Tears are the words the heart yearns to say

"It was like, all his goodness and trust and -- warmth would come flooding in my body, and... I could feel it filling me up."

“Who am I? Who am I?”

“You’re Jude St. Francis. You are my oldest, dearest friend. You’re the son of Harold Stein and Julia Altman. You’re the friend of Malcolm Irvine, of Jean-Baptiste Marion, of Richard Goldfarb, of Andy Contractor, of Lucien Voigt, of Citizen van Straaten, of Rhodes Arrowsmith, of Elijah Kozma, of Phaedra de los Santos, of the Henry Youngs. You’re a New Yorker. You live in SoHo. You volunteer for an arts organization; you volunteer for a food kitchen. You’re a swimmer. You’re a baker. You’re a cook. You’re a reader. You have a beautiful voice, though you never sing anymore. You’re an excellent pianist. You’re an art collector. You write me lovely messages when I’m away. You’re patient. You’re generous. You’re the best listener I know. You’re the smartest person I know, in every way. You’re the bravest person I know, in every way. You’re a lawyer. You’re the chair of the litigation department at Rosen Pritchard and Klein. You love your job; you work hard at it. You’re a mathematician. You’re a logician. You’ve tried to teach me, again and again. You were treated horribly. You came out on the other end. You were always you.” “And who are you?" "I'm Willem Ragnarsson. And I will never let you go.

A Little Life. Hanya Yanagihara

• JB’s grandmother sang to him in French.

•During their sophomore year of college, Malcolm, Jude, and Willem visited JB everyday while he was in the hospital with a broken wrist.

•Jude is compared to the sea, for his everlasting presence.

•Willem can speak two languages.

•Jude was the first to arrive in their dorm, Malcolm was the second.

•Harold never imagined he would have a child.

•Jude learned to drive in Harold’s car.

•Andy has a twin brother who is also in the medical field.

•Late October is Willem’s favorite time in the city.

•Malcolm’s gaze is described as a lighthouse’s beam, when inspecting spaces.

•JB once carried Jude into the hospital following one of his episodes.

•There are 3 books that Jude read that are mentioned, Emma, On Narcissism, and The Hobbit (which is read to him).

•Willem is an avid coffee lover.

•Malcolm gifted Jude one of his miniature houses for his seventeenth birthday.

•Willem once moved Jude out of the way of an oncoming bike.

•Both Jude and Willem are characterized as optimists.

•One of Jude’s favorite streets is also a street in which Harold lives.

•Willem retaught Jude how to shave in college.

JB, who was Jude’s first friend. JB, who carried Jude to the college hospital when he witnessed him having an episode in their dorm.

JB, who shouted and made a scene in that same hospital until a doctor finally saw Jude - and that doctor was Andy, the only physician Jude ever allowed to care for him for the rest of life.

JB, who helped Jude move into the apartment he shared with Willem on Lispenard St. JB, who brought along his friend Richard to help that day. Richard, who later sold Jude his beautiful apartment on Green Street that Jude loved so much. Richard, who secretly looked after him more than Jude ever imagined, who at one point saved his life, and at another point reminded him his birthday was worth celebrating, when Jude himself had forgotten and his world was bleak.

JB, who envied his life, his looks, his career, his relationship (even his limp!). JB, who saw him as competition, rather than someone to pity. JB, who thought he was beautiful, who thought killing something small and adorable was worth it if it meant looking like Jude.

JB, who brought him to parties, who showered him with laughter and provocations.

JB, who asked too many questions and wanted all the answers but got none of them. JB, who then asked Harold to back off from asking all the questions and wanting all the answers as well.

JB, who captured his life in galleries, on canvas, on film. The good and the bad.

JB, who’s art invaded and celebrated and decorated. JB, who’s art froze Willem in time for him.

JB, who was Jude’s last friend. JB, who Jude resented, who Jude hated, who Jude never forgave, who Jude wanted dead.

JB, who found him at last, who put away his suits, who handed out his letters.

"Limes," says Jude, looking up at him and shielding his eyes against the sun.

“Right, he says, and bends down, takes Jude's sunglasses off him, kisses him on his eyelids, and replaces his glasses. Summer, JB has always said, is Jude's season: his skin darkens and his hair lightens to almost the same shade, making his eyes turn an unnatural green, and Willem has to keep himself from touching him too much. "I'll be back in a little while."

SJ Returns 1-4 Google Drive (with some other shows)

SJ Returns 1-3 (and some more shows, interviews, etc.)

credits and sources x

SJ Returns 1-4 Google Drive (with some other shows)

SJ Returns 1-3 (and some more shows, interviews, etc.)

credits and sources x