free bird.

“Alright, I gotta give you that one, my mother didn’t have those skills.  She was a lawyer and was the First Lady for 8 years and she’s been the Governor of Washington since I was 14, so she doesn’t really know anything about that, she just trots me out to get votes and tell everyone what a great mom she is for putting up with me.  They just had me because my father was running for Governor of South Carolina and they realized he’d get more votes if he was a family man, so…me.”  He shrugged, “It sounds like it’s a good thing you got out of there.  My parents, they throw money at their problems, but they think they’re doing what’s best, but it sounds like you’re doing what’s best for yourself and that’s a really good thing.”

“That’s alright, I go to NA meetings and that really does the same thing, I talk, people clap, then other people talk and I clap, it’s fine.  I’m covered by my parents while I’m in Washington, but they don’t want me in Washington, so I’m just kind of on my own and they pay for everything if I need it, but the worst of it is over, I just need to keep working and stay off the drugs, and we’ll see what happens from there.  Either way, I’m excited to start teaching you, it takes a while but it’s a lot of fun.”

“Hey if you wanna take some of that money and toss it my way, I won’t complain. Lord knows I need it.”

Claire lifted her head to look at Bain again, and her smile was soft and sweet. She took her polished fingers to untangle a curl in his hair. Then she sighed. “I’m excited to learn from you, really. I think it’d be good for me to actually be... well, good at something besides, you know, sex and scaring people away. I could be this weird freak and you’re gonna let me in your home.”

She could sense that she had been a little too harsh in her reaction– not enough to feel guilty, just enough to acknowledge it. This topic wasn’t interesting to her and considering her disposition to do as she pleased, she didn’t make any effort to show interest in it. It seemed mundane, if not childish, almost. “That doesn’t make it any more reassurin’. How can ya know for sure, yeah?” she huffed, taking a drag from her cigarette and allowing the other to keep her distance. Her words were saddening and Roxie could understand why she might feel that way. Everyone moved on with their lives after they hadn’t seen someone in a while and they were forgotten. Perfect memories could be had, but not preserved. The world worked in fucked up ways. “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she said at last, her voice soft, shrugging her shoulders. If people wanted to remain in touch, they would, she supposed- Roxie had certainly cut off everyone who had ever hurt her, so that she might avoid being hurt ever again. “New ones… Ha, well, I’ve never been an expert at makin’ new friends. Kinda shit at it, if I say so myself,” she drawled, taking another drag from her cigarette and looking away, before extending the coffee cup in her other hand, “Suppose I met you, an’ that’s kinda new, if we’re chummy enough for a casual chat about PornHub. Here. I got ya a coffee.”

“Wow!” she grinned happily, corners of her eyes crinkling as she took the beverage. She didn’t expect such a kind gesture from someone who was essentially a stranger. “Thank you, um, so much?” Claire took a small sip, because despite the offering, she hated drinking coffee. “I think the key to making friends is to just listen and you’ve been doing pretty well with that since I tend to talk way too much. Looks like you can find a friend in me.”

“i don’t NEED a trainer, but I like having one, ‘cause then i won’t quit as easy and…well, he’s really nice to look at.” her teasing, however made his cheeks flush a bit as he playfully shook his head at her, cracking a shy smile. “whatever. thanks.” he snickered lightly. 

“can’t say i have had that kind of experience? i’ve never like, hooked up-hooked up with someone before. only… short little things? under ten minutes, max. no sweaty musty sex in this fella’s life.”

“you’ve never... hooked up with someone? like you’ve never lied on your back and felt the weight of someone else’s body grinding on top of you for, like, an hour tops?” she tilted her head with her lips pursed and brows furrowed. claire wasn’t one to ‘virgin-shame’ but she was just so surprised because benji was just too adorable. “well, do you wanna change that sometime soon?”

“I guess?” He really wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react. “Uh, do you like having PornHub follow you?”

No. “I guess,” she responded with a shrug. “It’s kinda like being famous, you know? You have any fun followers?”

Dustin raised an eyebrow at her as she spoke, somewhat surprised by her words, taking a moment to process. “Three whole-ass times,” he said slowly, as if reaffirming it to himself, furrowing his brow and chuckling, shaking his head and causing some of his curls to bounce, “I can’t say I can relate, I was a straight-A student, third in my class. Seems like a long time now- guess it shouldn’t, since I’m still studying for my bachelor’s and I’m almost thirty.” Huffing and leaning his head back against the wall, laughing again and grinning to himself. This time, he returned her touch, gently nudging her arm before removing his hands back into his lap, continuing to bounce his knee in order to keep himself from getting too restless. “I told you that you needed some lessons in French. No worries, didn’t say anything terrible. It’s the only other language I’m fluent in, really.” Glancing at her as she sat up more, he analyzed her own body language. Truly, he hardly minded, he just didn’t want to overstep his own bounds, and it was his silent way of saying I respect you without having to outright say it aloud. “Yeah… Yeah, it is. I’ve had trouble sleeping ever since I was little. I’ve been to all kinds of doctors. They can’t figure it out. I suppose it is what it is. Finals made my meds stop working, as usual, and here I am. Guess I might as well schedule my next appointment while I’m here. Chronic insomnia makes me its bitch.” Somehow, the bags under his own eyes weren’t entirely awful. In fact, they were hardly noticeable unless someone looked closely at him, and it helped that his unusual eye shape with how his eyelids drooped made him look rather tired. Without his glasses, though, he looked more alert. “You know, I don’t know how we don’t talk more outside of this office. I guess it just slips my mind to hand you my number.” Looking over at her when she enthused about his new tattoo, he smiled warmly, a laugh bubbling up in his chest again as he pulled up the sleeve of his hoodie to expose his tattoo sleeve on his right arm (technically his left, but facing her of course, it was his right), managing to pull it past his elbow and tapping just below where the empty space had once been, now replaced with the big, bold black lettering of Accept Change. “Had a little space left… Decided I needed a reminder for myself. You know… A positive message. We all deserve acceptance, right? Technically speaking.”

“You don’t look tired, though, you look great. You’ve got pretty eyes, you know that? I’m sure people tell you that all the time. I don’t know what it’s like studying for the finals you take. I’m on my,” she paused as she thought, “third time studying for the GED test? Yeah, it’s taking longer than I’d hoped.” When she failed the first time, she was disappointed for sure, but the fact she got so far to take it was enough to push her to keep trying. 

It was greatly discouraged to intermingle with fellow patients in case it might deter in someone else’s recovery, so really sharing contact information was technically out of the question but she just didn’t get that. She wanted a friend, someone that got what it was like to wait in these boring rooms, talking to people about the ugly truths in their lives. 

Claire has always wanted to get a tattoo and she loved learning the story behind others’. A soft smile appeared when she saw the message, because yeah, it’s taking some time but she’s accepting her changes. “I love that a lot. Some people are scared of change when it could be the best thing to ever happen to you. Maybe I’ll get that one too. If you’ll mark it on me. Is that tattoo-speak? Anyway.” She made grabby hands toward his pants. “Your phone.”

     hazel may not be the best person to jokingly say such a thing to, on account of her having no judgement on the matter, and that being a rather logical reason as to why pornhub would be following her on twitter. as long as ‘a few years ago’ only covers the years after claire turned eighteen, that being the only thing to cause her to raise an eyebrow, hazel can’t really say much on the matter, meeting the other’s masked words with a shrug, and a smile that says ‘well… that makes sense’ even if she doesn’t say it herself. but when a more legitimate answer comes into play, she nods, a more genuine yet sympathetic smile on her lips ( teenagers can be assholes ) before a half-hearted scoff is let out as the question is reversed and tossed in her direction. “well – i mean, i don’t follow pornhub, so i guess it’d be even weirder if it followed me first ? plus, y’know, i’d probably bore ‘em – i don’t actually tweet all that much from my personal account anyways. and i’m pretty sure it’s best if i keep anythin’ that pornhub would find interestin’ to myself, y’know ?” now who’s answering things in a jokey manner ? “you got any other interestin’ followers ?”

Claire didn’t have any videos out there of her (that she knew of), but she knew for sure there were nude photos of her that were possibly stilling floating on the cell phones of the people in her hometown. The concept of keeping stuff like that to herself had been long gone before she knew any better. “Just don’t put it on your smart phone because now ‘The Cloud’ exists and people can hack that shit.” She held her finger up. “Wait, lemme see. I know that... David Spade follows me aaaaaaaand, like this dude who was on Big Brother once. The one person I want to follow me, though, is Freddie Prinze Jr.”

“Oh…” He breathes, not needing a diagram to picture precisely what Claire is talking about.  Mal has always had a vivid imagination, and besides, she isn’t exactly being subtle.  Following her gaze, Malcolm takes his own cursory glance around his kitchen–it’s that slow lull between the lunch and dinner shifts; the waitstaff are out in the dining room rolling silverware and wiping down tables, and most of the line cooks aren’t due in for another hour–and it is clear that, for the moment, they are alone.  “I might could think of a couple things that make life happier…” he murmurs dryly, forcing himself to keep his eyes where they belong despite his insinuation.  They’re walking a fine line as it is, but the fingers raking through his hair and the feelings they invoke are enough to shake him out of his stupor.  Mal reaches up to wrap his fingers around her wrist, teeth sinking into his lower lip for a moment as he composes himself.  “Claire…You’re a really, really beautiful girl, an’ I appreciate what you’re doin’, but you don’t…” Pausing, he swallows thickly, “You don’t need t’ pretend.  Fuck–” he curses, realizing he’s still got a death-grip on her wrist, and he hurriedly loosens his fingers, letting his hand fall down to the armrest of his wheelchair.  “–I’m sorry.”

It was like she had him wrapped around her little finger; it was only time he was going to cave. But Claire didn’t know if she wanted him to. Sure, she was pushing him, but to what extent. What was her endgame? She’d been calmly combing through his hair, thinking nothing of it but a sharp pain had shot through her arm. Gasping, shocked and scared, she couldn’t breathe and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his hand squeezed tight on her wrist. Because if she closed her eyes she was afraid of what she’d see. In her head, she was pulling back but in reality she couldn’t move. “M-Malcolm...” Tears welled in her eyes, chest heaving up and down.

After what felt like forever, Malcolm finally released her and she spun around fast so he couldn’t see her and the tears streaming down her cheeks. “U-um,” she started, aiming to keep her words steady, but her voice betrayed her. “I’m actually not feeling too well. I’m... I’m gonna take a sick day, if that’s alright.” She started to untie her waist apron. She took a couple of steps. “Um, I’m really sorry. Please don’t fire me. Please don’t fire me.”

Adam had to pause for a moment, because he wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not. He decided she wasn’t. “Why would PornHub tweet you? And why are they following you?” She didn’t look like someone who would do anything on PornHub, let alone talk about it public.

“Because I’m hilarious and I’ve got great titties!” she responded, maybe a little too enthusiastically. Claire laughed shortly after, indicating she was kidding. “No but my tweets are actually really funny and some, um, ‘friends’ of mine back in high school pushed for them to follow me. Sweethearts, right?”

”Your vice sounds like something I dabbled in when my vice had me by the balls, but I get it, everyone’s got their thing, I just needed mine to almost kill me before I could get it together, I’ve been twelve different rehabs since I was 15, I guess it was time something worked.”  He sighed and looked down at his hands, “They care, not about me, but about their political careers and having a drug addicted son is bad for that, so they pay for me to go to rehab or have a house in a state across the country from them so they don’t have to deal with me.  My mother has told me once that she loved me, and it was after I regained consciousness after an overdose, so there’s a very real chance it never even happened.” 

“You’re welcome to come over whenever you like, I’ve got a music room with my piano, decent acoustics and everything.  I don’t play it much though, I don’t have the willpower to sit alone there very much, so I come here to play instead.”  He continued to play, though slower than initially, “Please, call me Bain and feel free to tell me to shut up whenever you want, I should really make my parents  pay for an actual therapist, but it is what it is.” 

“When I was fourteen, my mom taught me how to use my tits to get free booze at the liquor store,” she said in return, a little too quickly, almost like she was in competition with Bain in order to determine who had the shittier parents. “She also didn’t say nothing when her boyfriend of the week would tell me I had a better ass than her, but instead, blamed me for it and would kick me out of the house because I shouldn’t be shaking it in front of them like that.” Claire had yet to say anything about her dad, though, because she wasn’t ready to talk about him yet. Somewhere deep inside her brain, she still believed that her dad really did try his best.

Claire studied on his fingers, wondering if her following suggestion would step over the line. “You know... there’s a community center around here that, um, that is basically free guidance counseling. It takes a while to make an appointment but if they don’t wanna pay... But, um, don’t your parents get free health care?” If there’s one thing Claire did research on it was what her health care benefits were. Now orphaned and on her own, she was no one’s dependent.