mama

that stupid shirt shouldn’t have affected you the way it did. it was basic, and old. torn in some places and a little worn in others. but when abby had come out of the bathroom this morning after her shower, blonde hair in a messy braid, and that shirt gripping her wet muscles, you’d completely lost your mind.

how could someone be so hot without even trying?

this was one of abby’s fuller days, and you’d tried to distract yourself from the ache between your legs while you went about yours. you’d only had a morning class after your daily coffee run, so you spent the bulk of the afternoon catching up on homework. that is, until the longing for your girlfriend creeped in, and the heat between your legs returned.

you’d done enough homework for today. some quick relief was justified, right?

you move from your desk to the bed you and abby shared in your spacious dorm room, settling in and climbing underneath the covers. it doesn’t take anything for you to work yourself up, because when your hand hips into your panties, you find your pussy completely soaked.

you start with slow circles over your clit, the way abby does when she’s about to go down on you. you picture her in that shirt from this morning. the way it was likely a size too small, gripping her muscles in all the right places. how you could see her back through it, freckled and toned. and, of course, the cargos she’d thrown on along with it, leaving you feral and pining for more.

it’s not enough to satisfy you. a finger dips into your aching hole, pumping in and out with precision. you’ve cum quickly in the past, but you’re surprised by how fast the pleasure grows in your gut.

“abby,” you whine unconsciously, picturing her calloused fingers working your cunt while she hovers over you in the shirt from this morning. you think of her leaning down to flick her tongue against your clit, pushing you past the edge like she has so many times before.

the pleasure was too good, too consuming. your forehead is already slick with sweat as you chase your high. you add a second finger and the stretch makes you ache. if you keep going at this rate, you’re going to fall apart in minutes.

it feels so good, that you don’t hear the door to your dorm creek open.

“oh, baby.” a familiar voice pulls you out of your pleasure, catching you completely off guard. flustered, you pull your hand from your underwear, and make eye contact with its owner.

you look mortified as you sit up with eyes locked on your girlfriend’s, whose cheeks have now flushed pink. how long had she been standing there? “babe, oh, my god. . .i thought you had your lab!” you exclaimed.

“we got out early,” abby said, setting her bag down beside her desk. she closed the door quickly, thankfully you were the last door in the hallway, and approached you slowly, trying to find the right words. she wanted to respect your privacy, and conversely, didn’t want to embarrass you, but she couldn’t deny how turned on she was from catching you in the act. “what are you doing, sweets?”

“i’m. . .” you trail off, unsure of how to respond. a small whimper escapes your lips instead, and abby cups your chin while she hovers over you.

“touching yourself?” abby finishes for you, sitting on the edge of your shared bed. she takes in the sight of you, hair disheveled, sweat dripping down your skin. cheeks flushed. but she doesn’t tease. never has. not when she wishes she hadn’t left you this needy. “you could have texted, sweet girl. i would’ve come as soon as you did.”

“you had lab, babe. that’s more important than. . .” you gesture to yourself. “this.”

“baby,” abby said seriously, hand flittering down to your waist, making you shiver. “you’re mine now. that means you’re more important than any old lab.”

you can’t help the butterflies that fill you at her comment. how could someone be so perfect? you weren’t sure what you’d done to deserve her. “why do you always have to say the right thing at the right time?” you groan. “and why did you have to wear that stupid shirt this morning?”

abby gave you a little smirk, squeezing your hip. “oh, so that’s what this is about?” she looks down at her shirt with that usual look of innocence, and you scowl. “this old thing worked you up?”

“yes! you knew what you were doing. fits too tight. made me dizzy,” you grumble, giving her a playful shove. abby couldn’t help but be amused by your frustration. “i couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“well, i’m here now, sweets,” abby cooed. she slowly pulled the blanket off you, gasping with need at the sight of your bare pussy. the vision never gets old. “so let me help you.”

you nod eagerly, resigning just like that. you were too needy to protest. “y- yeah, please. i need you.”

“mhm. n’what do you need?” abby asked. again, not to tease, but to listen to you. understand what you were craving. “my fingers, my dick. . .?” she suggests, and you shiver at both prospects. “or maybe my pussy?”

all of it sounds incredible, but you don’t have to think about it. even with all her listed choices, the one that goes unspoken is what you’re really after. “your tongue, baby. please.”

“yes, ma’am,” abby says without hesitation. she shifts then, and you think that she’s going to settle herself between your legs like always. that’s until she lays back on your shared bed, propped up on her elbows.

you tilt your head in confusion and gaze at her for a second before speaking. “babe, what are you—“

“well, i could take you like that,” she cuts you off, gesturing to your spread legs. “or you could sit on my face.”

the idea makes you practically salivate with need. the two of you had never done this before, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t sound like ecstasy. “your face?” you repeat to make sure you heard her right.

“mhm,” abby hummed, crooking her finger to gesture you closer. “figure i can get my tongue. . .deeper that way. now come here, gorgeous.”

you don’t have to be told twice. you crawl over abby and settle your thighs on either side of her head. her nose brushes against your pussy as you adjust, and her large hands grip your legs to keep you steady. you sit up a little then, avoiding settling your weight down on her just yet, unsure if she was ready.

unsure if you were ready.

“i. . .we’ve never done this before, babe. you’re sure you wanna…?” you say worriedly.

abby chuckles, pulling you a little further down.  “of course i’m sure, babydoll. i wanna make you feel good. that’s my job,” she says, like the fact is common knowledge. for you, she wants it to be. “now sit your pretty pussy on this face.”

god, you want to protest. you really do. but you’re fucking desperate for your girlfriend, and find your body moving of its own accord as you plant your cunt on abby’s face. the sensation of her lips between your folds from this angle is immediately overwhelming, causing your hips buck into her mouth.

her hands grip your thighs tight, and you’re worried you might be hurting her, until her tongue slips inside you with practiced ease, curling deep into your pussy. you let out a loud moan of pleasure as you bounce up and down on her tongue shamelessly. “a- agh, abby!”

abby chuckles, the sound muffled by your mound. her hands pull you closer as her tongue glides against your sensitive clit. one hand sneaks behind you to grip your ass, delivering a small slap there. over the past few months of dating, she’s learned just what you like.

“oh, god, baby, that’s it,” you whimper pitifully. “harder, p- please.”

abby hums in acknowledgement, her next spank firmer and more unyielding than the last. with how gentle abby was outside of bed, you loved the way she could treat you like a slut behind closed doors, even with the undercurrent of sweetness.

you pull your shirt over your head to get it out of the way, and the gesture gives abby a perfect view of your hardened nipples. her hands slide out from under you to grasp both bouncing breasts, kneading them in attentive circles.

pleasure takes hold as you ride abby’s face, the combined touch of her calloused fingers on your breasts making it impossible to think straight. her tongue flattens for you to grind into it, and you can hear her whimpering from the sight of you above her like this.

getting caught in the act was worth it. because it’d never be as good as this.

“baby, i’m s’close,” you whine, like you could cry from how good it felt. you’d worked yourself up enough before abby’s arrival for an already impending orgasm to make sense, but it still felt the slightest bit pathetic. nevertheless, you whisper, “want to cum on your tongue s’bad.”

abby lets out a small chuckle, and you lift your hips to let her speak. her supple fingers continue their criminal kneading into your tits when she does. “you look so beautiful like this, babe. should’ve tried this sooner.”

“you’re beautiful- f- fuck,” you stutter through a teasing lick between your folds, pulling another laugh from abby. “a beautiful dick,” you groan.

“you still love me,” abby retorts, and unfortunately, it’s true. “now, come on, baby. let me take care of my pretty girl.”

you roll your eyes but oblige, lowering yourself back onto abby’s face. her efforts are doubled now as she devours you like you’re her last meal, her tongue heated and wet between your folds.

the previous banter is forgotten when you grind harder into her face. abby’s hands return to your thighs and squeeze them tight to pull you just as close. “babe, gah! can you even breathe?” you gasp.

“mhm,” abby mumbles with pleasure, and you can tell she’s enjoying this just as much as you are.

the girl is right where she wants to be.

it’s only a couple minutes more before that familiar burn coils in your abdomen, and you’re ready to let go. while abby’s busy lapping at your soaked cunt, you steady yourself with both hands on either side of her head, watching her face as she fucks you with her tongue. “please, babe, oh, fuck. need to cum.”

abby lifts your hips again to speak, knowing you wanted her permission. it was one of the things she adored about fucking you. “you can, sweet girl. want your cum all over me.”

it’s always the nerds, isn’t it?

her reassurance is all you need. your orgasm hits you like a freight train as you cum hard, gushing onto abby’s tongue and cheeks with a loud moan of her name. she licks you through it while her nails dig into your thighs, and her hips buck at the sight of your pleasure.

after leaving not a single drop behind, abby sits up when you move back to sit in her lap. you’re shaking as she brings a hand to your hips, using the other to wipe her face off. 

then lick her fingers clean.

you shiver while you watch, and if it weren’t for the mind blowing orgasm you’d just experienced, you’d be getting worked up all over again. “you’re evil.”

“am i?” abby mused, but this time, the innocence was completely fabricated. “that’s not the impression i got when you were just screaming my name, beautiful.”

you giggle and shove her in the shoulder. “i hate you.”

“i love you,” abby smiled, pressing a tender kiss to your lips. you melt into it, wrapping your arms around her neck. when she pulls back, her expression is coy. “so, this shirt, huh. . .? i’m thinking of tossing it—“

“never,” you giggle. “you’re keeping it forever.”

• Lip is terrified at first. Like full-on panicking. He’s pacing his house at 3 a.m. googling if it’s normal to feel like this while you’re asleep in his room. He’s convinced he’s going to fuck this up somehow, because that’s what Gallagher men do, right? But he never says it out loud. Instead, he just starts doing what he thinks he should quietly.

• He quits smoking cold turkey the day you tell him you’re finally pregnant; he doesn’t even complain, just tosses the pack and lighter into the trash like it’s nothing. When you ask why, he shrugs and mutters, “Kid doesn’t need that shit in their lungs,” and goes back to making lunch.

• He becomes unusually domesticated. He learns how to cook actual meals (not just ramen or grilled cheese). He’s burning eggs at first, cursing under his breath, but he gets better. He makes you oatmeal with cinnamon because he read online it helps with nausea. He himself hates oatmeal; he still makes it every morning for you.

• Back rubs become a nightly ritual, much to your pleasure. Every night you can be found sprawled on the couch, head dangling off his lap as he’s massaging your shoulders while watching some car documentary on his cracked TV. He doesn’t even realise he’s doing it half the time, just absentmindedly working the tension out of your shoulders while muttering about structural integrity or some shit.

• He talks to the bump when he thinks you’re asleep. Soft, awkward little monologues. “Hey, kid. Don’t give your mom too much shit in there, alright? She’s already dealing with me.” Sometimes he presses his forehead to your stomach and just breathes, like he’s trying to communicate with an alien.

• He’s overprotective in the most Lip way. gruff and sarcastic, but dead serious. Some dude at the Alibi looks at you too long? Lip’s in his face in seconds. You try to walk home alone after dark? He’s already outside waiting, hands in his pockets, pretending he “just felt like a walk.”

• Sex drive is THROUGH the roof. He’s obsessed with how you look pregnant— soft curves, full breasts, the way you glow even when you’re complaining about heartburn and diarrhoea. He worships every inch of you, slow and carefully, but hungry. Afterward, he pulls you against his chest, hand splayed protectively over your belly, whispering, “You’re so so perfect.”

• When the baby is finally here, Lip cries HARD. Not loud or dramatic— he doesn’t want to distract the nurses from you —just silent tears rolling down his cheeks while he holds the tiny, squirming creature like it’s made of glass. He looks at you, eyes red, and chokes out, “Fuck. You made a whole person.”

• He’s terrified of breaking the baby for the first week and so holds them like they’re going to explode. You have to show him how to support the head, and how to change a diaper without getting pissed on. Once he gets the hang of it though, he’s a PRO. Changes diapers one-handed while chatting with Brad on the phone.

• Sleep deprivation hits him hard, but he never complains. You wake up at 3 a.m. to find him walking the living room in circles, baby tucked against his chest, murmuring physics theorems like lullabies because “the vibrations might help him calm down.” It’s ridiculous. It works

• He’s the “don’t talk to my kid like that” kind of dad. Family comes over? He’s hovering. Someone tries to hold the baby too long? He’s casually taking them back with a tight smile. He trusts you completely, but everyone else gets side-eyed the whole time

• He starts working double shifts at the shop so you can stay home longer, but he’s home EVERY night for bath time. He sings terrible off-key lullabies (mixed with random rap verses when he runs out) and the baby giggles in delight while splashing their father.

• He talks to the baby like they’re already a person. “Alright, little man, today we’re gonna learn why internal combustion engines are superior to electric, okay?” You catch him reading engineering textbooks out loud like they’re fairytales while the baby nurses or sleeps on his chest.

• He’s softer than he’s ever been. The sharp edges he used to carry around like armor melt when he’s holding his kid. He’ll be cursing out some asshole on the phone one second, then look down at the baby and immediately drop his voice to a whisper, kissing their tiny forehead.

• Late at night, when the baby’s finally asleep between you, he pulls you close, hand resting on your stomach again like he can’t believe it’s flat now. He presses his lips to your temple and murmurs, “You gave me this. You gave me everything.”

• He’s still Lip, of course — sarcastic, stubborn, and occasionally self-destructive— but the second that baby cries he’s moving before you even register it. He’s not perfect: he’s still learning. But he’s trying— really trying, and every day he looks at you and the kid like he can’t believe he got this lucky.

you’d spent the night with Carl, the usual on and off again, making its return in the form of sex.

it wasn’t as if you minded, the sex with Carl was always great, you just wanted a little more than just sex.

but like usual, the sun peaking through his curtains was your sign to leave.

with a reluctant sigh, you climbed out of his bed, rousing him from your movements. Carl lay against his headboard, leaning back on his elbows as he watched you move around the room.

his gaze was always appreciative, watching the way you carried yourself, even in the rush to get dressed and out the door before anyone else in the house seen you.

it was frustrating, the mad dash to get dressed, especially when Carl was always so eager to get you out of your clothes, leaving them scattered around his room with no easy way of finding them again.

“i can’t find my shirt”

you murmured, looking through the discarded clothes around his room.

Carl chuckled from his spot on the bed, making you turn to face him, a smirk plastered firmly on his face.

“and these”

in his hand he held your panties, the lace hanging from his pointer finger, his smirk turning teasing.

“Carl!”

you moved towards him, snatching your underwear back while he chuckled.

as you turned to move away from him, he caught your wrist, tugging you back to him with that smirk you knew all too well.

“c’mon, come back to bed”

he gave you his best pleading look, all but pouting at you to stay.

“i’ll make it up to you”

Carl gave a wag of his eyebrows, the innuendo thick in his words as he pulled you even closer.

little by little he was breaking down your resolve, and you knew you couldn’t say no.

“you owe me”

he hummed, tugging you back down and into bed before settling above you, stealing a kiss that he whispered into.

“oh baby, i’m more than making it up to you”

with that, Carl trailed his kisses lower, lavishing attention to your boobs before continuing his decent.

when he settled between your legs, eyeing your cunt like a man starved, you just knew you were in for a long morning.

His eyebrows furrow together in concentration, fingers curling around the barbell again. He's trying to count the reps while benching the weight, but focussing is hard. He should focus, because you're supposed to destroy the competition at worlds in a couple of weeks. Brayden puts the barbell back in the holders, sitting up for a second and reaching for his phone. One look at his for you page on Instagram and his feed explodes with pictures of the two you at a sponsor event. You were wearing this gorgeous dress, your hair was loose instead of tightly up in a bun or a pony tail. His hand rested on your hip so effortlessly as your body fitted into his side.

Brayden thought he was good at playing a game, slipping into a role, but the look you gave the camera's, the way you can subtly grab onto his bicep, make him stop for a hushed, whispering conversation while the camera's snapped away... You started fake dating three months ago. You were good skating partners before, but there was a clear border between that and your private lives. Going into qualifiers and the event leading up to it, training in intimate settings, suddenly becoming aware of how close you were, caused something to shift in your relationship. He noticed it from your side too, but he didn't want to ruin anything.

He tossed his phone aside and laid back again for another set, not noticing you appeared in the doorway. You had called his name, but he didn't hear you. You watched his muscles flex as he pushed the bar up again and again. Brayden finally noticed you when you stood in front of him, almost between his legs when he sat up again. "You scared me," he chuckles lightly, taking his AirPods out. "I called your name a couple of times," you say with a small smile. "Camille worked on some things of our routine. Do you want to have a quick look?" you asked, your eyes automatically drawn to his muscled shoulders and chest, a shirt clearly lacking on his upper body.

"Sure," he says, almost too quickly, rising to his height. "That's where you've been this evening?" he asks as he follows you into the barn. "Yeah, she called me over after dinner. Couldn't find you then," you reply. "Believe it or not, but I was having coffee with Freddie," Brayden says, his arm wrapping around your shoulder to pull you into his side, a playful tug of your pony tail along the way. "That's insane," you say, nevertheless chuckling. "It makes me want to beat him harder at worlds," Brayden says, stretching out in a way that makes his abs tense and triceps strain. You talk him through the small changes next. It was as subtle as hand placement, which you practised soon after.

It's quiet apart from the music softly playing in the background and some footsteps. You look at the reflection of you two in the mirror as he's behind you, towering over you, running his hands down to your waist, while your arms are wrapped around his neck. You ignore the shiver that runs up your spine, spinning around and letting him lean you back. "Lower," you remark, laughing immediately when he pretends to drop you but swoop you up before you can touch the ground. He never dropped you, and you trusted him completely that it was never going to happen too. "Like this?" he lifts you up completely and nearly hangs you upside down, grinning when you shriek with laughter next.

"No," you say, happy to have both feet on the ground again when he puts you down. "I mean your hands need to be lower. On my hips," you instruct, taking his hands and repeating it, sliding his palms to your hips. "Then you spin me," you mutter, a little out of breath. "And then..." Brayden's fingers burn through your thin leggings, his grip strong as ever as his nose is almost on your neck while your back arches so beautifully. He will never get used to your hand caressing his face after, the lift pushing your bodies together before he slides you slowly down. "Yes," you clear your throat, turning around to face the mirror, avoiding his hot gaze.

"Again?" he asks, already behind you again, suffocating you in the best way possible. The song is on repeat anyway, and you fall into the rhythm effortlessly, his hot breath ghosting over the skin of your neck while he his hands settle on your hips, spinning you around and following the glide of your body. Brayden looks into your eyes, enjoying the feeling of your hand pressing against his chest. "One more time," you hum, twirling out of his grip to get back to the starting point. He's impossibly close, and you swear you can feel his mouth on the back of your neck, fingers teasing the waistband of your leggings playfully yet teasingly. Your hair falls down, a couple of centimeters above the floor, another thing he was always cautious about, not dropping you low enough for your hair to get tangled into a skate, even if your hair was rarely loose during training.

You curl up to his chest again, this time he's not letting go of you. Brayden's fingers press into your hips, his forehead leans agains yours, waiting, silently begging you. Something explodes inside you when you close the gap between your bodies and kiss him. You realize you've become addicted to the way he always holds you and you've been starving for a moment like this. Brayden firmly kisses you back, one of his hands disappearing into your hair. You part only for a second, in which he flashes a charming grin before kissing you again, tongue tasting yours. "Anyone could walk in on us," you whisper against his mouth, unable to stop him from kissing your neck. "I mean..." Brayden looks into your eyes.

His hair is a little messy, lips slightly swollen. His touch brushes over your cheek. You shiver at the distance between you when he steps back and simply offers you his hand. The smile is back on his face, his head nodding towards the door. You take it and he tugs you along, back into the house and up the stairs. The door of his bedroom falls closed behind you without anyone else seeing you stumble inside. His mouth is back on yours before you can blink, your arms curling around his neck as he easily hoists you up and takes you to the bed. It's messy, but messy in a comfortable way. Messy with your favourite person. You laugh as he drops you on the bed, the mattress dipping under your and his weight. "Is this okay?" Brayden asks, fingertips disappearing under your thin top, riding up the material gently.

You answer by helping him to take it off, feeling his hands on your bare skin. His lips ghost over your neck, your bodies flush together as he starts to leave sweet, soft kisses down to your collarbone. You relax into the pillows, shivering because of the careful yet firm way he touches you, kissing down your chest. There's a glimmer in his eyes when his fingers hook into your leggings, inching them slowly down while making sure you're still feeling okay. The tight material doesn't give so easily, causing you to be pulled over the sheets as he tugs it over your ankles. It makes you laugh again, legs curling around his waist when he hovers over you again.

It turns into a soft gasp as his hips roll into yours, clothed friction curling sweetly up your spine. "I hope this doesn't change anything between us," you speak up, almost whispering, letting his fingers move to your top and pull it over your head. You're almost naked underneath him, but there's no room for insecurities with the way he looks at you like you hung up the stars and the moon. "Me too..." his voice drifts off, sweats low on his hips, bulge firm and aching. "Except we find out what this means to us," he says, goosebumps rising upon his body when your nails tickle his lower abdomen before playfully tugging on his sweats.

"If there's something more in here," Brayden continues, his hand running from your upperchest, following the line between your breasts down to your stomach. "I'm sure there is. I'm sure you feel this...," you gnaw at your bottom lip as his hand slips into your panties, fingertips rubbing in slow circles, "too," he finished, looking at the way your lips part and your eyelids flutter. Your brain feels hazed and overstimulated already, mind clouded when Brayden kisses your neck again, his fingers pressing harder, deeper, making you whimper. "I know, baby," his voice rasps in your ear, hot, gravely, letting you melt into his touch before you can stop it. "You're so beautiful," he praises, kissing the corner of your mouth.

He leans up to take a condom out of the plastic wrapper, looking at you while you stare up at him. "All okay?" Brayden hums, thumb caressing your cheek while his hand finds the back of your neck. "Perfect," you breathe, returning to your handy work on his sweats, pulling them down while his hands are occupied anyway. He chuckles lightly, making quick work of getting rid of them and his boxers, as you take off your panties completely. There's a second where you just look at each other, aware of the fact that you had seen and felt a lot of each other before, but never like this. You feel comfortable and so does he, although there are some nerves making your heart palpitate a little faster.

His mouth captures yours again, one of his hands between your bodies. The stretch burns pleasantly up your spine, as he gives you a minute to adjust to the feeling before moving. You love feeling small beneath him like this, the muscles in your thighs aching from accommodating his body between your legs, your nails finding leverage on his shoulders. "You're so good to me," Brayden's lips brush over your ear before kissing the spot beneath it, one hand reaching for the headboard of the bed while the other aids the movement of your hips to meet your thrusts. You can't form a sentence in response anyway, eyes falling closed in the way he feels inside you.

Electricity curls through your nervesystem and you're unsure if you can ever face him again in the studio or in the rink without instantly thinking of this night, of the way he hovers over you, hair falling over his forehead, the golden chain dangling from his chest and raking over your skin with each roll of his hips. Brayden's body is tensing up in the best way possible, pleasure making your toes curl and your back arch slightly. Your vision dots as your body reaches that high it was chasing, hearing him grunt and groan before the tension flows from his body too. His head buries in the crook of your neck, satisfied when feeling your fingers in his hair.

When the music finally stops, you close your eyes for a second. "I'm going to throw my skates out of the rink if you want to do the routine one more time," you mutter, earning a breathy chuckle. Brayden's minthy breath ghosts over your face, the warmth of his firm chest against your back. He's aware of how close you are, and he swallows hard. You feel his hand sliding off your arm, down your waist, brushing over the bare skin of your back as your shirt was ridden up from him lifting you up. "It's perfect, we will kill it," you say, twirling around to skate to the exit of the rink.

"That's cause you skate with me," the charming smile spreads across his face again, flashing his white teeth at you. Even when you step off the ice, skates still on, he's towering over you. Brayden leans his elbows on the door, hair falling over his forehead so effortlessly. "We should go out tonight," he proposes, causing your eyebrows to raise. "I thought you were snogging Elise Russo behind my back?" you counter, sitting on a bench to untie your skates. "I thought we agreed to leave that behind us three months ago already when I committed to us," Brayden replies, head cocking a little sideways,

"But you're cute when you're jealous," there's the grin again that both makes your blood boil and causes your stomach to dip like you're on a rollercoaster. "People will start talking if they see us together off the ice," you say, sinking some more inches when you step into your slippers, holding your skates in hand. "That's the point," he states, fingertips grazing over your elbow to make sure you pay attention. It's a habit you don't understand, but you grew addicted to it anyway. "We're hot, but if we add some more spice...," his voice trails off, a look in his eyes you recognize from practice, when your body is pushed against his and you're so close you only need to tilt your head to kiss him.

"You want us to fake it off the ice too," you catch on. "Think of the benefits. Marketing, sponsorship," Brayden says. "Says the guy who hates media?" you squint your eyes at him. "Look, I promised you gold. This is the way to get it," he stands up straight, crossing his arms over his chest, causing your eyes to dart over his muscled arms and the confident glare in his eyes. "I'll think about," you hum, turning around to get to the locker room.

"Where are you going?" Adriana whistles as she and Freddie sit at the table in the kitchen of the Team Russo home. "Out with Brayden," you say, turning a piroutte. "What's going on between you two?" Freddie asks, an amused glint visible on his face. "We're good partners," you strategically answers. "He proposed we should fake date as a marketing strategy," you add, biting at your lower lip. "I don't think it's fake from his side," Adriana giggles, making your eyes widen slightly. "He's just a flirty person," you say. "Sure," she replies with a smile. "Have fun. Remember, ice time tomorrow at seven." You roll your eyes with a chuckle, heading out to find your uber waiting for you there. Brayden texted you he was there already, your thoughts drifting off to his proposal as you looked at his profile picture on your screen.

Fifteen minutes later you were dropped off at the club, and he opened the door of the car for you, offering a hand like the charmer he was. "Hey," Brayden smiles, warm fingertips lifting your chin slightly. "You look pretty," he says, voice a little raspy and only for your ears to hear. Your cheeks heat up slightly. "Did you think about..." You nod before he can finish his sentence. "Let's do it," you say. His eyes darken, his grip on your waist intensifies. "We're gonna be so hot together," his lips brush over your ear with a grin before he pulls away, taking your hand in his to guide you to the club. The heat inside is a shrill contrast with the snowy weather outside. You drop your coat off before he pulls you towards the dance floor.

People notice your presence right away, camera's sneakily snapping a picture when he twirls you to his chest. His fingers curl around yours in a sweet way, a familiar way. Like you're on the ice. Except he's closer to you than ever, his cologne making your head spin a little. "Everyone's looking at us," you say, seeing his eyes move from yours to your lips, one of his hands gliding from your arm to your waist. "We should give them something worth watching." Tension sizzles as his nose bumps into yours. He's waiting for you to give the green light, now both of his hands on your waist, fingers digging a little harder into your skin. Yours is curled around his bicep, the other sliding up his chest. It's again like on the ice, when everyone is watching and you fade into a world where only you two exist.

It's an addictive state of mind, one that makes you feel drunk while being sober, the heat of him against you, his lips ghosting over yours. "Please," he says, the letters slowly dragging from his mouth before you finally kiss. Your eyes fall closed, hand disappearing in the hair on the nape of his neck. It's so effortless, making your body itch for more as you follow his lead naturally. Brayden deepens the kiss gently, stupid butterflies erupting in your stomach. Your shirt rid up slightly, his fingertips circling the exposed skin in a comforting way. He leans down with you when you pull away to breathe, nose against your neck, breathing in your scent. "Convincing enough?" he asks, easily ignoring the stares.

"Or should we try again?" the kiss he leaves on your skin makes you shiver, one of his digits teasing the thin strap of your lace top. Brayden's sure his heart starts hammering against his ribs when your hand is placed on his chest, hovering over the beating organ. You don't reply, his head dipping again, but you turn your face a little. "That's unfair," Brayden complains with a breathy laugh, kissing the skin beneath your ear instead before spinning you around in his arms. You ignore your phone for the rest of the night, knowing your notifications were probably exploding on all platforms possible.

"We're going to need some rules," you say when you both climb into the backseat of the taxi a couple of hours later. Brayden gives you a roll of his eyes while leaning his head against the seat, even in the dark his stare burns through your chest. You ignore it. "Touching and kissing only in public and if absolutely necessary," you start. "And we can't see anyone else." He gives you one of his flawless grins again. "You can't tell me you want to do this with anyone else after that kiss," his chest puffs out slightly, making you gnaw down on your bottom lip to suppress a laugh. "You're down bad," you push him gently. "Don't worry. We will win," he promises you.

To your surprise, Brayden follows the rules you proposed. He was serious on the ice, the perfect fake boyfriend off the ice. Brand shoots and promo parties flooded your inbox, both of your socials grew triple in follower size. You expected it to mess with your relationship and the boundaries you set as professional ice dancers, but if possible, it made you grow closer. Less mistakes each training. Countless times telling press how you fell in love together. "We hated each other's guts, stopped acting like children and finally realized what others had already seen: how good we are together," Brayden had told journalists so many times, you knew at what points in the story he'd look down at you with that smile that made your stomach do somersaults and when his hand would find the dip in your waist to pull you closer.

It was all so effortless, felt so natural to let his hand slide in yours when you made an appearance at a charity gala, felt normal when he teasingly pulled on your pony tail, let his fingers drift down your neck before drawing you in for a kiss dangerously close to your lips - all for small clips to show up on your instagram feed with dreamy captions and fans drooling over the couple you were. Qualifiers happened and you felt more connected than ever before. You were skating so freely, trusting each other, getting the perfect score. It was all so perfect and you started asking yourself more and more often how fake it was.

You stop the video of your performance at qualifiers when someone knocks on your door. You had been celebrating with the team earlier tonight, but you pulled back from the party to lock yourself into your room. "Can I come in?" Brayden peaks around the door. "Yeah, sure," you reply. Dressed in a pair of grey sweats and a tight, black shirt he enters your room, closing the door behind him. "Didn't feel like partying?" Brayden asks, letting himself fall on your bed where you were seated propped up against the pillows. "We can party after we win," you say with a small smile, letting him know that wasn't the real reason.

"You can watch it countless times, but we didn't make any mistakes," he nods to your laptop, making you close it and get up to drop it on your desk. His jaw clenches a little, hyperaware of the shorts and sportsbra you're wearing, how much skin is exposed to him. He's gotten to know you really well over the past weeks, having more difficulties to keep his desires to himself. Brayden wanted to be selfish and have you to himself off camera too. You climbed onto your bed again, sitting on your knees while looking at him. His hands rested behind his head, your eyes drifting to his muscular upper body without a thought. "We look good together," Brayden speaks up again.

"We do," you confirm for the first time, his eyes darkening slightly. It's quiet for a second, tension crackling like many moments before. You reach out to brush the hair on his forehead aside, his hand catching yours and pulling you towards him immediately. "We should kiss," he softly says, voice lowered an octave. You don't hesitate to lean forward and let your lips collide. It was even better than the kiss in the club. No pressure from people watching and snapping pictures. His hand sinks into your hair, shifting from his position to pull you closer to him, your back hitting the mattress. His weight hovering over you makes you sink deeper into the sheets.

"Tell me it's a real kiss," Brayden's breathless against your mouth. "Need me to pinch you?" you tease, making him laugh softly. He kisses you now, hands finding your waist, your hips, his body rolling so deliciously into yours. Your nails bite into his shoulder, the other hand pulling on the roots of his blond hair. His tongue licks gently into your mouth, experimentally and intrigued by your response. Brayden's fingers tickle your skin above the waistline of your shorts before settling on your hip again. Your heart is racing when he parts from you, leaning his forehead against yours. "I wanted that for a very long time," he confesses with a smile.

Hunter Davenport.

Oh no.

You knew that look on Dean’s face.

Everyone did.

Garrett noticed a second later, muttering, “Shit.”

Dean was already moving.

You were out of your seat before anyone else reacted.

“Dean.”

He barely glanced at you, still stalking toward Hunter. “Y/N, move.”

His voice was dangerously calm.

“Dean, no.”

“I mean it.” He gently but firmly pushed you aside by your arm without looking away from Hunter. “Hey, Davenport!”

Every head in Malone’s started turning.

Hunter looked up from where he stood with a couple teammates near the bar.

Recognition flashed. Then smug amusement.

Huge mistake.

You saw Dean’s jaw tighten instantly.

“Dean Hayward Di Laurentis,” you snapped sharply, stepping in front of him again, “turn around right now.”

For the first time his eyes actually landed on you.

“What?”

“Turn around.”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

Because you knew him. Knew that once Dean got angry enough, common sense disappeared completely beneath loyalty and emotion and impulse.

You could practically see it happening now.

The tunnel vision. The adrenaline. One bad second away from ruining everything.

“Baby,” you said quickly, reaching for his wrist before you even realized the word slipped out, “listen to me. Just turn around, okay? Don’t do this.”

Silence.

Behind you, Logan choked on his drink.

Hannah’s eyes widened.

Garrett looked like he’d just witnessed a magic trick.

Because Dean froze.

Completely.

Not at the command, At the baby.

You saw it hit him in real time.

Saw the anger crack just enough for him to actually look at you properly.

And once he did, you knew you had him.

“Wha…” His voice came out rougher now. Confused. “What?”

Your fingers tightened around his wrist.

“Dean,” you said softly this time, desperate now that you had his attention, “walk away. Babe, we’ll deal with this, okay? But you are not throwing your life away over him.”

His chest rose heavily.

Still angry.

But now he was looking at you instead of Hunter.

“Look at me,” you whispered.

Dean’s eyes locked onto yours immediately.

There he is.

Not hockey Dean.

Not party Dean.

Not angry Dean.

Your Dean.

The one who always listened to you eventually.

“You hit him,” you continued carefully, “and then what? Suspension? Charges? You wanna explain that to your coach? Your family?”

Dean swallowed hard.

Hunter laughed somewhere behind you. “Aw, Di Laurentis needs his ex to calm him down?”

You felt Dean tense all over again.

“Dean,” you warned immediately.

His jaw flexed.

You stepped closer without thinking, both hands against his chest now.

And quieter, “Please.”

That did it.

You literally watched the fight drain out of him.

Not completely but enough.

Dean closed his eyes briefly before exhaling hard through his nose.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

Relief hit you so fast your knees almost weakened.

Behind you, Garrett quietly said, “Holy shit.”

Dean looked down at you finally, really looked.

Your worried eyes.

Your grip on his shirt.

The way you were standing between him and a fistfight without hesitation.

“You called me babe,” he said quietly.

Heat flooded your face instantly. Of course that was what he focused on.

“Dean.”

A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth despite everything. “You called me babe.”

“You were about to commit aggravated assault.”

“Yeah, but you said babe.”

You stared at him incredulously.

Logan barked out a laugh somewhere behind you.

Even Tucker muttered, “He’s unbelievable.”

Dean finally dragged his eyes away from you long enough to glare over your shoulder at Hunter.

Then back to you.

Then, with visible effort, he stepped backward.

Away from the fight.

The entire bar looked stunned.

Because nobody stopped Dean Di Laurentis when he got like that.

Nobody except you.

Across the hockey house living room, you laughed at something the guy beside you said, head tipping back slightly. His hand rested on your knee like he belonged there.

Dean’s stomach twisted violently.

Garrett followed his line of sight and immediately groaned. “Oh my God.”

“What?”

“You’re jealous.”

Dean scoffed loudly enough to earn a glance from you across the room. “I’m literally not.”

“You absolutely are,” Garrett laughed. “This is incredible. I’ve never witnessed such a sight.”

Dean ignored them both, taking his beer back before shoving himself off the kitchen counter. He needed another drink. Or maybe twelve.

This was ridiculous.

You were single.

He was single.

That was the whole point.

From the beginning, the two of you had agreed this wasn’t serious. No labels. No exclusivity. No clinginess.

Just sex.

Really good sex.

The kind that had somehow turned into movie nights and late-night drives and you stealing his hoodies and Dean memorising your coffee order without meaning to.

Except now there was some finance major touching your thigh like he’d earned it, and Dean suddenly felt borderline homicidal and violently ill.

“You good, D?” Tucker asked as Dean grabbed vodka this time instead of beer.

“Fantastic.”

Tucker looked toward the couch.

“Oh,” he said carefully. “That bad?”

Dean glared at him. “Shut up.”

The worst part was that you looked good tonight.

Dean knew exactly what your skin felt like under his hands. Knew what you sounded like when he got you alone.

And now some other guy was making you laugh.

You spotted him hovering near the kitchen and smiled automatically.

That smile almost made it worse.

You excused yourself from the couch a few minutes later, weaving through the crowd toward him.

“There you are,” you said easily. “You disappeared.”

Dean leaned back against the counter. “You seemed busy.”

One eyebrow lifted immediately.

Uh oh.

“Why are you talking like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like an asshole.”

You folded your arms over your chest. “Dean.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’ve been glaring at Evan all night.”

“Evan,” Dean repeated flatly. “Jesus Christ, even his name sucks.”

You stared at him for a second before realisation slowly crossed your face.

“No way…”

Dean took another drink.

“Oh my God,” you laughed quietly. “You’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“You absolutely are.”

“I’m annoyed.”

“Because I’m hooking up with someone else?”

The directness it was harder than he expected.

Dean’s jaw tightened. “I just think you could do better.”

You blinked at him slowly. “Dean. You literally sleep with half the female population of Briar.”

“Not anymore.”

The words slipped out too fast.

Your expression shifted slightly.

Dean immediately regretted opening his mouth.

You stepped closer, voice softer now, your fingers grazing softly over his shirt covered abdomen, “What’s going on with you?”

Dean didn’t know when this had happened.

Didn’t know when you’d become the first person he looked for at parties. Or when his bed started feeling empty without you in it. Or when hearing another guy make you laugh started feeling like someone scraping a knife against his ribs.

He was fucking Dean Di Laurentis.

He didn’t do this. Relationships were messy. Feelings complicated things. Casual was supposed to be easy.

But watching another guy touch you all night had made him feel insane. And maybe worse than insane was hurt.

“You said casual,” he said finally.

Your face softened slightly. “Hey, we both did.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you acting like this?”

Dean laughed once, bitter under his breath. “Because apparently I’m an idiot.”

You went quiet.

He scrubbed a hand over his jaw before looking at you directly for the first time all night.

“I didn’t think I’d care.”

There it was.

Ugly and embarrassing and completely unavoidable now.

Your lips parted slightly.

Behind you, the music blasted and people were yelling.

Dean barely noticed any of it.

Because you were just staring at him.

“You care if I hook up with someone else?” you asked carefully.

Dean gave you a look. “That obvious?”

“A little.”

“Fantastic.”

A small smile tugged at your mouth before you shook your head. “You know what the crazy part is?”

“What?”

“I only started talking to Evan because I thought you were losing interest.”

Dean actually frowned. “What?”

“You stopped sleeping with random girls,” you said quietly. “You started acting weirdly domestic with me and then pulling away after. I figured maybe you were getting bored.”

“Bored?” Dean repeated like the word offended him personally.

You shrugged slightly. “You never said anything.”

“Because I was trying not to turn into a psychopath!”

You laughed softly.

Dean stepped closer before he could stop himself.

“You think I liked watching him touch you?”

Your breath caught slightly.

Dean noticed immediately because of course he did. “I almost put him through a wall, baby.”

“You’re dramatic.”

“I’m serious.”

Silence settled between you both, your fingers gripping his shirt a little tighter. The space between you was closing.

He knew he had no right to feel this way when he’d been the one insisting on casual from the start.

But standing here now, looking down at you with your mouth slightly pink from the drink in your hand and your eyes fixed on his, Dean realized something horrifying.

“You wanna know something pathetic?” he asked quietly.

You looked wary already. “Probably not.”

“I have your coffee order saved in my notes app.”

You blinked.

Dean pushed forward before he could lose his nerve.

“You leave hair ties all over my apartment and I don’t throw them out anymore. Tucker asked why there’s strawberry yogurt in our fridge because I don’t eat strawberry yogurt but you do when you’re studying. Garrett says I smile differently when you text me.” He paused. “And apparently seeing another guy touch you makes me physically ill.”

Your lips twitched despite yourself. “Oh my God.”

“Yeah,” Dean muttered. “That’s pretty much how I felt too.”

For a second neither of you moved.

Then quietly, “So what now?”

Dean looked at you for a long moment.

Then his eyes flicked toward the living room where Evan was still sitting on the couch waiting for your return.

“Now,” Dean said calmly, “I’m gonna walk over there and tell him to stop looking at my girl.”

Your eyebrows shot up. “Your girl?”

The corner of Dean’s mouth lifted slightly.

It felt like a silent rejection and even if you knew you were being irrational, it still hurt you. You finally looked away from her, staring out the window and letting your eyes flutter shut so you could take a few deep breaths. Your peaceful state was quickly interrupted, a loud call of your name making your eyes snap back open as you look towards the front of the room. 

“I do not tolerate sleeping in my classroom. If you are tired, stay home instead of wasting my time” Ellie snapped, eyes narrowing as they focused on you. You knew Ellie had been just as stressed as you were but you were in complete disbelief that she would take it out on you in front of the classroom. You can’t even offer a proper reply, your eyes staring down at your lap as they begin to grow glassy. Your throat constricts and you pray the people sitting next to you don’t notice the way you are practically gasping for air. 

There was no need to be so cruel, as she knew that you were under just as much stress as she was but she had nowhere else to place her anger. The sight of you hiding your face from her and not even standing up for yourself shoves her back into reality and guilt eats away at her core, leaving her raw and full of fear of her own fuck up. She quickly clears her throat, continuing her lecture but stealing a few glances at you whenever she has the chance. You refused to even look up anymore, shame burning within you. 

You didn’t even notice when Ellie began to stutter, her nerves apparent as she tried to shove down the worry she felt, at least until she could speak to you after class. The clock continued to tick, the world uncaring that you were nearly in the midst of a complete breakdown. You are only brought out of your daze by the sound of people nearby beginning to pack their things up, a sign that class was over. In a feverish manner, you begin to place your belongings in your bag. 

All you know is that you need to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible, silently thanking God that this was your last class of the day. Ellie tried to see you in the crowd of students that were pushing out the door, calling out your name once more so she could have you stay after class to talk, it would give her the chance to apologize before the two of you got back home for the night. 

However, you ignore her completely, not wanting to be a victim of her anger any longer. You rush out of the building as quickly as possible, leaving Ellie to scramble to get her belongings together so she could follow after you. It was no use, as you were long gone, shivering as rain landed on your skin before you reached your car. 

The minute you were in the safety of your car, you let out a quiet sob, still unable to recover from earlier. On top of that, you had so many assignments to get done tonight that you could already feel the way your wrists would be aching by the time you were done. You allow the tears to cascade down your cheeks, your lip quivering even as you begin to drive. No music is played, the need for silence after what you experienced felt completely necessary. 

You simply couldn’t wrap your head around how Ellie could be so careless, the woman you love suddenly seeming to turn on you. It was pre decided that you wouldn’t be going to her house for once, driving towards your home the best you can while tears blur your vision. You couldn’t care less about the constant ringing of your phone, your lips set in a permanent frown as you park your car. 

After grabbing your bag, you fumble with your keys until you manage to unlock the door and walk into the safety of your home. You had been spending so much time in Ellie’s home that the space now felt cold and unwelcoming, all the lights being off with no signs of life. You flick on a switch, sniffling a few times as you set your belongings down on the table. You reach for your phone, the screen being far too bright for your dimly lit environment. 

You can at least see that Ellie has managed to call you twenty-two times, sending a few messages asking where you were. Unbeknownst to you, Ellie had arrived at her own home, expecting to find you there. Much to her dismay, she was left to panic in the wake of your absence, her hands shaking as she held her phone to her ear. Every time her call went to voicemail she cursed, running a hand through her messy hair. She couldn’t lose you, not now, not ever. 

When her phone pinged, she picked it up so fast she nearly dropped the device onto the floor. As her eyes adjusted, she could recognize your contact name beside a simple message that read “At home. Please stop calling”. The words are enough to make her heart drop into her stomach, as you had never once refused to see her after a fight. It felt different this time, like you were creating walls to keep her out and she felt fucking terrified. 

♡ 

You had settled onto the couch, mindlessly watching television to keep your mind off Ellie even if it was just for a bit. The nerves within your body began to subside, your breathing evening out as you leaned back a bit. You figured that this was the calm after the storm and you might as well enjoy it before it passes you by. 

The sound of someone knocking on your door makes you flinch, turning to face the direction of the front entrance. Your brows furrowed as you realized who it might be, swiftly tuning to face the tv once more just to shut her out. Ellie could feel her heart pounding against her chest, trying to get you to open the door. “Babe? Can we please talk, just for a second” she pleads, knocking harshly enough to make her knuckles ache. With no response from you, she grows desperate, bringing out the water works. 

“Please, I need to see your face, need to tell you how sorry I am” she states, her voice cracking as tears begin to well within her eyes as she purposely uses the saddest voice possible. “It’s so cold out here, angel, please let me inside” she whimpers as if she were a kicked puppy, although this situation was completely her fault. 

You know that the last thing you should do is welcome her into your home but she sounds so lost, so frightened of what she has done. Even if you were mad at her at this moment, she knew just how to get inside your head and ease you back into her arms. Ellie is just about to knock for a third time when she hears the click of the door unlocking right before she finally gets to see you. 

Even in your disheveled state, you looked beautiful enough to make her heart ache. She can’t get over how exhausted you look, as if she had taken every last bit of energy you had. “Hey, there you are” she coos in a warm voice, her tears ceasing within an instant. You can’t help but avoid eye contact with her, not wanting to give in so easily. 

“You can come inside for a bit but you’re not staying” you mutter, turning away and leaving the door ajar so she can come inside to escape the cold. Ellie breathes a sigh of relief, stepping inside and shutting the door behind her with a soft click. She knows she needs to tread lightly, kneeling down to unlace her shoes and placing them near the front door before she turns to face you. 

You’re curled up in the corner of the couch, not even glancing at her as she inches closer to you. She settles beside you, a small gap between the two of you so that she doesn't scare you off. Ellie plays with her fingers, the only way she can soothe herself in a moment with so much tension. 

Before she can even take a breath in to speak, the sound of your quiet voice cuts her off. “I think maybe this isn’t going to work out” you mutter, your eyes transfixed on the tv. “You have a lot going on and I get that, but I’m not your punching bag, Ellie.”

Your words tear through her like a jagged knife, left to bleed out due to her own inability to control her anger. “No— no, no, no” she breathes, sliding down so she can get on her knees in front of you, forcing you to look at her finally. 

“You don’t mean that, you’re just upset” she says in a broken voice, her warm hand coming up to cup your cheek. “Stop telling me how I feel” you huff, trying to yank away from her touch. Ellie is quick to put a stop to your efforts, her grip tightening so that your cheeks are squished together, your lips all pouty.

You can tell by the look in her eyes that she is not pleased with your rejection, her grip almost harsh enough to hurt. “I am not telling you how to feel. I just know what you really want, what you need.” she says in a tone that feigns pity, a sympathetic smile on her lips. 

You simply narrow your eyes at her, resisting the urge to submit to her completely. She coos at the sight of you, pressing a little kiss to the tip of your nose that makes you huff. “I’m sorry, bunny, I really am. But you’re breaking my heart here— makin’ me feel like our relationship is dirty” she sighs, loosening her grip since she knows you won’t back away any longer. 

The pet name causes your mind to go fuzzy, your will slowly weakening. “M’ not saying it’s dirty, you’re just… you’re so mean” you mutter, unsure if she would be set off by your words alone. But she remains calm this time, her grip completely fading as she moves your hair out of your face so she can see you properly. “I know I am, I’m so mean aren’t I, baby?” she hums, being playful so she can get you to relax. 

You nod slowly at her words, already feeling yourself melting into a puddle right in the palm of her hand. “Now, you don’t wanna break up with me, do you?” she asks in a gentle voice, a stark difference from how rough she was being with you earlier. You hesitate for a moment, your eyes scanning her features for any sign of malice and yet you find none. 

After you give a small shake of your head to say no, Ellie finally breathes out. “See? I knew you didn’t mean it” she says in a warm tone, caressing your thighs with her strong hands as she looks at you. 

You just keep quiet, feeling a bit ashamed that you are letting her in so easily, her minuscule apology managing to make you forgive her completely. Ellie can tell your mind is beginning to wander and that is the last thing she wants, so she moves back onto the couch, gently turning your head to face her. 

“My pretty girl” she mutters, her thumb gently running along your plush bottom lip that was still sticky with lip gloss. Your body seems to relax under her touch, welcoming the familiar warmth after such a long day. 

She moves closer, letting her lips linger mere inches from yours as she keeps her gaze fixed on you. “You gonna say sorry for hurting me earlier, angel?” she asks, tilting her head in the slightest as if she were about to kiss you, yet it only served to tease you further. 

“I’m sorry” you manage to whisper, not even truly thinking anything of the words, simply wanting to please Ellie in any way possible. She hums in a pleased manner, finally leaning in to give you what you were so desperately craving. 

Her lips felt a little rough against yours, although her movements start off slow and gentle. She cups your face ever so softly, her tongue only teasing your own. She can feel you leaning into her touch, needing her affection more than anything right now. 

She finally lets you push your tongue past her lips, the sloppy sound of the filthy kiss filling the air around the two of you. There is hunger and desperation behind every move she makes, removing one hand from your cheek in favor of pushing you down until you’re laying on the couch, her lips never once leaving yours. 

The idea of losing you was too much to bear and now that she had you wrapped around her finger, she was going to keep you there. She is purposely being messy, lapping at your lips and tongue so that her saliva connects the two of you, a piece of her invading your body so that she can call you hers. 

You moan as she helps you relax into your new position, her knee slipping between your thighs and perfectly nudging your clit through your jeans. The sensation is enough to make you flinch, not expecting the feeling to be so overwhelming. 

When she finally pulls back, there is a thin string of saliva that connects you to one another, a vulgar sign of your unity. You can’t help but let out a protestant huff when her knee eases up, needing the pressure to keep your mind off the fact that the same woman who humiliated you was now making out with you. 

Ellie on the other hand couldn’t be more ecstatic, a sly grin on her lips when she realizes her glasses are all fogged up. “Stupid fuckin’ thing” she mutters as she pulls them off, throwing them onto the coffee table carelessly before she uses the back of her hand to wipe her lips. 

You are left beneath her, a mess of the strong girl you thought yourself to be earlier. “If you want somethin’, you gotta ask for it” she says firmly, purposely pushing her knee up to get a quick gasp out of you before pulling back once more. 

“Need to feel your tongue or just fuck me, I don’t care. Just give me something please” you beg in a voice that is utterly pathetic, broken down by your own selfish desires. Your pleas are like music to her ears, it’s all that she needs to finally give in to your request. 

“On all fours, take off those clothes or I’ll do it myself” she says in a pointed manner, as if she were giving you directions like you were still in her class. You are quick to nod your head, shakily standing to your feet and yanking your clothes off piece by piece until you are left completely bare. 

There’s not enough room for the position on the couch so you simply kneel onto the floor, instinctively arching your back in the slightest as you get on your hands and knees for her. Ellie tsks at the sight, rolling up her sleeves as if she were about to eat a delicious meal and in her opinion, she was. 

“Such a filthy girl, spreading open your cunt for your own professor” she spits, humiliating you all over again, although this time you find that her words go straight to your aching cunt. “S’ not my fault my professor is a perv” you shoot back, still blowing off steam from earlier. 

Your bratty words only make her smile widen, completely used to how mouthy you get after she’s made some sort of fuck up. “But it is your fault that you like it so much” she quips, her hand resting on the small of your back as she gets behind you. 

There’s no time to think of a sharp reply, as one of her thick fingers is already sliding through your slick folds without a single bit of resistance. “Always so wet for me, bunny. S’ adorable” she praises, feeling you shudder underneath her touch. 

“N-no teasing today, you’ve been mean enough” you state shakily, trying to stand your ground for once. Your demand makes Ellie scoff, letting her finger get thoroughly soaked by your arousal before pushing in her finger finally. 

You can’t stop the moan that passes your lips, the relief crashing over you and leaving you breathless. “Holy fuck, no matter how many times I fuck you stuid you’re cunt still sucks me in like you’re a goddamn virgin” she states with a cruel chuckle, fucking her finger into you at an unforgiving pace. 

“Shut up” you manage to breathe out, your hips subconsciously moving back in order to match her pace. “Why don’t you make me, hm? What’re you gonna do? Cry till you get your way?” she questions harshly, giving no warning as she pushes in a second finger, your walls so slick that she can fuck you open with ease. 

You can only whimper in response to her mean words, knowing you had no way of making her be quiet when she has you in such a vulnerable position. Ellie wishes she could record you in this moment, maybe even upload it to some porn site with a cliche title like “student gets on all fours for professor”— or something like that at least. 

“Fuck, just like that bunny, keep moving those hips” she says in a breathless voice, so entranced by the way your cunt keeps a vice grip on her fingers as she pushes them in and out. She moves her fingers in a scissoring motion in order to stretch you further, listening to the way your moans grow higher pitched with every thrust of her fingers. 

The pleasure in your body is building and you know it’s not long until you have to let go completely, yet you find yourself embarrassed by how easy it is to make you come when you’re so worked up. 

“Ellie, Els— gonna come, Jesus Christ” you pant, your thighs trembling as you try to keep yourself upright. Ellie clicks her tongue as if in disapproval, her fingers still curling inside you as she speaks. “If you wanna get fucked you better not come, I swear to god I’ll leave you here if you come on my fingers” she says sharply, showing that she is not messing with you at all. 

“But—“ you start, only to let out a cry as she stills her motions so you’re not receiving any stimulation at all. Just as quickly as you felt your high coming on, it fades away in an instant and you nearly collapse from defeat, your orgasm completely ruined. 

You’re a blubbering mess, trying to turn to face Ellie as tears threaten to spill over from how frustrated you are with her. “I was being good!” you practically shout, not truly understanding why she insisted on stopping. 

That is until your eyes lowered, listening to her belt come undone before she unzips her fly. Once she tugs down her boxers, you’re finally staring right at her strap, the one she used on you nearly every night that you never grew tired of. 

“You walk around with that thing on?” you ask in complete shock, your face flushing at the idea of her packing even during class. “Is that a problem with you?” she questions teasingly as she unbuttons her top, leaving her bare besides the heavy strap that hung from her hips. 

“I don’t care, I don’t give a fuck, just please let me come” you beg, pushing your ass up into the air to get what you wanted from her. “Such an eager student, but don’t think you’re getting an A just cause I get to fuck you” she jokes, uncaring that you’re nearly in purgatory from not being able to have a proper orgasm. 

She redeems herself by lining up her cock with your aching entrance, guiding the tip to gently tap against your clit so she can watch the way you jolt from sensitivity. Ellie doesn’t bother asking how you want it tonight, knowing that you’re just desperate to get off at this point. 

She pushes into you, your cunt only resisting due to the thickness of her strap. You let out a string of moans as she sinks into you completely, feeling so full after being empty for so long. Your eyes nearly roll back in your head at the feeling of her tip kissing your cervix as she bottoms out. 

Within an instant she is moving, thrusting into you like her life depends on it. “Fuck” is all she can pant out as she fucks into you mercilessly, the curve of her cock hitting all the right spots within you. 

You’re down for the count, drool seeping from the corner of your lips as she pounds into you relentlessly. The pleasure begins to build once more and Ellie can tell you are getting close by the way it gets a bit harder to push inside you, your walls tightening around her. 

“You gonna come, angel? Gonna make a mess on my cock like the pathetic girl you are?” she questions, still muttering curses as she uses one hand to spread open your cunt to watch her dick slide in and out of you while her other hand keeps a firm grip on your hip. 

You nod feverishly, knowing that was her way of giving you permission to let go. “Yes! S’ too much, unhh—“ is all you can manage before your words slur into something incoherent. 

Ellie refuses to let up even as you’re coming for her, fucking you through your orgasm and cursing at the sight of the white ring that had now formed at the base of her strap. 

As you come down, you collapse onto the floor, Ellie’s cock sliding out of you as you tremble on the floor, the carpet feeling soothing against your skin. “Thank you” you manage to mutter weakly, gaining a small “aww” from Ellie in response, she undoes her harness as you lay there helplessly, scanning your features for any signs of distress or discomfort but coming up empty. 

Once the item is discarded, she lays down beside you, pulling you close to her own bare body. The skin to skin contact eases you back into reality and you finally feel like you can breathe once more. Ellie is busy pressing kisses against your shoulder, trailing up your neck until she could press a sweet kiss to your lips. 

You look at her with a dazed expression, taking note of how pretty she looked after giving you what might’ve been the best fuck of your life. 

“M’ still mad, y’know” you state, your voice shaking despite your attempt to be firm. “I know, I know. I fucked up. But I’ll keep apologizing till you accept it, I’ll get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness if that’s what you want” she says in a gentle voice, being completely serious. 

She’d do anything as long as it meant getting back in your good graces. “Just give me a few more nights like this and I’ll think about forgiving you” you hum, toying with the ends of her short hair. 

“Sounds very fair, bunny” she says in a pleased tone. “Do you want more or are you tired?” she asks in a caring tone, her calloused hand running along your side as she speaks. 

“Sleepy, just wanna shower and go to bed” you sigh, sitting up a bit and glancing at the coffee table. You grab her glasses, putting them on and giving Ellie a fucked out smile. The sight makes Ellie chuckle, her finger coming up to push them up the bridge of your nose so they fit better. 

“Well aren’t you the cutest girl who ever lived” she states playfully. But let’s get you into the shower, alright?” she offers, pulling the glasses off your face and setting them down once more so she can help you up. 

As you lean against her on the way to the bathroom, you can’t help but think of how likely it was that she would take out her anger on you again. You knew the relationship you shared with your professor wasn’t healthy but there was no one else in the world you’d rather have.

Turns out, waiting outside your door for a date is ten times more anxiety inducing for Ellie than waiting for one of your tutoring sessions. She lost any chance she had of sleeping the night before from the thought of maybe kissing you again.

The sound of your door opening snaps her out of her daydreaming. She looks up at you nervously. You’re dressed even nicer than usual, and it kills her that you did it for a date with her.

“God— you look—“ Ellie looks you up and down slowly, like she can’t believe you’re real. “You’re so pretty.” She says, breathlessly. She completely forgot about the flowers in her hand.

The compliment goes over your head completely as you get distracted by how cute she looks in her leather jacket. “Are those… for me?” You ask awkwardly, she forgot to hand them to you.

“Oh, shit. Yeah.” She’s holding the roses so tight she might snap the stems in half. “I hope you like roses— Jesse said— nevermind.” She shakes her head, handing them to you. “Here.”

“Wanna come in for a minute so I can get these in a vase?” You ask, admiring the flowers.

“I’ll wait out here.” She says, trying to catch her breath. Her face suddenly feels really hot in the cold October air. Don’t be so fucking weird, Ellie.

There’s an awkward tension in the air when you return. You’re both so nervous.

“Thank you for those. I’ve never gotten flowers before— like— from a girl.” You blush sheepishly.

“That’s hard to believe.” She says, taking your hand— because she promised herself she would be brave enough to— and pulling you alongside her on the sidewalk.

“I’ve never really been on a date before. Like… a real one.” You say, shyly.

“Me neither.” She looks at you with a warm smile, squeezing your hand. “But I think you’ll like this one a lot. Or you’ll totally hate it. I don’t really know.” She laughs.

“Where are we going?” You ask.

“It’s a surprise, you’re just gonna have to trust me.”

-

“Ellie, are you sure about this?” You whisper as she pulls you into the back door of an unidentifiable building. Your nose wrinkles as the door closes behind you, the hallway is dark and cold.

“Totally sure. I told you to trust me, remember?” She says, walking you to an elevator.

Normally she swings to the top of this building, but she totally tampered with the lock on the back door to sneak up the elevator. You don’t need to know that. And she won’t tell you, even if you asked.

She wraps both arms around you during the elevator ride. It’s slow and awkward and too quiet in there, but a good excuse to slow down and enjoy the moment. “Almost there.” She mumbles into your ear.

Your face lights up when she brings you up to the rooftop of the building. The space is completely empty besides for the cozy spot she set up for you earlier. There’s a blanket, a picnic basket, a speaker to play music on and a lantern for when it gets dark. She’s suddenly really insecure and embarrassed by how much effort she put into this.

“Surprise?” She says, shyly.

There’s a pause. She’s terrified for a moment that you hate it.

“You did this for me?” You ask, in awe.

“Yeah… Do you like it?” She blushes.

“I love it.” You breathe.

“Good. C’mere, come sit down with me.” She says, walking you over to the blanket. “I might’ve stolen a bottle of wine.” She laughs, as she carefully guides you down onto the blanket. You sit close, but not too close.

“Stole it?” You smirk.

“Don’t ask. I have my ways.” She says, twisting open the bottle.

“So, is this date finally my opportunity to ask you about yourself without it being weird?” You ask, watching as she pours the wine into two cups.

She laughs dryly. “Yeah, doesn’t mean I’ll answer them all, though. But go ahead.” She sips her wine as she looks out to the orange sunset. She can finally relax now that you’re here together, the tension leaves her body with every breath.

“How long have you known you liked girls?” You ask.

Ellie shrugs her shoulders. “Forever? I guess? What about you?”

You sigh. “When I wanted to kiss my friends at sleepovers in middle school. You know, to like… practice.” I laugh. “No one ever wanted to.”

Ellie laughs, teasingly, lightly tapping her foot with hers. “I would’ve said yes. And you would have been my favorite friend. Wish we knew each other back then.” She winks. “Dina never let me kiss her either.” She adds, laughing to herself at the memory.

“You’re out?” You ask, insecure about the fact that you aren’t.

Ellie nods. “Never tried to hide it. Would’a been pointless anyways. It’s pretty obvious.” Ellie leans back on her elbows, tilting her head as she gazes at you. Her stare is almost intimidating for once. “And you?”

You feel invalid and undeserving of her in this moment. “No… I—“

Ellie cuts you off, reaching for your hand again. “You don’t have to explain it.” She says.

“I don’t feel like I deserve all this.” You blurt out, gesturing to the beautiful date she set up for you.

Ellie frowns and scoots closer to you on the blanket. “What do you mean?” She asks, letting go of your hand to trace over your knuckles.

You sip your wine to avoid looking at her. “You’re so cool and authentically yourself, you should be with someone who won’t hide you. You shouldn’t be someone’s secret.” You confess.

Ellie opens her mouth to reply but you cut her off before she can speak again. “I’ve never been treated like this, by a girl. I’ve never been more than a hookup to someone.” You admit, timidly. Your voice softens.

She’s relieved to hear that what you have with Abby isn’t serious, but it still makes her sick.

“I could never look at you as something casual… Honestly. I’d love to be your secret.” She laughs, still rubbing the back of your hand. She feels pathetic as those words leave her mouth.

You look away shyly. “I wanted to ask you to homecoming. Like, as my date.” Your voice shakes as you tell her the truth for once.

Ellie laughs like you just told her a joke. “What?”

You sigh. “I was too scared. I ruined the night for both of us because I’m a coward.”

Ellie shoves your shoulder playfully. “First of all, I ruined the night. Second, being here with you like this is way better than going to homecoming together.” She says warmly. “Listen— I don’t care if you’re not ready to come out. I just want— wanna get to know you more I guess.”

Your heart aches at her kindness and patience. “You must have a really good support system at home. Every time you talk, everything makes more sense to me.” You say, pressing your knee against hers on the blanket, wanting to get closer, feel more of her.

“Wish I could say that’s true.” She mumbles, looking down at her cup. “My parents—“ she pauses. “I lost them.” She takes the last sip of her wine and refills the cup, trying to find her next words. “My uncle took me in when I was six.”

Your heart drops. “Ellie… I’m so sorry...” You move a hand to her cheek, tracing over her jaw.

“Don’t be sorry. Unless being sorry makes you keep touching me like this. Then be as sorry as you want.” She laughs, lightening the mood. She hates when people pity her.

You crack a smile as you watch her melt into your touch.

“You have no idea… how good that feels.” She mumbles, closing her eyes and really feeling your touch.

“Is that the wine talking?” You whisper.

“No, s’ all me. Being honest for once.” She smiles, still leaning into your hand like a cat.

“Can I be honest?” You ask. The sight of her all soft like this makes you want to spill your guts.

“Mhmmmm.” She hums.

“I’ve had my eye on you for a while. Only from a distance. Don’t know why we never had any classes together. I always wanted to talk to you.” You confess.

Ellie starts laughing at you. “Bullshit.” She opens her eyes and smirks, kicking your foot gently. “You absolute liar.”

You gasp like you’re offended. “I’m serious! You’re like… every gay girl's dream. And you don’t even know it, do you?” You tease. Your hand moves from her face to her bicep, feeling her arms through the jacket.

Her face is red but you’re not sure if it’s the wine, the laughter or the compliment. “Why’d you never talk to me then?” She asks, coming back from her giggle fit.

“…I was scared I’d fall for you.”

Your words disarm her. You can see it in her face, she tries to push it down.

“One day when I’m a fancy scientist I’m gonna invent a time machine so I can go back and kiss you three years ago.” She laughs, reaching up to brush the hair out of your face.

“Is that what you want to be? A scientist?” You smile, raising an eyebrow.

Ellie lets out a self deprecating laugh. “An astronomer, specifically. Yeah. I like space. And stars. I know it’s lame.”

Your face starts to hurt from smiling at her. God, she’s cute. “So you would like… actually go to space?” You ask.

“Of course. Duh. That’s my biggest dream. Imagine being up there? In the freaking stars? It must be so… peaceful. I could discover new life… new species. Ugh. I crave it, actually.” She rambles.

“You’re not scared?”

“No.” She looks up at the stars. “Plus, if I get scared, I’ll look back at earth. You’d be there.” She mumbles, like she’s embarrassed to even say it. You want to kiss her so bad it almost hurts.

“I wouldn’t go to space.” You shake your head.

“That’s okay.” She smiles. “As long as you stay here and wait for me to get back.”

You lean in. “Yeah?”

Ellie grabs both of your wine cups, putting them aside to lean in closer. You can feel her breath against your lips. “Yeah. And if I find a new planet out there, I’ll name it after you.” She whispers.

“You would?” You blush.

“Do you want a list of every pathetic thing I would do for you?” She asks as her hand slides under your unzipped jacket, pulling you in by the waist.

Her lips finally press against yours. She kisses you slow and tender, like she has all the time in the goddamn world. She lets out a whimper as you grab a fistful of her hair, deepening the kiss.

“Fuckin’ Hell.” She whispers into your mouth. Her head spins, the combination of wine and butterflies and the taste of you is dizzying.

She lays back on the blanket, pulling you on top of her. She lets her eyes flutter shut again, tilting her head to deepen the kiss again. Her hands come up to your thighs, rubbing, touching, feeling. The concrete is hard on her back but fuck, you feel so good. She gasps as your lips find her neck. She can’t believe this is even real.

This is the most she's felt like herself since the day she got bit by that spider.

If someone had a competition for the most messiest house award, no one would want to compete on it if their competition is you.

It's a Sunday afternoon, so your house is in the messiest state it has ever been.

There are clean, but wrinkled clothes on the couch, the floor is wet because you accidentally elbowed your water bottle from the kitchen island, which caused you to slip like a cartoon character, in which state you're in now.

Leg? Practically broken. Back? Hurts. It didn’t particularly help when you tried to drag yourself through the living to get on the couch where you melted in the sheets as a triumph. You sat there for a while, having an existential crisis and deciding whether to call your mom or just lay there until you rot and for your cat to eat you alive and then—

Ding! 

Your ears perked up immediately, “Wait!” you groan as you tell the person behind the door to wait as you try to gather your mop and broom as a makeshift crutch.

You opened the door and to your surprise, Maria was there. She took one look at your current state— the broom-mop crutch, the banshee hair, and the tears leaving a salty path in your eyes— and with no hesitation helped you with your leg, taking your right arm to hook it over her shoulders.

“Oh, sweetheart, what happened now?” Maria asks, her voice honeyed.

You don’t want to be a burden to her, really. But lately, ever since your sisters left you alone in your house, Maria has nursed you in every way possible. When you once got burned by a flaming hot pan, your first instinct was to come to their store as much as possible. That store has been a lifeline for you, and the owners—Maria and her husband, Tommy—weren't really bothered.

She helps you skedaddle on your way to the living room, placing a basket of foods on the glass table.

“Stay here okay, I'm just going to get some ice.”

You eyebrows met, you didn't ask her for anything this afternoon, as you can remember.

“Hey, Maria? What's with the food? I'm eating healthy, okay? No need to worry!”

Lie. You ate two crunchwrap Supremes last night and absolutely downed that bag of chips. You just hoped that she doesn't check the trash bin.

She emerged with an ice pack in hand, icing your leg carefully, you wince every time your skin touches the ice pack.

She focused on your leg, a laser-like focus, it bothers you, she's not this focused unless—

“You're gonna hafta live alone now, I ain't here forever.” Maria says, not looking up from your leg.

“Yeah, I know. Are you- are you leaving?”

You ask, trying to capture her eyes but she doesn't budge.

Finally, she looks up at you, "Everybody leaves, sweet. Speaking of leaving, Tommy and I will, but 4 months is no harm.”

Your body jerks, and the injured leg hits Maria's hand a little too hard, “4 months?! Wha- Ow. Where are you going? Are you bringing Tommy and-” you couldn't continue your sentence as another throb hits.

“Don't be dramatic, of course I'm taking Tommy.”

“Whyyyyy.” you groan.

“Joel says we need a break. Gettin’ older now kid.” she taps her own back. “You're gonna be just fine here, Joel's sendin’ Ellie. You know Ellie, Joel's girl. But anyway, she's gonna be mindin’ the store while we're away.”

Your heart drops, the name that left Maria's mouth contained the nostalgic troubles of your childhood. 

Oh, You know Ellie, she's the girl who visited Maria and Tommy years ago with her dad Joel, and she's trouble.

Not the typical kid trouble, where some kids might mess with you, tease you or even make you cry. It's worse than that, besides having ticked all the things in that list, Ellie added a lot more.

For her first week of visiting, she had a bow, the real one with arrows. You were playing at your spot at the opening of the forest when you spotted a swift white rabbit nearby, and you were intrigued. You slowly made your way to touch the cute little rabbit when an arrow came hurtling, you saw that rabbit die in your eyes. And as you looked back, you saw Ellie and that smug grin. 

Not fully recovering from her first week of visit, the second week came.

Your mother was gone for the day, being the eldest daughter makes you in charge of the house.

When you woke up that morning, there's a small list on the table for things to buy. Easy.

But it's Ellie who doesn't make it easy.

35 minutes of shopping and she's still scanning your fifth product, she kept saying some facts about every food she scans. 

“Tomatoes, you know they're a fruit?”

“Yes, Ellie I know.” 

This repeats for every food or product that's in your basket

You were kind of thankful that there wasn't anyone around, or they would've been so pissed.

Not as pissed as you are an hour and two bags of groceries later, when she finally finished.

“You got coupons?” she raised her eyebrows mischievously. 

You rolled your eyes “No. Do you take cards? My mom left this with the list so it's—”

“No. Sorry.”

You stared at her dumbfounded, looked to the direction where a card scanner is placed and then looked back at her.

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

You pulled a face, pointed at the scanner that’s a few centimeters away from her fingertips “What's this then?”

She shrugged, “I don't know how that works.”

“Really Ellie? You don't know how card transactions work after telling me for 5 minutes that bananas share their DNAs with us? Worst 5 minutes of my life by the way.”

“Not my fault NatGeo doesn't teach you how to deal with card transactions. Don't worry, mine too.”

You took a deep breath, “Fine, how much is it? Maybe I have cash around here.” You say, scrambling in your bag.

“89.95” 

You stared at the crumpled two 10 dollar bills on your hand “Fuck.” you mutter, “Okay, um, Hold on. I'm just going to withdraw some cash- You guys have an ATM machine here right?”

Ellie nodded, then pointed at the bright red machine beside the doors.

…While forgetting to mention that there's no money in it.

You stomped on your way back, huffing and pumping your fists.

“God, did it ever occur to you to tell me that machine was empty?”

“I tried to tell you but you walked away too fast!”

You stopped, defeated. Thinking about how you're going to pay for this, you transfer your weight to your left foot.

“I’ll just tell Maria that you didn't have the cash. I know she'll understand.” Ellie says, her voice gentler than before.

But you don't let your guard down, “Wait— really? How do I know you're not joking?”

You say, crossing your arms.

Ellie gave the tiniest shrug, “Think of it as an apology. You know, for the hour of me yapping about shit.”

Your eyes collided with hers, “Okay, Thank you. And I actually didn't know.” You say, grabbing your grocery bags.

Ellie went outside the counter to help you with the other one. Sure, she might be equally annoying as a child who doesn't get their candy but she's gorgeous, 15, green eyed, auburn hair with a grin, and the rest of your worries fly away.

“Hey, um, what did you not know?” Ellie finally says when she reached your house's front porch, water dripped from her skin as the ice in the ice cream tub melted on the way. 

“That Coke originally contained cocaine when you bagged my Diet Coke.”

She smirks, “Well now you know.”

“Hey, you okay?” the ice pack in Maria's hand snapped you back into reality.

The pain's there again.

“Yeah, I'm okay.” you nod.

Maria gets up with a faint difficulty. God, she is getting older. “I'm going now okay? Say goodbye tomorrow. We leave at 9.”

she says.

“Mhm, yes, of course. Thanks for the food, and the—” you gestured to your swollen, but carefully wrapped foot.

“Don't worry sweetheart. Get better okay?”

“Yes!” you called out.

“And no more Taco Bell!”

You pretended not to hear that last sentence.

Over the night, the pain and the throbbing had subsided. You woke up early to wish Maria and Tommy adieu, waving like a little kid.

Before she left, she had given you the keys to her house, and the store. Saying Ellie might be the one knocking on your door to ask for it. Additionally, she also told you not to open doors to strangers, until you look into the peephole, which you always forget.

You were blissfully folding your clothes but your mind can't help wondering when she is going to come.

It's not like you were waiting for her. No!

You had one objective: give the keys to her. That's it, but your heart has made a ton of objectives. 

Wait for her, ask how she's doing, invite her over, give the keys, wish her a good night or good afternoon, then close the door, proceed to scream at your pillow for a full five minutes. 

You were curious, how she looked after 5 years and how she's doing. 

Your stomach growled. So you traipsed around the kitchen to look for food. Miraculously, there's some food, just not suitable for you. You went back to the couch, browsed on your phone, then ordered food.

Not more than five minutes later, the doorbell rang. A bit early for your food to arrive.

Ignoring Maria’s advice, you opened the door instantly, only to find that it was not the food that arrived.

It was Ellie. And she looks good. 

Her gaze is straight, her mouth is slightly agape, her eyes scanned your face, a glint of surprise in her eyes.

“Hey.” she says, her voice raspy. 

“Hi.” you answer, but it comes out as a sigh. Like a wave of relief splashes over your face to find out she's still the same, or is she? 

Her auburn hair that was once put up in a ponytail now sits at the nape of her neck, a few strayed hairs framed her face. Her eyes that you swore got darker over time. Few specks of freckles are scattered on her face, and her lips that twitched to her infamous grin. A battered backpack hung loosely over her shoulder, from an angle, you can see her pins, her interests. Nevertheless, she's still the same girl you met half a decade ago, with the bow and arrow and a head filled with dozens of facts.

She tilts her head, “So, you gonna let me in what?” she waited by the door, her foot tapping against the wooden floors.

Yeah, she's back.

You roll your eyes, “Come in, Williams.” you say sarcastically, inching the door wider for her to usher in. Upon closing the door, you took a deep breath, gathering yourself and your thoughts.

Going back to the living room, you find her sitting on your couch, all cozy with her legs crossed, her backpack neglected on the floor.

You raised your eyebrows, “Wow, you comfy right there?”

She gives you a pleased nod, “Really comfy, thank you.” she says while stretching her legs and melting on the couch.

You give her a half scoff and a half laugh, “God, you haven't changed, you're still a dick.”

“Wow, you changed though. Didn't know you could use swear words now.” 

You turn your back at her, rolling your eyes again as you went back to the kitchen island to find the keys to both the store and Maria's house for you to give to Ellie to hopefully leave your ass alone.

Only for them to be missing.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” you panicked, searching in the drawers to find the lost clause.

Suddenly, Ellie appears on your behind which causes you to shriek and hit your head on the previously opened cabinet.

“Ow- Fuck! What are you doing?” 

“What are you doing?” She gestured at every opened drawers and cabinets.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “I'm finding your stupid keys!”

Her eyebrows furrowed, “Why?”

“So you can leave and stop tormenting me!” your voice comes out a little higher than you intended to.

Instead of being offended, Ellie smirks.

You catched that smirk, leaving a line between your eyebrows. “What the fuck are you smiling about?”

She burst out laughing, “Jesus, but you need to calm down.” she says, pulling something out of her pocket before heading back to the living room.

You follow her, “This isn't funny Ellie, Maria trusted those keys with me.” 

She stops in her tracks, turning her back to face you, a joint dangling between her lips. “Bad move by Maria for doing that.” she teases, pulling a lighter from her pocket to light it.

You cross your arms, rolling your eyes for the third time, “You can't smoke here!” you yell, watching her throw herself at the couch.

“Too late!” she replies back. 

You groan, stomping your way back, “Ellie be serious for once.”

“I am serious!” she insists, a plume of smoke leaving her mouth.

Her sleeves are rolled up above her elbows, revealing a moth and fern tattoo. You stared at it.

She's the one raising her eyebrows now. “What?” she asks.

“You have a tattoo.” you deadpanned.

She chuckles, “Thanks for informing me.”

You pursed your lips together, “It's uh- really nice.”

She lets out a low whistle, “Damn, didn't expect that from your own mouth.”

And for the fourth time, you're sighing and rolling your eyes again. When your eyes latch on to her again, she's getting up now, hooking one strap of her backpack around her shoulders. 

“Calm down for me okay? I got the keys, they were on the couch when I sat.”

You tip your head back, letting out a long sigh. “Five years later and they still didn't teach you to be compassionate.” you say, following her to the door.

 Another chuckle left her Cupid's bow lips, “Good to see you too, Clums.” she says, reaching for the door.

“God, not that nickname..” you groan on your hands on your forehead, leaning on the door frame.

“Take it easy, Clums.” she teases one last time. You find yourself rolling your eyes for the fifth time this night as you watch her disappear.

You locked the door close, letting your back hit the door as you looked down to smile.

You already know the next four months will be excruciating.

March 

Days elapsed: 2

Days remaining: 121

The first Sunday of March comes, it dawned bright morning with birds chirping and the sound of your alarm clock at 8 am.

It's time for your monthly store run at Miller's convenience, grocery and the like.

You dragged yourself to the bathroom, splashing your face with cold water, before cleansing it. Then it's time to take out your overnight curls, brushing them gently with your comb.

Your day doesn't start without you picking an outfit. You search at the paraphernalia of warm toned clothes to find your perfect fit today. It felt a little bit harder than usual, probably because Ellie's going to be there.

In the end, you settled on a cozy cardigan with your favourite pair of jeans.

You didn't bother with breakfast, planning to pick up some pastries at the bakery.

Then you're out the door, freezing in the weather outside, it’s March so a little cold is anticipated.

From afar, you can see the sign outside the store unopened.

“Oh, you've got to be kidding me.” you murmur. Of course it's not open, Ellie's probably asleep on her ass right now.

You groan, heading straight for Maria's house whilst searching for the spare key she gave you. When you reached her front door, you began to knock first.

“Ellie? Wake up!” your fists stomped at the door.

No answer. Spare key it is.

The key slides in perfectly, a click is heard upon opening it.

“Ellie?” you call out.

You search for her in the guest room first, cause that's where guests sleep right? 

Wrong. You find her asleep in Maria and Tommy's bed. Her hair is tousled as the sunlight hits her face, freckles shining in the warm morning light. 

You shrugged her, “Hey, Ellie, wake up.”

She lets out a groan.

You shrugged her again, longer this time.

“Hey, wake up—”

Her eyes flew open in shock as she yelped, “Dude, what are you doing here?!” she says, covering her body with a blanket.

“What's it look like? I'm waking you up so you can open the—”

“You look like a thief in pink!” she interrupts, looking you up and down.

“I don't care. Get your ass up to open the store.” you commanded.

Ellie looks up at you, a line creasing between her eyebrows. “What? It's 8:30.”

You cross your arms, shifting your weight on your right leg, “Maria opens it at 8.”

Ellie goes back to bed, pulls the blanket to her chest then says, “Maria's not here is she?”

You groan, “Oh come on! I need to buy food!”

“Buy it yourself!” Ellie's voice tears through the blanket.

You pull the blanket away too far, revealing Ellie in her boxers and her long sleeves. She sits up straight, pulling the blanket above her waist. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

You put your hand out to her face, “Keys, please.”

She groaned loudly as she scrambled half awake in the drawers. She gives you the keys angrily. “Happy?”

You smile at her, “Thankfully.”

She throws herself back to her bed as you leave the house.

It feels surreal opening the store like this. You and Maria are close, but your closeness hasn't gone to the point where she lets you open the store.

You take a shopping cart and your list. Heading to the vegetables aisle to pick up some fruits first, before proceeding to the other things listed on the list.

With only two items left on the list, you hear the bell ring, you look back to see Ellie on her flannel, half awake and half annoyed. You smirk as you turn to the dairy aisle.

When you reach the counter, a familiar feeling of deja vu washes over you.

“Fitting huh? Five years later and you're still standing there. I just hope I don't get the pop quiz on aubergines again.” you joke.

Ellie doesn't budge, she just scans your products, then she says “Hope you have enough cash. It's 9 and I really don't want you to go over and say that it's been five years and I still haven't learned how to do card transactions.”

You leave your mouth agape, “Do you still not know how to do card transactions?!”

“I'm messing with you, Maria told me that it's broken, so, cash only.”

You roll your eyes, “Fine, how much?”

“73.40”

You look at her, your eyebrows meeting, “What? I just bought a few items.”

Ellie leans on the screen, “Oh sorry, it's 43.40, early morning brain fog.” she points at her head. 

You give her a fifty dollar bill, she gives you your change, and then puts your food in your bag.

“Thank you.” you say as you leave the counter, taking your food with you. 

While finding the granola bar you just bought to eat it, you hear Ellie's footsteps following you to the door.

You stop, “What are you doing?”

“Going back home, my work here is done.”

You shook your head, “No it's not.”

“Yes, it is.” Ellie says. “I thought you just wanted to buy food?”

“Uh yes, then you go man the store now, cause that's what Maria sent you to do, right?”

She tips her head back like a kid, “Fine.” defeated, she struts back behind the counter. 

With your hand on the handle, you yell “Pretty sure she sent you to torment me.”

It continues like this, you waking up at 8 in the morning to find her still sleeping, then waking her up to open the store for you, stomping and huffing on the way to the store. And everyday, she keys the padlock open as you wait—feigning impatience— struggling on the cold metal as she tries to keep her eyes awake. 

And when she does open it, she hands you the keys angrily, her eyes low and eyebags forming underneath it. It's the cherry on top of your morning when she's really pissed at you for waking her up, and then you smile at her teasingly, hiding your laughter like a maniac as you watch her go back to the house, only to find her minutes later behind the counter, scanning your food and still refusing to accept your card.

April

Days elapsed: 31

Days remaining: 91

You are not getting tired of the monotony. Apparently, neither is Ellie.

April started with heavy and rainy Saturdays, mud staining your boots, and hurting the structural integrity of your house. Leakings started in the kitchen, pots surrounding the counters to catch the water. Miraculously, accidents didn’t happen.

It worsened over the days, you called Ellie at first, asking her to try and check what’s happening.

 “Do I look like your roof handyman?” she says, before slamming the door shut.

“Tommy would’ve helped!” you yell against the door.

Ellie’s blunt refusal forced you to call a roofing company. You waited impatiently as the guy they sent took a look at your roof.

When he finally gets down, you ask “Is the roof okay? Or is it worse or is it—”

“Unfortunately, yes, it is worse. I’m afraid we're gonna have to replace some of the pipes on the roof.”

You sigh, putting your hands on your forehead, “Okay thanks. How long is it going to take?”

“Days, maybe. But that’s just an estimation ma’am.”

Days?! How are you going to survive for days without the solitude of your own home? It’s far worse because you don’t even have a place to sleep in.

No nearby motels are available, so you called Maria for help, asking if she knows any places or airbnb’s in town. Her answer? Stay with Ellie. 

You hated her answer, but looking at the current situation of you and your house, you had no other options.

So, you packed your essentials, your clothes and accessories are now packed in a small suitcase, along with your backpack that contained your blankets, you looked like you’re going on a vacation.

The night entered quietly, moonlight shines over the dark porch, Ellie didn’t bother to open the porch lights so you were standing in darkness. Pacing over and over, debating on whether to leave or to just knock to get this over with. 

The porch lights suddenly opened. Ellie stared at you halfway into your thoughts.

“Need anything?”  she asks, leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “You goin’ somewhere?”

There was a long pause. “Um. So do you remember the thing about the roof of my house?”

“Hold on let me think,” she pauses, then says “No.”

“Okay, basically, leaking on my roof got worse, so I need to get it repaired, I am getting it repaired—”

“Sorry, what is my problem here?” she interrupts.

You sigh, taking a deep breath before breaking the news, “I might need to stay with you for a few days.”

“What? Why?” Ellie frowned.

“Because of my freaking roof. Look, I had no other options, there are no nearby motels nor airbnb’s in this town. I called Maria for help and her first answer was to stay here.”

There was a moment of silence, just both of your annoyed faces staring at each other.

Finally, Ellie caved in, “Fine. Come in, I guess.”

You bid her a thank you. 

She opens the door widely, one foot inside Maria's carpeted house and the smell of weed hits you immediately and you frown.

“God, it reeks here.” you waved a hand over your nose, then looked at Ellie, brows creased. “Are you- are you high?”

“Nope.” She looks back at the table behind her, prerolled blunts resting on it. She turns to you with a smirk on her face, “Why, you want one?”

You narrowed your eyes at her, “No, Ellie, I don't smoke.”

She scoffs, “That could be changed in a minute.”

“Ellie I really don't—”

“You say my name too often, babe. Like it that much?” She steps forward, closing the gap between you.

“Why are you counting then? Do you like it when I say your name?” you spat back.

Neither of you moved, you stood there for a while, you broke it off with a raised eyebrow that said ‘didn't think so’, before stepping back.

You walked off to the guest room, unpacked your stuff and went to bed. A little after, you could hear the faint sound of Pearl Jam coming from the living room.

Ellie awoke with the sound of her phone ringing. It was not her alarm, the one she usually sets at 8:00 to open the store for you. It was a phone call, and the name Maria is displayed across the screen.

She answered with a groan, “Hello?”

“Hey, Ellie. How are you doin’ there?”

The guests bedroom and the master bedroom are placed in a way that seemed aligned, Ellie took a second to peer at the guest room. The door is slightly open, giving her a glimpse of you in the morning scene.

“Fine.” Ellie finally answers.

“Okay, make sure y/n’s comfortable there okay?” Maria's voice crackled in the other line. 

Ellie swears under her breath, low enough not to alert Maria on the phone, “I will.”

“Okay, Thank you Ellie. Goodbye.”

A beep remained. Ellie finds herself getting up to tidy. She cleans the pizza boxes out of the fridge, throws away the leftovers and cooks up breakfast.

She finds it weird, how she's letting her guard down for you, cooking breakfast for the both of you in all sorts. But she doesn't mind, she was an asshole last night.

The cacophony of the bacon and eggs on the pan makes her stomach growl, the toast clicks just in time to be burnt.

You emerged from the bedroom, you were awoken with the smell of eggs and burnt toast. Your morning hair sticks out in the most odd ways. 

Ellie hears your footsteps and immediately greets you with a good morning.

“Wow, since when do you cook stuff?” you ask, a glass of orange juice in your hand.

“Maria called.” she says, flipping the pan as the eggs land perfectly.

Adjusting next to her side, you give her a nod of approval, “Oh, so that's why.”

She gives you a coy smirk and a light shrug, “Hm, maybe.”

You frowned, “What? You just really woke up this morning and thought you'd cook me breakfast?”

“Maybe, or maybe I was plotting to kill you and your eggs actually have poison.” she mutters, getting two plates and a fork, dividing the eggs and bacon for the both of you.

“Hm, delish.” you hummed as you watched the browned eggs hit the porcelain plate.

Ellie sits on the opposite side, she places your plate in front of you and you notice the bacon inequality.

You pout your lips, “How come you have two bacon and I only have one?”

She takes a bite of her egg, “I cooked it, I should be allowed to have two of it.”

You scoff, “Rude.”

Her fork scrapes on the porcelain plate, her eggs decreasing, “I could get used to this.”

“I won't.”

There was a lie in that sentence, because you could actually get used to this. A fortnight of it won't be that bad.

During the afternoon, you went back to your house to check on the unfinished project. You consult the engineer on board, and ask how it's going. He tells you it's going slow but steady. And you're fine with that. Even though Ellie makes a terrible roommate who leaves dishes in the sink and never puts anything back into their respective places so she leaves a trail on what she did, she replaces it by cooking food. It was acceptable, cooking was not your strong suit, and her dishes are good even though it pained you to admit. You just washed and cleaned the dishes to do your part.

Half of the week in and you two have a system already.

Ellie has taken up a job at the comic bookstore, you laughed when she told the news to you, saying that she's fit for it. So during the afternoons, when Ellie is gone, you have the house, all by yourself.

You don't go back to school for another two months, so to pass the time, you read books, occasionally leafing through Ellie's backpack to read her comic books. Surprisingly, you found them interesting.

One night after dinner, while she's smoking outside and you have just finished doing the dishes, you join her with a cup of tea.

Her chuckles lingered in the breeze, “You look like a grandma.”

You scoffed, “Oh fuck you.”

“Oh yeah? Is that a dare for yourself?” she shoots you a glare.

“You're annoying.”

“Have you met you?”

You roll your eyes, but deep inside, you’re baffled with her confidence, to flirt and don't mean anything by it, to casually hold her stares and don't mean anything by it.

Sometimes you question her sentences, sometimes you swear by it.

She sits besides you on the bench, your frilly night gown hits her flannel.

“Can you bring me a book? From the bookstore?” you ask, out of the blue.

She turns to you, forehead creased, “Why?  Do you even read comic books?”

“Yeah, well, I went through your bag the other day, and I loved your Savage Starlight ones. Besides, I'm really bored, and I don't go back to school for another 2 months.”

She takes a drag of her cigarette and exhales the plumes into the air, “Fine, but I get dibs on Dr. Daniela.”

“Noooo, but she's my favourite!” 

She puts both of her hands in the air “I called dibs.”

The night finds you both slumped against the hallway, the books scattered around the both of you, Ellie looks and checks every book with a frown on her face.

“The hell?” she mutters, her fast hands flipping each book, holding them close to her face because of the absence of light.

Looking up from a book you're currently reading, you ask “What?”

“My issue No.3 is missing!” she says, once again checking the books one by one, before turning around to look inside her bag.

“Oh! I think I took it.”

Ellie turns around, a mix of relief and annoyance tinted on her face, “Thief.”

May

Days elapsed: 91

Days remaining: 60

May commenced with early coffee mornings, but this was the last one.

The restoration of the pipes in your house turned weeks into a month.

You weren't really complaining, like in the past month, You and Ellie are like two wheels on a bike. You two had a system, a routine. One you'll miss.

You had memorized her routine. When the clock hits 8 am, she gets up begrudgingly. She goes to the bathroom to splash her face with water to awaken herself, moves to the kitchen with her sleeves rolled, tattoos on display, and then puts bread on the toaster, cracks up an egg to make herself an egg sandwich, before she rolls to the store.

Ellie only knows your routine during weekends, where you usually join her in minding the store.

There was a shift, maybe in the air, or the temperature, where the ice dropped down to welcome summer in gladly, or when the leaves turn greener and greener every day.

It wasn't in the way the ice bows down to the sun, or the way the leaves green, but between the two of you, where it was unlikely for the ice to bow down to the sun.

It happened one Saturday morning. You were in the storage room, checklist in hand to check the stock of the cereals. When you realized you were running low, you went straight outside to order some, when you went crashing directly to Ellie, who was behind a pile of boxes, boxes of cereals.

The very same boxes of cereals that put you in the emergency room at 10:30 in the morning. 

The crash sent you stumbling sideways, right hand specifically.

When you landed on the floor, Ellie’s eyes were blown wide, like she just ran over a cat or something.

The buzz in the emergency room is deafening, there’s people everywhere, frantic people’s faces displayed, and the fast pace of the doctors.

A doctor came to you a moment later and asked how she can assist you, you were about to answer but Ellie spoke on your behalf.

“She– uhm, tripped, on a box of cereals, I was holding the boxes and she didn’t see me so she tripped and-”

You looked up to the doctor, holding your right hand gently, and smiled at her awkwardly. “I tripped and landed sideways, that's it.”

Ellie nodded her head profusely, listening to what the doctor was saying.

She said that you’ll need an x-ray in order for her to assess you more thoroughly, and sometime later, you were taken to a room to get your x-ray.

You were waiting outside, your free hand still holding the injured one like it’s going to fall off, watching Ellie struggle with the vending machine.

You stand up, walking up to her, she immediately notices you and that spark of worry shows in her face again.

“Watcha doin?” you ask, watching a single bead of sweat run down her jaw.

She sighs, “I was trying to get you food.” she gestured at the stuck peanut m&m’s on the machine.

You gave her a faint smile, “No thanks, I’m not hungry, come sit with me.” You signaled at the chairs, ones where you sat before.

She followed you, plopping on the cold steel chairs, she deflated as she sat.

With no hesitation, you made your way into her hands, your warm hand slipping into her cold ones, “Hey, don’t be worried. You didn’t hurt me, Els. I swear. It’s just me being me, okay? Remember, Clums?” you say, assurance in your voice.

Her hand became still inside yours, she looks away as she says, “Now I hate myself for giving you that nickname.”

You turn your head to her, hoping to catch that green eye of hers, you smiled while you did. “No, please, don’t be. It’s fitting,” you stared at the floor for a moment, chuckling when you remember the time when she gave you that nickname, “Do you still remember the day when you gave me that nickname?”

She shook her head gently, her hand fidgeting on your ring. 

“No? Okay, I do though, God- I can’t forget that day.” you shook your head, laughing, “I was asked to buy tomato sauce at the store, list already evaporating in my sweaty hands, I can’t even see or read the name because it was so wet! And when I did find it, My-”

“Your hands slipped.” Ellie says, looking up to you while continuing the story correctly, her eyes twitched as she looked into yours.

“Yeah.” you sigh, “My hand slipped.” you look down at your hands, entangled into hers with a mist of sweat left in your hands.

You held your gaze, never averting it while she held hers too, you swore you felt a spark when her hand twitched, never leaving yours.

The doctor appeared in the corner, a clipboard on her hand and a concerned look on her face. Ellie was the one who stood up, “Is she gonna be okay?”

“I’m afraid not, but yes, she is going to be. Unfortunately, Miss Y/L/N, you have suffered a minor fracture, you're going to need a cast.”

Ellie nodded, “Okay, Thank you Doctor.”

A few moments later, you were in a room, a gentle orthopedic wrapping your arm up in a cast while Ellie watches, she's fascinated. While wrapping you up, the orthopedic makes small talk.

“So, how did we get into this situation?” she beamed at you, the orthopedic’s smile was so big it covered her eyes.

“Uh, I tripped, boxes and clumsiness aren't a good pair.” you say, shrugging as you look up to Ellie.

“Oh, I see! Well it was nice for your girlfriend to accompany you here. You two certainly make a great couple!”

You did not expect her to say that, but looking at how she is smiling at the both of you right now, you really had no choice but to play along.

Blood rushed into your cheeks as you answered, “Oh, Thank you.”

You looked up to Ellie again, her cheeks are the same as yours, blood pooling, gleaming in the sea of freckles as she gives you a cringed smile.

Once the orthopedic's finished, she taps her hand into your cast, “Okay! You're all done! Come back again after two weeks so we could see how it’s progressing and then we can switch to a fiberglass cast. After the fiberglass cast everything goes smoothly and your hand will be healed in no time, I’ll see you both in two weeks!” the cheery orthopedic said, before excusing herself to leave.

After going to the front desk to settle your payments, Ellie puts her hands around her as you two slid your way out the revolving doors.

“What are you doing?” You call her out, her hands around your waist. She looks at you, with a smug grin on her face.

“What?” she asks, the smug grin still intact and a small raised eyebrow,  “Can’t a girlfriend hold her girlfriend?”

You let out a giggle, “Ellie, that was a joke. The doctor was just so nice and I didn’t want to crush her big ass smile.” You say, reaching for the door handle of the passenger seats while Ellie does the same.

She slid the keys in the ignition then a small screech of the car was heard. It was mid afternoon when you left the hospital, and Ellie’s first thought was to get food.

When the traffic lights turned into that familiar shade of green you’ve been waiting for a full five minutes, Ellie turns left instead of veering right. You peered at her “Where are we going?”

Without looking away from the road, Ellie answers “Food.”

Your stomach growled at the word. Right, you haven’t had food since nine in the morning, Ellie’s burnt toast and eggs are long gone in your stomach, and you haven’t noticed it but, you are really hungry.

She pulls up into an old diner, the ones with the jukeboxes, glossy red seats, the checkered floors, and the ones where you can get good milkshakes. Outside, there is a medium sized sign that reads, ‘Patty’s Diner’, embossed in bright neon colours.

“I used to come here all the time, whenever I visited. They have the best milkshakes and cheeseburgers here.” Ellie says as she beamed at you with a smile you’ve never seen before.

A bell rings as Ellie pushes the door open, the smell of potatoes instantly hits your nose. A woman—maybe in her mid-60’s—stares in shock as Ellie comes forward to the counter.

“Ellie?! Oh my god, you got so big now!” the curly headed woman says, charging to Ellie, pulling her into a tight hug.

Ellie happily accepts the hug, “Hey, Pat. Long time no see.”

The woman shrieks in joy, “I know, look at you! You're so grown now, tattoos and all.” the woman notices you behind Ellie, and immediately acknowledges you “And oh, you even brought your girl here, you go Ellie.” Patty—you presumed— teased Ellie with a wink. 

The thought of two people thinking you and Ellie are dating is rather… unorthodox.

The possibility is open, wide open. Living with Ellie developed something inside of you. A warm, fuzzy feeling whenever you two are bantering on the kitchen table, whenever you two are arguing at the smallest things and the way she looks at you after all those arguments and banters.

You were afraid of acknowledging the feeling, you were terrified even when you're just keeping it to yourself.

But this day just made you realize that fuck, you were falling for her. For Ellie.

The girl who made you wait for 2 hours to bag your groceries, the girl who killed the first bunny you've ever seen, the girl who followed you around in every aisle of their store, the very girl who is pretending to be your girlfriend two hours later at the doctor. And yes, also the girl who woke up at 8am every morning just so you could shop freely, the same girl who cooked you burnt toast but amazing eggs, the same girl who brought you comic books so you could pass the time.

And Ellie just plays with it, “Yeah, we were hungry and decided to stop by.”

She is also the girl who made you question yourself more times than security questions could.

Patty seated you to the counter and brought out two milkshakes, chocolate ones. One sip of that and you were like transcending into heaven. She watched you sigh as you sipped again, the milkshake evaporating at your expense.

Ellie chuckles at your astonishment, “Good huh?”

You gulped, “Really, really good. Can I have like, 10 of these?”

That earned a laugh from Ellie, “I don’t know babe, but you might wanna pace yourself, you're gonna get full and we still have cheeseburgers.”

Babe, it’s maddening how she just calls you that casually.

“Right.” you answer, your free hand fiddling on the striped straw of the milkshake. You watch her as she chats with Patty, you catch yourself enjoying the act of watching her, of seeing her. The way her eyes have that glint of happiness that’s contagious, so contagious that you feel it every time you’re with her. You look at her like she shits rainbows and sunshines, like she’s your milkshake angel, and it’s so dumb.

Soon enough, the cheeseburgers arrived and it was tasty as Ellie says it would be. Halfway into your burger, Patty sits down, facing the both of you, she puts her palms against her face then asks, “So, how’d you lovebirds meet?”

The question caught you off guard and you choke, chewing halfway into your burger. Ellie slides your milkshake closer to your hands as she answers, “She’s the one I told you about, remember? When I was fifteen and when I first visited here, she’s–”

Patty’s mouth formed a vicious ‘o’ as her eyebrows raised, a puzzle clicked inside her brain, “Oh! Yes, I remember! Miss Clums?”

You drag a hand to your face, debating on whether you should pounce on Ellie or not.

Your brain goes back into recalling that memory, stopping at where your hand slipped.

The fragile glass of the tomato jar falls to the floor, tiny pieces of glass ricocheting throughout the aisle. It was on the floor, the boot of your jeans and in the battered converse that Ellie always wore.

You turned to Patty, who was laughing, “Oh, yes I remember. You going in here smelling like tomatoes and sweat, and looking like you just stepped into a crime scene the way your converse is covered in red.”

Ellie smirks as she sips into her milkshake, eyes on you, “It was a good day though, never seen someone so pretty bein’ embarrassed before.” she says, her knees bumping into you as she faces you.

Patty smiles between the two of you, “This might be the first time I’m kickin’ someone outta here for being so sweet.”

You both laughed.

The sun hiding beside the trees is a small indicator that it's time to go home, maybe the empty milkshake glasses and the discarded burger wrappers are one too.

When Patty sits down for a more deep chat, Ellie keeps up the act, your heart festering about how she keeps it so well.

How her eyes flickered to yours when she says a sentiment memory that didn't even happen, yet it feels real, it feels right.

In the car, you palmed your cheeks, it hurts after smiling all afternoon, it hurts after blushing all afternoon.

Ellie noticed the silence, it was only the radio that filled the void between the two of you, “Hey, you okay?” she asks, her eyes left the road for once to glance at you.

You stared at the window, your head slumped against it, “I'm fine.” you answer, but both of you know it's a lie.

From your peripheral vision, Ellie just nods and resumes the drive.

When you got home, none of you spoke, you just went off to your separate rooms.

You felt awful, you wanted to cry, sob and weep. You also felt angry, you wanted to ask her why. 

Why do all that? Why not just tell the truth? Does it make you feel good knowing that it doesn't for me? 

You pressed your cheeks against the soft pillow, and tried to cry, you just wanted to release your feelings but your body betrayed you.

Rip the band aid off. That's what your mom always tells you when you're too afraid to do something, rip the band aid off and get it over with.

So that's what you do, you rip the band aid off.

Outside, you find Ellie in her flannel. She has a mug on her hand, when she sees you, she acknowledges you with a swift smile.

“Hey, can't sleep either?” 

You stepped outside fully, the midnight breeze hitting your skin made you shiver, your sleepwear doesn't exactly help. You walk slowly, the wooden floorboards creak at every step you take. You step in front of her, took a deep breath then asked,

“Can I ask you a question?” you breathe out raggedly. 

She takes a sip of her coffee, licking her lips clean, “Sure.”

“Is it easy?” you say, looking straight into her eyes, your jaw locked, keeping your breaths slow and steady. Ellie pauses for a faint moment.

“Easy to what?”

“To say all those things to Patty earlier. Is it easy?”

She chuckles, “It's just a joke so yeah, it was easy.”

You bit your lip, nodding “Of course it is,” your voice broke, tears started residing in your eyes and your throat felt like it was wrapped in barbed wire, "Of course it's easy.” you mutter, looking down at your cup, you’re holding it tightly it might break. The poor tea cup bears the weight of your anger.

Ellie turns to you, her eyebrows knitted “Is there something wrong?”

“I think I could ask you that too, Ellie,” you spat, “But I think I've got a really clear answer, apparently there's none, cause you have it easy.”

The tone of your voice sits between anger and aggression, Ellie sees a vague look on your face, one that you've never seen before, she stares at you. “What?”

You couldn't stop it, your tears flowed through your face, glistening against the faint porch lights, your voice cracked as you spoke, “It's so unbelievable how easy you can lie like that! How you could stare at me and it could mean nothing— how our knees would bump and you'd feel nothing, how you hold my hand and don’t feel it, cause I do, I can feel it deep in my skin. How is it easy for you when it feels like hell to me?” you shook your head, grasping the hems of your shirt “It's so confusing how you could make me feel I'm in heaven yet you still make me wish I was in hell.” you took shuddering deep breaths, wiping the tears off your face with your cold, shaky hands, before running off inside.

Ellie follows you and grabs you with your wrists, her hands warm by holding her coffee cup, you look back at her, cheeks flushed and eyes red.

“I said all those things so easily because it was real.”

Your eyes met her grassy ones, lined with tears, her eyes aren't still, it searched and studied your face, her stares are so deep you feel it burning your skin.

Her hand slowly releases you as you turn back, eager to listen and your heart pounding so fast. “All of it was real. When I first saw you through that forest, I got so distracted by you that I shot that bunny instead of the tree. I think it was a miracle that I did it, and that's because you were there. But I felt so bad that I didn't finish my dinner that night. I didn't finish my dino nuggets— and I loved dino nuggets. I kept you in that store for two hours because I liked seeing you, I liked hearing your voice and how your face flushed whenever you got so angry,” she stopped to chuckle, it made you chuckle too even in your tears, “When I gave you that nickname, Clums. I wasn't even mad that my shoes were fucked up, or when Maria got mad at me because I told her that I was the one at fault not you, I didn't get upset, I was actually happy because we had an interaction that day, I called you Clums and your face turned like the shade of the tomato on the floor.”

She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath as she unravelled more, she sniffled as she continued, “I talked to Joel about you, you know. And you know what he told me that night?” she looks at you, then resumes “He told me that he never seen me that happy before, and he was glad that I made a friend. Fuck he— he didn't know that I missed that friend when I left and I fell in love with that friend when I came back.”

She steps forward, and she's only inches away from your skin. Slowly, she pushes a stray hair to your ear, then whispers, “So to answer your question, yes, it was easy. Because I know to myself that I didn't lie.” She cups your jaw, wiping the tears that run down your face, pulling you in slowly for a kiss.

When you walked out that door earlier, you didn't anticipate this, you just wanted an answer, and you have been given one. In the deep valleys of her neck, her murmurs in between kisses, and just how she holds you close as she swallows you whole, yes, you found your answer, and it was here all along.

You two stumbled down through the door as she pushed you in, her lips never left yours.

The back of your knees hit the couch as you fell into it, she crawled on top of you, hand roaming everywhere. She pulls away for a second, looking at you as blood remains in your cheeks, sweat lined in your brows and panting breaths. You looked like a fucking masterpiece.

“Can I-”

“Yes, please. God, I need you, I need you so bad.” you breathe out, tipping your head back.

Ellie plants more kisses in your lips, savouring every moan that leaves your mouth, her kisses going down to your neck, you reveling in pleasure as she stays there for a moment. She strips your nightwear off, “As much as I love seeing you in that, I'm gonna have to take it off.” She unbuttons it slowly, her warm breaths against your skin makes your nipples go hard, “This okay?” she asks as she runs her thumb over it, you let out a satisfied moan. “Yes, that's it, let me hear you, pretty girl.”

She runs her tongue over your sensitive nipples, warm saliva plastered all over it, she looks up at you with half lidded eyes. “Fuck, you taste so sweet.”

She doesn't go fast, she goes slow and takes her time with it, savouring every minute and every second she's like this with you.

While she works on your chest, you tug on her flannel, she stops on what she's doing and then asks “What's wrong?”

“Off, please.” you say, tugging more on her flannel, begging to see more of her, “Be my guest, baby.”

You worked on the buttons with a pace, taking it all off within seconds, you stared at the body before you. Her biceps are toned as well as her abs, you let your hand roam through it as Ellie gives you a sly smirk, “Like what you see?”

You returned it with a kiss, more deep and filled with longing and a crave that can't be satisfied.

She pulls your silk underpants off with an ease, your wetness creates a spot of dampness in your cotton panties, Ellie hooks her thumb into it as she slides it down slowly, “So wet for me, hm.”

And at last, you were naked, she knelt between your legs like your an altar, you looked at Ellie with a mischievous stare, “Fuck, you're so gorgeous, please tell me I can touch you, please.” she whined.

You answer with a light nod, and apparently that's all it takes. What started as slow transitions into a much faster pace. Now, Ellie doesn't waste time, she licks your clit slowly, your juices staining her face as she immersed herself in it. She draws little circles in your clit, her tongue occasionally dipping in your sopping hole. Her tongue is relentless and it made you lose your mind when she pushes a finger inside you. “Ellie- fuck, ah.”

Her finger pushes soft thrusts in, her hand curling just right to reach that spot, lewd sounds filled every corner of the room. For Ellie, your moans are like a tune to her ears, one that keeps her going and puts you on the edge.

“Fuck- I dreamt of this, I can do this all night, I could trace every bit of this on paper and remember it forever.” 

“Jesus, do you ever shut up?” You rolled your eyes.

You were close, so close, Ellie can feel it as your walls clenched around her fingers, “Fuck– Ellie, I'm so close-”

“I know baby, I know, I can feel you, you're doing so great taking me like this.”

When she pushed another finger in, you just crashed. Your orgasm crashed like waves all over your body as you let out a long guttural moan that you didn't even know you could do, your back arched freely as Ellie helped you ride through it, her hand stayed atop of your thighs as it trembled.

“That was fucking amazing.” you say in between pants, looking down at her who looked happy between your thighs.

“You're fuckin’ amazing.” she says as she licks you clean, drinking all of your release, planting soft kisses in your thighs before putting your clothes back gently.

She plops down besides you pulling you in for another kiss, before dragging you into the bedroom, where you slept side by side, skin to skin. For a fleeting moment, you weren't afraid of anything with Ellie right behind your side.

July

Days Elapsed: 121

Days Remaining: 30

July brought a bittersweet feeling for you. Maria and Tommy were coming back, which meant Ellie was the one to leave now.

The sight of her leaving made your heart ache, you didn’t want her to leave, but that just sounds selfish.

So to numb any anticipated feeling of loneliness you'll soon face, you intended to spend every second with Ellie as much as possible.

In the store—where it was booming recently, a wave of regulars coming in everyday— while you stay by her side, smiling as she rings up food while having small talk with the customer. In the store, where you cling to her arms as she talks while restocking food in the sauce aisle.

In your house, as you stood by her side while she whips up an amazing dinner for both of you—which you immediately thank her as you both headed for the bedroom.

In the bedroom, where you find out her favourite place is between your legs and you're not complaining about it.

In the shower, where your skin clung to hers, a hazy fog appeared in the mirror as you kissed her mindlessly while she brushed her teeth.

In the kitchen during the mornings, where you washed the dishes as she left a trail of kisses on your neck up to your face.

“Ellie!” you exclaimed, “You're distracting me!”

“I know!” she giggled as she found your lips through the splashes of water you gave.

Or during the nights, where you ran out of topics to discuss, so you just trauma dumped.

“What's up with your family?” Ellie asked one evening as you two laid on the bed.

“What do you mean?” you turn to her, eyebrows knitted as you trace the freckles on her collarbone.

“You’re all alone in that house… Where's your Mom? your sisters? How about your Dad?”

You took a deep breath before answering “My mom.. she's in another state, working, as always. My sisters… They're in school, with my Mom. My Dad…” you pursed your lips, “is another boring story.”

Ellie shifts, she places her hand on your hair, stroking it gently as she looks at you “I’m here to listen babe.”

You give her an acknowledgement nod, “Okay, let see," you took another, staggering deep breath “He left us when I was five, me, my sisters and my mom. I used to comfort my mother when he left, she cried and cried, and I just sat there and listened to her, my heart ached so much.. and then she would tell me, ‘Hon, you find a man that'll be your post during hard times.’ she would tell me, so I grew up despising my father. And when I was twelve, boys would flock to my lunch table, send me notes in my locker, or pass me notes during classes. I rejected them all because they didn't feel like they were the one.”

You haven't realized that your tears were falling already, it was Ellie's hand who reached to wipe it as you talked again.

“Then you came, you and your green eyes with that grin. God, but I hated you, when you shot that bunny in the forest, or when you made me wait for two hours for my groceries. But overtime, it wasn't just hatred that made my face all red, it was the feeling I felt for the very first time in my life where you tried to fight me off from getting the last box of Cheerios from that high shelf, where our hands brushed and my body felt electric, I thought that it was the feeling that my aunts told me about when you hold a boy's hand for the first time and when you feel that spark.. he's the one.” you paused as you tried to store the tears into your throat as you looked her in the eye, “It was true, Ellie, I felt that spark.. the spark that I was searching for in other people's hand, not knowing it could only be felt in yours. You're like.. lighter fluid, you know?”

Ellie gave you a light chuckle, tears residing in her eyes, “Piss off.”

“I'm serious! You awakened something inside me that I didn't even know was there.”

“Oh, so like, your lesbian awakening?”

You laughed. “Kind of? But in all seriousness, the spark faltered when you left, but now it's shining ever so brightly.” You smiled at her before giving her a gentle peck, putting strayed hairs behind her ears.

She inched closer, pulling you into her body as she wrapped you up into a tight hug, she was silent for a moment, then she whispered “Can I eat you out now?”

You pulled back in disbelief, your mouth slightly open as you gave her a scoff, “Ellie! I literally just had trauma dumped on you and your response is ‘can I eat you out now?’”

“What?! It just happens to be my form of emotional support!” she retorts.

You rolled your eyes, “Fine.” you say as you let her kiss your neck mindlessly before trailing down to your thighs before the night ended.

In the morning during the last day of July, you two were up just before the sun dawned.

Tommy and Maria will arrive today, and Ellie also leaves today. For the first hour of packing, neither of you talked, probably because of the fact that when you talk, tears would definitely leave your eyes too. 

Once you've finished, Ellie breaks the silence. 

“So,” she gives the duffel bag a pat, “Ready to leave? Oh-”

You ran sobbing before collapsing into her arms, tears streaming down your eyes before landing on her cashmere sweater. Ellie takes you in gently as she brushes your hair, placing her chin on your head as she lets you get all your emotions out.

“Hey, hey, it's okay, I'll come back, babe. I promise.” she says as she consoled you in her arms.

“Why'd you have to leave? Can't you just stay here?” you say in between weeps.

“I know, I'm sorry. Believe me, it's the worst decision to make.”

You sniffled, wiping your tears away. You gulped as you gathered your hairs into a bun before giving her a nod.

A blue car stops on your front porch, its brake clutching, creating a shrieking sound as it stops fully. The sound of it catches your attention, you hurried to the door.

As you opened it, Tommy and Maria glowed in the morning light as they took their suitcases out the back.

Your gloomy mood was replaced with a happy one as you ran towards Maria and Tommy, pulling them both for a hug.

“Oh- hey, kiddo.” Tommy pats you on your shoulders as he was taken aback with your sudden hug.

“Hey there, sweetheart.” Maria's voice calms you down, as you melt even more into the hug.

When you pulled back, you saw Ellie standing on the porch and your sadness set in again. You thought of Ellie as a strong girl, as she gives you a smile from afar but you know it pained her to leave too.

“Are your guys doing some lovey dovey telepathy thing?” Maria teases out of nowhere, “Come on now, Joel's waitin’”

Right. Joel's waiting. You watched Ellie as she walked towards the car, Ellie greets Maria and Tommy with a cheek kiss, while Maria gives her a confused look.

“What's with the bags, Els? You going somewhere?”

Ellie stopped in her tracks, “Yeah? I'm- going home?”

Maria laughed, “Oh, honey. Joel's just waiting for you to greet him! Gosh, haven't he told you? He's going to stay here with us now.”

And then, Joel steps out of the car with a brown scruffy jacket on him and a wide smile.

“Hey, sorry you packed. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

In response, Ellie drops her bags before hugging Joel, “Thanks, Joel.”

“Someone eavesdropped on the phone.” Tommy spoke.

A little while after you and Ellie got together , Maria checked in—and Maria being the absolute angel she is, you couldn't lie to her—so you told her, about you and Ellie.

She sounded ecstatic on the phone, saying that she had already predicted that it would happen.

So maybe Joel heard it too, he heard how big you love her.

The sadness faded away into the air within you and your new found family. You felt Ellie's hand around your waist as she hugged you from the back, her lips resting on its favourite spot, your neck.

Once again, when you face her, your face is all red and glowing, “So, you're staying..”

“I'm staying. And I'm never going to leave again.”

And now, you truly believe her.

your shoes are scuffing underneath the chipped and imperfect pavement as you walk, your heart practically beating out your chest as anxiety swelled within you, because it was dark, for one, the opiate of winter falling over los angeles, and it was already night, despite it being only seven thirty.

you fumble your nimble fingers in your pockets to fish out a cigarette and a lighter, setting the cigarette ablaze and taking a puff as you walked, hair flowing wildly in the wind.

you shove your hands deeper in your pockets as you approach the end of the alley. it’s quiet and appears even darker to you, though it’s always been the same. a smell of smoke fills your nostrils and your eyes scan the empty, abandoned buildings, until your eyes land on her.

billie.

billie had been your dealer for a couple months now, and she was your favorite out of any that you’d ever had. she could be a little bitchy, and she had her moments, but she was always on time and reliable, and plus, always supplied you with good shit.

she was clad in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, and your eyebrows furrowed at her nonchalance towards the icy cold. she was leaned up against a wall scrolling on her phone, a cigarette in her other hand as she looked up, locking eyes with you.

the only thing that illuminates the area now is the faint flicker of an old streetlight, which causes you to see billie wave you over with a slick smile, the faint curl of her lips greeting you without her saying a word first. you strut over to her quickly, and she places her hands in her pockets as she cocks her head to the side, “you’re a little late, princess.”

“i had to get gas.” you mangage, frigid fingers shaking slowly as you lifted your hand to take a drag of your cigarette, billie mimicking her actions. an obedient cloud of smoke leaves her lips as she quickly sucks it back in, and you roll your eyes at her, “show off.”

she doesn’t respond, she just drops her hand and leans up against the brick wall behind her, “so, you got the money? it’s thirty-five this time.”

you nod at billie and pull your wallet out from your purse that rests on your shoulders, opening it and expecting to see a two twenties laying there, but it’s completely empty.

your anxiety pumped through you as you shivered quietly, but not because of the cold. you could have sworn that you put the money in the wallet before you switched it out for your other one, but clearly, you were mistaken. but you’ve been hesitating too long, and billie’s eyebrow raises when you start tapping your pockets in a desperate attempt to find your cash.

billie’s eyes flicker over you, running a hand through her hair as she broke the silence, “what’s wrong, princess?”

“i….i forgot the money.” you murmured, your voice barely audible.

she pushes off the wall slowly, every movement deliberate and slow, like she’s wasting more time just to see you nervous. she echoes your statement, “forgot the money, huh?”

“yeah,” you mumble, avoiding her strong gaze. her eyes are low when she looks at you, and so dark that you can hardly tell they’re even blue anymore.

billie studies you for a moment, then jerks her head toward the corner of the building. she leaves fairly close by to your meeting spot, so she gestures to a street over, “c’mon, we’re not talking about this out here.”

you trail after her in silence, heart pounding with every step that you take, and you honestly feel like you might just throw up. she doesn’t talk to you the whole walk, she’s just quiet, apart from her humming a song or two every once and a while.

when you finally reach her place, your eyes catch how nice the exterior is. it’s all black and sleek, but with minimal windows. there’s two cars parked out front and you know that the black dodge is hers, but the hellcat— you’ve never seen that one before.

your eyes continue to scan the nature of her home after she unlocks the door without a word, pushing it open to reveal what’s inside.

the air’s thick, heavy with the smell of weed, there’s a the low hum of a tv in the background, although it hardly distracts you from the guy that’s sprawled out on her couch.

he’s counting money— stacks of it. his fingers move quick and methodical, flipping through the bills nonchalantly. there’s a faint sound of rap music that’s coming from his loud airpods, and he doesn’t even look up when you walk in.

billie tosses her keys onto the counter carelessly and finally breaks the silence that burdens you, but her words aren’t directed at you. her eyes land on the mysterious guy on the couch, “yo, go roll me a J real quick.”

“you could always say please,” he mocks, though he finishes off his last stack of money and places it neatly on the coffee table, rising from his spot and venturing into the kitchen.

now that you and billie are alone, your throat feels thick and it becomes difficult to swallow. never in life have you cheated billie or not given her a payment on time, and your heart races at the thought of your consequence.

she’s not the type to hurt you at all, and you know that. for months she’s called you her favorite customer, and she’ll slip little compliments to you here and there, but it isn’t often. you’ll catch her checking you out every once and a while, her eyes lingering on your tits too long or grazing your hand when she passes you your weed, you notice it all.

“so,” she drags out the vowel, twisting on your heel to look at you as you place your bag down on the hook next to the door. you’re standing awkwardly, and you don’t even realize that you’re holding your breath until she gets closer to you. “you really forgot the money, huh, princess?”

you nod stupidly, “yeah…i’m sorry bil, i can—“

“you know, princess,” she cuts you off, her voice soft and slightly teasing as her eyelashes flutter at you, “this isn’t exactly how business works, i know you know that. when you come to me, you bring me my shit, and i give you yours. not ‘tryna be a bitch, love. just how shit rolls. you understand?”

you nod quickly, heart pounding as you broke eye contact out of nervousness. you stare at your shoes, “i know, i know. i messed up. it won’t happen again—“

she cuts you off with a chuckle, leaning back onto a wall and crossing one foot in front of another, “oh, i know it won’t. but the thing is…” she pauses as you look up, her eyes locking with yours, “you still want what you came for, don’t you?”

you freeze, the weight of her words pressing against your chest. it seems like with every word exchanged between the two of you, she grows closer and closer to you. you gulp and you nod again, slower this time. “well…yeah.”

that makes billie shoot you a grin, so close now that the tip of your noses kiss. she looks up at you with those sultry eyes, making your skin feel hot as you returned eye contact.

“you know, i could just send you packing. but…” she tilts her head, her dark hair catching the dim light, “i think we can work something out.”

your breath catches as her gaze drops, trailing over you in a way that feels heavy, deliberate. she doesn’t say anything for a moment, letting the silence stretch just long enough to make your skin tingle. then, with a smirk that makes your stomach flip, she turns toward the hallway.

“come with me real quick,” she says over her shoulder, her tone casual but slick. she pauses for a moment when the guy from the couch hands billie a perfectly rolled joint.

you hesitate for a moment, glancing at the guy that now took his position back on the couch. he’s still counting money, not even sparing you a glance, mouthing the words to some song playing on his phone as billie began to walk. you take a shaky breath and follow her, your heart pounding louder with every step.

the hallway feels narrower than it should, her presence in front of you filling the space in a way that makes it hard to breathe. she leads you into a room at the end, the door creaking slightly as she pushes it open. her room is a chaotic mix of shadows and soft light, the faint smell of her perfume mingling with the lingering scent of weed.

she turns to face you, leaning back against the doorframe with her arms crossed. her smirk hasn’t faded, and her eyes stay locked on yours, her expression unreadable but knowing.

“so, princess,” she says, her voice dropping just slightly, “let’s talk about how you’re gonna make this up to me.”

you gulp silently as you eye billie, who’s leans up against her dresser, fishing for her lighter out of some drawer. her shirt is lifted slightly above her waistline, her belly button piercing and a tattoo sticking out, making your breath hitch.

she looked undeniably good, and when she stretched to her full height to look at you, she offered you a cocky smirk, “you got a staring problem?”

“i— no.” you shrug, trying to keep your cool as billie’s eyes lingered on you. she plopped on her bed and lit the joint, taking a long drag and sighing of relief, throwing her head back.

there’s a moment of silence between the two of you until she looks at you, taking another hit before speaking, “so, how you wanna do this, baby?”

you feel the air grow heavier much her question hanging in the space between you as you mindlessly stare at her. you can feel how stupid you look, and your mouth opens but no sound comes out.

billie’s gaze is fixed on you, a cloud smoke curling lazily around her plump lips as she exhales. her eyes narrow at you slightly, and her smirk sharp and cutting. she doesn’t say anything at first, letting the tension sit until it’s almost unbearable.

“…cat got your tongue?” billie drawls, tapping the ash from the joint into a tray on her nightstand. she settles further into her covers and sits with her legs crossed, “or are you just hoping i’ll let you slide?”

you clear your throat, shifting uncomfortably under her stare. you back up off the doorframe and rub your hands on your jeans nervously, palms incredibly sweaty. “i just… what do you mean?” you ask, playing dumb although you know damn well what she means.

billie snorts, a low, humorless sound, and shakes her head. she already knows that you’re playing stupid, and she sits up in seriousness and gives you stern eyes.

“don’t play dumb,” she says flatly, leaning back against the headboard, one leg bent while the other stretches out casually. “you came to me without cash, can’t just give my shit away, now can i? that’s not how this works. you know this, princess.”

your cheeks flush, the heat creeping up your neck as her words sink in. the pet names only continued to make your skin hot, and you shift your weight onto your left side, trying to mask the fact that all though you’re in pretty serious trouble with a literal drug dealer, it turned you on a little bit.

you force yourself to look at billie as she tilts her head at you, her smirk curling. “you’ve got nothing to say now?”

you swallow hard, fumbling for a response, billie she doesn’t give you the chance to even speak. she pats the space beside her on the bed, her voice dropping into a softer, almost mocking tone. “c’mere, princess. let’s figure this out, yeah?”

your legs feel like they’re moving on their own as you cross the room, every step making your pulse pound harder in your chest. her tattooed hand grazes your ass when you sit next to her, and your skin crawls out of nervousness when her hand doesn’t move, it just stays there.

billie doesn’t say anything at first. she just passes you the joint with her free hand, her fingers brushing yours deliberately and sending a jolt through you.

“take a hit,” she orders, her tone leaving no room for argument.

so you obey, inhaling deeply. the smoke burns your throat a little, but it’s soothing when the weed starts to take effect after a couple minutes pass.

you force yourself to keep it together, exhaling slowly as you take a few more hits of the joint. billie’s eyes don’t leave you the entire time, her usual smirk returning.

without much of a warning, she pulls you onto her lap with one swift movement, toying with the edge of your sweater as she teases the skin of your abdomen.

“such a good girl,” she murmurs, but there’s an edge to her voice, like she’s amused by how easy you are to control, how easy you are to get so worked up.

your breath hitches as her hand brushes against your thigh, her touch light but deliberate. you feel like you’re nearly overheating now, your skin tingling as she tickles the flesh of your back with her nails.

“you sure about this?” billie asks, her voice low, though her tone inquires if you’re going to back out— almost like she’s daring you to.

deep down, you didn’t really want to back out. she looked so good right now, and you were a high horny mess that desperately just needed some type of relief.

so you nod in agreement, your breath catching as her fingers trail up your arm now, and to your neck. billie doesn’t wait for a second confirmation from you— she doesn’t need to. instead, she closes the distance between the both of you, her lips brushing the corner of your jaw before pulling back just enough to meet your gaze again.

billie’s teasing you, and it only makes the pool in your panties even wetter as she messes with the string of your thong that pokes out from your low rise jeans.

“good,” she whispers, her smirk widening as she shifts closer, her intentions crystal clear as your high further sets in slowly.

the air feels thicker now, every second stretching out as you sink deeper into the haze of your high. billie’s presence is overwhelming, her sharp gaze fixed on you, unrelenting, and you hate the fact that she’s so good at eye contact. it’s like it has no affect on her, but for you, it flusters you like no other.

she tilts her head slightly, taking another slow drag from the joint before letting the smoke curl out between her lips. her smirk sharpens, cutting through the silence.

“you’re high?” she asks you, and she obviously is because of how red her eyes are, and because of how gentle her voice is. it’s still strong and seductive, her usual nature prominent, but laced with something sweet, something warm.

you nod slowly at her, your throat dry as you manage to murmur, “yeah.” the word comes out soft, barely audible, but you know she heard it. she smiled at you, her eyes never leaving yours as she closed her eyes for a second.

billie leans back against the headboard with her eyes shut, like she’s got all the time in the world to do whatever she wants. and she does, it’s all about her right now— but you don’t hate it. a part of you is subtly glad that you forgot the money.

you didn’t have a crush on billie, but what you did know is that she was fine as fuck, and that she was much nicer and more caring than all of your other dealers. she wasn’t just someone who sold you weed, she’d call you and check up on you, or invite you out to get together just for a smoke. you though the relations were a little too intimate just for business, but it never bothered you.

you watch as billie’s eyes flutter open, her thumb brushing small circles over your skin. “you look good like this….you’re so pretty.”

her voice is soft and alluring, making a gentle smile creep up onto your face as you press yourself against her chest. you can’t think of anything to say back, can’t focus on anything except the way her fingers linger on your leg. the haze of the high makes it harder to push back the nervous excitement thrumming through your chest, and the feeling of boldness hits you hard.

“you’re too quiet,” she mutters, her voice quieter than usual. her arms snake around your waist as she pulls you closer, her embrace making your skin tingle from the sensitivity that the weed brings. she’s so pretty— pink lips formed in a natural pout, her long eyelashes fluttering against her freckled cheeks— it’s so fucking hard not to kiss her.

you don’t say anything to her, mainly out of fear that you’ll say something stupid. your heart is pounding too loud, the mix of her touch and the high making everything feel like it’s way too much. billie cocks her head to the side at your silence, leaning in just enough for you to catch the faint scent of her woody perfume mingling with the smell of smoke.

“i wanna kiss you.” she murmurs honestly, her voice soft but commanding. it’s more like an order than an expression of her wants, and by the look on her face, she already knows you’ll do what she says.

before you can overthink it, her lips are on yours, firm and unrelenting. the kiss hits you like a spark to dry wood, lighting you up from the inside out. her arms travel from your back to your waist, one ring-clad hand coming up to hold your face. pulling you closer as her other hand slides up to your neck, billie’s fingers curl lightly around your jaw to tilt your face just the way she likes it.

she tastes like smoke and something sweet, and the contrast is dizzying. her lips move against yours with a rough kind of precision, like she’s in total control, like she’s been waiting for this. when her teeth graze your bottom lip, a soft gasp escapes you, and she smirks into the kiss, the curve of her mouth cocky and knowing.

“always been such a good listener,” she mutters against your lips, her voice low and dragged. you open your mouth to respond, but she doesn’t allow you to, her lips smashing back onto yours. it’s a little slower this time, more deliberate, like she’s savoring the moment. it’s all her high— the way she moves, touched you, it’s much more relaxed and gentle than usual, though her lips are unrelenting.

her fingers find themselves tangled in your hair, tugging just enough to make your breath hitch, and she takes advantage of it, deepening the kiss. all you can feel is her— her hands on you, her mouth moving against yours, her presence wrapping around you like a vice.

when she finally pulls back, her forehead rests against yours, her breath mingling with yours as you both catch up. her eyes flicker at you. there’s something different about them, they’re so much bigger and doe-like, and she whispers quietly to you, “i want you.”

“me?” you ask stupidly, but it’s a genuine question. sure, billie would flirt with you from time to time, but you didn’t expect her to be so bold about it. you could always tell when she was nervous because she’d beat around the bush or get really quiet, and this sudden confidence shocked you.

billie nods, “want you so bad, baby…i want you to touch me.”

the moment stretches between you, her breath warm against your skin, her forehead still pressed gently to yours. you can see every detail of her face, every freckle and every flicker of emotion in her eyes. they’re impossibly wide, soft now, like she’s peeled back something that’s always been unseen. her vulnerability leaves you with no words, and you’re not sure what to say, because this kind of thing was always so rare.

you swallow hard, your voice barely above a whisper as you manage to say, “okay.”

billie’s lips curve into the smallest smile, and before she can say anything, you close the gap, your lips brushing hers again. this time it’s softer, slower, like you’re both exploring the moment. her hands slide up to your neck, her fingers threading gently through your hair as she melts into you, her earlier confidence giving way to something more delicate.

when you finally pull back, her eyes stay closed for a moment, her lashes brushing her cheeks. you study her face, the way she looks almost shy now, and it makes your heart ache in the best way. you take a steadying breath, your fingers brushing her cheek, and you ask softly, “what do you want me to do, billie?”

her eyes flutter open at the question, and her lips part like she’s surprised you’d even ask. she hesitates for a beat, her gaze darting away before finding yours again. “just… be gentle,” she whispers, her voice barely audible, like she’s sharing a secret she’s never told anyone.

your chest tightens at the sincerity in her tone, the way her usual bravado has faded into something so unguarded. “always,” you promise softly, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face.

the way you kiss her, it’s soft and telling, and so very sweet. you’re are quick as your hands travel to the hem of her tank top, kneading at her skin through the fabric as she falls victim to your touch.

you break the kiss, lips still lingering on hers as you ask her, pulling at the hem of her shirt, “can i…take this off?”

“yeah.” billie says in an obvious, bouncy tone, making the both of you giggle against each other as you kiss her again. it’s more intense this time, it’s hungry and vulnerable and messy when your lips part, allowing billie’s tongue to shyly intertwine with yours.

your fingers slip underneath her tank top and wrap themselves around her bare nipple, relishing in the pretty noises she makes as you do so. she pulls you closer to her out of desperation, little moans and whines escaping her lips as she clings to you like she needs you.

although it kills you to do so, you pull back from billie’s lips and give her calm, yet passive eyes. your high is at its peak now, your confidence grown as you grab the hem of billie’s tank, pulling it up and over her head in one swift motion.

you don’t talk, because there isn’t much to say. you just turn your head to kiss billie’s cheek, the little buds of affection traveling from her face to her neck, to her shoulders and tits, which makes her let out a satisfied moan. your hand comes up to toy with her right breast as your lips latch onto her left one, her hands finding themselves in your hair, showing you how good you make her feel.

“keep…going…please,” billie murmurs gently, a sigh of satisfaction hidden in her tone, “feels s’good, my god.”

you adhere to her request, and very well at that— your movements not ceasing as you look up at her, eyes red and intoxicating.

by the way she’s looking, tits out, head thrown back with sweet moans filling the silent space, it’s impossible for you not to cum right then and there. it feels so much more amplified than usual, your skin literally tingling with every moan that fills your ears.

you finally move lower and lower until your chin rests on the waistband of billie’s sweatpants, toying with them with your fingertips.

“this okay, bils?” you ask for confirmation, eyes flickering up at her, “i wanna take care of you…wanna tell you how sorry i am for forgetting my money.”

“s’okay, just fucking touch me already.” billie orders, her lips quirking into a small smile, but it’s not cocky or teasing—it’s real, like she’s ready for whatever you have to give.

you slide her sweatpants down with a swift motion, cold air channeling goosebumps all over the girls skin.

something clicks in you. you don’t know what, but it’s hungry and eager, and your impatience does nothing but grows, and grows quickly. so you pull billie’s navy blue panties to the side, exposing her pretty pink cunt, making your own grow even wetter, if at all possible.

“so pretty,” you coo, leaning closer to where your nose rests on her clit, “gonna make you feel so good, you know that? just sit and relax, i wanna give you a real good apology.”

she does nothing but nod, and you place two of your fingers in your mouth to lubricate them before placing them in billie’s pussy, the wetness coating your digits with ease as you curled your fingertips. you stop for a second, and when she gives you a look of confirmation— you can’t stop yourself. she looks so gorgeous in front of you, pussy swallowing your fingers whole as she bucked her hips into the air, “f-fuck…y/n! please…keep…k-keep going…”

“oh, billie…” you hum, fingers relentless as you thrust harder into her cunt, “see how sorry i am yet? i would say it won’t happen again…but i kind of like seeing you like this, you look so fuckin’ good. do you feel good, too? hm, baby?”

“mhm.” billie hums, eyes fixated on you as your tongue grazed her clit, making her gasp. your movements are slow, fingertips gently pressing against that sweet spot inside of her, her moans growing louder as her back lifted off of the covers.

you kissed her clit repeatedly, taking the bud in your mouth to suckle on it. your free hand rubs a sensitive spot on her thigh, making billie’s moans amplify as pleasure coursed through her body. and since getting her off makes you get off, your skin tingles as you moan into her pussy.

“doing….s’good, for….me….” you murmur in between pecks, “you gonna cum, bils? that’s all i want…just wanna make you feel good.”

“close.” are the only words that come out of her mouth, repeated like a broken record as you feel her tighten around you.

you’re a little dizzy from the high which makes the both of you giggle, breaking a little tense energy from everything, which makes you smile. billie’s laughs are immediately halted when your fingers quicken, the only sounds filling the air being wet and filthy, accompanied by the both of your moans.

“i’m— i’m right there…please! i’m gonna—!” billie yelps as you coo at her, little praises slipping past your lips as you feel her cunt flutter around your fingers. you don’t stop, you just slow down your movements linearly and kiss at her thighs, helping her through her release.

“such a good girl…bils,” you speak softly, “just showin’ you how sorry i am…”

she looks up at you, and for the first time, you see tears shining in her eyes. you’ve never seen her cry— and it’s a contrasting level of intimacy from the one before as she blinks them away quickly, shaking her head with a nervous laugh. “that was fuckin’…” she mutters, “so good.”

“well, i’m just giving back what you give me,” you say softly with a laugh, “for this free high.”

the air becomes thick with tension for a second. you rest your head on billie’s thigh and draw lazy circles on the skin as she finally speaks up, her hands finding themselves toying with your hair gently, “can i ask you something?”

“mhm.” you hum, eyes closing as you rest your idle hand against her thigh.

billie takes in a deep breath, “i know this was all supposed to be because you didn’t pay but…”

“but?”

she’s quiet now. you can tell she’s a little nervous, so you roll your neck to the side to look up at her, lips contorting into a shit-eating grin. confidence was oozing out of you, glossed over your eyes and shining through your skin, but you didn’t mind. you wanted her, you needed her, and that was the only thing fueling every statement that came out of your mouth.

“you wanna fuck me, don’t you?” you giggle, sitting up now, “s’okay, billie. just touch me, and consider it another payment for next time i buy.”

“god,” she mewls, her hands taking home on your waist as she pulled you underneath her, immediately unfastening the button on your jeans with a smirk, “couldn’t hide it much longer, princess….i need you so badly.”

“but what about the paym—“

“fuck the payment.” is all she says, practically ripping your jeans off as her eyes met with your lacy thong, making her smile in satisfaction. she immediately slides them off after appreciating their beauty, your pussy on display for her as she realizes that your inner thighs are completely coated in your slick.

“what’s got you worked up, mama?” she asks you, wasting absolutely no time as she presses two nimble fingers inside your cunt, disregarding the fact that she’s still got rings on, the cool metal making your skin tingle, “does fuckin’ your drug dealer turn you on? hm?”

as you find the words to respond, billie’s tongue finds its way inside your pussy, replacing the fingers that now rub tight circles along your clit. a loud gasp leaves your lips as your fists find themselves in billie’s sheets, pressure already building up in your abdomen as she fucks you with her fingers, hard.

“you better answer me, or i’ll stop.” she almost laughs at you, but you can tell she’s bluffing because she does nothing but thrust into you harder, making you bite your lip to fight your moans.

words never come no matter how hard you try, and billie rips away your pleasure so abruptly that it makes you whine slowly. but what makes your eyes go wide is when she stands up without saying anything, digging into her drawer like she’s looking for something.

it’s scary that you don’t know what until she turns around, gasping audibly when you see her strap in one hand, and a vibrator in the other.

you weren’t sure what had taken over her from the past hour that you and her were alone, but it wasn’t like you could back out now. you needed her bad, and plus, this was your ultimate payment, right?

“get up.” billie orders at you, doing her last adjustments on the strap before making her way back over to your lonesome spot on her bed, the fabric below you a little wet from where you sat. you wait until she lays down on the bed as she pulls you on top of her, wasting no time to have you sink onto the faux cock.

you winced at the sudden stretch, and billie hands you the pretty pink vibrator with soft doe eyes, “you okay? say the word and i’ll stop.”

and when you tell her that it’s fine, and that you’re okay, her nails dig into your hips, her other hand steadying the vibrator onto your clit as she turns it on.

your face contorts in pleasure as billie bids you a kiss to the forehead, your whole body shaking against hers as you place your arms on her thighs to steady your weight. your high plus the fullness of the strap makes you feel like you’re in a haze, eyes fluttering open and closed sporadically, bending at the roots due to how harsh you blink.

“feels good, huh?” billie giggles, slurring her words a little as her wrist flicks to find that sweet spot on your clit, the vibrator seesawing back and forth, the satisfaction summoning a warm feeling to blossom against your skin.

“so good.” you whine out, succumbing to billie’s touch as her hips rock into yours, your walls tightening around the strap. she grabs your chin and taps your cheek with her red-tinted fingernails, tutting at you, “tsk tsk, baby, look at me. you can do it, i know you can.”

you let out coos out pleasure when you force your eyes open, and billie smiles at your eagerness to satisfy her. she kisses you as a reward, bitting your lip to prompt a moan out of you before pressing a button on the toy slickly, its intensity rising as you gasp.

“fuck!” you seethe through gritted teeth, bubbles of pleasure erupting in your abdomen as you felt your skin grow hotter and hotter. billie squeezes your ass, flashing you a pretty white smile, though there’s nothing comforting about it. she talks to you like you’re pathetic for hardly holding out this long, needy and desperate as you fuck yourself against the strap.

“gonna cum for me already, baby? you look so desperate to, i know you wanna— just look at you.”

little ‘yes’s pass through your lips as your gasps get louder and louder, broken chunks of billie’s name echoing throughout her dim bedroom, your orgasm on the forefront of your mind as your hips sway against her with desperation.

“billie—“

“it’s okay, princess,” she coos at you, grabbing a fistful of your hair to pull you closer to her, lips littering against your shoulders, “cum for me baby, it’s alright, i’ve got you.”

at her command, a wave of pleasure washes over you, your arousal glistening against the strap as you whine, sensitivity spreading to every part of your body as you cum hard. billie’s thrusts slow exponentially with regard for how delicate you are. she cradles you like a precious thing, whispering sweet nothings to do about what a good girl you are, stroking your hair and kissing your cheeks intimately.

when the stars finally come down and your eyes can focus again, you lay against billie’s bare chest with your own, completely nude with her skin grazing yours. you don’t even remember getting cleaned up and slipping underneath the covers, but you try to focus on your breathing as billie’s hands find yours.

for a long moment, neither of you speak, the only sound the soft rhythm of your breaths evening out, matching each other’s. her fingers trail absentmindedly along your arm, tracing invisible shapes that send small shivers across your skin. you tilt your head to look at her, and her eyes meet yours, still soft and a little hazy, but clear enough to hold an expression you can’t quite decipher.

“you okay?” billie’s voice is quiet and she’s got a sparkle in her eyes, her usual cocky tone replaced with something gentler and a little more vulnerable.

you nod, brushing a hand lightly over her arm. “yeah… you?”

she hesitates, her fingers pausing mid-trace against your skin before she nods. “yeah,” she says softly, then bites her lip like she’s holding back something that strikes you as confidential.

you shift slightly, turning to face her more fully, kissing her shoulder before looking up at her, your voice quiet but insistent. “billie?”

her eyes flicker to yours, and for a moment, she looks nervous, like she’s trying to decide whether or not to say what’s on her mind. finally, she sighs, her fingers resuming their absent tracing on your arm.

“this… it’s not just business to me,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. “it never has been. you’re fucking beautiful, and so sweet…and i…”

she pauses for a second, and your heart skips at her words, and you reach out to brush a strand of loose hair away from her face.

“it’s not just…business to me either,” you say softly, your voice steady despite the way your chest feels like it’s about to burst. “you mean more to me than that, billie. i just didn’t say anything…”

billie lets out a soft, disbelieving laugh, shaking her head. “you kept this shit a secret for this long?” she mutters, her cheeks flushing. “i know i have too, but you always seemed more confrontational than i am.”

you look at her, your thumb brushing lightly over her cheek as your eyebrows raise, “me? confront you? today i forgot my money and i thought you were gonna fuckin’ shoot me, not fuck me. i didn’t know you even saw me in that way.”

her eyes search yours, and for a moment, she looks like she doesn’t quite believe you. she always thought you would say something first if any feelings arise, and that’s what kept her quiet. but then her lips twitch into a small, genuine smile, one that makes your lips mimic hers, and she runs her thumb over your cheek. she then leans in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, lingering there for a moment before pulling back to look at you again. “i don’t want this to be a one-time thing,” she says quietly, her voice trembling slightly. “i want you. not just for tonight, not just for… deals. i want all of you.”

your chest swells at her confession, and you reach out to take her hand, lacing your fingers with hers with a smile. “you have me. i don’t want anyone else but you.”

her breath hitches, and for a moment, she looks like she might cry, but she blinks it away, squeezing your hand tightly. “good,” she whispers, her voice so soft it’s almost lost in the stillness of the room.

you smile, leaning in to kiss her softly, letting the moment linger as a comfortable silence falls over the both of you like a blanket. you giggle against her chest, and she gives you an inquisitive look as you glance up at her,

“so…do i get free shit now?”

send me an ask to be added to my taglist!

Ron had spent the night at your dorm, your other dorm mates having spent the night elsewhere, leaving just the two of you. 

he remained in your bed as you got dressed after your shower, pulling on clean clothes before he let out a low whistle. 

you turned to him, shaking your head but Ron only smirked up at you. 

“quit staring and put some pants on”

his eyes stayed on your body as he climbed out of bed, grabbing his jeans from the floor that he’d taken off the night before. 

“you know i can’t”

the smirk on his face made you roll your eyes, turning back to your clothes and grabbing for the clean pair of panties, another whistle falling from Ron’s lips. 

he came up behind you, lips pressing to the juncture between your shoulder and neck as he walked you in front of the mirror. 

“look gorgeous”

you met his eyes in the mirror, unable to stop the smirk gracing your face as he hooked both of his thumbs into the waistband of your thong. 

“that thong really brings out your eyes”

Ron murmured against your ear, right hand sliding down your front before you swatted his hand away. 

he chuckled against your ear, letting you pull out of his arms to continue getting dressed. 

“quit staring Ron, we’re already late”

you told while pulling your t-shirtt on over your head, hands on your hips as you turned back to Ron. 

even though his thoughts were obvious, and nowhere near as innocent as they should be at this time in the morning. 

Ron had laid off, allowed you to get ready for the day without further distractions. 

once you finally got to your first class of the day, you both took your seats, with your friends—even if it was only a desk or two apart. 

the lecture was long and boring, droning on as you tried desperately to pay attention. 

Ron however, had a different idea. 

he’d folded a piece of paper into a paper airplane and flew it your way, landing on your desk in front of you. 

you ignored it, instead continuing to take down notes from the lecture, even if you’d rather dote attention to your boyfriend. 

Ron sighed from his desk, folding up another piece of paper into a paper plane before he flew it your way again. 

you cocked a brow at Ron, who gestured to the folded paper sitting in front of you before you read it. 

‘miss you, stop pouting at the lecture’

his note made you roll your eyes, but a smile tugged at your lips anyways. 

Ron was only a desk over, letting you whispering over to him without fully disrupting the lecture. 

“stop throwing those damn paper planes at me!”

he only chuckled in response, shaking his head as a smile broke out on his handsome face. 

the lecture continued on for a little longer before Ron was folding up another plane, eyes firmly on you as he chucked it. 

the third paper plane flew your way, a knowing smirk on your boyfriends face as you unfolded the paper to read what he’d written. 

‘still thinking of your ass, quickie at lunch?’

you rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help the smirk that graced your lsips, nodding his way as a triumphant look made its way onto Ron’s face. 

it wasn’t a new thing for you and Ron to do, to sneak off during your lunch break, but it never failed to send a thrill of excitement through your body. 

lunch couldn't come quick enough, for either of your likings.