鐵門螞蟻

a little sad and alone among people. i fear the world i long for doesnt exist, and i dont know how to create it, except to be myself fully and authentically

but in the meantime, my heart hurts

the important things, the ugly truth, the heavy chains, the yearning for freedom and being able to breathe gratitude and express deep love and joy --- wont you come back to me, in another form?

cant i start somewhere anew? it seems nowhere is safe or welcoming. it seems so difficult to break this.

familiar faces, overeactions, external discomfort from internal struggle, transgressive ego, insecure domineering, avoidant coldness, all for what?

at that time, one of the first who returned my affection, who was cool and sweet, who called me on the phone, who drew me manga. things i absorbed into myself because of so much love i have been given, it can't possibly be that I would still feel empty and hungry