IT'LL ROT YOUR TEETH;;

It was a complete shit squad but Vince was basically their leader so I’m sure they’ve had to break up and butt sex someone else.

Sounds familiar...

Idk, I don’t keep up with Gay Squad.

wtf kind of band of not-so-superheroes is that

So, Olive and I are a duo now, Vincent tragically died in a train accident today. I should be more beat up about it, but my parents seem kind of relieved and it’s nice to have them doting on Olive and I for once. So. Yeah. He’s dead. Cherish your life guys. Love yourself. Don’t be a Vince. Be careful around trains.

rip @vincentomassss

Doubtful, but noted.

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D CONSIDER THAT DOUBTFUL.  I’m just trying to love on you over here.

But you don’t know how to ride a bicycle so I’m not jealous at all, to be honest. Beach rides are the best.

Excuse you,  you do not have to ride a bicycle in order to have a good time.  EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

I know. I’m excited. You’re basically required to love me up.

I’d love you up even without the birthday obligation to do so, FYI.

That’s just ‘cause you don’t tell me enough. My ego needs constant reminders.

WELL, it’s only, like, seven days until a very important birthday, so I’m pretty sure you’ll be getting a lot of reminders about a lot of different things.  Promise.

I mean.. technically it was his idea, but I agreed to it. So it was our decision. We decided to go to Florida.. it’s more of a one time kind of time. 

...uh huh okay, WELL, the “we” in question would be a lot more exciting if it came with a dash of Cinnamon, don’t you think?

Definitely liking being your best girl, but when am I going to upgrade to only girl?

So cute how you think you haven’t like, ALWAYS been the only girl for this cinnamon toast crunch.  Pls.

Spring break in Florida was the best decision we ever made. 

...are you guys a “we” couple now?  

I can’t believe it. This morning, I got a call from a representative at Harper Collins who wants to speak to me about mass publishing my coloring books. I’m not sure if I should be elated or disappointed. If anyone wants to give me a clue on how I should be feeling, now would be a great time!

WHOOOOOA, WHAT?  WISE SAGE, THAT IS FUCKIN’ AMAZING.  LIKE HUGE!  HUUUUUUGE.  I mean, I know they’re a personal thing for you, but this totally doesn’t cHANGE that.  And just because it’d be in a bookstore and not on Etsy or whatever totally wont fuck up what you stand for or what the profits go to.  That’s still gonna all be on you.  And if you need someone to help out with the PR and do all the, like, “grown up executive-y” talk with the publishers, just tell them to hit me up.

Sorry dude, but Cat is the cutest kitten and no other kitten will convince me otherwise. 

...is that actually the cat’s name, Nicky Golightly?

You guys. I love kittens. He won’t stop trying to follow Vincent into the bathroom and I can’t handle the cuteness. 

But is your kitten as cute as Pepper Motta?  bc I doubt it.  BUT DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL, no kitten is.  Pepper is a Motta, after all.  we’re our own breed of cute.

I always thought I’d be pretty content to live alone. But, I’m going to be needing a roommate, and I’m going to be needing them to move in tonight, since I just got back to my apartment to find the biggest spider ever in my kitchen and I’m seriously about to flip. It’s like a tarantula! I’m not built for this kind of confrontation, and Berlioz is zero help.

Drop a mixing bowl on top of it.  Grab your cat and everything designer you own.  Burn the apartment down.  Never look back.

I’ve decided I need a sassy gay friend not to be offensive or anything but like I’m a fashion designer so like I need someone to bounce off ideas with. Mostly I want someone to be sassy with and throw shade with, you don’t even need to be gay. I need someone to be the Titus to my Kimmy. Minus the whole me being a mole woman thing…

PARDON ME, but am I supposed to be something other than offended about the fact that I don’t get to be your Titus Burgess?  Because I hate to break it to you, but I am, in fact, OFFENDED.