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a/n: hiiiii! uh so this is connected to tonight, tonight, tonight and dear winter, and this was sort of inspired by never grow up by taylor swift. 🤍 also, the constant support really makes me want to just write domestic simon. like, a lot. it’s great.

warnings: mentions of nationality (americans do suck but you’re great!), babies, children… arguing

summary: It’s Simon’s first late night and morning with his new daughter, Mellie. And you and him have an important conversation.

REMINDER: This is a side-blog, not my main! If you have any questions, feel free to message this blog or reblog! Reblogs are always appreciated - as well as any comments, they keep me motivated to write stuff like this!

When the baby monitor began to sound with cries of his new daughter, Simon had woken up. He rubbed his eye with one of his hands while the other reached for the monitor on his nightstand. He had moved it from yours last night after you had fallen asleep.

He turned it down so you could barely even hear it and settled the monitor back on his nightstand - he silently sat up. He blinked away what little sleep he got and pulled off the warm comforter, standing up. He turned back and looked at you, a pang of guilt ran through his chest before he pulled the comforter back into place. You had fallen asleep on his chest, and now you were curled into a ball in the middle of the mattress, facing his side. He wanted to lean down and kiss your cheek, but his baby was crying.

He made his way out of the bedroom and down the hall, passing his office and Winnie’s room to the room closest to the staircase. He could clearly hear Mellie crying now, so he quietly opened the door. He walked over to the white crib and gazed at her. Her little eyes were screwed shut and her cries broke his cold heart before he gently picked up his new daughter, placing her against his bare chest. One hand held her head and the other held her back, he was still amazed at how big he was compared to this little creature.

“Hello, my little love.” He whispered as he leaned down and kissed her little head, smelling the soap you had washed her with earlier. He checked the little one’s nappy, seeing that she didn’t need changed. He moved across the room to the comfy rocking chair you had gotten and settled on it, Mellie’s cries had gotten softer as he began to gently rock. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for ya to know me before you were born. Sorry I wasn’t here when you were born, someone’s gotta pay the bills.” He chuckled lightly, still gazing down at the baby with short hair that looks just like yours. If he gazed at her face a little more, he would’ve noticed that his daughter had his eyes, his ears. He would learn days later that she had his smile.

His thumb drew circles on the crown of the baby’s head and her cries mellowed out to little mewls, her cheek rested on his collarbone.

“You’re going to grow up strong like me ‘n amazing like your mum,” He promised her, kissing her head again. “You’re going to love your sister, even though sometimes you’ll fight with her. Hell, I know you’ll fight with me one day.”

The baby cooed in response, as if she was listening.

“Always love your mum,” He whispered, head then leaning back to stare at the door. “You don’t have to love me, Melody. But it’ll be a cold day in Hell if I ever stop loving you. And you have to love your sister, I know that she probably loves you more than she does me now.” He chuckled a little, gently patting Mellie’s back before continuing. “You’re going to be as smart ‘n as beautiful as your mum, as careful as me. And you’ll love all your uncles, Price the most since Winnie does.“ He closed his eyes then, using his right leg to gently rock the chair. “You’ll be loved, no matter what. And I can’t wait to watch you grow, my little love.”

Mellie’s cries had finally stopped, all of her little sounds had as well - he could feel her tiny breath against his skin while he kept rocking the chair, feeling slumber tug at his head.

“You’ll be my little girl forever, no matter if we drift apart. I will always protect you, never let anyone hurt you. All I want is for you to never grow up.” His hands stopped moving, still keeping his child against him while he murmured, “I want you to stay little forever, I can’t stand watching my Winnie grow. You’ll always be my baby, Mellie. And I love you.” Simon leaned down and kissed her head again, he reclined back on the chair. He gazed at the ceiling, seeing her little mobile with stars and ducks on it.

He patted Mellie’s back with a soft accuracy, closing his eyes and reveling in the feeling of his daughter on his chest.

•••

He woke up in the late morning, feeling a much heavier weight on his chest. He opened his eyes, looking down and seeing Winnie curled into his chest, Mellie snuggled into his neck with his arm underneath her bottom. He looked up, seeing his wife folding clothes on the floor. He pushed on his right foot, gently rocking and catching your attention. You looked up at your husband as you finished folding his shirt, a smile on your face. His other arm went around Winnie’s back, she snuggled into his chest even more. You stood up from where you were, opening your phone and showing him a picture you had taken two hours before - Winnie looking up at him with a smile, then one of her curled into his chest like she was now. His hand absentmindedly pet his oldest daughter’s hair that matched his, a grin on his face. He looked back to you, whispering, “You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you.” You whispered back, sliding your phone in your sweatpants pocket. You leaned forward and kissed him, then kissed his cheek. “Go back to sleep.”

“She’ll probably need to be fed.” He nodded down to the baby.

“Just did. She just fell back asleep.” You mumbled, your hand gently rubbed Winnie’s arm. “Winnie’s had breakfast too. You need to rest.”

“So do you.” He answered, eyes meeting yours but you shrugged.

“This is the longest either have slept in a while, so I’m going to get some things done.” You turned back to the laundry, stepping over the four folded stacks and sitting back down next to the basket. “Then, I will go take a nap, okay?”

He nodded, eyes fluttered closed again as he leaned back, still gently rocking the chair with his foot. He sat there for another twenty minutes, listening to you fold clothes and hum a familiar song.

“Thank you.” He spoke into the room, hearing the baby’s soft breathing near his ear and as Winnie moved a little.

You stopped folding clothes, that he knew for sure because there was no more humming. “For what?”

“For this.” He answered, opening his eyes and jutting his chin to Mellie then Winnie. “Couldn’t’ve asked for someone better.”

You smiled at him, setting your hands on a stack of his shirts before swiping at your eye. You patted his stack of clothes, you still had a bit left to go but you didn’t care - you got to your feet and walked over to him. Your hands were gentle when you picked up Winnie, letting her curl her arms around your neck as he stared at you. You jutted your head towards the door of the nursery. “Come on, nap time.”

He instantly slowly rose from the rocking chair, hearing it rock back and forth behind him as he kept the two month old against his collarbone. She didn’t make a sound. He followed you as you effortlessly carried Winnie, who was out like a light, down to your shared bedroom. It made the heaviness of his long and strenuous deployment begin to thaw from his stomach and shoulders - he followed you as you pulled back the duvet with one hand, settling the four year old in the middle of the bed before climbing in. He moved to the other side, lowering himself back into his bed.

He checked the baby again, still seeing that she was asleep. You moved to your side, looking at him as Winnie snuggled into your chest. He settled Mellie onto her back right next to his own chest as he tugged the duvet to just below Winnie’s head, your waist, and Mellie’s onesied feet. His head settled on his pillow as yours did, his hand came up and brushed some hair around your ear. The two of you sort of made a cocoon, legs tangled together and facing each other as your hand rubbed the belly of the small baby - your bodies shielding your children from the outside world.

“I’m sorry.” Simon spoke softly, his hand was removed from your head and settled on the duvet. Your eyes met his, only a few faded streaks of eye paint on his lash lines remained.

“Nothing to be sorry for.” You murmured, your hand then moved from Mellie to Winnie, gently petting her head.

“I left you here alone.” You had to endure this alone. Had to give birth alone, without support of your husband - had to raise both of his children alone, with no outside help for thousands of miles. His eyes stared at yours, even if you gazed down at your daughters. “I chose to take that deployment.”

“And you said it would only be three months.” You whispered.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, wanting nothing more to pull you to his chest and press his words into your skin like tattoos - words of praise, of trust, love.

There was a moment of silence before Simon spoke again.

“I want to slow down.” His voice sort of trembled, his hand coming to rest on Winnie’s head too - settling on top of yours. “I can’t let you think that I don’t support you.”

“Simon…”

He continued. “I want to only do one deployment a year, so that way you will never have to do this-“ He nodded to the children between their chests. “Without my support and without me.”

“You can’t just give up your life for us.” Your thumb drew small circles in Winnie’s hair. “I can’t let our family be what takes you away from what you want to do with your life.”

“I never wanted to be in the military after Winnie was born. Almost quit then.” He spoke then, not whispering anymore. “Almost did it again when we got married.” His eyes moved to look at your diamond ring, how it still glimmered in the dim sunlight that hazed through the room. “I could die the day I get deployed next. I will do whatever it takes to make sure I come home.”

“Simon, is this what you wanted to do for the rest of your life? Be a soldier?”

Simon only stared.

You sighed. “One less deployment would be nice, and with the long ones like this, you’ll need to give me warning so I don’t stay up every night waiting for you.” You took a deep breath, meeting his eyes. “Your friends are counting on you, I think we both know that your job is not done yet.”

Sometimes he was amazed at how intuitive you were - you knew exactly how he felt within a moment. He sort of grunted before running a hand down his maskless face. “You’re my wife, you come first.”

“Your family comes first, and that includes 141. I won’t have it any other way.” You concluded, voice sharp and definitive. Your hand went to rest on his cheek and he let you, let your thumb trace lines under his eye. “You can’t give up on what you believe in for me.”

“But you have given up a lot for me.” He whispered, his hand settled on yours. “You should’ve gone back home, had the support you needed - but you stayed in a place where you have no friends or family. You raised my children alone, you gave up your life back home to raise my child. This- My solitude is no place for…us.”

“I didn’t give anything up that easily, Simon.” Your tone was defensive, he immediately knew he crossed a line. “I never go into anything blindly. I always assess the situation and the best outcomes.” You gave him a sharp glare as you narrowed your eyes. “There’s a reason why there is another child in our bed.” Your thumb stopped moving and settled under his eye. “I wouldn’t have gone through with having her if I didn’t think I could’ve done it alone. There was no shortage of support from my family across the pond.”

“Quit sayin’ slang, you’re American.”

You smiled at that comment. “Simon, I knew you were coming home. I know that you’ll always come home to me. I mean it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Quit it. No more apologies, you didn’t know.” Your voice became small then, eyes unfocusing as you let the walls fall down. Tears pricked at your eyes. “Do I wish I could change that? Absolutely. But someone needed your help, you save thousands of people every day and I can’t let myself keep you from your duty.”

“You wouldn’t be. It’s my choice.”

“I know.”

“I can’t keep leaving this house, not knowing if I’m coming back.”

Mellie cooed then, both of you looked down and your hands separated. His hand went to gently rub her stomach, trying to coax her back to sleep.

“You’re a wonderful father.”

His hand slowed to a stop, trying to accept what you said because he sure as hell didn’t feel like it.

“You’ll always be here for them, I know that for a fact.” You continued. “Whatever you choose, that will never change. You will always love them. And I will stand by whatever decision you make.”

He just gazed at you then. His heart felt warm, he wanted to move forward and kiss you but his children were in the way - so he settled for placing his hand on the back of your jaw, splaying his fingers through your hair and above and below your ear. He cradled your face a little. “I’ll call Price tomorrow.”

You nodded, leaning into his hand and moving to kiss his palm. “Good.”

“And I want you to find a house that’s near your parents.”

You froze then, eyes wide as you whispered, “What?”

He shrugged. “In case a Mellie happens again, which I will make sure it won’t, I want you to be close to your family. I have no family to keep me here that’s not you.”

“You don’t have to uproot out life from here, Si. I’m fine here.” You muttered. “I promise.”

“Let me give something up for you, since you won’t let me give up my job.”

Your hand rested on Winnie’s head again, she was still out like a light. “Simon, I mean it. You don’t have to give anything up-“

“Stop telling me what I can or can’t give up.” His tone was a little harsh. “Just let me have the peace of knowing that you’ll be with your family if I get killed.”

You fell silent, knowing that this really came from a deep place in his heart because his eyes were screwed shut for just a moment. You gave the idea a little thought, maybe it wouldn’t be bad to stop wasting money on plane tickets and stay back home. Your little brothers love Winnie, they’ll meet and love Mellie - your parents adore them too. You had to admit, it was one of the ways he showed his love - by keeping you hidden away, yet in a safe reach.

“Let me think on it.” You answered, eyes fluttering closed as his hand slipped away.

“Sleep on it, love.” He whispered.

“I love you, Simon.”

He smiled.

I don't know where the developper's obsession with filming Ghost from the waist down came from but I like it...

Me: Fuck…. Well at least I don’t have mommy issues-