arthur [2016] (You’ll understand why Clarke would relate to a song like this one once I publish the next chapter)

“I’ll Be Your Breeze” - Andrew Belle [2009]

“Icarus” - Bastille [2012]

“Birds & Bees” - Ben Lee [2007]

“Fire Meet Gasoline” - Sia [2014]

“Dark Matter” - Andrew Belle [2013]

“Explosions” - Ellie Goulding [2012]

“400 Lux” - Lorde [2013]

“Pillowtalk” - Sebazti [2016]

“Rough Water” (Ft. Jason Mraz) - Travie McCoy [2013]

“Stay The Night” (Ft. Hayley Williams) [iTunes Session Acoustic] - Zedd [2012]

Clarke to/about Lexa:

“All We Are” - OneRepublic [2007] (If Clarke could write songs she would’ve written this one)

“It Ain’t Yours To Throw Away” (Ft. Clare Bowen) - Sam Palladio [2014] (Clarke thinks Lexa doesn’t get the right to arbitrarily decide what they have is worthless)

“I Won’t Give Up” [Acoustic & Live] - Lennon & Maisy [2012] (Clarke sometimes asks the girls to make covers of songs she likes and then she listens to them on repeat because she’s a loser parent lol)

“Evaporate” - Gabrielle Aplin [2013]

“Walk You Home” - Karmina [2009]

“Gone Gone Gone” (Ft. Jake Coco) - Savannah Outen [2013]

“A Perfect Day” - Matt Hires [2009]

“You & I” - Rhodes [2015]

“Trade Mistakes” - Panic! At The Disco [2011]

“One More Night” [Acoustic & Live] - Boyce Avenue [2012]

“I Hate U, I Love U” (Ft. Madilyn Bailey) - Sam Tsui [2016]

“Look After You” - The Fray [2005]

“Liability” - Lorde [2017]

“Unwell” - Matchbox Twenty [2002]

“Collide” - Dishwalla [2005]

“Trouble Sleeping” - The Perishers [2004]

“How To Forget” - Jason Isbell [2015] (Totally about Lexa’s trauma)

“Angels Or Devils” - Dishwalla [2002]

“Unknown Soldier” - Breaking Benjamin [2006]

“Weapon” - Matthew Good [2003]

“All Of Us” - Blindside [2003]

“You” - Switchfoot [2000]

“Polaris” - Jimmy Eat World [2004]

“Withered” - Atomship [2004]

“Show Me How To Live” - Audioslave [2002]

Lexa to/about Clarke:

“Before You” - Jon McLaughlin [2015]

“Let Go Of Me” - Karmina [2011]

“Brand New Day” - Forty Foot Echo [2003]

“You & I” - PVRIS [2014]

“Joshua” - Lifehouse [2005]

“(Another Song) All Over Again” - Justin Timberlake (2006)

“Crazy” - Daughtry [2011]

“Sorry” - Halsey [2017]

“Life Support” - Sam Smith [2014]

“Cold” - Crossfade [2004]

“Only Hope” - Switchfoot [2000]

“The World We Knew” - Daughtry [2013]

“Breathing” - Lifehouse [2001]

“Better Than Me” - Hinder [2007] (Also for the kids. That’s definitely where her head is at during those 2.5 years)

“Come On Get Higher” - Matt Nathanson [2007]

“Better With You” - Five Times August [2004]

Lexa to/about the kids:

“Lullaby” - Daughtry [2011]

“I’ll Fight” - Daughtry [2013]

“Dare You To Move” - Switchfoot [2003]

{Note: Someone asked a few weeks ago about the music Costia writes/makes. Link to that ask here. There is some of that here, but this is more about what she listens to. Obviously this definitely influences her music as well.}

“Do Not Resuscitate” - Tall Heights [2011]

“Sunday Afternoon” [Unreleased Version] - Rachael Yamagata [2005]

“Bruised” - Jack’s Mannequin [2005]

“Home” - Dotan [2014]

NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert - PHOX [2015] (This may be Cos’s favorite band)

“Rainbow” [Live @ Big Ugly Yellow Couch] - Oh Land [2010] (She’s one of Cos’s idols)

“Sanctuary” (Ft. Maisy Stella & Charles Esten) - Lennon Stella [2017] (Costia deadass wrote this for her sisters and Clarke)

“Army” - Ellie Goulding [2015] (Imagine Costia writing this for Anya and Roa)

“Gimme Sympathy” - Metric [2009]

“Daniel” - Bat For Lashes [2009]

“Broken” - Lovelytheband [2017]

“Lost On You” [Live Session] - LP [2016]

“90210″ (Ft. G-Easy) - Blackbear [2015]

“Lost Realist” - Trapt [2005] (This song screams Costia to me)

“Black Horse & Cherry Tree” - KT Tunstall [2004]

“This Is Your Life” - Low Vs. Diamond [2008]

“On Fire” - Switchfoot [2003] (There’s a lot of Costia/Lexa/Jake going on here from Costia’s POV)

Post-Jake

{Note: This is primarily from Costia’s POV.}

“Light Years Away” - Mozella [2005] (Imagine College!Costia wrote this with Lexa in mind then try not to die inside)

“Waiting For Superman” - Daughtry [2013] (If you listen to this song as Costia think the analogy is clear as to who Superman is in this context)

“Holy” - PVRIS [2014] (This is such a Costia/Lexa song to me. I feel like Costia could’ve written this while sitting by Agnes’s grave)

“Gravity” - Sara Bareilles [2007] (On the other end of the emotion spectrum imagine her writing this while thinking of Lexa and craving what they had back)

“Wild Heart” - Daughtry [2013] (Lexa about Costia)

“Sunset” - The xx [2012]

“Leave” - Glen Hansard [2006]

“Heaven” - PVRIS [2017]

“Truce” [Unreleased Demo] - Frank Ocean [2011] (Imagine how many times Costia hears this song and almost wants to do this…but she won’t)

“The Good Kind” - The Wreckers [2006]

“Love For A Child” [The Casanova Session] - Jason Mraz [2009] (Costia really identifies with the story in this song. Like…a lot)

“Blue Suitcase” - Erin McCarley [2009] (Slight Lexa diss track lol)