sometimes i think about how samira's dad dying launched her career into an endless loop of being extremely thorough to prevent mistakes like the one that killed her dad -> being told she's too slow -> speeding up to be a good resident and ending up making a mistake -> making herself feel incredibly guilty for her mistake because in her head that means she's causing someone the same grief that she's felt since she was 13 -> deciding that she has to be better to prevent this from happening -> becoming more thorough to prevent mistakes -> figuring out that it's impossible to prevent mistakes and that any attempt is futile -> beating herself up over it and trying anyway -> โพ๏ธ
such a devastating loop. and she can't get out of it until she forgives herself and separates herself from the mistakes she's bound to make, which is only possible if she forgives the doctor that failed her father; which is also basically impossible because the grief and anger and upset that her father's death has caused, is the reason she got this far in medicine in the first place. she got into medicine to not make a mistake like that doctor and found out it's impossible. mysamira :(
