Transbian Dreams

God I wish I was a machine, I really, really wish I was a machine. I wish I could do maintenance on myself I wish I could tune my body to perfection and back again. I wish I had routines to exactly display my emotions. I wish someone could reach their arm into my frame and fiddle with my internals and warm my frame with their breath. I wish I had the endless strength to help those I love and care about I wish I could be anything my lover desired. I wish I could be tall, tiny, bulky or thin. I wish I could shrug off punishment or have the slightest touch throw me into a spiral of overstimulation. I wish I could be ungodly still or impossibly fast and agile. I wish I could be painted on or engraved. I wonder what would change if I had rough or smooth edges to my body. I wonder how I could look, taking on conventionally attractive appearances or becoming unrecognizable? Could I make my form of hard aluminum or soft silicone? Could I fly? Could I live longer, love longer?

Fuck I have a crush and it's bad, really really bad. They're helping me learn tarkov so we can play together and they were just chilling in my bed relaxing and just they're so fucking chill and fun and we both like the same things and we hung out for hours and they sing but they're voice is out right now and I really really REALLY need to hear them sing oh God fuck I'm so fucking gay and when they left I texted them they're always welcome over and offered to hang out tomorrow and they said yes and since they were hanging out in my bed I joked and said thanks for keeping my bed warm and then they sent this fucking teasing ass emoji like HOW HAS NO ONE SWEPT YOU OFF YOUR FEET? IVE KNOWN YOU LESS THAN A WEEK AND IM ALREADY SAD WHEN YOU LEAVE, I WANT TO WATCH YOU STRETCH AND BE COMFY IN MY BED AGAIN GOOD GOD ITS TOO MUCHHHH AND WE GOT COFFEE AND WALKED TOGETHER AND FFFUCK