Cuz Hugs Are Overrated, Just FYI.

I supposed to work for any length of time if I can’t even manage simple activities?! I can’t even go on welfare because I’m not working. Well I wouldn’t need welfare if I had a job! There is literally no help for those that need it.

I’m currently living with my grandparents because I thought moving back to my old hometown would be easier for finding work. It’s not. It also doesn’t help that my grandpa keeps telling me I’m doing something wrong in looking for work. He’s constantly on my case about things I can’t control. The job market and the economy is different now than it was when he was working/was a business owner. It’s all online now and he doesn’t understand that. Badgering potential employers is not the way to get a job anymore. All job listings literally say “Potential candidates will be contacted. Do not contact us.” I have applied for all possible positions in town and have gotten interviews from 3 of the places. Not one of them will hire me.

My mental health is tanking right now. I’m supposed to be taking meds but I can’t afford them. Not a day goes by where I don’t have suicidal thoughts. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about hurting myself. I’m so depressed constantly and my anxiety is through the roof. I don’t have anywhere to go for help.

I can’t afford food most days and food banks don’t always cater to gluten free people. Even when I can get to the food bank, they only provide enough food for a week or so and the waiting period between appointments is 3 weeks or more.

Somedays I want to move back in with my sister but being there is even more mentally taxing on me. I also have nowhere to stay if I go back since my brother moved into the room I was using. Living at my sister’s brought about too much health anxiety, which is one of the reasons I left there. But at least when I was there, I didn’t feel like I was walking around on egg shells and I had more freedom to do stuff.

It’s so frustrating because I KNOW I can do the job. Potential employers don’t want to give me a chance. I know full well I’m being denied the jobs because I can’t answer the interview questions to their standards. I’m sorry but asking me questions about hypothetical situations and asking me to “tell me a time when…” don’t showcase my skills. It’s a damn personality test and idk why job interviews are the way they are.

I saw Simple Plan on Sunday, and I’m now in the midst of a CFS flare. The PEM is insane right now and I’ve been dealing with headaches and nausea as well.

I tend to avoid strenuous activities (such as GA concerts) for this reason, but Simple Plan has saved my life and they mean so much to me. The way I feel right now was worth every single moment of that concert.