Classroom Chaos

Do you know what it feels like to want to dominate the word? To really want to do everything? You just want to DO so much.

Well, here I am. Nine years into teaching and switching up my game wanting to do so much with so little time (and money) to do it. Yet, I feel like I have so much time (and still no money) to do it all. This is what happens when momma raises a career woman. Mom always said, "Education first!" throughout my life and I am so very grateful for that encouragement. But I digress...

I want to take over the world and be everything.

Currently, I am ending my 9th year of teaching by teaching Summer School. It will be my last year being an English teacher. I will start my 10th year of teaching by working with a class of at-promise (formerly known as at-risk) youth and helping them transition from middle school into high school. It is a course that is in development and guess who is helping to develop that course? Yours truly. Hmmm...what else? Oh, I am part of the SEL (Social Emotional Learning) committee at school. Additionally, I chose this upcoming school-year to return to school to earn an Administrative Credential (it has been a self-debate for years, now) and who knows how I will fund that (I am still paying the debt I gained from earning my Single-subject credential and Masters from the SAME university).

Outside the classroom, I am on the Board of Directors for one cultural organization (I just got a txt reminder of tonight's meeting) and a member of another cultural organization.

My family reunion is next month. Guess who is hosting and planning that shindig?

That's right, yours truly (again).

At this point, if you continued to read the madness that is called "My career as a teacher who just wants to add more to her plate", there is so much more I WANT to do. I blame the internet. Let me count the ways:

Now, because I will be starting to teach a course supporting the at-promise youth, I want to take online courses with the National Dropout Prevention Center and I might as well earn the certification to go with those courses.

Though I currently teach high school, I want to attend and be a member of Association for Middle Level Education because the new course I will be teaching is about transitions middle school students into high school. I also would like to get involved with knowing more about what (and how) middle schools can be supported.

I want to be President of one of the cultural organizations I am currently part of. Why? I think it's that teacher in me that just wants to provide more support. I can! I know it. I FEEL it.

Now, to me, that just sounds and looks like 3 things, just 3, but you and I both know that list is a lot of time, dedication, effort, and work. You know what they say with great power comes great responsibility (I know, wrong Marvel character, but stick to the words, okay?) and I neglect the great responsibility.

I had to call upon my sister to clear my head.

Yup, I called her in the middle of her daycare just to tell her that I want to take over the world and I need her to bring me to my senses. Within that 5 minute phone call I realized I have neglected a few things:

My health (look at me focusing on typing this post rather than refilling my medication)

My boyfriend (I hardly see the guy because our schedules do not match)

My family (my niece and her family are an 8-minute drive from me)

My house (laundry needs to be done, oven needs to be cleaned, office is in shambles, garage is currently storage for my classroom supplies)

Did I mention I am hosting the family reunion? #procrastination or #toobusy

Visiting the family of my recently deceased family-friend

Yeah, I got a lot going on. I can probably add more to both lists, but at some point I have to realize that I can not do it all. I do have a wonderful support team in all facets of my life, like a boyfriend and sister who tell me to slow down, co-teachers that are also my friends, I even have a health team that includes a doctor who yells (not in a harsh or demeaning manner) at me to also slow down. I have a wonderful team.

The reality: As much as I want to tackle the challenges and take over the world, I need to take care of myself. I am not talking about self-care (which, by the way, should now be removed from the Professional Development world), but I am talking about finding the time to be with peace with who I am now and take my time conquering the things I currently am doing. My sister told me to think of 3 things that are my priority and focus on those. Ha! Little does she know I actually have 5 things I need to focus on (in no particular order)...

And I would have typed you a list if thinking of that list did not make me feel so overwhelmed. Whew, might as well add mental health to the list of things I need to focus on.

Thank you for reading this far into my post. I rarely update my Tumblr feed (that's unfortunate), and I rarely update any of my social media for that matter, but I shall save that for another time.

For the meantime, I encourage any teacher to want to take on the world, because we can, just try not to get lost in that mission like I have. There are so many opportunities to be great, and teachers leave this wonderful industry because those opportunities seem limited and the world is changing. The state of education is different since the shutdown and everyone, from our government and our society (from locally to a global standpoint), need to re-approach the value of education and what that means to the future.

And here I am just trying to want to do it all hoping that I can change the world.

You see, the other day our school's secretary decided to ask me what most potential (tattooed) teachers want to know: Do I show my Tattoos at school?

Frankly, if one has to ask that question then I say "No" because if you do not already know the answer, chances are that you are not ready to show and tell your ink to students, parents, teachers, admin, and staff. This is probably the best thing to do if you want to be respected in your profession.

"But I want to show my students that you can still be different, artsy, and still be professional..." Truuuuue, BUT do you want them to remember you as Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. Tattooed Teacher or Mr. Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. Teacher who had tattoos. Do you see the difference There?

"I want them to see me as their teacher." As they should. So, if a question about whether your tattooed should be exposed is a concern, I say cover up, let them see who you are as a teacher, before exposing the badass ink that makes them go, "Whoa." Because I hate when I point to the board and then ask the students whether they have questions and it gets interrupted with: "How long did it take to get your tattooes?"

My reality: As a Substitute Teacher I kept my ink covered, my classroom management skills strong, my professionalism on peak, and their students accountable. I built my reputation as Ms. ClassroomChaos. I did the same when a school decided to hire me. It was not until the California sun decided to heat up the coast that I decided to expose my tattoos and by that time I knew how to answer questions, redirect students distracted by my tattoos, and spoke honestly and sincerely of the stereotypes, discrimination, and challenges because of them.

I did not know where else to go, so I came here. I logged in to my Tumblr account to find a way to escape the frustration of building enough energy to deal, yes, DEAL with 6th period.

I look at the stack of papers that I have yet to grade and I am not sure if I blame myself or them, or the fact that I was not ready for the visit from our school counselor (who did, in fact, tell me he was showing up today) and I was just not ready.

I don’t know. I do know this, every year I struggle with HOW, how am I going to teach 6th period? Yadda, yadda, yadda, I know it is the end of the day and they are just as tired as me, blah, blah, blah, psychological mumbo jumbo, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am a great teacher and they love me, wah, wah, wah, I am not here for a motivation talk. I am here to ponder how. Oh, and please do not give me that I need to learn how to build a relationship with them crap. I do it every year, but that lack of respect and unwillingness to learn business does not help any relationship.

So, what did they do? They triggered me. Yup. Simple as that. It was a good day. A productive 5th period prep period (maybe I should start walking a lap around the campus now that the sun is out). I told them to take a seat so I can tell them what tomorrow will be like. 

Nope. Let’s continue to talk and not go back to our seats.

“I need you to go back to your seats so we can end the day.” And, majority of the class does not listen. A student claims that he always respects me and I confirm.

SIT. DOWN. NOW. GO BACK. TO YOUR SEATS. NOW. Someone snarky girl chuckles, and my voice gets louder. Another student covers her ears. Finally, they get seated.

I explain the frustration. They “listen” and I yell my lack of acceptance of them being rude and disrespectful. I basically point and hover with my voice.

It sucks.

And I am not talking about guns here. I am talking about planning my lessons well enough to arm myself with enough evidence to justify my reasons for giving a student a "0" on an assignment to a parent who sends me an email about the said assignment.

It is currently 6:03am. I spent an 1.5 hours since I woke up dedicating my time to type a thorough email justifying my grade, attaching documents, and redirecting the parent to look at her child's Google Classroom (bless you, Google Classroom). And I also write the information on the White Board and take a picture of the board so I can attach it to the email.

But if I provided a student all this information to earn them a grade and the conversation goes like this:

ME: Do you have your summary?

STUDENT: No.

ME: Are you going to present?

STUDENT: No.

Then, c'mon Mom, that IS a sure "0" right there!

And so, I am behind on getting ready for the first day of the Final exam. But I am glad I was able to send a parent a copy of the reading schedule, rubric, a detailed explanation of the project (broken down by point value), AND an online copy of the book (unless this kid says he lost his book or something, you never know).

Hello, I am back. Well, at least for this post.

Now, ever since I officially became a teacher I have found myself dedicating my craft to being a better teacher and though I have had my ups and downs, there has ultimately been that challenge to balance it all. ALL. OF. IT. Truly, how do teachers who have husbands and families of their own DO this job?! Big props to those teachers out there who just seem to get it done.

On the other hand, there is me: teacher/girlfriend/daughter/sister/aunt/great-aunt/friend/confidant...and all other jobs that come with me being me and under the teacher hat.

The problem is: I love my job. Yup. I think I love my career as a workaholic than anything else and unfortunately, that takes away from the people I love. I see this. I really do. Sometimes it is just enough to exist in the same room as the people that I love but in the back of my mind I am thinking of new ways to do this and do that, or how I messed up this and how I messed up that.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I AM able to be in the moment with friends and family, but this job can also be exhausting and sometimes I just need to sleep.

Oh, sleep. We are closing in on Winter Break and I just want to sleep. But in addition to updating grades, I have yet to decorate my Christmas tree or decorate the house or finish shopping.

See, so much to do, so little time and guess what I prioritize? My students, the grades, the assignments, the Final exam. Ugh. I forgot to make copies!

and it has been 10 years of Tumblring. 

You see, I probably would not have realized this until I decided to take a look at my Twitter feed and a colleague (who, funny story, we knew each other by Twitter names but did not meet each other until I attended a Google Summit and met her there) decided to reach out to other blogging teachers for a Professional Learning Network opportunity.

Plus, she tagged me in the post so I could not avoid such opportunity!

I decided to take a look back at Tumblr and was curious.

When did I start this Tumblr account?

THAT is when I realized it has been 10yrs since I started Tumblr and 10yrs I started this crazy journey in teaching. Whoa! Man, I am old...

Reading back at my first post I am glad that I took a chance. I mean, if you read it, my last line of this very first, very short, post was: “All because I want to be a teacher.”

And here I am...teaching. Officially. Like, I am legit in a classroom working with teenagers, specifically 9th graders. Every year I have the option of changing grade levels (and I have taught or worked with 6th-12th grade students), but I choose to stick with 9th graders. 9th graders. 

For how long will I teach 9th graders?

Only time will tell.

I think I have a great gig! I put time and energy into everything I do and I have grown as a teacher since my last few blogs. I have been so busy that I could not keep up with my posts throughout the social media accounts. As a result, I lost a few followers. I get it. 

But c’mon, by the time I get home, I eat whatever I can throw in the microwave (I am going to work on getting my health on) and binge on HGTV and Food Network (the cable bill is ridiculous and I should be abandoning that ship soon) before making a zombie walk to my bed to repeat the process the next day.

There is no credential program that can ever prepare you for time management, personal care, and balancing life with the classroom. But, I am here. I am glad to be here. I am a teacher. I am a badass. And I am relying on one of these students to be rich and famous enough to write me a check that will support me during retirement to thank me. You know why?

Because I was the teacher that taught them something. 

Because I was their teacher. 

Because I am a teacher.

3It is Summer vacation so I decided to go on Pinterest and just search. Just search. Then I came across this Cult of Pedagogy post from 2015 and took a listen. She reviews 5 common teaching practices that she, as a teacher, decided to kick to the curb. 

This made me think, should I do the same?

1. POPCORN READING (A.K.A.: Round-Robin Reading, Volunteer Reading) 

I used to do this even as a high school teacher mainly because the students asked for it and I thought Well, if this what gets the students interested. And then I stopped because, as the blog relates, it was more of a distraction than engaged reading.

2. GIVING STUDENTS PREPARED NOTES

When she began talking about this (I decided to listen to this post rather than read as I cleaned my kitchen), I thought this would be a great idea! Provide these notes and the students can follow along. But wait, this was one of 5 teaching practices she wanted to abandon. I continued to listen and then she said, “...when no effort is required in the learning process, learning doesn’t last very long.” This 2017-2018 school I realized, I made learning way too easy for my students. This section of the article talked about the use of Powerpoints and then I realized, Oh crap, I did so many online presentations! So, personally, I will abandon (or at least rely less) on presenting Google Presentations.

 3. WHOLE-CLASS PUNISHMENTS

This effected me this year. I did not do whole-class punishments, but I this do whole-class judgement. THIS is what I need to abandon. I do not do whole-class punishments, but I do say things like, Ugh, Period # is such a pain or Period # hates me or Period # is so annoying. This needs to stop. For my own sanity’s sake. 

In the post what she does instead of punishments is, “The best way to deal with a rowdy class is prevention: If you have a lot of days when your whole class feels chaotic, this is symptomatic of a larger problem. It may be that your directions aren’t clear. Your students might be bored. You might need to build more opportunities for interaction and movement into your lessons. Or it might be time to re-establish clear behavior guidelines and consequences.“

In my case, I have to find what is symptomatic of a larger problem. This year, it was one student and I let his behavior determine the detriment of the class. But I also think, as she stated, this student might have been bored. This student might have needed more opportunities for interaction and movement into my lessons. He needed me to re-establish clear behavior guidelines and consequences. 

4. USING LEARNING STYLES TO PLAN INSTRUCTION

Not gonna lie, I used to do this. Instead I have been practicing more of what she had suggested to do instead: “Provide a variety of learning experiences to all students.” Variety helps, but I also found high schools can manipulate a situation and not know it. For example, I had students select a role they feel is their strongest and a group of kids assumed that if they all took the same role they would work in the same group. Only one student flourished in that role.

Last but not least...

5. “DIFFERENTIATING” BY HAVING ADVANCED STUDENTS HELP STRUGGLING STUDENTS A.K.A. Peer Tutoring

This is an oldie but goodie teaching strategy and I abandoned this one a long time ago. I think this is good for that go-getting elementary school student, but in my high school classroom I have learned that my more advanced students simply preferred to be around those who were like them. They liked to be in a group that matched their intelligence, and they would not mind helping if a student actually wanted to the help. But some of my Advanced students have told me that in middle school they would get bullied to do all the work or do the assignment for them.  Instead, if I see a student struggling I ask a student Hey [student’s name] mind helping [student’s name 2] with this? Sometimes this is followed with Do I get extra points? in which I respond, regardless of who the student is, You get a thank you and you are amazing.

So that is that, my reflection on listening in (and reading through) the Cult of Pedagogy blog post on ineffective teaching practices.

It is 5:50pm and I had a thought. A thought that has stopped me in my tracks and not go to yoga just so I can type up this post. The kind of thought that made me remember the question that was asked in class and upset me.

STUDENT: Why do we have to answer these questions?

ME: Because it will be on the test.

Did I REALLY say that? Was that the best answer I could honestly give to a student asking a genuine question?

Yes, yes it was and I am upset at myself.

True. The questions and answers to the comprehension questions for Romeo and Juliet will be on the test. This is true. And I wish I spent more time with this Shakespeare Unit, but I did not. It has been all about reading the play, answering questions, writing journals, and discussion. Some students understand while others do not, and as I lay here I realize there are better answers to this one question. Such as: Because I hope it gives you a better understanding of the play, or because it allows you to think of what you do and do not understand about what is going on, OR the answers to these questions help you remember what happened.

Not for a test, especially a test in Shakespeare.

I will clarify tomorrow in hopes of making myself feel better and having my students not feel that Shakespeare is something they HAVE to read.

Every year I tell myself certain things. This year I will do this…This year I will do that…This year…” Blah, blah, blah…when, in reality, I should just make like Yoda and:

And so, this is how I am looking at my teaching career as we end the 2017-2018. 

But, I mean, let’s face it…our teacher calendar/year begins when the school-year begins while everyone else follows the calendar at January 1st.

I did say I would resolve this for the 2017-2018 school-year…

and yeah, THAT did not happen. But, I should give myself SOME credit. Though the papers on my desk have reduced (I actually plan on going in on a Saturday to further reduce this chaos), unfortunately I find myself having ungraded assignments in my Google Classroom (which reminds me, I am going back to paper because grading in Google Classroom just does not fit my style. I will use Google Classroom, but not for assignments…).

I spoke with a fellow teacher in the copy room today and we both agreed that with every group of students there is a change that needs to be made somewhere in our lessons. Even if we are given a textbook, the pages are read differently by our students and therefore, with every year, we should teach those students differently and yet be on the same strange.

I am an English teacher and she is a Math teacher: cooperative ideas. Fantastic!

I took today off because I needed to pick up my Dad from the airport (his flight arrived 27hrs before what was in the itinerary so today ended up being a "hang out with your old man" type of day). And then my phone rang...

You see, the school phone number os conveniently added to my cell phone contacts and so is the cell phone number of the Guest Teacher I have trusted my students with for the past year. He sends me txt messages to inquire about an assignment, tells me how amazing a class was, but for the most part does a great job when he is there.

I believe consistency helps in the classroom, especially while I am absent, and so my Guest Teacher has been my regular substitute teacher.

So when my phone rang with my high school's number showing up on the screen, I DEFINITELY know that it is not my school's Principal telling me how fabulous I am or the Assistant Principal telling me how my students miss me. No. It is my Guest Teacher telling me that the same misbehaviors from last time are doing it again and much worse.

The disappointment in my students linger as I type this post and is now a distraction from hanging out with my Dad (who told me to step away and write this post). Could I have gone a day without knowing this? Probably. But I want to believe my students are better than that and he wanted to believe in 2nd chances.

I think he has learned that benefit of the doubt is better than 2nd chances.

Now tomorrow I have to find a way to make this a teachable moment in hopes that these regular behaviors correct themselves.

I decided to call their parents tomorrow...and invite them to observe the students' behavior in class.

You see this stack right here. This is a stack of papers I have been grading for the past 3hrs. Using a bright pink pen. You see, I used to think that my students would toss the graded papers and ignore my comments on them. Then I switched to digital grading and copying and pasting comments with every click. They never read them. Not this time, not this year. I went back to using pen and using my weekends to decide which brightly colored pen would I use. Tonight, in all its glory of pink, I have seen the difference. This is the 2nd stack and tomorrow will be a third stack and quite possibly Thursday might be a fourth stack. You see, I have made genuine comments with the first stack including, "Dude. I gave you 30 minutes and this is all I get? [Grade] D." Oh, and, "Great quotes and citation. Now use Academic vocabulary in your response. [Grade] A." Now we are at stack 2 and the students have taken my advice and it is wonderful. WONDERFUL. And this is why, personally, grading on a Sunday does not seem so bad for me. At least for now. It makes me see that the students are working on how to be better readers and writers. I will, of course, scaffold from this activity (they will write 8 sets of Reader Response assignments for Sandra Cisneros' "The House on Mango Street") and with each set there will be a new lesson to build on. I just hope my students keep this up! I hope I can keep this up.

[From my recent FB post] I know it was a busy day in education when: (1) I step out of my classroom at 4pm and realize that I have been in my classroom since 8:15am never having stepped a foot outside; (2) I return to my classroom and notice the LARGE pink box of donuts that I wanted to give to my 6th period but never did, now I am stuck with 2 dozen donuts; (3) that my lunch bag remains untouched because I did not eat lunch; I (4) look at the 3 empty bottles of water on my desk that I never refilled and therefore DID NOT drink a single drop of water all day; and (5) finding that paper that I was looking for two weeks ago under my desk on top of that bucket the school gave me. It was THAT kind of day. 🙄 Oh, and (6) students screeched when they saw me.