* 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 / 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 !

introducing 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐈𝐒 of france, 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒 of 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐕. 

location: the gardens. 

charlotte used to consider alix’s in laws her own relatives, after all, they welcomed her sister in their family, and the younger princess couldn’t be more happy for her sister. sometimes, she wished her family was big as the habsburgs as she probably wouldn’t be as alone as she was growing up. she had some cousins from her mother’s family side, but they were overseas, and the cousins from her father’s weren’t the best people in the world. before being made the king’s heir, she had some fond memories with rené, but that’s all. before her marriage to vasily, she felt them to be strangers, without the complicity she thought they shared. 

but with alix’s unusual behavior, charlotte was starting to think that the habsburgs weren’t as nice as she pictured them to be. she knew her sister was harsh and cold --- being like that since their childhood days ---, but the lack of feelings she demonstrated upon discovering charlotte’s pregnancy was something else. if the roles were reversed, charlotte would be so happy for alix. a child was a blessing to any marriage, to any family. she didn’t want her child to grow up without the presence of their aunt, and needed to discover why --- and what --- her sister’s heart was more cold than ever. 

location: the streets of rome. 

charlotte knew she was supposed to make new connections and meet other royals. but everything was so ... overwhelming, to say the least. she wasn’t acostumed to be in the same space with so many people with different cultures, religions and beliefs. growing up inside a bubble of catholicism and european culture, the english royal family was the closest thing to foreign royals she contact as a child. however, they were her extended family and her mother incorporated many aspects of the english and scottish court as she could in the french court, and their air of novelty didn’t last long enough. 

but the summit in rome was something different ---- there were people from countries charlotte only read in books, and such little things. it was almost her dream coming true, if she wasn’t so nervous. charlotte was aware of her diplomatic skills and her friendly behavior, but that would be enough ? she wasn’t the one supposed to make the treaties or marriage accords, but she knew that winning people by friendship was better than by fear. time had proved her that, and history books too. 

motherhood

location: the garden time: 17 minutes before midnight with: @chvrlottes·

She could not rest ; mind spilling miles in a second, taking her to the missing Emperor. It was a foreseeable situation, yet one of them had truly foreseen it. She, a daughter and a sister of generals, should have seen it coming. Once the initial shock faded away and the adrenaline was swapped with a sense of tiredness, Meirong hoped she’d be able to sleep - only to find it evade her completely. For a moment, she pondered what to do - should she seek out her siblings? Check up on her husband, or the rest of the Li family? Watch her daughter sleeping peacefully? But, the hour was creeping close to midnight and she did not wish to disturb any of them -

A walk. That seemed like a good idea, and motioning to one of the guards stationed in front of her door, Meirong set out to tread the gardens ; the brisk, night air usually did wonders for her fits of insomnia and perhaps tonight’s walk will tire her enough to warrant a dreamless night. Meandering through the various columns and navigating the unfamiliar path with a guard following on a polite distance, the princess’ thoughts kept returning to the Emperor Jingyan and how Feike must be feeling at the moment. She’s spent so much time apart from her husband, the two of them sufficiently alienated, that she could no longer predict his emotions - or his thoughts. She was certain he wasn’t taking this well, but how much it served to further send his paranoia ablaze… she couldn’t tell. Making a mental note to find Zhenzhen and poke out the truth of their meeting from a few hours ago, Meirong rounded the corner, spying a bench that seemed vacant.

But, it was dark outside and it wasn’t until she’s approached it that she realised the seat had been occupied by a brunette - another sleepless lady. “Good evening.” Meirong politely called out, announcing her arrival and offering the noblewoman a court bow. “May I join you?”

✣

charlotte could sense something was wrong. it was more her intuition speaking than touchable clues, but she observed an uneasy movement inside the royal boxes. she feared the worst --- someone was killed or kidnapped --- and excused herself quickly from the big crowd. charlotte thought to ask her husband if he knew what was happening. he probably did, but the fear she felt for the safety of her unborn was bigger than her curiosity. almost no one knew already, but words could spread quickly than she wanted. if something happened, she was aware that wasn’t specifically targeted to her, or else she wouldn’t be at the gardens at the moment. charlotte tried to stay at her rooms, but she needed fresh air to clear her thoughts. 

the gardens were beautiful. it was a sight that she was longing to see --- the flowers growing up strong, their delicate perfume reaching her nostrils. russia was always cold to have such things, and it was one of the things she didn't get used the most. the gardens of paris were marvelous --- as a young child, charlotte spent most of her time there, alone and playing with her toys. it was a memory that brought warmness to her heart. while her childhood days were spent in solitude, it was an easier time that sometimes she wanted to go back. charlotte wished her child could have a happier childhood than hers --- and she would do everything to assure that. 

an unfamiliar voice caught her by surprised. turning around to follow the sound, she smiled politely at the other woman before doing a small courtesy too. she seemed to the from the far east by her features, and charlotte couldn’t be more curious. she wasn’t familiar with such countries, and while a side of her urged to ask where she was from, the other kept her in her place. her answers would come eventually. “ yes, of course. you could not sleep too ? ” it was the only explanation to have another woman as a company in her eyes. “ i do not think we were introduced before. i am charlotte valois, princess of rostov. it is a pleasure to meet you. ”

“Older,” Gin countered, emphasising the latter syllable with a cheeky grin. Like Charlotte, Ginevra had long been babied by the older members of their family. It seemed only natural when the age gap between the Medicis was as large as it was, and they didn’t buck against it, instead accepting, even embracing it. It kept their brothers indulgent of even their more childish of whims, and that suited them to the ground for now - especially when they were trying to avoid their own marriage prospects. They didn’t think they would take to the role of wife and mother quite the way Charlotte had. “I only say what I think is true.” They waved away her thanks, before their eyes widened at the revelation. “So soon? That hardly gives you any time to prepare  at all.” It was a terrifying thought, that once one was married, they could find themselves a few weeks away from giving birth at any time. Gin was sure they wanted no part in that. 

 “I think I can understand,” Ginevra spoke softly. Her own relationship with God was straightforward enough. Their mother and father had little time for religion, but growing up with the Pope as your Uncle did leave certain pressures to conform to the Catholic ideal. Though unconventional in many ways, Ginevra did not waiver in her commitment to her faith. “As humans, we have a tendency to see and expect the worst. But this should be a joyous time, Charlotte. There is no need for fear or punishment. And when your child is older, or having children of their own, I am sure they will look to your example.” 

Gin’s brows furrowed at Charlotte’s words. This was exactly what they feared for themself, a marriage that was cold and loveless, the type which Charlotte was describing - or what Ginevra thought they were describing, at least. Having a sizable dowry and the de’ Medici name was not always a good thing, and in matters like this, it was more of a curse than an asset. “Oh, Charlotte…” they trailed off, uncertain of what to say to soothe her. “Are you all right? Are you happy?” 

✣

“ always so funny, are thou not, ginevra ? ” charlotte spoke with a teasing tone a mischief light in her eyes. “ but when you reach my age --- oh, when you do that --- you will see how horrible is to be older. ” but she didn’t felt such, and she knew her friend wouldn’t either. age and time were things so incomprehensible to her --- she used to read about greek philosophers texts of time and life’s mean, but it was too abstract to charlotte to understand correctly what they were trying to say. she just knew that things happened in different phases to people. “ i know. ” charlotte sighed, but it was better that she found her pregnancy in italy --- if she didn’t, she won’t be able to travel alongside her husband. “ but i still have three months to prepare myself and the birth chambers. it could be worse, trust me. ” what if she had found about her pregnancy when she entered labor ? it would be so much worse. 

sometimes she forgot pope giulio was ginevra’s uncle. it was so easy to forget the ties of the medici family with the church, but it was always there. she nodded to their words in agreement --- ginevra was wise to her age, and charlotte wished she could be like that. maybe it was an italian thing; they were so close to the church and used to be one of the greatest empires. “ i hope so. i fear for their future already, especially if it is a girl i am carrying. ” women who had a bright future were exceptions. charlotte wished her future daughters could be like that, but deep in heart, she already knew their futures. 

she couldn’t say she was happy, but charlotte was happier than she thought she would be. “ alright i am, but happy ? i can not say for sure. i am happy for the baby i am carrying, and hoping they can soften their father’s heart. but it could be so much worse, gin. ” she gave her friend a reassurance smile --- someday charlotte would find happiness, she was sure of that. “ my mother wished to marry me to an old duke of scotland, but i am now at least with someone close to my age. i just had views about marriage that are far away from the truth. ”

location & time: the constructed amphitheater, near a fire-eater artist, beginning of the festivities. 

charlotte was used to grandeur. she would be lying if she said that she never experienced such festivities --- before the crisis broke up in france, she remembered of a time when her parents would host jousts and feasts. in a time before charlotte was born and would read about it in books, the french court was way more extravagant. but she won’t compare the italian festivities to some she only read about --- she was supposed to enjoy the present, and such time was being more joyous than she thought. the fears and concerns about her unborn baby still lingered her head, but she still laughed with her ladies when they stepped out of empress yekaterina’s box to explore the common ground. 

there were many artists with performances she never saw in life. charlotte was mesmerized by them --- she had always been an enthusiastic of the traditional forms of art, like painting and poetry, but it was the first time since she married that charlotte was in contact with the other forms. her gaze landed at every performer with awe, but the fire-eaters caught her attention the most. maybe it was the dangerousness of it, or the fact that it was something charlotte didn’t imagine how it could happen. 

Alix was not a soft woman. She was not kind, not gentle, and not warm, and had never pretended to be anything else. Perhaps that was her sole virtue - despite everything, she was not false, though that had brought her more trouble than it was worth. How easy life would be if she was more like Charlotte - but then, Alix had never truly wanted an easy life. Not when that meant giving up so very much. Still, when the praise fell from her lips, it was genuine. “Then you have done well. Many would have floundered if they found themselves in your position. I am glad you hear you have not done so.” It was more than Alix expected of her, but she still felt a sense of pride at the revelation that her sister, her little sister, had risen to the challenge. 

Sharp eyes glared daggers at Charlotte. Surely, she must have heard the rumours from The Hofburg. Alix and Joseph were too fiery, too headstrong to make it through the day without clashing in one way or the other, and that was no secret. “Nothing has changed since last I saw you.” Last she saw her, she had been warning Charlotte not to go into her marriage with her heart open, to close it before her husband did that for her. That was enough to give the other insight into the state of Alix’s own marital relations. 

She had known before Charlotte had spoken, despite forcing a confession from her sister, but to hear the words from her mouth was another matter. Charlotte smiled, and for a brief moment, Alix considered wiping the smile from her lips. She was the elder, married first, set to be an empress later in life. It should be her announcement to make first, her pregnancy, her child, but yet her husband rarely, if ever, frequented her bed, and Charlotte bore the proof of Vasily’s affection in her stomach. Still, whilst cold words were on the tip of her tongue, even she did not have the heart to utter them. “Congratulations,” a simple utterance, one not truly felt, but the least she could offer. “And when can we expect the little Russian to make their appearance?” 

✣

when charlotte was younger, she thrived at hearing such praise. she never heard them much, after all, there wasn’t something that charlotte did that alix hadn’t done, and with more perfections. she was used to crumbs --- and charlotte thought she would be happier to have the acknowledgment of her sister. but now, she had it of others, too. she was merely doing her duty --- she married into the russian royal family and they expected her to be more like them. and when she did, while not doing an audible praise, their little actions showed it. this time, charlotte didn’t need alix’s one. “ thank you, alix. it was not an easy task, i must say. but they were way more welcoming than the court we grew up. ” she wouldn’t dare to say the word french. it felt wrong on her tongue, with a bitter flavor to it. 

she nodded at her sister’s words. what else she could do ? alix had warned her, to not give away her heart too easily to her husband. she didn’t follow the advice strictly and while her heart had been broken many times unknowingly by vasily, charlotte now had a compensation for all the suffering that she inflicted on herself. by giving her heart by vasily, she know had his child growing inside her. maybe alix could be right since the start, but charlotte wouldn’t regret her doings. “ i am sorry to hear that. i would do anything to change that, if you need me. ”

alix’s reaction hurt charlotte more than she thought. after all, she never thought her sister would react so ... coldly, to such news. even charlotte’s friends reacted more excited and happy than her own sister, blood of her blood. charlotte didn’t do anything wrong this time --- she couldn’t control this kind of things. but she wouldn’t press it more. charlotte didn’t want to quarrel with alix --- it was a time of happiness, the birth of her first child and if that couldn’t reach her sister, what could charlotte do ? “ in three months, if the physician is right. i need to start making the preparations, if you want to join me. ” maybe being there could warm alix’s heart to the child. charlotte didn’t want their aunt to resent them, for whatever reason it was. 

It is rare to see Charlotte like this. Ginevra knows her to be one of the kindest people they know, but the happiness that shines from her eyes right now is like moonbeams - a sight to behold, and Ginevra is glad to see it. They weren’t lying when they said it - Charlotte would be a wonderful mother, and their child would be lucky to have her. “It does not console me - I feel old before my time,” they declared, dramatically. Charlotte had grown up, become a wife and mother in the blink of an eye, whereas Ginevra still felt like a child most of the time. It was a curious thing, but Ginevra know it was largely their own fault - after all, they avoided all talk of a marriage of their own, for better or worse. “You should be excited. This is a wonderous thing, Charlotte. Perhaps the best thing that could ever happen to you.” Ginevra’s own mother had once said similar of her children, and devoid of one of her own, that was about the only wisdom Ginevra could pass on. “I only hope I can meet your baby before you must return to Russia, or else I will just have to come with you.” 

Ginevra was Italian, and niece to the Pope besides. They knew what it was to fear God, for they had been brought up in much a similar way to Charlotte. “You are still Catholic, sweet one,” she assured her. “And your child will be, too. We all serve the same God, and will be together in the Kingdom of Heaven when the time comes. He would not punish you for such things. You can tell, for he has given you the greatest of gifts.” In this, Ginevra referred to the baby, for weren’t all babies a gift from heaven above? “I think to be afraid is natural. This time in a year, though, you will be an old hand at motherhood. We will laugh at this conversation later, you mark my words.” 

Only a fool - or one less observant than Ginevra de’ Medici, would miss how Charlotte’s expression changed at the mention of Vasily’s name. They hoped that he was kind to Charlotte, but the way she tensed at the mention of him did not leave much room for hope. “Perhaps he already knows, and is just waiting for you to confirm the news. After all, I noticed, didn’t I?” 

✣

“ if you are old then, what am i ?  ” it was easy to forget that charlotte was the older one between them --- she was one of the youngest on her family, and had always been treated like a child by her uncles and aunts. but her smile was a playful one, urging ginevra to not trust her words. life went differently for people --- just because charlotte were married and was going to have a child by the age of twenty - six, it didn’t mean that ginevra’s life should be like hers. her sister, alix, was the epitome of charlotte’s ideas --- despite alix being the older one, charlotte’s life was “ahead” of her sister’s. but it didn’t mean that charlotte’s life was better. “ thank you, ginevra. you do not know how your words ease my heart. ” and it was true. someone else believed in her skills as a future mother, and by doing so, charlotte had a new encouragement to believe in herself. “ oh, if the physician is right, you will meet them. they will be here in about three months. ”

charlotte’s view of god probably was way more twisted than her friend’s one, but she nodded in agreement nonetheless. ginevra grew up in a way more catholic environment than charlotte --- her parents supported the church and its ideals, but religion was one of their last priorities. “ yes, i must agree with you. but being punished made much more sense inside my head than being pregnant. ” she laughed, putting one of her hands upon her growing abdomen at the mention of the baby. she had so many fears --- but everyone else had, too. “ i am sure of that. we will laugh at this for many years ahead, because you will never let me rest, i am aware. ”

she hoped vasily could be like ginevra’s words, but charlotte knew better by now. “ i do not think he did, gin. ” it wasn’t easy to talk about that, but ginevra presence made charlotte feel at ease. they were friends, and she should trust them to tell her problems. “ we do not see each other, despite sleeping in the same room. my husband is a busy, and i think i put too much hope on his shoulders that he did not ask me to. ” it was a hard truth, but charlotte need to accepted that --- vasily wasn’t the man she idealized inside her head before their marriage. 

Despite everything, Charlotte still smiled when she saw Alix. The elder Valois was certain there were only two people in this world who truly loved her - Claudia, and her sister. They were certainly the only people she loved back, but it was different with Charlotte. The love Alix had for her sister was not the adoration she bestowed on the Holy Roman Empress, but something far more demanding, a burning desire for her to do better. She didn’t know if Charlotte saw it as such, or simply thought that Alix was a bitch. Neither viewpoint would be incorrect. 

“But have you warmed up to the court?” There’s a hint of teasing in her words now, or as close to it as Alix is willing to get. She had her moments, when she was younger, where she could be light and carefree. Perhaps Charlotte might even remember them. Those moments are far too few and far between these days, especially when Joseph is around. Does Charlotte’s husband love her, or is their union as fraught as her own? Did her sister pay any heed to the advice Alix bestowed upon her? There are so many questions, but Alix knows better than to pry. She will have her answers, but not by forcing truths from Charlotte’s lips. 

There is only one thing Charlotte could be speaking of, but the thought of it made Alix’s blood run cold. Charlotte could not be pregnant. Not before Alix, at any rate. Alix had always been ahead of her, walking boldly in front while her little sister trailed in her shadow. In this, though, Charlotte had beat her to the finish line, and the thought nearly drove her mad. Instead of screaming like she wanted to, though, Alix pursed her lips. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, ma cherie,” she spoke evenly, with very little hints to her inner irritation. “Please, do go on.”

✣

“ i think so. ” charlotte replied, her voice with an unsure tone. she thought she warmed to them, by now --- she had some trusted servants and ladies of company, and while the most purists of the russian court dislike her, empress yekaterina expressed her fondness towards the french princess more than once. it wasn’t like what she heard about alix’s and empress claudia’s relationship. charlotte didn’t found a mother in the russian empress, like her sister seemed to do with the german one. “ they are very different from us, the western courts. but i adjusted to be russian culture with grace --- as some told me --- and by doing so, they welcomed me into their inner circle. ” the russians were far more pleasant than the french in charlotte’s eyes. 

charlotte did not try to believe in gossip, but with her empress being of german ancestry, the other court was brought in conversation more than she thought it should. “ but what about you ? is your marriage going well ? ”the younger princess didn’t want to indulge into the oldest one’s privacy, but charlotte could at least try to help her sister if the rumors were true. her marriage was flawed too, but the prospect of having hers was what kept her and vasily together, especially now. 

an unbelieving chuckle made it’s way out of charlotte’s lips. how could alix did not notice ? the changes in charlotte’s body weren’t so noticeable yet, but she thought her sister to be more observant than that. “ what could it be other than a child, alix ? ” her words were kind, but with a hint of concern into them after processing that something was not quite right. “ i am pregnant, sœur. ” charlotte announced, a small smile adorning her face. shouldn’t her sister be more happy for her ? 

at the admission to their christmas day plans, the back of vasily’s ears grow hot with conviction, like fire is ought to when shown land to take. 

but the word her guts him. not with a stab and a punch, but with a slow pinch of sliding sharpness. as it creeps up on him, the clarity of his mistake remains somewhat vague. yet it is very apparent that he could be in the wrong here, like the trumpet doesn’t think about being too loud, or too brass, the bird didn’t think either before it jumped. he only pictured the reach, the magnificent leap, visions of a small boy worth his grain, father and son twice as tall as the heights they would one day scale. vasily with bird vision, and his tsarevich with technicolor scope. but like the vault deep into dark, dark water, the ripples that follow are an afterthought. what had been a surety for a son as his firstborn, had now carried doubts, the great belief nestling on vasily’s chest like a splinter. 

“no.” the sound flows through his teeth like a dart of ice through the air, though not a muscle in his body moves; a measured move to huff if only with his eyes, expressing offense by way of silence and energy conservation. he does not yet stand to make proof in his refusal, but there is an easy fact to his voice when his hands drop from their place on charlotte’s thighs. “it just von’t do.” 

if pride be a fault line, it runs through both their countries; for had their titles not butterflied and vivisected the pages of their trajectories? had their fathers and their forefathers not lived by and carried on those legacies that they, too, had been reared to bare? there would be one certain empress to tell that there are always ghosts in the code, that nothing exists to be entirely controlled, or can be. but vasily would also be one to tell that he’d been one the to inherit the  generational cage match from which there could only be one victor. so vasily chose this, the decrees of his country and all his private glories. time and time again, both duty and conquer-bound and genuflecting at his own cross. 

“charrrlotte,” his voice low at first; quietly, but equally steadily, he’s serious as he observes, “i zink it best we visit chapel soon and prrray on the health of ourrr child and futurrre of ourrr family.” 

necessary means demands for necessary actions which also calls for necessary intent. it was the kind of encouragement that the future mother of russia needed, the sky and everything in it. 

his words shattered her heart in pieces, like the bright starts in a beautiful night sky. the moon was what was left of hope inside charlotte --- the hope of the child being loved equally by them, and not just by her. she couldn’t bear looking at his eyes, and his hand burned her skin as they left. charlotte knew that was the sign of calling it a night, and again, it was her words that caused this new drifted between them. she felt vasily to be mile away from her, inside a place she couldn’t reach him. almost everyone she held ( or once did ) dear on her heart was like that --- it started with her parents, then alix and now him. they were too high for her hands to grasp, and every time charlotte felt she managed to be at the same level, she tripped and fell to her place once more. 

taking her hands away from his body and walking to the nearest window --- to be away from him and try to find solace in the sight of the gardens --- she took a deep breath, trying to calm the turmoil of emotions inside her. “ alright. ” charlotte managed to whimper out, before her own voice betrayed her. she knew she was seen as a weak woman by many, especially her husband, but how could she not be one ? “ as you wish. ”

charlotte tried to think of herself as being more strong than they thought, she really did. she had endured things by herself for many years, things charlotte didn’t wish anyone to pass through. she knew almost nothing of vasily’s uprising, but thought to be better than hers. she wondered when her mother turned to be the version she knew --- many said she was loved and doted by her parents and brothers. was it the longing of her homeland and family ? or the feeling of not doing her duty and seeing france collapsing ? 

sometimes, charlotte was too afraid her sister would be like that, too. 

vasily’s voice made her attention return to him, instead of being on her thoughts. the world ours had a great ring to it --- charlotte tried for so many years to belonging to something, to have something that was only hers. her family wasn’t like that; they were the royal family of france, and not her family. “ yes. ” she agreed, turning her body to face him again. “ when you do have the time, let a servant inform me of, and we can make the preparations. ” maybe she could find solace in god, too, but he was also too high for her to reach. charlotte felt her prayers to be long forgotten by him, while others were blessed with things she always wanted. 

“ i am going to sleep now, the day was quite tiresome. ” charlotte announced, making her way to her side of the bed. “ good night, mon bien-aimé. ”

tomorrow was a new day, and charlotte hoped to be a better one. 

“It cannot be true,” Ginevra declared, though they were largely teasing. There was no denying the firmness of Charlotte’s belly. “We are far too young for one of us to be with child already. We were just little children not so long ago. I refuse to believe it.” Despite their words, Ginevra reached for Charlotte’s hands, clasping them in her own and giving them a firm squeeze. Ginevra had been thinking much about marriage, and in truth, the thought of it terrified them greatly. There was no guarantee of happiness in this life, but if Charlotte found it in her unborn child, then Ginevra would be delighted for her. 

A laugh escaped Ginevra, a shake of their head in amusement of their friend’s words. “Because of the weather? And what of the other symptoms? Did you think them to be a sign of your impending hibernation, too?”” There was no malice in their words, as evidence by the fond look in their eyes as they surveyed the French princess. “Then allow me to be the first of many to congratulate you. You will make a fine mother, Charlotte. That is plain for everyone to see.” 

Ginevra paused them, chewing on her lip lightly. They did not know how to approach talk of Charlotte’s husband. It was a difficult subject to broach when they had so many questions surrounding the subject to begin with. 

“Does Prince Vasily know?”

✣

the warmest laugh left charlotte’s lips, her eyes shining with happiness. it was something that she longed to feel since a young age --- to be truly happy was something the valois princess had been denied since a young age; the things that made her happy then were disregard by her parents as futile affairs. but this ? to carry a child inside her womb couldn’t be looked down on. “ if it consoles you, neither i do really believe it. ” charlotte confessed, squeezing ginevra’s hands with the same firmness. she fought the urge to rest them upon her abdomen to feel the baby moving. “ i know it is just my duty as a wife, but i can help myself and be excited as i am. ”

“ at first, i thought god was punishing me. ” she whispered in a low tune. charlotte was in a catholic country, surrounded by catholic people. givevra themselves was one, but the french princess knew they wouldn’t judge her. “ i was really troubled to change my religion, but now i understand that i was imagining things. and my humor is not one of the bests, if i am being honest. i just thought my restlessness to be because of the many changes i witnessed in the russian court. ” ginevra’s words flattered her. charlotte was too afraid to repeat her parent’s mistakes, and her child being like herself. “ i ... thank you, gin. but i am so afraid. ”

her face tensed at the mention of her husband. she was too afraid to tell vasily about the news --- charlotte was sure he would be pleased, after all, her pregnancy meant that she wasn’t infertile and could bear his heirs. however, the lingering fear of disappointment still troubled her. “ i did not tell him, yet. i plan to do this tonight, if i see him. ”

if he could quantify the sum of what his wife was, he’d articulate her as a romantic, an idealist. vasily thinks at times that if he did not keep a hand on her shoulder, then he might lose her to the clouds. similarly, charlotte has the sort of mind that conjures from luminescent bubbles, clean and sprightly as spring rain; both languid and dreamy like spokes of light. at her suggestion, it too sounds all the more eager and poised like her hands at his shoulders, perched over him like two doves. “niet, charrrlotte,” he blinks in burgeoning fatigue by account of their travels and today’s festivities than at the pretense that he was being helpful. one could only be helpful outside of their sphere of responsibility. “you could be decorrrating birrrthing chamber instead. zerrre is only so much time left.”

there is the newness to this statement, the way it’s offered as a fact rather than an allowance on her end. he’s reminded of the newfound duty she takes on; how childbearing and motherhood run parallel as institutions of history, a rite of passage, a shared pain that kept the world turning. it was not ceremonious and done with a great ritual of beauty; it was a calculating and harder won victory. and while his visit has always been political and personal, the difficulty for his wife is now where the lines are now blurred. for this, vasily regards her as he might a child at the sole of his heel, and slows his voice to pace: “i insist you let me find food taster forrr you, as vell. just to be carrreful. i’d do anything to see the day when we baptize ourrr child with the name i’ve given him.” his lips curl on end in the hope she understands without any kind of explanation from him; she knew little of treachery only because vasily had never allowed it to bare itself by the teeth at her.

to spoil was another thing he could not afford anyone the privilege of. if he had the mind to entertain the idea, he might have grinned wryly at andrey’s expense, who was raised into something high and magnificent, but made spoiled and artful, romantic, and disgustingly useless. he makes no move to chastise if only as a mere compliance to conspiracy. there is only the shape of his mouth and the tilt of his head that bends itself into the position of selling her a dream that’s more hers than his, and all the easier when audiences listen more than they observe. “da, like you said,” he answers plainly, because it’s better than to give charlotte a boon of awareness, or longing, and see how far she runs with it.

it could be said that like God, vasily expressed himself through absence; giving form and continuance to himself by becoming a father was to obey the call of his bloodline, its call to progress, another platform on the path of winning and surviving. but he existed with his own perceptions and appetites, and they alone interested him, so fatherhood could not galvanize him into the labor of its practice, values, nor it’s sacrifices, especially when the time would come to ascend the throne. it is left unsaid that vasily would come to love his child (even when he has no use to love; he was made to lead), but that love was not without its conditions; it would grant him yardsticks with which to measure his child’s whims and yearnings. his need to prove himself to others meant that the slow work of teaching his heir by hand and tongue was to offer as much favor to vasily’s own image.

this is what it is to have power; it takes everything, and relinquishes none. 

they were all just that. money, plant, and equipment – in four syllables, ‘valuable.’ even as a child drawing nonsense shapes in the snow, he knew this and did not question it. expansion was pertinent and deserving to the children of royalty. as such, it is as in days of yore, to show gratitude for blessings bestowed, and to petition for coveted blessings. with this in mind, vasily grazes over charlotte with new intent. “chrrristmas is fourrr days away. we should make announcement zen. the news will be like the annunciation of an angel.”

charlotte knew better than to argue with vasily --- as much as she didn’t want to be another burden to him, she couldn’t help but feel a little lost with the russian culture. it was so different from the one she grew up within, and she had so little time to adjust to it. alix was the luckier one, another time. but charlotte couldn’t complain --- even with his coldness and temperament, vasily was the better one from any other suitors she had, all of them too old or with a title not meant to be held by a french heiress. she nodded her head in agreement at his words. while she wasn’t sure about her decoration skills --- maybe too french for the russian like --- it won’t be another thing inside her head, troubling her thoughts. 

at the back of her mind, charlotte knew that vasily’s concerns wasn’t an act of love as she wished it was. she found that a food taster wasn’t necessary --- who would try to poison her, after all ? she had friends in italian lands and thought she didn’t hold any enemies. however, the same thing couldn’t be said of her husband. charlotte didn’t try to pry into his political life, as much as her curiosity kept her awake at some nights. she heard the rumours, about how some wanted him to the next tsar. and of course, the tsarevich didn’t had nay male heirs. but mikhail still had andrey and natalya as spare heirs --- and god protect and guard her if the younger rurik was going to rule. charlotte’s life was going to be miserable. 

him. his words hurt in a way charlotte couldn’t explain, and she tried her best to not be betrayed by her eyes. 

she wasn’t surprised, howsoever. every father wished to have their firstborn a son; and some mothers too. but charlotte knew better than feed such hopes on her husband’s mind. maybe that was what happened to her parents in the time of her birth --- she could imagine them, in the same position she found herself tangled with vasily at the moment, whispering their hopes about a male heir. about charles, and not about charlotte. about their strong and discipline son, who would rule over france and bring the past glories to the country, and not about their timid and melancholy daughter, who would marry a russian prince and find herself in an endless circle of hoping. but she smile, despite all this --- a tired and sad one, in contrast to the other ones she displayed to her husband. “ i would do everything, too. ”

“ but what if it’s her, vasily ? ” she whispered softly, not meeting his gaze. charlotte had the same chances to have a girl as she had to have a boy. she wouldn’t --- couldn’t ---  repeat the same mistakes her parents did. 

Closed Starter for @chvrlottes·

Location : Alix’s Quarters, The Archduke and Duchess’ Villa

It seemed so long ago that Alix had left France. She was barely more than a child then, but already ready to leave that life behind. The one person there she had bothered to maintain any kind of contact with was Charlotte. The bond between sisters was strong in their youth, but weakened, first by Alix’s marriage and then Charlotte’s. From what Alix had heard, her sister had not listened to the advice bestowed upon her on her wedding day. That needed to be rectified, before it was too late and her sister found herself nursing a broken heart. 

She had asked to meet in her own quarters, away from prying eyes. A feast was laid out before them, French dishes and delicacies Alix would only daintily pick at. It was always this way. People would try to impress her with pieces of her homeland, not knowing that everything about France brought up revulsion within Alix - and would do unless she sat on the throne that was rightfully hers. 

“Has Russia been good to you, Charlotte?” Underneath the question was a myriad of other questions, all pertaining to Vasily. Alix rested an elbow on the table, cupping her chin in her hand as she regarded Charlotte closely. “Do you find married life suits you?”

✣

the day of alix’s marriage to the crown prince of the holy roman empire could be counted as one of charlotte’s saddest days. she wasn’t sad for her sister --- in truth, she was proud that alix would empress of such a great empire one day. charlotte was sad because of the prospect of how her days would be until her marriage to prince vasily. the older valois wouldn’t be there to took queen marguerite’s attention to herself, leaving their mother wrath and rude words focused on the younger sister. however, the days passed quickly until it was time to charlotte to fulfil her duty to her country --- she still remembered alix’s words spoken to her on the day of her marriage clearly. 

but charlotte didn’t took them seriously, as she should have. too blind with a prospect of a loving marriage, alix words were long forgotten after the wedding night as charlotte found herself enchanted with vasily. however, they made sense. but it was too late --- charlotte was now used to the coldness of her husband, and accepted it without any complaints. the sight of her sister brought a smile to charlotte’s lips, as she took the seat in front of the older valois sister.

alix’s questions didn’t take charlotte by surprise. she expected them --- after all, it had been a few months since they spoke to each other. “ yes. ” charlotte answered the first one, feeling like a child again. “ i did not expect the court to warm up to me easily, but they seem to be doing that now. ” the russian one was more welcoming than the french, on charlotte’s view. “ marriage life is more complicated than i thought, i will not lie to you, but i am getting used to it. however, i have great news to share with you, sœur. any guesses ? ” charlotte’s smile was a playful one, almost daring. 

Ginevra had long held a soft spot in their heart for Charlotte Valois. The Italian had somewhat of a sheltered upbringing, sticking close to their family and chasing their interests unapologetically. Their were also unyieldingly curious, and their never-ending questions usually served to drive any potential friends away. Charlotte was different, though. Not only did the French Princess have the patience to put up with Ginevra, she seemed to enjoy doing so, and their friendship had endured the years through to childhood. 

“Charlotte,” they couldn’t conceal the beam on their face as they bounded over to the other, arms outstretched for a hug. There was no propriety between them - it wouldn’t feel natural for there to be after all these years, even with Charlotte married these days. Ginevra hadn’t seen her since the wedding, but they were sure there would be much to catch up on. They were certainly curious to hear Charlotte’s thought on marital life, a conundrum that Ginevra had been unable to shake of late. 

Once Charlotte was in their arms, Ginevra noticed something a little different. It had been a while, certainly, but not so long that they couldn’t remember what it felt like to hug her. Releasing the princess, Ginevra glanced down, brows raising as they took note of her figure. Only a slight swell, but Ginevra was more observant than most. “Forgive me, my friend, if it is just insulation against the Russian Winter… but are you…” they paused, gesturing as they tried to think of a way to phrase things politely. “Are you going to have a baby?”

✣

ginevra’s warmth reminded her of a time when charlotte was somehow happy. she couldn’t recall a time when she truly felt such sentiment --- in her every achievement, the french princess felt the weight of her parents disappointment regarding her sex  resting on her shoulders. for a child, it was a difficult situation. but the company of her friends helped her, somehow. with them, charlotte could be herself without judgments --- display her truly personality, the one that wasn’t a copy of her sister’s one. 

the question made her laugh. a soft sound, followed by a smile that could match the brightness of the sun itself. charlotte found her six-month pregnancy a few hours before meeting ginevra, and it was funny how they could notice that from a simple hug. “ yes. ” she whispered, excitement dripping from her voice. “ can you imagine it, gin ? because i can not, if i am being honest with you. i never expected having a child so soon. ” the fears were there, following charlotte’s words like a predator following its prey. but these thoughts were not made to be known after delivering such news to a dearest friend. 

“ at first, i thought i was eating too much because of the weather. ” another laugh escaped her lips, a disbelieving sound. how could she not noticed that ? “ but today i felt something moving in my stomach area, and a servant took me to a see physician. ” everything was still too fresh --- too good to be true. 

it seemed ages ago when, at her protest, she’d been told she would begin writing the daughter of her mother’s friend, a princess close to her age. it would do you good. you can practice languages, your penmanship. sit still for once. she might’ve refused it altogether if not for her mother—even at her young age, atike knew friends meant something. she could try, at least.

though all hopes of charlotte’s gentler temperament influencing atike’s more boisterous one were cut swiftly, she’d gained something precious—to think that first, reluctant letter she’d penned as young girl would form a friendship spanning continents and years, marriages and engagements. atike had grown worried, too, after learning of charlotte’s union with prince vasily; there was something melancholic about the princess’s letters written from russia. was there too high a price on happiness?

it made her fear own engagement, too—she didn’t want to be stuck, and certainly not with a man who wished to use her as a stepping stone. but she had yet to deal with ferhad in rome, and more importantly, she would finally meet charlotte. when she received the invitation to the river tiber, she set out with little hesitation.

as soon as atike spotted charlotte among her own entourage, she broke ahead of hers and met the french princess before she even had to take a step. “ charlotte! ” she beamed, and never one to spare affection for those she called dear, she took the other into a hug. “ you are even lovelier in person, ” she continued as she let go, her voice infused with warmth. “ tell me, how was your journey? do you like rome so far? is it not absolutely stunning? oh, tell me if i talk too much. you already know how i go on. ”

atike sure was wat more chaotic in person than in letters --- charlotte always found hers so dull and boring in comparison to the ones the sultana sent her. her friend’s life seemed so much warm and agitated than charlotte’s. she wished to have that too. maybe, when her child were born, her life would gain a new purpose, a new light. and with more ones to come, charlotte’s life would be chaotic too.

she sighed with the hug, not knowing she needed one. no one knew about her pregnancy, and while atike’s affection wasn’t because of that, it felt like. “ and look at you, atike ! i am sure you have so much more suitors than the one you told me about. ” charlotte didn’t want her friend to be trapped in the same situation as herself, and while she didn’t express her rebellious thoughts actively to atike --- charlotte was supposed to be a dutiful figure to the sultana --- she would make sure that the younger one would leave rome with a better suitor. it wasn’t on her place to play matchmaker, but if atike wanted, charlotte could help her. 

“ my journey was troublesome, i must say. a sickness knocked me and i couldn’t see the wonders of the landscapes we passed through. but tell me about yours, i’m sure it was better than mine ! ” charlotte’s smile was nostalgic as she spoke with kindness dripping from her voice. “ and rome is amazing. it reminds me of paris so much, i feel almost at home again. ”

“thrrree months? so soon?” his brows raise but a fraction at the hand on her stomach. too soon, he laments. a family is not an immediate thing, but something to build for, and little by little, the bird builds a nest. vasily has plans, unspeakable things, and for better and for worse, the arrival of a child was an all-reaching step. but as it were, chance would be a wretched thing for charlotte to bear a son in foreign lands, especially in one as divided as italy. there were tales of sinister imaginings among these italians. lines of men who made survival inextricable from the papacy and conspired like vipers hardly reined in under the mantle, laying in wait with fangs full of treachery and avarice, so it was best to be wary. it is the asp’s way, after all, and vasily wasn’t anything if not a buzzard in the presence of similar beasts. like calls to like, after all. 

but vasily doesn’t like this. it tastes like being wrong. or being sidelined. but, hazardous as it may be to bring about a child outside of the inviolable space of his country, there is little choice. there are no quick dealings in the name of peace, that much is true. so he sighs through his nose. “i’ll have to send forrr wet nurrrses and midvife in few weeks time.” there is no other way. “ourrr prrriest frrrom the krrremlin will have to come at once, too.” 

his hand pulls away from from her stomach as an admission of his cold touch, looking up to recognize his wife’s gaze for him that was as natural as rain, wind, or flowers who cannot help but turn their heads to follow the light of the sun. instead, his hands settle on the underside of her thighs, as if daring her to now rasp in alarm. “in due time,” he presses on. “zerrre is nought zat ourrr child will know zat is not old knowledge by me.” 

“da, i’d like zat.” vasily smiles only because his muscles are sworn in the undertaking of such task. his wife’s endearment is also taken in stride, even when the words bear no more weight than a draft of cold air that could prick at his skin if only if he hadn’t the mind and spirit of a jagged slate of ice. as such, his voice becomes flat and his face unreadable: what could be assumed as peace at such news is only an underwater lull anchoring mother and child for his own trajectory. 

“one day, i know zat everrryone in eurrrasia vill kome to know ourrr child’s name.” and they, too, will fear it.

“— the firrrst is alvays most special, after all.“

“ i know. ” she sighed, a small frown adorning her face. it was her fault, wasn’t it ? if she had noticed sooner, things would go as vasily wished to, and maybe even in rome she wouldn’t be at the moment. but it would be a shame. it had been years since charlotte traveled --- the last time being when she married --- and she was getting the chance to see old friends and meet ones she never dreamed of doing so. there are evils that come for good --- but bearing a child more foreign land than russia wasn’t on her plans for the gathering. “ i can take of care of that to not disturb you, vasily. do not worry. ” 

charlotte would love to have her sister at her side when delivering, and even some french women too. she couldn’t complain about the russian ones --- some of them accepted her kindly at their inner circle, while others looked at her with disdain --- but they were cold. and charlotte wasn’t sure if the labor ritual would be similar to the ones she saw in french lands --- orthodox catholicism was not so different from the roman in liturgical terms, but traditions vary from place to place. and she felt so helpless around them, too. charlotte felt she needed to show bravery towards the russians, and in a moment as delicate as the birth of a child, it should not be time to show no fragility. 

a surprised sound escaped her lips at the feeling of her husband’s hands in such delicate part of her body, while positioning her hands on his broad shoulders to not lose her balance. they should always be like that, charlotte thought. it was how a married couple should act behind close doors --- but she knew that night was a rare one. in the morning, vasily would act like the two of them were strangers and her heart would break another time. perhaps she would never grow used to that. 

“ when you have any ideas, please, tell me. i would love to know. ” her smile was tender, almost loving, hearing his words. their children would carry two strong legacies, and charlotte was aware that the russian one would be more prominent. she hummed at his words with agreement. the presence of the father was something that charlotte wished her children could have --- with her father being the kind, she almost never saw him. “ they’ll grow to love your company, i am sure of that. ”

to be mother of queens and princes was her duty, but charlotte couldn’t help and grow worried at vasily’s words, her smile flattening a small bit. she wished her children to have brilliant futures, like their parents would have. but would they be miserable like their mother ? she wondered if she expressed her sadness to her mother she would react with concern. 

( maybe queen marguerite would say it was god punishing charlotte for not being born her so desirable male heir. )