do what you want, even if it isn't good.

refining my ad, so here we are again! i’m putting out some feelers for 1x1/discord lines. i'm open-minded and happy to soundboard ideas, can do idolverse or au, and have some existing au versions i'd love to play again. some fun and beloved genres are sci-fi, fantasy, adventure, mythology, supernatural, band au, and always slice of life, but i'm open to more than this, too.

the fcs i'm mostly looking to play are shinee and bts with a couple of others to pick from that are in the same friendship group. if you’d like to write shineexbts i’d love you forever. of course i’m open to others too!

m/m is preferred, but m/f can work depending on the fcs involved. in general i’d strongly prefer older fcs from 2nd/3rd gen. at the tippy top of my wishlist would be a taemin or a jin for my jungkook. big time!

just please be mindful that i’m an adult with a job and other responsibilities, so i can’t always reply fast. rp is a hobby that i really love, but sometimes things come up that take priority. i try my best to juggle. i’m very patient and don’t mind if it takes a while to get a tag either.

it’s been a hot minute, wow. i’m really blowing the dust off.

i’d really love to start writing again and get back in touch now that i’ve had some time to heal. my muse will probably not go back to being highly active outside of threads due to comfort and time constraints, though. i’m only looking for some plots to relax and have fun with. 

happy to write gen or au, obviously shinee and other people kibum knows would be very much loved but i’m open to anyone and my genre list is wide and varied (fantasy? sci-fi? crime? zombies? to name a few!). romance lines are also fine (he’s still in a primary ship and that won’t change but threads can be their own self-contained thing if desired). 

i didn't want to say this on the day. i wanted to say it earlier and catch you offguard. we still have two months to go until it's a year, but whatever.

i want to show you what's in my heart, right now, as i'm feeling it.

I haven’t stopped crying. This hurts so much. How much were you hurting, all this time... we only saw the smallest hints, didn’t we? I don’t blame you...

You didn’t know me for more than the few seconds that we locked eyes. But, to me, you’re a friend, an ally and an inspiration, now and forever.

You touched the world, and the world cries for you.

Thank you for your hard work.

“Wont you get in trouble? I have a feeling Dispatch is following already.” She laughs, taking a sip of her drink. She was glad Kibum understood, she liked to think that he was one of those people who truly had an idea what was going through in her world, a similar one to his. “In other words, you shouldn’t go wherever you will be going because I’m going to be here until we knockout somewhere else.” She had a playful tone, though the seriousness was evident.

Sooyoung’s body moved along with the beat, trying not to do any fast movements and lose him to the crowd. She leans closer to ask more about his life, how everything has been since they have both left each other’s radar. “An athlete? Ah, that sounds terrible, seems like it’ll be cruel of me to do such thing, but then again, Papa had mentioned I was a bad omen.”

"No. Dispatch knows I'm a false alarm," Kibum explained with an eyeroll, a succinct explanation that didn't lend to details. He'd always had a lot of girlfriends, to the point that sometimes he could sometimes have an entire entourage, and that meant there was just no telling when something transcended the line of friendship into something more. If they tried to talk about it, the coverage would be laughed off as foolish anyway. There had been only one incident, but Kibum didn't talk about that anymore.

     Ever since the news broke out, Jinki remained rather silent throughout the entire matter. For him, it was a serious issue he would have liked to be dealt with properly as much as possible, hence why he himself insisted on pursuing investigations further. And he didn’t want his mistake to affect anything he was involved with, especially since everything had still been fresh to anyone’s minds back then. The most difficult he had to make, however, was dropping the Tokyo Dorm concerts of SHINee in order to keep a low profile, as well as self-reflection. He felt guilty to have dropped in one of the upcoming dramas he was looking forward to work in, but he figured his role could be replaced by another talented actor. Although in SHINee… even he knew he was the one and only Onew. SHINee wasn’t four, only five. 

     It pained him to leave his members to themselves; to be selfish and quiet throughout everything. It wasn’t that he couldn’t depend and rely on his members, he just thought and felt that this had nothing to do with them– especially since they were busier than ever with their own individual projects. Who was he hold them back? And they understood that, even with subtle expressions and words. Nevertheless, Jinki deeply felt he let his members down, even though he was handling the matter maturely and formally. At least they knew what to avoid even more in the dangerous world they worked in. Then again, he preferred to be the one in this in situation rather than any of the other members. The pain would have been unbearable for him by then.

     And for the first time in the twelve years they were together, Jinki could feel the tense and awkward atmosphere between him and Kibum. He was eating instant ramyun when the other dropped by for a visit. The leader appreciated it, but this wasn’t a drama where he could melodramatically apologize for everything. This was his true self; guarded and keeping things to himself, while being willing to listen to his members’ problems every single time. 

     “Mm. I watched clips sent to me our manager hyung, and you guys did amazingly as usual. I found myself singing too, even though my voice was already there.” His lips curved into a small lopsided smile.  “My birthday? Yah, it would have the best birthday ever. But you enjoyed it, right? A Dome Concert always feels so surreal~”

Of course, Kibum understood Jinki's nature well. He had always been good at understanding people's depths, for better or worse. Just because he wasn't that young, immature person who liked to push buttons for play any longer didn't mean he didn't know where they were anymore. So of course, he understood. But that didn't make Jinki's behaviour any easier to handle. It was quite a visual response, the way that he exhaled out a long, exhausted-sounding sigh, pressing his fingers into the tendons lining the back of his neck as he rolled his head against them, trying to release the tension that the situation had him carrying. If only all of them could act so calm and casual without eyes on them, like nothing was unusual, like there was no cause for concern. It only made the elephant in the room seem like more of an eyesore to him.

(/Her mouth falls open after hearing what he said, letting out a few laughing huffs) You better watch your words Kim Kibum or your ass is going to be on the floor. I am be pregnant but I can still kick your ass. Even if your my favorite. (/Bora holds her head up higher as she crosses her arms, facing away from him to ignore him) I may do it again just for that comment… 

I wasn’t going to write a letter for you but since you were nice enough to write a birthday letter for me last time, I felt like I had to now. x) 

How old are you now? Growing grey hairs yet? Did you cry when you watched your children go to daycare for the first time? 

In all seriousness, I love you to death. Even though you would leave me for Dasom, I will accept this one sided love. But you already know that. TT

You have grown a lot since the first time we met but your still the same Kibum. You drive me crazy and annoy me on a daily bias and yet I still like you. Yes I know, I don’t get it either. But that’s life for you. 

Anyway I should end this like a normal birthday letter. 

Happy Birthday~! Don’t drink too much wine! And don’t eat too much cake or your manger will kill you ;) 

The one and only, 

Bora Quinn <3 

          There was no denying what had been said– he very clearly recalled saying it, even if it had only came to mind suddenly. Taemin wasn’t particularly known to have a filter, especially after opening up this much to someone. He wants to be frustrated with Kibum, and he is, just a little, but only because he thinks Kibum is actually mad at him. She was irrelevant to him, he had no intentions of ever seeking her out, but he understood why what he said was upsetting, especially based on Kibum’s past relationships. Now is the time to approach the situation calmly, with logic; he’d let his love for him outweigh his frustrations.

          “I wasn’t drooling–” Taemin pouts, moving now to stand up so that he could try and reach out to him, even if a hug right now probably wasn’t the answer. This was something only words and reassurance could fix. ‘I have to fix this and apologize properly, he deserves it. I need to think on my words more carefully.’ He repeats to himself over and over, silently though. Before he can speak up again Kibum is storming off into the Kitchen, he follows behind him, moving to peer around the corner, frowning.

          “Not like that– yah, you’re already attractive. You always have been! She isn’t– like you. She’ll never be you. She’ll never give me the same comforts. My heart will never go to her direction. Just because she was cool while swinging a blade, doesn’t mean I’ll automatically take back my love for you, or my sweet words. She won’t get those. Can I say sorry for admiring her? Even if it’s like this. You’re upset so–” His lips are pursed now, gaze wandering down onto the tiles of the floor.

Kibum was known for theatrics. That was nothing new. More often than not, he didn't mean anything by them, because if something really bothered him, he wouldn't be theatrical about it. But they did have a known habit of things being melodramatic for fun turning into real bickering, though that behaviour was usually something that followed their game nights. For a moment, at least, their conflict was forgotten as he turned his attention to the pasta on the stovetop, giving it his attention until Taemin tailed him inside to reclaim it.