chocolatepunch

I open my eyes and i see a sliver of light coming through the windows, and I lie like this, head heavy on the pillow, my body racked with pain and chills that a mound of blankets just cannot seem to chase away. I close my eyes again, and let my mind wander. 

It’s a beautiful, sunny day in High Leav. There are no birds chirping (God forbid), thanks to the long-forgotten civil war that took place many, many moons ago. I take one step, then another - still amazed at how my body is perfect, free from all the restrictions of the real world that bonds us all. There is no sweat-soaked bed, no gasping for air, no thrumming pain that incapacitates a person until death becomes a happy option. There is a tiny, bubbling river next to me, and I walk by its side for awhile, taking in the fresh, cool air, and the sound of the brook gurgling over the stones. I miss the birds, but push that thought away. Adern replaces my thoughts then - his wide shoulders, that set jaw, and the softness in his dark hair that only I can feel when I was last in his arms. 

A sudden whoooosh in the air is the only signal I get, before I realize that I am not alone. The Reds are here, i thought. Only, it wasn’t. I look down at the arrow that narrowly escaped my ear, lying right next to my dirty boots on the ground, and stared at it. How could this be? The arrow had light green-yellow feathers on its end, something only a Hacion would have. But the Hacion had retreated from this world, right after the civil war. The birds had went with them too, as the bond between a Hacion and his avian friend lasts a lifetime. So why...is this arrow..here? 

Part of what makes this brilliant, brilliant TV show brilliant is the way Joseph Morgan (playing murderous hybrid hunk Niklaus Mikaelson) delivers his lines with such intensity, such sincerity, and such depth. He articulates his words with a twist of his head; the slight lift of his eyebrow; or the menacing dagger-eyed look of a madman. 

And the exchange of words between him and his on screen brother Elijah (Daniel Gillies) brings me to tears. Most of what he says is, again, i think, thanks to incredible script writing - but the way these two men bring out the best of each and every line in this scene makes me want to curl up into a ball and relax, then curl up again to fully appreciate and ride the emotions and the weight of what they are saying. 

The redemption. Anyone’s redemption - it is always, always worth it, to climb that mountain, however seemingly endless it may be and just hope, that, we see the top of the hill. 

“You chase my redemption like a man rolling a stone up an endless mountain.

“Well, no mountain is endless, brother. 

A few days later and I’m still wondering why his death has affected us all so badly. 

I don’t even understand it. Someone a billion miles away from me, a person I’ve literally never even met or seen before, and yet here we all are, mourning in our private little ways for him.

Did he represent so much of that golden joys of childhood? I listened to Linkin Park when I was in high school, along with all the flavour-of-the-week boybands. 

Yes, yes he did. That was the moment where we heard ourselves in the roar of his voice, the strength and timbre of his voice that could flip to be deep and emotional to the raw, exposed pain just floating around in your subconcious - we were probably too young to hear it or understand it.

I refuse to believe it. I can’t believe it that a childhood joy, the person who made up a piece of my joy in that happy period in my life could take his own life. 

Please, to you, if you’re reading this, if you think you’re going through depression as well - please, i beg you, get help. Again, you are worth so much more. 

Hotline for help (taken via the #RIPChester tribute website (http://chester.linkinpark.com/)

Dad: You're wearing red today!

Signing up to be a Paddock Supervisor!

Bite-sized:

I’m giving up on you. 

Two days, three nights, and a lot of heart. 

I’ll be the one, if you want me to 

You shoulder to cry on, the one who holds you by the hand. Heart skips a beat; followed by a muffled murmur into my hair, in which your hands are also entwined. 

Anywhere I would’ve followed you

You said - you listed out the countries you would consider moving to. Here, lists - i’ll take them all. I’ll follow you - yes, dear. 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

My heart skips a beat. Here I hear the wind rustling through the trees, and wonder about the starkness of the moonlight on a cold bench. And you don’t say a word. 

And I am feeling so small

I’m taken back in time. This has happened before, someone somewhere once upon a time, in a different time. The roles were still the same - pain on the line, waiting for the last shoe to drop. 

It was over my head I know nothing at all 

You raised your eyes briefly to meet mine, and I wondered about that kiss, if it would ever happen. Hmm. 

And I will stumble & fall

There’s a certain freedom and fear in letting yourself become vulnerable -  a sort of leaving your very soul with someone else.

 I’m still learning to love Just starting to crawl

Oh - baby steps - the thrill of watching you moonwalk your hand over to mine, and simply place itself on top of it. I shift both to your heart - and ask - how will you ever know love if you don’t try? 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

Will send you to moon and back. Will sing for love. Will dance for love. Also, will not cry. A homeless person rattles past with his luggage, ready for the night on the bench next to ours. Reverie startled - but sharply moves back to focus - you. You don’t say a word. 

I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you

Head in the clouds. And I thought I was bad. You were worse. Where do you go to sometimes? Can I follow you? 

Anywhere I would’ve followed you

Yup, anywhere. I’d like to walk in your world too, just as you are willing to walk in mine. 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

Oh, wait. Are you that willing? You don’t say a word. 

And I will swallow my pride

“Won’t you try walking with me?” “Which road will you pick?”

You’re the one that I love

I hate to say it, think I’ve gone and done something crazy like….nah, it can’t be. Maybe, just a really, huge, crush?

Really? From my lips, not yours. 

And I’m saying goodbye

Beam me up, Scottie, Sayonara Mr. O’Malley, where’s my happy ever after? All the king’s horses and all the queen’s men couldn’t put us two together. I raise my hand in a mock salute, face contorted into a ridiculous watery smile whilst trying to hold back a gallon of salty tears. 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

Take me back please! My heart starts to bleed a little, and you attempt to brush the waterfall that descends nakedly from my eyes. I make no effort to hide, oh, what’s the point? 

And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you

You and I. We would’ve conquered the world together. Your dreams and mine. Our dreams against the world. Adventures and visions that would’ve been impossible alone. 

And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Ooh-oh)

Ooh, ooh, and I nearly forgot. I had this cup of tea the other day and it was good. I wanted to give it to you (oh tea bag!) to remember me by. 

Say something, I’m giving up on you

Also, I think I l..

”Thank you”

Maybe you didn’t need to know. It doesn’t matter that I gave up - you have my heart, you’ll have it always. 

Here’s to the amazing cover that inspired it all:

I went for a Backstreet Boys concert yesterday. If you’re wondering whether they were as good as they were back in their peak during 99-’02 - yes, they were. 

BSB concerts have changed a great deal over the years - no more flying in the air on seemingly strange hoverboards or wire harnesses, or long performances interspersed with elaborate dance routines and a slew of back-up dancers, a full instrumental band playing their music. No more leading starry-eyed, emotional tweens/teens on stage for serenades, no more 5 ramps leading to a vaulted centre stage, where they could all bow in a circle to a packed stadium full of screaming girls. 

Welcome the older, more mature manband - together for the past 22 years (albeit left a little bereft after the departure of Kevin Richardson from the band but sprung back again stronger after his return) who can now play their own musical instruments, and relatively well, at that. Welcome, the Backstreet Boys, who showed last night that the many many years together only served to strengthen the bond between them, and made their moves and harmonies polished, beautiful and altogether wonderful to enjoy. True, this could probably be attributed to the fact that they would have gone through the steps and the songs together 100000 times by now, and can belt out their hit after hit after hit “I Want It That Way” “Shape of My Heart” “All I Have To Give” “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” at a drop of a dime. Time is a great beautifier, and it has certainly been kind to the boys. They are - some a little leaner - some a little fluffy - but still their dashing, charming selves, with that excellent showmanship and display of truly, sick, harmonies. Some of the dance routines were a respectful throwback to the routines in their videos - “Everybody, Backstreet’s Back (Alright)” had the boys doing the left to right zombie shuffle, and likewise for the back-up visuals on the mammoth screen behind them - “Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely” threw up slightly tacky desert scenes complete with an old scarring, lifeless tree, taking us back to the video itself, where the Boys walked, crooning into the desert at the end of the video. 

Youtube: Backstreet Boys - Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely

They put forth several of their new offerings too: introducing them as they went along: “Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of”, which as inspired by their children. You can watch the video here. Incidentally (or not?), this formed the title of their documentary - and yup, you can watch the trailer here. They also did “Madeleine” but not my favourite “Trust Me”. 

Much of what we wanted, we received - we wanted to have a party, and we did. 

“We only have a couple of rules tonight: Number one, go crazy. Number two, scream as loud as you can. And number three, act like you’re 15 years old again.” - Nick Carter

I was desperate to go for this concert back in my hometown (dear, beloved Kuala Lumpur), after completely missing out their concerts during the boyband heyday. I know I’d never get to experience the Backstreet Boys in their prime again - but what I got last night instead was precious, and frankly, bordering on emotional. 

There were a couple of moments where I was just sitting in my seat overlooking this packed stadium of people, trying hard to accept that this was actually happening. I do believe I even felt a lump in my throat when the familiar line “I’ll Be The One” started from their lips, and the crowd burst into deafening cheers. It took me straight back to those golden, innocent days of ‘99, when I would sit, cross-legged on the floor, next to my radio, with the Millennium album lyrics in my hands, softly singing along to all of the songs. Then Black and Blue came out, and there was even more singing and memorizing. I think this, largely, is the reason for my love for this incredible boyband. Their music took many of us through heartbreaks, stressful school exams, college assignments. I literally have “Yes I Will” pinned to my Youtube ‘Wedding’ playlist (hopefully, for future use?). Hearing these old hits just brought back the wave of memories - happy, happy memories when I had not a care in the world - and enabled me to relive them all. It also served as a reminder that..we have grown too. 

There was a rather breathtaking moment when the entire crowd complied with AJ Mclean’s request by switching on the torch on our smartphones, turning the arena into a lovely scene full of glowing lights bobbing and wavering in the darkness, accompanied by the Boys singing, aptly, “Breathe” from their In A World Like This album. 

I was also tickled to no end when even the storm was obliging enough to rumble in at appropriate times during the show. The boys noticed, and wasted no time in poking fun at that too. 

“Larger Than Life” probably brought the house down, because the crowd instinctively had the feeling that this was nearing the end. You’d have to believe me when I say that people just decided to screw being shy, got up from their seats and shook their booty. There was an uncle in front of us who did not look like he was from the stereotypical age group of BSB fans - and even he started waving his arm in the air (the other was smartphone-recording the chaos around him) and sang along. Promoter Livescapeasia insta’d this perfectly:

I’m not sure how to end this, because I don’t want to. They’ve proven again, over the entire night, just why they are my No. 1 boyband, in every sense of the word.