blue like berries

Like. It's like a curse. Mall, buying clothes? There's gonna be at least one tiny shirt for a newborn who can't even watch anything with a shield on it and I go >:(

Action figures? >:(

Gift wrappers? >:(

On pencils? >:(

I literally see his icon every single time I go out, way more than I see Tony's, and each time my brain is just like HOW DARE YOU, ALL OF YOU, ALL OF YOU TREAT TONY LIKE THAT AND DON'T DIE FROM GUILT

that's what he tells himself every time he puts on the news. or walks down the street. or takes a trip to the mall.

tony is constantly reminded of everything that is wrong with him, and that's the way it's supposed to be.

that's what he tells himself, at least. when he looks himself in the mirror. or lists all his shortcomings. or counts all his flaws.

it's hard not to, and he thinks he shouldn't anyways.

his father said so himself, loud and clear. explained to tony at a very young age that he'd never measure up. never compare. that he couldn't even so much as reach for it.

children never dressed up as him for halloween. the news never talked about him in a positive light. his fellow colleagues never gave him a pat on the shoulder and a 'good job out there today'.

those things belonged to steve.

steve rogers. captain america.

kind.

courageous.

inspiring.

the very definition of what a hero should be. someone who ignites hope in the heart of the people.

someone tony never would be.

steve rogers. captain america.

who looks at him with disgust.

who questions his every word.

who can't be in the same room as him for longer than five minutes.

but it's fine, he supposes. it has to be.

so how many times do you think he had an anxiety attack at a party before and assumed his drink got spiked? Assumed he was poisoned? Assumed anything except anxiety?

bucky: that's the spirit babe.

tony: i am a beautiful disaster.