i don't belong here.

Never had she ever really been in situations like these. Yes, she’s heard of them; she’s read them in fiction books, in nonfiction books. Listened to them in the form of stories, music. Even seen them acted out during the 21st century by actors on screen. It was something she really didn’t ever think she’d get — but yet here she was, standing there and not knowing what to do. A part of her wishes that she were a mind reader, so this would be a lot easier and she’d understand the look in his eyes. Instead she just sighs and plays with the hairs on the back of his neck in response.

Before he knows it, the three of them are walking away from the hallway and moving away from the main building in the Erudite Sector. He knows where they're going, too, because the only thing in this direction that could be were the homes in the compound. He looks at Crystal, searching her eyes for any sense of what exactly is going on, but still he's unsure. They continue the walk in silence, finally stopping when they are safe and sound inside the room. He suspects this is where Crystal once lived and grew up, probably a faint memory for her now.

Oh how the tables have turned and Crystal finally gets it. “It is not a lost cause. You are not a lost cause. We —” But she cut herself off because she gets back to them and no, right? This isn’t supposed to be about them. It’s about Erudite and Dauntless and them — and what was this about anymore? She’s literally a mental mess, with different topics and different opinions, worries, paranoia floating around in her head. People aren’t built to deal with problem after problem like this, not these days. Maybe back in the past — when factions didn’t exist and a lot of times people had to deal with their problems, so they were used to it. But with the factions there’s no problems, not without them being solved within five minutes.

His heart sinks a little when she doesn't finish the 'we' part of it. He specialized in over-thinking, and this would probably be one of those times. Did she not finish it because they were a lost cause? Did she not finish it because perhaps the lost cause was talking about them in general? And he knows he being stupid for the hundredth time that day, but the voice in his head is there again, telling him exactly what he didn't want to handle hearing. "Yeah. totally.." And he says it in a tone that suggests he doesn't really believe it, but he's finding himself saying it anyway, because he doesn't want her to see the side of him that's laced with a certain self hatred. He could play along, pretend it could all get fixed. God knows that's what he always did. And though he hated being f a k e, it was the only thing he knew to do.

Of course I do.

So you admit it's not actually mutual?

They are. I know it.

Wow, you really have some high hopes, don't you?

Eyebrows crinkle in confusion against the girl’s delicate face. Crystal was never one who was used to such close quarters, not with anyone, including her family members. The thing is, she’s supposed to be smart. And in a sense, she supposes she is; she’s smart by the book, by the instinct. It’s the two things she’s learned from being in other two factions. Nothing, though, nothing in her books, classes, has ever told her what to do in situations like these, though. A frustrated sigh leaves her lips and she looks up through dark eyelashes, trying to put as much sincerity into her face as possible. “Is there anything left to ruin?" A part of her thinks that he’s talking about them, together. But now isn’t the time to think about that, that Crystal knows. Her hands drop, traveling down the sides of his face, neck, before landing on his shoulders. "No, — you talking is gonna help me talk — and - and who doesn’t have any issues?” Crystal blinked, biting on her lip because the guilt for laying this all on him so utterly overwhelming. She never thought once in her life that she would have this type of effect on a person and honestly — she didn’t know how she felt about it. The brunette knew that she cared about him, a lot. Him as a person, that his ranking was above the line, his happiness. And she shouldn’t just dump this all on him, it’s not right. “That’s not fair.” Her fingers clenched against his shoulder into her palm. “You’re trying and hell, that’s a lot more than anyone else has done.” Her eyes averted to the side, she shaking her head. There’s a short moment of silence as she drops her hands to her side and she mumbles. “S t a y. I want - need - want, it’s interchangeable. It’s greedy but… I want you to stay.”

No, there's not. Cause I've already ruined it all. And he believes he has too, because she's right. There isn't anything left to ruin, and he's the one who messed up that last thing they had going for the two of them. He looks down, not wanting to make eye contact with the girl in front of him. Not exactly very dauntless of him, but they were in Erudite, and everyone's old selves were seeming to show through there. "It's a lost cause, Crystal. I can't name a time." He says, eventually looking back up when he can't handle facing down anymore. It was times like this where he knew he was setting himself up for failure. Not right for Crystal, not right for Dauntless. And that was all at the end of the day.

[Leans over the railing looking down.]

Is it fulfilling all your expectations?

She can’t help but look at his face and feel an emotion of… everything. It’s why the small brunette was doing everything in her power to avoid it, because Crystal wasn’t to sure if she could handle it. The guilt for just laying this all on him, the break in his face. She doesn’t enjoy this - she probably should’ve just kept this all to herself. It’d hurt other people a lot less, herself more - but that was okay. She had armor, it would end up alright. The thing was, though, was that he had gotten under her skin. “Well, now we’re talking about the both of us.” Crystal automatically winced the moment those words escapes her list. Because she knows he cares - she cares too. But she doesn’t want him to get that Crystal effect that people who do care for get. The whispers, stares, rumors about her family. That’s what caused her problems, insecurities. 

He's beginning to feel a rush of vexation, not all too sure where it came from. Perhaps it was built up from everything happening, or just the feeling of being powerless. It didn't matter though, because he felt that way anyway. The idea of himself being brought into the mix scared him most, though, not wanting the shorter girl to see how not much was changing for him. "I can't talk about myself, Crystal, it doesn't work that way.. If I talk it'll ruin it all, and just, ugh-- I'm not the one with the problems here." He says it with frustration in his voice, instantly feeling that cloud of regret towards saying anything at all and not just shutting up like he knows he should. He could say more, too. Like how maybe everything 'getting better' was a lost cause; the false hope you try to give yourself just so you feel better for that moment. But he stops himself, closing his eyes while mentally cursing himself for even trying.

Even as they were walking, people passed by them with curious looks in their eyes. This, she knows, was for the fact that she was wearing all black - for the fact that they knew that the both of them were indeed not Erudite, but instead Dauntless. Crystal forces a smile on her lips, it not going to her eyes as she shook her head. Clay was so levelheaded, but she was anything but. At least, she likes to think, more levelheaded than she is. “Name one thing that’s gotten better for you.” And she asks for her own selfish reasons, because she needs to know where this is coming from. —- trust issues.

There wasn't much to say to that, really. His problems were never nearly as bad as anyone else's. His problems involved not fitting in, not belonging, day dreaming too much, thinking about things the average Erudite shouldn't. And those kind of things don't change. You're either sitting watching things happen or doing things without thinking, and that would always stay the same way. He had Crystal now though, and that was a change. But even then, there was something weird to it. Kind of like he cared more than he should. So by route, he avoids the question, turning it back around to where he thinks it should be. "It's not important. We're talking about you."

I can’t tell you here. They’re listening.

Right. Forgot about that.. Where are they not listening, then?