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Hello karate sensei's, students and those karate adjacent!
This year is going to be a little different.
Due to the busyness of most of the mods this will be the last* award ceremony we host. It feels fitting with the show's finale to try and go out with a bang, so we've decided to make some additional changes, like extending the qualifications.
*If there's interest and enough people we can continue, but for now we're planning this to be the final.
Rather than accepting nominations just for the year of 2024 we will accept nominations for any fics written/continued/finished from January 2024- February 28th, 2025.
In March we'll start asking for help. Tasks include helping make polls (Google forms) for the 3 rounds we host. This includes Nominations, voting round 1 and Final voting round. They create the forms/polls, share them, check the validity of the nominations/votes, and then tally them so we can move on to the next round/determine the winners.
We also need award makers. Once the final votes come in we generally give about a month or a little bit longer to break up the winners amongst the artists/award makers so they can read the fics and create an award, this can be art or moodboards which are submitted to be given out at the award ceremony.
Our team of pollers and award makers help with the ceremony by announcing the winners and sharing the awards on Discord.
This event is a fun way to celebrate the writers in our fandom and it's a large undertaking. The more hands we have to help the lighter the work for all. The current hope is to host the award ceremony this summer, so if you think you'll be interested in helping out, keep an eye out for those official calls for assistance come March. But if you have questions and want more details feel free to reach out before then.
Oh yeah, I don't think we have to worry about them, they're competitive at home all the time. It just really ramps up when your Dad's away at the inn because they miss each other.
I think it's like that thing they say about the heart growing fonder, you know?
Hey, the longer your Dad is busy planning on how to get back at Mom, the longer he's outta my hair and I don't have to be on my A-game every time I turn the corner.
Who knew that when Mom found a new guy, I'd get TWO big brothers?
Dude's always making me practice my moves randomly during everyday tasks. Practically pops up like a ninja whack-a-mole!
@robby-l-keene, come on, that was supposed to cheer you up.
I know this is all still pretty new, but I srsly haven't seen Mom this happy in a long time. I have to take it as all good, until I see any of the old signs creep back up again, okay?
Oh yeah, I don't think we have to worry about them, they're competitive at home all the time. It just really ramps up when your Dad's away at the inn because they miss each other.
I think it's like that thing they say about the heart growing fonder, you know?
Hey, the longer your Dad is busy planning on how to get back at Mom, the longer he's outta my hair and I don't have to be on my A-game every time I turn the corner.
Who knew that when Mom found a new guy, I'd get TWO big brothers?
Dude's always making me practice my moves randomly during everyday tasks. Practically pops up like a ninja whack-a-mole!
@robby-l-keene, come on, that was supposed to cheer you up.
I know this is all still pretty new, but I srsly haven't seen Mom this happy in a long time. I have to take it as all good, until I see any of the old signs creep back up again, okay?
Oh yeah, I don't think we have to worry about them, they're competitive at home all the time. It just really ramps up when your Dad's away at the inn because they miss each other.
I think it's like that thing they say about the heart growing fonder, you know?
Hey, the longer your Dad is busy planning on how to get back at Mom, the longer he's outta my hair and I don't have to be on my A-game every time I turn the corner.
Who knew that when Mom found a new guy, I'd get TWO big brothers?
Dude's always making me practice my moves randomly during everyday tasks. Practically pops up like a ninja whack-a-mole!
@robby-l-keene, come on, that was supposed to cheer you up.
I know this is all still pretty new, but I srsly haven't seen Mom this happy in a long time. I have to take it as all good, until I see any of the old signs creep back up again, okay?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Oh yeah, I don't think we have to worry about them, they're competitive at home all the time. It just really ramps up when your Dad's away at the inn because they miss each other.
I think it's like that thing they say about the heart growing fonder, you know?
Hey, the longer your Dad is busy planning on how to get back at Mom, the longer he's outta my hair and I don't have to be on my A-game every time I turn the corner.
Who knew that when Mom found a new guy, I'd get TWO big brothers?
Dude's always making me practice my moves randomly during everyday tasks. Practically pops up like a ninja whack-a-mole!
@robby-l-keene, come on, that was supposed to cheer you up.
I know this is all still pretty new, but I srsly haven't seen Mom this happy in a long time. I have to take it as all good, until I see any of the old signs creep back up again, okay?
Oh yeah, I don't think we have to worry about them, they're competitive at home all the time. It just really ramps up when your Dad's away at the inn because they miss each other.
I think it's like that thing they say about the heart growing fonder, you know?
Hey, the longer your Dad is busy planning on how to get back at Mom, the longer he's outta my hair and I don't have to be on my A-game every time I turn the corner.
Who knew that when Mom found a new guy, I'd get TWO big brothers?
Dude's always making me practice my moves randomly during everyday tasks. Practically pops up like a ninja whack-a-mole!
@robby-l-keene, come on, that was supposed to cheer you up.
I know this is all still pretty new, but I srsly haven't seen Mom this happy in a long time. I have to take it as all good, until I see any of the old signs creep back up again, okay?
Oh yeah, I don't think we have to worry about them, they're competitive at home all the time. It just really ramps up when your Dad's away at the inn because they miss each other.
I think it's like that thing they say about the heart growing fonder, you know?
Hey, the longer your Dad is busy planning on how to get back at Mom, the longer he's outta my hair and I don't have to be on my A-game every time I turn the corner.
Who knew that when Mom found a new guy, I'd get TWO big brothers?
Dude's always making me practice my moves randomly during everyday tasks. Practically pops up like a ninja whack-a-mole!
Oh yeah, I don't think we have to worry about them, they're competitive at home all the time. It just really ramps up when your Dad's away at the inn because they miss each other.
I think it's like that thing they say about the heart growing fonder, you know?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
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*rolls eyes and stands up* "Time to clean up, we gotta get outta here!"
A: *peaks his head out the back door with a smug smile* "I don't have anything to clean up, because I wasn't stupid enough to do any dirty work!"
*sighs and dusts dirt off my knees* "Fine, just grab your stuff and get in the car then." *goes inside to wash up and make the call*
@robby-l-keene "Hey, Jason! Mom had to leave early this morning, so I've got Anthony with me today. We should be leaving in a few, are you in town yet?
A: *looks up from his books as soon as the car stops* "What are we doing here again?!"
*in a distracted tone, while getting out and grabbing my things* "Don't you remember, Ms. Gladys said she would bake us anything, as long as we promised to come over and help make lunch?"
"....fine!" *stares up at a certain window, hesitantly* "But is he here?"
(A million thoughts run through my mind, as I take in the huge house. So many things happened and are still in motion, since I was last here. I try to push those thoughts aside and just focus on what's in front of me. Obviously, that means not thinking about how many times Mom stopped watching the movie last night to check her phone. Or how "whatever or whoever that envolves" is going to effect us, Robby and Jason included.)
A: *very aggravated* "Sam!"
*snapped my head around quickly, startled out of my thoughts* (When did my heart start beating so fast?) "What?!"
A: "I said, 'is he HERE?'"
"Oh! I don't know. It is a big house. Besides, don't you have weekend homework to keep you busy?" *sees him glaring back, puts my shaky hand on his shoulder as we go up the walk* "Come on, I worked hard all morning and I'm getting hungry."
(Well, at least when Ms. Gladys opened the door, I figured that meant I beat the boys here. Maybe it'll give me time to think on how to handle this.)
*rolls eyes and stands up* "Time to clean up, we gotta get outta here!"
A: *peaks his head out the back door with a smug smile* "I don't have anything to clean up, because I wasn't stupid enough to do any dirty work!"
*sighs and dusts dirt off my knees* "Fine, just grab your stuff and get in the car then." *goes inside to wash up and make the call*
@robby-l-keene "Hey, Jason! Mom had to leave early this morning, so I've got Anthony with me today. We should be leaving in a few, are you in town yet?
Okay, remember when I said I'm still getting used to this whole divorce business?
Well, Mom's been working late at the dealership a lot lately. I mean sure, she has been pretty much every night since Dad left, but for the last few weeks...she's coming home later and later.
I'm trying not to worry. I guess, she's probably just with @everyonesfavoritegoldenboy. If they are dating, they're gonna be spending time together, I know that, I'm not stupid.
(But...no, she wouldn't do what he did. She wouldn't do that to us, too!)
Things are just....still kinda weird between us right now. After, I snapped at her (again!) when Anthony and I came home from @robby-l-keene's the other day....waking up extra early to get in an hour at Jiji's and fix up the backyard before school...stopping by @therunawaystudent's to drop off his homework....trying to spend as much time as I can with Anthony and Robby before dinner......not to mention trying to keep things in school going well...I haven't really seen too much of her. (Not that I would know what to say, if I did.)
I mean, this is what all older siblings my age go through, right?
It's been a long time since I've written in this thing. Let's see...
@mamabearlarusso and @everyonesfavoritegoldenboy are dating?! @robby-l-keene is understandably all screwed up over it, AND (from what Jason told me) the fact that @iamtheladyshannon is in the special hospital after a mental breakdown. Something is going on with him, @therunawaystudent, @justhawk008 and the dojo. All of which is splitting him in all directions and now HE'S the one about to have a mental breakdown.
There was a giant party at Moon's and we all got drunk. Miggy fell over the second story railing and went to the regular hospital. I stayed at Robby's and found out Mr. Lawrence isn't really who I thought he was. Miggy came home, but is still recovering from his concussion.
After having a panic attack once I heard everything going on with my moody, closed off brother (you know the older one), I promised Jason I would keep Robby company while he was away at college during the week.
I kept it together for Mom on Mother's Day, but then I just up and snapped the next day. (Still trying to figure out this whole divorced parents thing. I swear, did they turn into teenagers like the second the papers were signed?!)
I texted @dr-ali-mills to find out Mr. Lawrence's intentions with Mom. I guess I'll give him a shot, for now. But that doesn't mean I won't still my research on him. Speaking of which, did I tell you, not only was Mr. Lawrence not always the bully Dad made him out to be, but I THINK HE WAS A NERD! Still need more information, but he sure had a lot of comics still stashed away in his room. Oh, so get this...he also kept an old book report from school. You'll never believe what it was on, either.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, well, uh Anthony really kinda blew up at Robby last week. We finally cleared the air on Jason being Robby's boyfriend, but that didn't seem to help things. I know Anthony's hurting, he has been ever since Dad left. But how do I help him, without just making things worse? He doesn't even know everything Robby and I are going through trying to keep things flowing as smoothly as possible. But then again, should he? Shouldn't he be able to just be a kid for a little while longer?
Who am I kidding? Are kids of divorce ever really just kids again? Aren't we just doomed to grow up?
A: *grumps down the aisle* "Why do I even have to be here? I want to go check out the new games."
"Well, if you hadn't broken his old one..."
A: "I told you, it wasn't my fault! I was just standing there. It was sitting there on the counter. I turned around...and it just...fell!"
*looking through the shelves* "Yeah, well, just because you might not have done it on purpose, doesn't mean it's not your fault." *grins at the new find* "Hey, this is perfect and great timing too! What do you think?"
*rolls eyes and starts reading, then scrunches his face* "What does that word mean?"
"It means something happened that you didn't mean to happen, but it happened anyway. You know, like 'an accident'?"
"Then why don't they just say accident?"
"Because they don't mean to say 'accident'."
"But you just said--ugh! Never mind."
"Well?"
"Well, what?"
"Anthony, do you want to get this one or not?"
*grin slowly slides into place* "Yeah, dude's stuck now."
*smiles* "Okay, let's go see about that game."
"Hey! I was going to get three!"
*looking up, trying to the find the entertainment section* "No, you'll take too long picking them out. When you can drive, then you can get three."
"I'm more worried about you spilling the coffee. Are you SURE you didn't forget the card?"
"Yeah, I got the card right here and I'm not going to spill...I'm not a baby. (After a beat) What if they're awake in there...and they're...kissing???"
"Mom said it would be fine. It's after eight, we just need to set everything down and get out before he wakes up. Now, shhh!"
Hey Dude,
Sorry your old one broke. I think this one is more durable at least. Well, as Anthony so eloquently put it...you're stuck with us now!
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Waking up from that dream, even as the words have faded, the feelings remain. Iām so damn twisted up insideā¦but with the consequences hanging in the balanceā¦I canāt keep thinking about whatāor whoāwill make me happy.
Iām not Daniel. My kids come first.
Iām all they have nowā¦at least, the ones that still need me and want me in their livesā¦(Heāll come around, you just have to give him time, remember? Not when he finds out what Iām doing behind his back, Rick doesnāt even know yet. Yeah, well itās what he needs, you canāt be worried about what he thinks of you right now.) I gotta stop being selfish.
Itās almost lunch, the kids will be out soon and Samāll be on red alert, all the way home. Try as she might, Anthonyās gonna pick up on itāwhether he realizes it or notāif I donāt do something about it.
I put together a quick lunch from the pantryāincluding a couple water bottles, stash it all in a bag, grab my leftover coffee from the fridge, and go back to the office.
Sheila gives me a surprised, but grateful look, as I walk in. After just a few short hours, Anoush and I come up with a good list to get started on, after the holiday weekend. He sees me check the time once or twice and offers to make the notifications. Once I make sure to give everyone bonuses for the weekendāthey definitely deserve itāIām outta here.
Now, just one more stop and a quick phone call before heading over to the school. The real trouble is figuring how Iām gonna handle the next step.
*last class bell rings, shuffles through hallways to get to my locker*
(What the hell is going on? Heās back in town a couple weeks and it looks like things are crazier now, than when he was with Dad. My brothers are on uneasy ground with each otherā¦things are almost uncomfortable, when I go to visit Miguelā¦I donāt think Iāve seen Mom awake for more than a few minutesāin days, and now sheās calling in sick from work? If sheās not home when Anthony and I get thereā¦I donāt know, but this weekend ISNāT just another holiday without Dad. Weāre supposed to go see Jiji, like we always doā¦but nowā¦)
*goes outside and stops in my tracks when I see Momās SUV sitting right out front, walks up to the open window*
*sees Sam accept a flyer from one of the girls at the front entrance* (She looks distracted. Well, yeah who knows what scary thoughts are going through her head right nowā¦teenagers can come up with the wildest ideas and thatās before all this extra drama is piled on.) *honks the horn to get her attention, before she goes to the parking lot* (Whoa, gotta take this one easy, from the look on her face, she might just break down hereā¦gotta get her to calm down.)
āItās okay, Sweetie, everything is fineā¦well, it will be. Come on, get in, weāre gonna go for a little drive.ā Samās almost hesitant. Then almost as an after thought, she throws her thumb over her shoulder at the droves of kids walking towards the parking lot. āDonāt worry, weāll come back and you can get your car afterwards.ā *looks at the flyer in her hands, as she stashes it in the glove compartment* (Something about the beachā¦) āOoh, that looks like it could be fun!ā
S: *buckling her seatbelt, her attention divided* āYeah, I donāt know, maybe.ā
āMom, what is going on, is this about Mr. Lawrence? *Mom gives me a quick side eye* (I knew it!) I knowā¦well, Iāve kinda been doing my homework on him, ever since I woke up in his room.ā
M: āWhat?!ā (Okay, wasnāt expecting that reaction.)
āThe night after the party, I stayed at Robbyās, remember? It was his old room I slept in. (He used to be aāwell, that really doesnāt matter, right now.) Mom, are you guys dating, now? Is that why everythingās been crazy, why youāre hardly around anymore? Becauseā¦I know heās more than just Dadās high school bully, or Robbyās Dad or Miguelās old sensei, I know heās more than that now, I know he and Dad hurt you and I know, even now, heās still your friendā¦so, if you are dating him, please donāt hide him because of me. I know Iāve blown up a couple times, andā¦I donāt know, I guess itās like Grandma always used to say, my Italian blood was showing. Yes, I was upset, over everything that lead to Dad leaving and I kinda still amā¦and yes, I was worried about Robby, and I still amā¦but Mom, I saw you for weeks after he and Dad left the house, and at Christmas at Ms. Millsā party, and afterā¦when Grandmaā¦I know you donāt think I did, butā¦Mom, if he makes you happyā¦Iāll, Iāll learn to deal with the restā¦because I canātā¦I canāt lose you, like I lost Dad.ā
*hands squeeze a little tighter on the wheel* I had a feeling that she might bring up Johnny again, she has a connection to him as wellāhowever indirectāit was only a matter of time. But his room?! (You ARE NOT going to get jealous of your own daughter! She was sleeping in his room! Noā¦thatās a whole ānother can of worms, that you just DONāT have time for right now!)
I canāt take this much longer, sheās breaking my heart. I was trying to do the right thing and keep her out of my love life, until I knew what exactly my love life was, at least. (But sheās talking so fastā¦and sounds so broken, oh god, now sheās crying. Hang on, weāre here.) *pulls into the parking lot and slides into the first spot*
āWhoa, whoa, whoa!ā *practically flings off my belt as I pull her into a hug over the console* āBaby, Iām not going anywhere, okay? *kisses her temple, brushes my fingers through her hairā¦tries to keep an even tone and fails at the whole ānot cryingā thing* āI know things have been crazyā¦and they seem to just keep getting crazier.ā *takes a deep steadying breath* āYes, for a little while there, I thought things withā¦Mr. Lawrence and I, might be going down that path, but it looks like thatā¦just isnāt in the cards for us.ā
S: *pokes her head up, wipes her eyes* āButāā
āNo, it has nothing to do with you, or Anthony, or anyone else. This is nobodyās fault but mineā¦and Mr. Lawrence'sā¦and your fatherās.āĀ
S: *looks into my eyes, gives me a good long hug and rests quietly back in her seat*
*wipes my tears and looks out the windshield, watching all the kids hurry up the jungle gym* āYou know, I guess this is as good a time as any.ā *reaches into the back seat and grabs the ice chest* āWell, itās Memorial Day weekendā¦the first holiday of the summerā¦and you canāt have summer without ice cream, right? *hands her a cold spoon and her own pint, with a smile and a wink*
It feels so nice to get a Mom hug again. Iād almost forgotten how good they felt. I donāt know what came over me, I wasnāt expecting to tell her all of thatā¦at least not yet. I donāt know, I justā¦*feels her hand in my hair, my eyes close and the rhythm calms me down*
When she started talking about where the blame really belongs, I couldnāt help but see the hurt in her eyes. Even though she was trying to look away, I saw it. Like Iāve seen her a lot lately, like sheās trying to hide it. Kinda like Iāve tried to hide how much everything is scaring me and worrying me lately.
After everything Iāve learned and everything Iām still learning about Mr. Lawrence, Ms. Millsā words come back to me from time to time.Ā (They should, Iāve read them off my phone even enough times.)
He doesnāt want to hurt herā¦sometimes people hurt each other by accident, even people they loveā¦heās a good man, and he cares about your mother.Ā
*searches her eyes trying to figure her out* (Exactly what kind of homework has she been doing on Johnny, that has her soā¦determinedā¦she used to hate him! Thereās no point in telling her, itās not going to change anythingā¦youāve made your decision, right?ā¦RIGHT?! I might lie to myself on occasion, but I CANāT lie to my own daughterā¦besides, she hasnāt used Golden Pinkie on me in years!) *sighs and looks her straight in the eye* āJohnny Lawrence means a lot to me. More than I ever thought he could. Yes. *pauses with a little smile* I love him.ā
*stares in the shine of my spoon, as if thereās a hidden masterpiece behind the streaks of cream* āā¦then you have a dark and scary hole, just outside of your eye line and you donāt turn to look at it because it hurtsā¦because youāre so scared you want to cryā¦and you cry so much, that you get madā¦so mad that you want to scream, becauseā¦itās NOT your fault youāre in pain, itās hisā¦but maybe if you just say itās yours and swear to apologize, then maybe heāll finally come back?ā
(I really have screwed up BIG TIME, havenāt I?) āOh, Sweetieā¦here, close that up, and put it away. *puts my pint back in the cooler* This probably wasnāt a good setting for this anyway. I just thoughtā¦oh never mindā¦ā *stashes cooler back on the back seat and pulls her as close as I can again* āI knew I should have gone for the bench seat. Some car dealer I am, huh?āĀ
Everythingās quiet for a while, as we just sit there, in the shade of a big willow treeā¦listening to the sound of kids play. "Iām sorry I let all of this take over me so much, that I didnāt see the extent of your pain or how full your plateās been. You should be out with your friends more, youāre way too young to be a house-keeper / soccer-mom-in-training.ā
*cuddles next to Mom as best I can, trying to pay attention to her breathing to stay calm* Itās been too long since weāve been here. I hadnāt realized how much I missed it.
"No, Momā¦Grandma always talked about how much Dad had to do when she was at work. I know he never said it, but I HAVE seen movies, you know? Iāmā¦spoiled. I didnāt really think about it, too much before. Practically everyone at school is, in some way or another, but so much has changed since I started high school. I need to grow up, I canāt beā¦Daddyās little princess anymore. You need me to be more than that. I need me to be more than that. You and Dad worked hard for the business and no matter what I do after I finish school, I have to work for it, too. Good gradesāeven great gradesāarenāt enough, andāā
*she calmly strokes my hair again* āBreathe, Sammy, just breathe. Itās going to be okay.ā
*my hand caresses her cheek* "First of all, Sweetieā¦I AM proud of you. Iām sorry that I donāt say it enough. This whole deal canāt be easy on you, either. Deciding who to talk and not talk toā¦trying to keep everyone happy. Yes, it hurt meā¦that day in the kitchen and the day you came home from seeing, wellā¦after seeing Robbyā¦but I should never have made you feel stuck in the middle, in the first place. You did the right thing. You always protect those you loveāno matter what, or who, itās from. I am working through things, but my business with Robby is just that, mineā¦itās my lesson to learn. It shouldnāt have to affect you, the way that it has.ā
I almost immediately feel pressure start to build behind my eyes, and as I hear momās words about Robby, about Dad, about her dad (she hardly even talks about him!), about her past (or that!)ā¦ @dr-ali-millsā words pop in my head againā¦almost like hammering.
Everything makes sense nowā¦in the sense thatā¦it doesnāt.
Watery, bloodshot, blue eyes are staring back at meā¦again. (Oh god, why, I didnāt mean toā¦how did I, no, wait, what did sheā¦)
"What did you say? How did youā¦(She says sheās been doing research. Yeah, but about Johnny, she wouldnāt find anything about him in the garage with Momās and Dadās old record collection!)ā¦never mindā¦*dries the tears from the corners of her eyes, and tries to keep my voice steady*ā¦(How did she know that Iāve been thinking about that, ever since that night in his parking lot?)ā¦I-I donāt know, Baby. I donāt think anyone will ever know why.ā
She sinks back on my shoulder and I absentmindedly start to run my hand down her back to calm her down.
(They talked about boys? She has to know that Ms. Mills used to date Mr. Lawrence, by now...right? I mean...either way, that's gotta be weird and uncomfortable...but still...*looks up to see her*...she's smiling, like really honestly smiling, not just the fake 'come on, please smile or laugh or just do anything' smile...she's not even looking at me to see if it worked. I haven't actually seen her have any friends in a long time.)
"I'm just happy you had fun, Mom. And if Jason is half as cool as his mom, then she's gotta be the best!"
M: *she has that silly smirk again* "I'm glad she gets your seal of approval...*it slips*...I just hope, that I don't have to worry about her taking the mom spot in your life. I mean, I wouldn't blame you if she did, I know I haven't been around much lately...and she's one hell of a cook. *chuckles* Hey, even I'd move in, if she'd have me!"
*hugs her tight as I close my eyes* "Not a chance, Mom."
*looks up and a with a mischievous smile* "You know, I think I have an idea, why you drove us here..." *turns to glance over at the swings*
Waking up from that dream, even as the words have faded, the feelings remain. Iām so damn twisted up insideā¦but with the consequences hanging in the balanceā¦I canāt keep thinking about whatāor whoāwill make me happy.
Iām not Daniel. My kids come first.
Iām all they have nowā¦at least, the ones that still need me and want me in their livesā¦(Heāll come around, you just have to give him time, remember? Not when he finds out what Iām doing behind his back, Rick doesnāt even know yet. Yeah, well itās what he needs, you canāt be worried about what he thinks of you right now.) I gotta stop being selfish.
Itās almost lunch, the kids will be out soon and Samāll be on red alert, all the way home. Try as she might, Anthonyās gonna pick up on itāwhether he realizes it or notāif I donāt do something about it.
I put together a quick lunch from the pantryāincluding a couple water bottles, stash it all in a bag, grab my leftover coffee from the fridge, and go back to the office.
Sheila gives me a surprised, but grateful look, as I walk in. After just a few short hours, Anoush and I come up with a good list to get started on, after the holiday weekend. He sees me check the time once or twice and offers to make the notifications. Once I make sure to give everyone bonuses for the weekendāthey definitely deserve itāIām outta here.
Now, just one more stop and a quick phone call before heading over to the school. The real trouble is figuring how Iām gonna handle the next step.
*last class bell rings, shuffles through hallways to get to my locker*
(What the hell is going on? Heās back in town a couple weeks and it looks like things are crazier now, than when he was with Dad. My brothers are on uneasy ground with each otherā¦things are almost uncomfortable, when I go to visit Miguelā¦I donāt think Iāve seen Mom awake for more than a few minutesāin days, and now sheās calling in sick from work? If sheās not home when Anthony and I get thereā¦I donāt know, but this weekend ISNāT just another holiday without Dad. Weāre supposed to go see Jiji, like we always doā¦but nowā¦)
*goes outside and stops in my tracks when I see Momās SUV sitting right out front, walks up to the open window*
*sees Sam accept a flyer from one of the girls at the front entrance* (She looks distracted. Well, yeah who knows what scary thoughts are going through her head right nowā¦teenagers can come up with the wildest ideas and thatās before all this extra drama is piled on.) *honks the horn to get her attention, before she goes to the parking lot* (Whoa, gotta take this one easy, from the look on her face, she might just break down hereā¦gotta get her to calm down.)
āItās okay, Sweetie, everything is fineā¦well, it will be. Come on, get in, weāre gonna go for a little drive.ā Samās almost hesitant. Then almost as an after thought, she throws her thumb over her shoulder at the droves of kids walking towards the parking lot. āDonāt worry, weāll come back and you can get your car afterwards.ā *looks at the flyer in her hands, as she stashes it in the glove compartment* (Something about the beachā¦) āOoh, that looks like it could be fun!ā
S: *buckling her seatbelt, her attention divided* āYeah, I donāt know, maybe.ā
āMom, what is going on, is this about Mr. Lawrence? *Mom gives me a quick side eye* (I knew it!) I knowā¦well, Iāve kinda been doing my homework on him, ever since I woke up in his room.ā
M: āWhat?!ā (Okay, wasnāt expecting that reaction.)
āThe night after the party, I stayed at Robbyās, remember? It was his old room I slept in. (He used to be aāwell, that really doesnāt matter, right now.) Mom, are you guys dating, now? Is that why everythingās been crazy, why youāre hardly around anymore? Becauseā¦I know heās more than just Dadās high school bully, or Robbyās Dad or Miguelās old sensei, I know heās more than that now, I know he and Dad hurt you and I know, even now, heās still your friendā¦so, if you are dating him, please donāt hide him because of me. I know Iāve blown up a couple times, andā¦I donāt know, I guess itās like Grandma always used to say, my Italian blood was showing. Yes, I was upset, over everything that lead to Dad leaving and I kinda still amā¦and yes, I was worried about Robby, and I still amā¦but Mom, I saw you for weeks after he and Dad left the house, and at Christmas at Ms. Millsā party, and afterā¦when Grandmaā¦I know you donāt think I did, butā¦Mom, if he makes you happyā¦Iāll, Iāll learn to deal with the restā¦because I canātā¦I canāt lose you, like I lost Dad.ā
*hands squeeze a little tighter on the wheel* I had a feeling that she might bring up Johnny again, she has a connection to him as wellāhowever indirectāit was only a matter of time. But his room?! (You ARE NOT going to get jealous of your own daughter! She was sleeping in his room! Noā¦thatās a whole ānother can of worms, that you just DONāT have time for right now!)
I canāt take this much longer, sheās breaking my heart. I was trying to do the right thing and keep her out of my love life, until I knew what exactly my love life was, at least. (But sheās talking so fastā¦and sounds so broken, oh god, now sheās crying. Hang on, weāre here.) *pulls into the parking lot and slides into the first spot*
āWhoa, whoa, whoa!ā *practically flings off my belt as I pull her into a hug over the console* āBaby, Iām not going anywhere, okay? *kisses her temple, brushes my fingers through her hairā¦tries to keep an even tone and fails at the whole ānot cryingā thing* āI know things have been crazyā¦and they seem to just keep getting crazier.ā *takes a deep steadying breath* āYes, for a little while there, I thought things withā¦Mr. Lawrence and I, might be going down that path, but it looks like thatā¦just isnāt in the cards for us.ā
S: *pokes her head up, wipes her eyes* āButāā
āNo, it has nothing to do with you, or Anthony, or anyone else. This is nobodyās fault but mineā¦and Mr. Lawrence'sā¦and your fatherās.āĀ
S: *looks into my eyes, gives me a good long hug and rests quietly back in her seat*
*wipes my tears and looks out the windshield, watching all the kids hurry up the jungle gym* āYou know, I guess this is as good a time as any.ā *reaches into the back seat and grabs the ice chest* āWell, itās Memorial Day weekendā¦the first holiday of the summerā¦and you canāt have summer without ice cream, right? *hands her a cold spoon and her own pint, with a smile and a wink*
It feels so nice to get a Mom hug again. Iād almost forgotten how good they felt. I donāt know what came over me, I wasnāt expecting to tell her all of thatā¦at least not yet. I donāt know, I justā¦*feels her hand in my hair, my eyes close and the rhythm calms me down*
When she started talking about where the blame really belongs, I couldnāt help but see the hurt in her eyes. Even though she was trying to look away, I saw it. Like Iāve seen her a lot lately, like sheās trying to hide it. Kinda like Iāve tried to hide how much everything is scaring me and worrying me lately.
After everything Iāve learned and everything Iām still learning about Mr. Lawrence, Ms. Millsā words come back to me from time to time.Ā (They should, Iāve read them off my phone even enough times.)
He doesnāt want to hurt herā¦sometimes people hurt each other by accident, even people they loveā¦heās a good man, and he cares about your mother.Ā
*searches her eyes trying to figure her out* (Exactly what kind of homework has she been doing on Johnny, that has her soā¦determinedā¦she used to hate him! Thereās no point in telling her, itās not going to change anythingā¦youāve made your decision, right?ā¦RIGHT?! I might lie to myself on occasion, but I CANāT lie to my own daughterā¦besides, she hasnāt used Golden Pinkie on me in years!) *sighs and looks her straight in the eye* āJohnny Lawrence means a lot to me. More than I ever thought he could. Yes. *pauses with a little smile* I love him.ā
*stares in the shine of my spoon, as if thereās a hidden masterpiece behind the streaks of cream* āā¦then you have a dark and scary hole, just outside of your eye line and you donāt turn to look at it because it hurtsā¦because youāre so scared you want to cryā¦and you cry so much, that you get madā¦so mad that you want to scream, becauseā¦itās NOT your fault youāre in pain, itās hisā¦but maybe if you just say itās yours and swear to apologize, then maybe heāll finally come back?ā
(I really have screwed up BIG TIME, havenāt I?) "Oh, Sweetieā¦here, close that up, and put it away. *puts my pint back in the cooler* This probably wasnāt a good setting for this anyway. I just thoughtā¦oh never mindā¦ā *stashes cooler back on the back seat and pulls her as close as I can again* āI knew I should have gone for the bench seat. Some car dealer I am, huh?"Ā
Everythingās quiet for a while, as we just sit there, in the shade of a big willow treeā¦listening to the sound of kids play. "Iām sorry I let all of this take over me so much, that I didnāt see the extent of your pain or how full your plateās been. You should be out with your friends more, youāre way too young to be a house-keeper / soccer-mom-in-training.ā
*cuddles next to Mom as best I can, trying to pay attention to her breathing to stay calm* Itās been too long since weāve been here. I hadnāt realized how much I missed it.
"No, Momā¦Grandma always talked about how much Dad had to do when she was at work. I know he never said it, but I HAVE seen movies, you know? Iāmā¦spoiled. I didnāt really think about it, too much before. Practically everyone at school is, in some way or another, but so much has changed since I started high school. I need to grow up, I canāt beā¦Daddyās little princess anymore. You need me to be more than that. I need me to be more than that. You and Dad worked hard for the business and no matter what I do after I finish school, I have to work for it, too. Good gradesāeven great gradesāarenāt enough, andāā
*she calmly strokes my hair again* āBreathe, Sammy, just breathe. Itās going to be okay.ā
*my hand caresses her cheek* "First of all, Sweetieā¦I AM proud of you. Iām sorry that I donāt say it enough. This whole deal canāt be easy on you, either. Deciding who to talk and not talk toā¦trying to keep everyone happy. Yes, it hurt meā¦that day in the kitchen and the day you came home from seeing, wellā¦after seeing Robbyā¦but I should never have made you feel stuck in the middle, in the first place. You did the right thing. You always protect those you loveāno matter what, or who, itās from. I am working through things, but my business with Robby is just that, mineā¦itās my lesson to learn. It shouldnāt have to affect you, the way that it has.ā
I almost immediately feel pressure start to build behind my eyes, and as I hear mom's words about Robby, about Dad, about her dad (she hardly even talks about him!), about her past (or that!)... @dr-ali-mills' words pop in my head again...almost like hammering.
Everything makes sense now...in the sense that...it doesn't.
(Everything that's happened in the last month...in the last, I don't know...two years...all the fights and the pain, it's all happened because we love each other?...Dad and Mom...@robby-l-keene and @everyonesfavoritegoldenboy...me and @therunawaystudent...Dad and Mr. Lawrence...Mom and Robby...Anthony and Robby...Mom and Mr. Lawrence...it's just too much!)
*falls into Mom's arms and hugs her as best I can, as tears fall down my face...listening to the sound of her voice, more than hearing the words* (Why can't I just fall asleep right here and wake up when all this pain is gone?) *feels her kiss my hair and realizes that I wasn't paying attention...and that I'm crying all over her shirt* "I'm sorry...*wipes my eyes*...Mom, why do we always have to hurt the ones we love?ā
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