Chloe

i don’t know. i’m barely a person. i just want to be kind and hold someone’s hand. eat an ice cream cone. stare at the lake. feel the sun on my skin. lay in the grass. run through a sprinkler. it’s so easy to forget life is supposed to feel like a deep breath and not a gasp

I’m sorry that you can’t go uptown without seeing my face on the E train but you know what reminds me of you? Lime La Croix and that fucking bar. I hope you think every white BMW you see is mine because I hear you in every Jack Johnson song I listen to. And I hope the next girl you date drinks gin and tonics and takes all your blankets and shuts off the WiFi while you’re playing videogames. And I hope you don’t miss me all the time, but at random times, like when you’re explaining to her how college football works. Because I don’t think about you constantly, but I think about you every time I do certain things, and I don’t think that’s temporary. But it’s not going to destroy me because even though the ending wasn’t happy, the memories were, and that somehow makes it okay.

i can’t shake the feeling that i’ll always either be too much or not enough. too much to handle, but never enough to satisfy. 

you can make mistakes. you can mess up, you can break up, you can lose friends. that makes us human. but we just have to keep going. we have to learn from those mistakes and we have to see where we went wrong so it doesn’t happen all that often again. you are growing and you are learning who you want to be at all moments, don’t rush it, don’t stress, just be conscious and aware. be here in the moment, because in a few days, weeks, years, you might just wish you were right back where you are today.

im sorry you had to build a barrier between yourself and the world in order to survive it.

I just want a relationship where we are both equally obsessed with each other, but in a healthy way. Save my selfies when I send them to you. Text me “I know you’re sleeping right now, but…”. Take the time to listen to the songs that are important to me. Joke around with me and make fun of me and then kiss me right after. Tell your friends how happy I make you and how excited you’ll be when we are finally married. Double text me because you miss me. Reassure me when I’m feeling insecure. Grab my hand, hold me, show everyone I’m yours. Don’t hold back on me, tell me how much you want me and how much you love me. Make me happy and I will do my best to make you happier.