I Run. I Tri. I Science.

I lost a best friend to cancer, had a 3 year romantic relationship fall apart and end, and almost lost my dad to medical ish that could’ve been prevented. 

I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t want to talk to anyone about anything. Just wanna live my life in the present. 

I'll never forget the day we officially met, you were dressed in costume and thoroughly destroying my best marathon time at the NYC marathon, barely breaking a sweat.

I'll never forget the 30 miles we ran together during your first attempt at a 100 miler at the Wildcat. I still don't know how (or why) you ran 40, 2.5 mile, laps. Absolutely ridiculous. (I still count that as my first, and only, Ultra I'll ever run.)

I'll never forget all the shots of whiskey you took on the Little Rock Marathon course, while dealing with my bitching about how much I hate running, and still pacing me to my second fastest marathon.

I'll never forget the miles we ran together in the middle of the night during the Daytona 100, talking about life, where you encouraged my idea of moving cross-country to Texas to do epic shit, then threatening to kill me about 15 miles later while running on the sand in Jacksonville because I couldn't keep the flashlight steady in front of your feet. (I'm glad you ran your goal of sub-24 hours, or else you probably would've went through with it)

I'll never forget your "why the fuck not" spirit, in pretty much everything you did. Pretty much why we got along so well.

This one really fucking hurts, Ellis.

I don’t know how to describe it, but if a runners high were a song it’d be this one.

Probably listened to the song 5 times in a row while I was cruising down the highway. Song brought me back to the middle of the Little Rock Marathon where all I could think about was how grateful I was for being able to fly to a destination, race, and just enjoy the hell out of living in the moment.

Doesn’t help that I keep getting sick and also couldn’t run a 5k without dying right now. But whatever. I just want to be able to breath out of both nostrils and eventually run sub-8 miles.

Another beer in hand, more Ironman aspirations.

It’s hard to know/figure out where to even start again. It’s been so long.

May or may not be at a bar in downtown Fort Worth watching the IMLP finish line on my phone.

May or may not have emotions flooding through my body for all of these athletes.

My cat, Kona, doesn’t know I’m an Ironman. It’s been THAT long since I’ve gotten new running sneakers.

Every single place I’ve lived at in TX has had a trail/path within walking/running distance, but none have ever been steps away from my back door. Nice little 3/4 mile path with a ton of water fountains.

I really don’t have ANY excuses now.

I did a 2 week, 4000+ mile/20 state, cross country road trip and didn’t post anything here.

I run 3.1 miles in the middle of the day, on a warm Texas Saturday, and here I am!

Also, I got told I have to start posting (also stop deleting my posts before I post them because I genuinely think what I put in this space doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things) again by a couple fellow Tumblrs. You know who you are.

Went for a short two miler this morning to clear my head. Didn’t use my Garmin because fuck it (see also: I forgot to charge it), but I knew the route. It ain’t easy getting out there in this Texas heat but I’m glad I did it!

I mean, it’s literally why I have this blog (that i’ve pretty much neglected since I moved to TX). And I can’t really complain that much since this blog is the reason I’m IN texas, but yeah.

Stupid Ironman live feeds, awesome Texas weather, and the fact a 10k would probably kill me prompted me to cut the nonsense. Got a bunch of new running sneakers, a fuck-all-of-your-bullshit attitude, and the goal to fit back into my Ironman finisher shirts. Let’s see how far I get this time.

And I know I owe a few people a selfie on here...

I did a thing. Catalina has a sister now!

Before and after you take time off from racing. And I ain’t even mad!

I feel like my race burnout/fog has finally lifted. It only took 2 years. 2 whole years. Fuck. I never wanna do a year like 2016 again. 3 marathons, 2 half-irons and an Ironman. No thanks. It almost killed my love for this shit altogether. This shark definitely bit off a shit ton and, while I’m proud of what I did, I’ll never do that volume again.

My goal for this year is a couple 5ks, maybe destination based to add to the fanfare, and possibly some sprint Tris. I want it to be a hobby again, not a lifestyle.

My first goal is to shed the 65lbs I’ve gained since the Ironman. Did you know it’s really fuckin easy to put on weight when you’re not working out 2-3 hours a day and you’re surrounded by tacos?!? After that it’ll be another goal that I have in mind but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

It’s fun having goals again. Being happier in other aspects of life have definitely attributed to it!

This post has honestly gone all over the place since I started trying to write it, but that’s usually what happens when you’re watching Brooklyn 99 and sipping Jameson, am I right??

Living on my own has its perks, but I’ve gotten REALLY introspective lately and it’s been pretty good/kinda scary at the same time. You know how my tumblr tags are usually a tad “out there”? Well, that’s how my brain has functioned for practically the last 13 years, and it took whiskey and butterflies in my stomach to actually see it. Im a very passionate person, and that’s probably pretty apparent if you’ve followed me for a bit. When I want to do something I fucking do it. I figure out a way to accomplish the goal and I get it done. The thing is, those are goals that had finish lines. They had endings. But how do you approach a goal that could be indefinite?

I really don’t know, that’s why I’m blabbering here, haha.

Long story short, things are still going pretty well with the girl I’ve been seeing but my mind occasionally goes batshit crazy and I have to bring myself back down to earth. Dating is a mindfuck, but I’m trying. With those feelings come the reason I started training all those years back, to suppress crazy thoughts, and I need to get back to it. Catalina is lonely on the wall...

I did a strength workout today and it felt great, so it’s a start, and I’m hoping to get to the apartment complex’s gym a couple times this week to get onto a treadmill or stationary bike. Catalina needs some lovin’ in order to be road worthy, so that’ll probably happen in January after the holidays, but I can’t wait to actually be on the road again!

I took a trip to IKEA today to buy a coffee table, but I liberated a shark. His name is Samsonite.

Oh yea, HI! *tap tap tap* Is this thing on? It’s me, the guy who used to post a bunch of semi-inspirational shit here while I swam-biked-ran into your hearts. Those were the days...

I’m still here in Texas, doing my thing, but I’ve recently moved into my own place and it’s been weird. I’m alone a lot. A lot of thoughts between the ears lately, ya know? It’s not as if I’m not trying to be not alone, I’m dating someone who’s pretty cool, so yea. I recently put all of my medals/bike/Ironman paraphernalia up on a wall and it triggered a lot of emotion. And then I watched the broadcast of the Ironman World Championship presented by Amazon (because they kept fucking saying it that way and it kinda annoyed me) today. And that gave me goosebumps/possibly got me a little teary eyed at points. It really got me thinking.

I kinda want it again, but I kinda don’t. I want “Ironman Lite.” I don’t think I can honestly get through another Ironman at this current stage in my life, because I do want a wife and children and I know how selfish an Ironman undertaking is and I don’t want to project that on someone who’s still getting to know me. Does that make sense?? I dunno. All I know is that I’ve had quite a few drinks tonight and now I’m watching Black Panther for the first time and I’m super inspired to get back into amazing shape.

And just if you were wondering, yes, I have been here the whole time, creeping in the shadows, reading a shit ton of posts, I’ve just had very little to actually say. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯