Cicada

I am 20 years old from the states, ive struggled with disordered eating ever since i was a kid, getting an €d when i turned around 16 after reaching 220lbs. Ive been in recovery one time where i gained 30lbs in about 6 months. My lowest weight was 139lbs.

My main goal is lose fat and build some muscle so that i can join the military. I know an €d will not be the best for my goals, but it is all i know, its the way ive learned to be disciplined.

I have sought out professional help in the past, it didnt work for me. Rather it made me feel ashamed of it. My family has always shamed me for my struggles so its more or less trained me to not get help.

Some things i enjoy is art, i love having a loving community here. It makes me feel less alone. I paint, draw, do nails, and any art hobby i can get my hands on. I have two cats, Allie and Phoebe, they are my whole world. I also have a loving boyfriend, who although doesnt know how to support my €d struggles, is there for me and wants me to be better. And i love him for that

Dni: Healthy people (please stay healthy and happy, lose weight in a healthy way), minors, extreme €d folks (like if you shame other people for eating more than you, shame any bigger person, etc.), homophobes

I do not condone the promotion of €d, if you need help, please seek it. This is just my venting and talking of my struggles in their most authentic form

Current goal: Be 145 by the time my bf comes home from deployment in just about 1 month. Its a far out goal but i will do everything i can to make it happen.

I want him to come back and see his girlfriend prettier and thinner.

Part of me wants him to be worried about my weight loss. Selfish i know, but i just want to know that im sick enough

Pic is me at my lw sorry if its not super spo

Not me

I will say, conflicts w/ my boyfriend really making this £d shit easier 🤩

I seriously feel so physically ill that i cant even stomach water

Not me

I need to be thinner than him, i need to be dainty and sickly and thin. I will be sickly and thin, i will be smaller than him. I need my b0nes to stick out more than his, to look like a skeleton standing next to him.

I am 60lbs from my goal, and i will get there if its the last thing i do.

I will be beautiful

I do not condone the promotion of €d, if you need help, please seek it. This is just my venting and talking of my struggles in their most authentic form

Honestly, hate the idea, but the idea is making me literally physically ill and disinterested in food

I am however praying that he does not go

I do not condone the promotion of €d, if you need help, please seek it. This is just my venting and talking of my struggles in their most authentic form

I do not condone the promotion of €d, if you need help, please seek it. This is just my venting and talking of my struggles in their most authentic form