city of mirrors.

Today, somewhere around 3am from the passenger seat of the love of my life's car, I screwed up.

I said some things I shouldn't have said. I vented some frustrations that are mine and mine only, and while I would never hurt a fly let alone her, I learned that sometimes you can cause someone the most pain when you're not trying to cause any. 

I've been thinking about this all day because in those moments this morning, I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. I wasn't doing any harm, just explaining things the way I saw them. In trying to learn some lessons today, I'm grasping that it doesn't really matter how you see things sometimes. I don't have to be right all the time, because right is different for everyone. 

My life has been a mess of various stresses since I started school again, and I haven't dealt with them well. Something I'm struggling with a lot is space in my relationship. I don't have a lot of friends here in LA, which can be a lonely enough place anyway, so I naturally turn to her for company. I'm only now realizing what that can do if left unchecked. I only want to help, I am supportive and giving, and I'm finding out that those things aren't everything. I need to give her confidence, which I don't think comes across when I'm constantly offering to "help." Maybe that just makes her feel like she doesn't have a lot of power.

Nanjing Xuanwu Lake　南京玄武湖 by liuhuanfu on Flickr.