Making sense of my stomach (and other jiggly bits)

Truth time: 

It has been over a year since I posted something substantial. The truth is, I got lazy. Getting healthy/strong was once again a side dish. I could post about the stress and challenges but the truth is, things didn’t get better when the stress let up, or my life got better.

Over six months ago, I started a new job. A heart stopping, love of my life, my one dream job. DREAM. JOB. A little less than six months ago, I got tired of commuting 50 miles each way and moved closer to work which meant a move from one of the most walkable cities in the country and a 4th floor walkup to a second floor amazing apartment in the ‘burbs. I love where I’m at, but not what I’ve lead my body turn into in the last year.

I weighed myself at the end of June and was horrified. Not only was I up almost exactly 40lbs from that time last year, but I had hit my highest weight ever. I was shocked, I was ashamed. Not going to lie I spent the next week binge eating complete crap. Which, logically, I know makes no fucking sense.

Despite how good I felt eating a Whole30 compliant lifestyle, it’s easy to forget that it’s worth the meal prep effort - especially when you’re working 50+ hour weeks and live within 2 blocks of FIVE fast food places. 

Aside from the deep shame (and let’s face it, embarrassment) of getting to this size, I know I can do better - be better. And proof is this: yesterday, after doing no activity beyond a small handful of walks ranging from 2.5 to 4 miles, and even despite being my highest weight ever by over 7lbs, yesterday I ran the fastest mile I had in 4 years, when I was literally 50 pounds less, and the 3rd fastest mile I’ve ever run as an adult. And I know it’s comparing apples and oranges, but it was also over 2 minutes faster than my 10k pace in 2016. Again, when I was 30-40 pounds lighter.

My next 10k is in September. I’m “running” it with a friend and am trying to train more than the 4 workouts I did to “train” for my first 10k. It’s in 10 weeks. Like I mentioned, I’m up to walking about 4 miles. I do need to work on my pace though because right now my pace is only about 1 minute faster per mile after 4 miles, compared to the 10k pace. I have a finishing time in mind and I just need to step it up to get there. It’s doable in 10 weeks, I just need to focus.

I need to focus and be better. I got this (probably, maybe...)

Surviving! Round 2 has definitely been harder than the first time I did it. In the fall, if I ate enough I could stave off cravings (at least the first week and a half). This time, the cravings have been non-stop and no matter how much food I consume it doesn’t feel like enough. It’s like my stomach is saying YES YES I HAVE HAD LOTS OF FOOD BUT IT’S NOT THE KIND OF FOOD I WANT SO I’M GOING TO IGNORE HOW MUCH I JUST ATE.

So it’s been a busy 2016! I’ve see-sawed in terms of eating, partially due to laziness (not wanting to cook) partly due to schedule (the last 2 months have had almost back to back work/fun trips).

Regardless, I have put a small dent in my NYE resolutions. I’ve identified 3 out of 5 doctors in the city, I ran a new race - my first 10K! And... after some back and forth, as of my last weigh in on Thursday, I’m officially 2.5lbs less than I was on New Year’s (did I mention I haven’t been to the gym much since February?)

The truth is, doing the Whole30 last fall made me feel the difference in what I had been eating (crap) vs what I should be eating (not crap). That is something that no other diet or change in eating program has been able to do. Despite knowing this, since January I’ve only done spurts of clean eating for a week/week and a half, but haven’t stuck to do for the full 30 days.

Unlike most people, I LOVE New Year’s. I love the idea that it sparks renewal, rejuvenation, hope and promise. I make resolutions nearly every year, with the realistic understanding that I likely won’t achieve/sustain ALL of them. I generally do pretty well with them, ending the year accomplishing at least 2/3rds of them. And that’s mainly because, through trial and error I’ve learned to be somewhat vague with them. My goals have evolved from “I want to lose 50 pounds this year!” to “I want to weigh less than I did last year” or “I want to exercise 5x a week foreverrrr!!” to “I want to try 1 new exercise class / activity a month”. More attainable goals/resolutions.

And this year is no exception. So lo and behold here is my list of 2016 goals:

- Weigh less than I did on 12/29/15 (my last weigh in of 2015)

- Pay off 1 credit card

- Demonstrate more independence

- Run a race I’ve never done before

- Go on at least 3 dates (I’ve been on 1 date in the last 2 years)

- Procrastinate less

Aside from a little headache on New Year’s Day, it’s been going pretty well. I even pushed through yesterday’s day 3 exhaustion to go for a 4 mile walk/jog. So far, so good. Meal prep for lunch tomorrow and Tuesday done, and already have a plan for sausage & peppers for dinner Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday (Tuesday I’m going out to dinner).

Day 2 Foodage:

Breakfast - 1 banana + almond butter + 2 eggs

Lunch - eggs + ground pork

Dinner - chicken salad

Snack - eggs + ground pork

Day 3 Foodage:

Breakfast - potatoes + eggs + ground beef + spinach + onion

Lunch - eggs + ground pork

Dinner - ground meat, fire roasted tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, chili peppers

Snack - eggs + ground pork

Day 4 Foodage:

Breakfast - coffee with coconut milk, hard boiled eggs

Lunch - ground meat, fire roasted tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, chili peppers

So I’m wrapping up day 34 and still going strong. This week I started incorporated regular workouts, and have made it to the gym for at least 20 minutes, 5x this week (and planning to go tomorrow so the final total for the week is 6x). My plan isn’t to necessarily sustain this, but maintain a 4x a week minimum. I’m having a lot of fun with it. And even on nights like tonight when getting there was the toughest, and even when I was in the parking lot I was like fuccccck. But I went. It was short, it was sweet, I did strength training, broke a sweat and left. 25 minutes in the gym and I feel satisfied with that. 

Grocery shopping is tomorrow, and the only significant alteration I’ve made is I’m now allowing myself to have almond milk when coconut isn’t an option. 

fat person: i have asthma

doctor: it's because you're fat

fat person: i have high blood pressure

doctor: you need to lose weight

fat person: i'm tired all the time

doctor: lose weight and you'll be less tired

fat person: i tried to commit suicide

doctor: you're depressed because you're fat

fat person: i broke my shoulder

doctor: because you're fat

fat person: no i slipped on some ice

doctor: you should still lose some weight

fat person: i literally slipped on ice and fell and broke my shoulder

Some real talk. Yesterday my eating was totally on point. I faced temptation in the form of a catered dinner from my favorite Mexican restaurant in San Jose. Tortilla chips. Two types of enchiladas, mini burritos, a taco station… the works. But I didn’t even blink an eye! NSV! Woohoo!

However. The reason for all the food was it was my cousin’s 21st birthday. My cousin and I are super close, we’re like brother and sister. So naturally he was upset when I declined to do a shot with him. A couple hours later… I caved. 2 shots of Fireball. 

So technically I failed the Whole 30 challenge, by not being 100% on point. But I’ve had so much success, I’m not counting it as a failure. No way! I worked out harder/longer than I originally planned this morning and I’m going to continue on the Whole30 for the remaining days… and then I’ll reevaluate.

But I’m damn proud of myself for not caving into cheese and the best enchiladas south of San Francisco.

Foodage:

Breakfast - black iced tea with coconut milk

Lunch - red/green grapes and cashews

Dinner - roasted turkey chunks, and shredded pork