Hi! Welcome to my corner of tumblr I call a blog. I use She/Her pronouns and write for many fandoms but at the moment it's mostly Death Stranding related fics that escape drafts.
Dms and asks are open to all with good vibes!
Masterlist
Requests are open for:
- Anakin & Obi-Wan (SW)
- The Targaryens, Alicent Hightower, yeah, most HOTD characters tbh
- Tsu'tey & So'lek (Avatar)
- Felix Catton, Oliver Quick, Michael Gavey & Farleigh Start (Saltburn)
Higgs Monaghan (Death stranding)
Simon "Ghost" Riley, Captain John Price, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick & Johnny "Soap" MacTavish (Call of duty: Modern Warfare)
Renoir Dessendre & Verso Dessendre (Clair Obscur: Expedition 33)
If there's any other character you'd like to read about, feel free to ask and I might write a little something.
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YOU. WILL. WRITE. oh you want to write so bad. all the motivation is here. the plot is so good. words come to you so naturally. YOU ARE GOING TO WRITE. RIGHT NOW.
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Summary: Something something, Higgs just wants a little love, and luckily for him youâre kind enough to give that to him
Masterlist
MDNI! NSFW (18+) Warnings under the cut
Requests are open!Â
Warnings: Including but not limited to Higgs, a handjob, NSFW themes throughout though the focus is less on the act itself and more on Higgsâ feelings about it, sprinkles of angst and self-esteem issues, grammatical and spelling errors (english is not my first language), I havenât written smut in ages so I am horribly out of practice, zero proof-reading done, liberties were taken with how the mech suit works, spoilers for death stranding 1 & 2
:-:-:-:-:-:
Tar was a poor substitute for blood. The viscous liquid didnât flow through his veins as much as it slogged. Dribbled, even. And when his movements were rapt, it sloshed around, pouring through him like leaky faucets to slick him up. It wasnât too dissimilar to how a mechanical heart valve would make damn sure you heard and felt every time it opened and shut at all hours of the day.
But the minute discomfort was the price for the suit giving him the ability to feel. The tar allowed for microscopic sensors and wires underneath metal plates that translated as pressure, temperature, and texture. It wasnât a one-on-one mapping of a human body, but it did well enough.Â
Well enough that he could feel the feather-light pressure of your fingers as you traced around the outline of his breastplate. Higgs couldnât breathe, but the phantom-sensation of his breath catching in his chest lingered.Â
âHow does it work?â Your lips ghosted his shoulder. âThe suit, I mean.â
âHell if I know, darlinâ. Iâm just glad it does.âÂ
âMe too.âÂ
Your fingers lingered on a particularly gnarly scratch on the border between his left chestplate and the broader stomach one. He felt how your lips twitched, the muscle coiling under the skin in your cheek as you frowned.Â
âCome now, baby,â Higgs crooned, sweeping one of his own fingers across the apple of your cheek, âwhatâs with the frown, hm? Smile for me.â
The breath you let out almost tickled as it fanned out across his⌠skin. But then, heat built up against the metal, followed by your lips curling against him.Â
âThere you go.â He whispered.Â
Higgs relaxed against the bed as your fingers returned to caressing his armor. They dipped under them, briefly, fingers prodding at the leather-like layer there, before pressing another word into the metal. His own fingers strayed from where he had been pressed against your pulse, down the length of your arm, before hooking around your knee. Higgs pulled your leg up to rest over his own before pressing his hand flat low on your back, fingers dangerously close to the waistband of your pants.Â
You huffed softly against him but didnât protest, if anything you clung to him tighter. Higgs grabbed your arm and pulled it up his chest before inhaling deep on your pulse. He groaned low in his throat.Â
âMissed that fuckinâ smell,â he nipped at your skin until it darkened into a mark. You shivered, pulse thumping against his teeth.Â
âYeah?â You breathed out, pressing your wrist into him.Â
Higgs bit down until you winced, letting go just before breaking the skin. The indents of his teeth glistened with his spit. Your skin pebbled under his fingers as he blew on the slickened skin, his teeth aching in his gums for more. Aggression simmered under the metal plates, mixing with the pure relief at being held by you again.Â
âMore than you can even begin to imagine.â He confessed.Â
Before you could respond, Higgs pulled you on top of him, burying his face in the crook of your neck. Again, he nosed at your pulse, taking in long, greedy breaths of your smell, jaw slack and pupils blown under his closed lids. His teeth closed around your skin, again, and again down the length of your neck until it matched the other side, before licking up the length of your throat and chin.Â
Your face scrunched but you said nothing as his right hand trailed up your chest and wrapped around your throat. Higgs cocked his head with a lopsided smirk, pressing harder to hear you gasp, pulse fluttering against him like a trapped hummingbird. A thrill shot up his spine.Â
He captured your chin between his thumb and pointer finger, pulling you further up his body. âLook at that pretty necklace,â Higgs said. You tried pulling your face back but Higgs tutted, shaking your head with his fingers until you followed along willingly, bobbing your head by his order. âAh, ah, ah, thatâs not very nice of you. Didnât your daddy teach you any manners, hm?â
You flashed your teeth, a daring sort of look in your eye that set every nerve in his body on fire. âNo.â
âNo?â He echoed, tongue darting out to wet his lips. âWell, thatâs too damn bad. Guess,â Higgsâ drove one of his lips between yours, forcing them open, slotting his armor-covered knee between your thighs, applying soft but persistent against the spot of heaven that waited right by the apex of your thighs, âitâs all up to me then, huh.âÂ
âGuess so.â Your lips curl up into a delighted smile, hips grinding down against him once.Â
Higgsâ chest rumbled. He pressed down on the column of your throat, swallowing a groan as you swallowed harshly. âYouâre lucky Iâm feelinâ charitable, darlinâ,â he near on purred, pulling you even closer until your chest heaved a hairâs width away from his. âSmile for me.â Higgs said, but before your lips could curl, he pushed his thumb past the seam of your lips, resting it heavy on your tongue. Higgs hushed you when you tried to pull away.Â
âSuck.â He said, eyes transfixed on your mouth. âJust so,â Higgs praised as you wrapped your lips around the digit. His eyes fluttered up to meet yours, and a breath he didnât have stuttered in his breath. You kept your eyes on him and Higgs thought he might die if you looked away. His heart felt too full and too empty at the same time as it constricted in his chest. Throat clogged with tears, he tore his thumb from your mouth, barely letting you breathe before pressing his trembling lips on yours.Â
You flattened a soft, warm hand against his cheek, and Higgsâ skin felt as if it was burning. Hot tears pooled in his eyes, only to fall when your lips moved against his. You swallowed the sob that tore through his very soul, and returned it with soft touches and sweet sounds.Â
Higgs broke apart from you, a trail of spit still connecting your lips. He tore his hands from you before he pressed them against every piece of you that he could reach, his movements driven by a frenzy.Â
âWhat? Higgs?â You muttered. âWhatâs going on?âÂ
Higgs settled on resting his shaking hands on the sides of your head, thumbs caressing every bit of bare skin he could reach.Â
âIâŚâ He looked away, gnawing at his lip. âItâs stupid.âÂ
âTell me.âÂ
âOn the⌠beach,â He looked at you from below wet lashes, shrugging once to hide the way his shoulders trembled, each word felt like agony as he pulled them from the barbed wire that lined his throat, âI⌠Fuck. On the beach,â Higgs tried again, inhaling deeply, âI would have, uh, dreams. Of you. Of⌠us.â
âBut?â You leaned into his touch.Â
âItâs nothing.â Higgs tried forcing a smile, then cursed the mech for not obeying. âThereâs better things to do than linger on my⌠time⌠on the beach.âÂ
âTell me.â You insisted. âItâs clearly bothering you.âÂ
Higgs took one of the hands on your face and tucked it behind his head instead, looking instead at the cracked ceiling of the bunker. âOnly thing botherinâ me, sweetheart is this fucking conversation.âÂ
âLiar.âÂ
He chuckled. âFrom a certain point of view.âÂ
âFine. Iâll⌠drop it.â You relented, but the look in your eye said otherwise, and Higgs shivered as he thought of the ways youâd force the answers out of him.Â
âGood.â Higgs murmured, ânow, I do believe we were in the middle of somethinâ, hm, baby?â
You laid down on his chest again, flashing him a grin that showed far too much teeth to be truly friendly, and Higgs (not for the first time) imagined them dripping with his blood.Â
âMaybe,â You trail a finger down his stomach. âRemind me?âÂ
âWith pleasure.â He grabbed your hand with both of his, pressing a chaste kiss against the top of it before entwining your hand with his. Higgs pressed your hand down on your chest, pushing it down until it rested against his abdomen. âYou,â his other hand beckoned you closer, pulling at your hair to get you close enough that his breath tickled against the shell of your ear, âwere just about to apologize for beinâ so rude earlier, werenât you?â Higgs leaned up and pulled in a greedy breath of your scent.Â
âWas I?â You press down harder against his abdomen.
Higgs grunted, arching into your touch. âYes,â he said. âYou were.âÂ
You hummed. âDo you even have a cock in this form?âÂ
He choked on tar, eyes flashing wide. âThe fuck kind of question is that?! âCourse I have a cock.â
âJust asking.â You chuckled.Â
âYouâre ruininâ the mood.â Higgs bit into the soft skin under your jaw.Â
Your touch on his abdomen softens, and you seemed to almost sink into his touch. âIâm sorry,â your free hand trailed up his cheek before brushing a few stray hairs off his forehead. âIâve just⌠missed you so much.âÂ
He sighed and leaned into your hand. âI know.âÂ
âI never thought Iâd see you again.âÂ
Higgs scratched at his cheekbone to hide the sniffle. âI know.âÂ
The sound of waves crashing against the beach roared in his ears. A seagull cried in the distance. Pebbles of stone dug into his fragile skin.Â
He shook his head and looked at you instead. âKiss me,â Higgs almost begged, hoping that you missed the pathetic whine to his voice.
You didnât hesitate, slotting your lips over his just a breath after his plea. If you felt the tears that dripped from his eyes, you didnât let on. Higgs pressed against you harder, hoping that he could get close enough to quiet the raging waves in his mind. You grabbed his other hand, pressing it to the other side of your head before you threw your leg over his chest. The weight made him keen. Your lips moved against his like you shared his fears, like you had missed him like he had missed you.Â
You tore away from him, breathing heavily.Â
âI love you.â You said.Â
And Higgs almost believed you.Â
He smiled and kissed you again. Calmer this time. Controlled in the way he moved against you and not you against him. He licked into you, then slumped back against the pillow.Â
âI love you too.âÂ
You smiled at that.Â
âSoâŚâ your grin turned devious, âabout that apology.âÂ
Higgs scoffed. âAre you going to finish what you start this time or just let me get all worked up ân then ruin the mood again?âÂ
You hummed. âIf you behave.âÂ
âIf I behave. Oh, darlinâ, I think youâve forgotten whoâs in charge here.â Higgs chuckled, jutting his chin out.Â
A shrug was his answer.Â
Higgs pulled off the piece of metal that covered your prize, and then laughed at your confused look when the area beneath was flat.Â
âOh, baby,â he crooned, âdisappointed?â Higgs curled a finger under your chin. He forced your eyes on him, while guiding your other hand to rest against him. âItâs a mech suit,â his tone almost turned mocking, âyou think they just, what, come with a big olâ cock? Your mind is filthy,â he licked your lips.Â
You shifted your weight on him, eyes flickering around his face.Â
Higgs pouted. âPoor baby.âÂ
A second ticked by, and then you gasped, jerking against his hand to look down. Slowly, tar rose from the suit, the shape growing firm and heavy in your hand.Â
âToo weird for you?â Higgs taunted you, swallowing down the part of him that feared your answer.Â
You shook your head, pupils wide and eyes hungry. Your hand tightened around his cock, and Higgs hissed. It certainly felt like his. Keeping your eyes firmly on his, your thumb swept over his weeping slit before giving his cock an experimental tug. Higgs swore under his breath, arching his hips into your hand, chasing after your touch as you moved away. Heat licked up his spine, chased by the ebb and flow of pleasure.Â
âHarder.â Higgs almost begged.Â
Your hand tightened around his shaft, pausing before moving again. Higgs felt your eyes on him, the way you studied his every reaction like it was your first time together again, your eyes lighting up with every sound and movement you forced from him. The tar kept your hand nice and slick around him, every flick of your wrist producing an obscene wet sound that was downright sinful.Â
Higgsâ eyes fluttered shut, jaw slack with pleasure. His lips moved with hidden praise, but you moved as if you heard every one, leaning down to lick the tears from his face. If he had toes theyâd be curled.Â
His abdomen tensed, pleasure radiating up his spine in a way that meant only one thing. Higgs thrusted up into your hand wildly, chasing after you with wild abandon.Â
âIâm close.â He warned.Â
âI know.â Higgs heard the grin in your voice.Â
He hissed as your fingers traced over his slit again. Your hand trailed down again, brushing against his balls before wrapping around his shaft again. Your grip was harder than was really pleasurable, but the discomfort sent its own thrill through him, your nails just barely scraping against him. Your movements turned more frantic, tuned in with his rushed breathing, but it wasnât the way you angled your hand, or the pressure, or the way you knew exactly where to touch harder and where to be soft that really got him,Â
No.
Higgs was used to your games, had spent hours tortured at the edge of nirvana by your hand.Â
But, when you pressed a kiss so lightly he barely felt it against his sweaty forehead, his back arched with a choked moan and he painted your hand and his abdomen with his pleasure.Â
âFuck.â His voice shook.Â
âI.â You kissed him on his closed eyelid, âlove,â a kiss on the other one, âyou,â a firm, lingering kiss on his forehead.Â
âI know.â His voice was scratchy and hoarse as he opened his eyes to look at you. Higgs slumped down, pulling you down to rest on his chest. He tucked your head under his chin. Higgs took a deep breath, and he begged that you thought the trembling was from his orgasm and not⌠âI was alone on the beach,â Higgs started, âfor tens of thousands of years. Iâd just⌠wander. But then,â he laughed without humor, âI started dreaminâ. Of you⌠and me. And I fell for it every goddamn time like a fuckin' fool. Never learned my lesson. And when I did, I just did it anyway, because at least then⌠I wasnât alone.âÂ
âOh, Higgs,â your fingers curled around his chest plate.Â
He shrugged. âTens of thousands of years⌠haunted by you.â
âHowâŚâ your voice caught in your throat, âhow did you realize it wasnât me. The real me.âÂ
Higgs shifted, glad that the suit didnât come with a built-in capacity for blushing. Instead he was left with only the urge to flee, to hide until you saw what lingered under the cracked mask.
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A continuation of my Kinktober Fic here. If you had not read that I would highly recommend to get a backstory.
Paring: Cowboy!Higgs Monaghan x F!Reader
Rating: E
Tags: Descriptions of Violence, P in V sex, unprotected sex by pull out method, mentions of prostitution
You jump at the sound of the door opening, seeing him on the other side of it.
âGet ready, weâre riding out.â
You had been Higgsâs captive for days, taken from your home as revenge against your grandfather. He must have been hot on his tail; that would be the only explanation for them leaving their little hideout.
Any other time, you would have been thrilled to be rescued, but you found yourself quickly getting ready as instructed. You tell yourself itâs to play along so Higgs wouldnât kill you or your grandfather, but you knew better than that. Higgs wanted him dead, and vice versa. You were just the poor sap in the middle. There was another reason, a reason you still were trying to understand within yourself.
The door opened again, Higgs throwing a long-sleeve shirt and overall pants at you.
âPut these on,â he instructs as he places a hat on your head. âStuff your hair in the hat too, so no one looks at you twice.â
You nod, not asking any questions. You wait for him to leave, but he shuts the door behind him, leaning against it.
âGo on and change now,â he tells you again. When you donât move, he raises a tattooed brow at you.
âLittle past modesty with us, donât you think?â
That was the other reason, thisâŚexchange between the two of you. He had made it well known how he was attracted to you. Even went as far as getting between your legs every chance he got without actual sex. Your virginity remained intact in that regardâŚbut that was holding on by a thin thread, too. Despite his darkness, Higgs was a gentleman in his own way. However, he made it very clear he was not going to wait around much longer.
âNext settlement we get to, Iâm taking whatâs mine,â he warned you. The thought terrified you yet thrilled you at the same time.
It was insanity, you finally losing your wits, allowing a man who kidnapped you to do unspeakable things to you. You didnât even think one would do that, and yetâŚhe showed you things you would never have dreamed of. You didnât want your grandfather dead either, but you found yourself not wanting to leave Higgsâs side.
You sigh, removing the dress you had been wearing for several days after the kidnapping. Leaving your undergarments on, but then you heard Higgs whistle in protest.
âThat too, thatâs only gonna constrict you.â
You open your mouth to protest, but all he had to do was give you a look, a silent warning. You turn away from him, slowly sliding the garment off. The warm air hits your skin, making you let out a shaky breath. You could practically feel Higgsâs eyes on you, scanning every inch of your body as you hear his boots walking across the worn-out wood.
âYou know,â he speaks with a deep drawl. âWe might have a little time for me to play with that pretty body of yours a bit.â
You shudder at the heat from his body radiating against yours. You couldnât move, feeling his gloved fingertips drag over any inch of skin he could get before snaking around your waist. Those gloved hands, rough leather from riding and the elements cupping your breasts, your nipples hardened from the texture. A familiar wave of heat pools between your legs as you huff at your body betraying you once more.
âMmâŚLike that, baby?â He speaks in your ear, rolling your nipples between his thumb and index finger. âGonna let me have my way with you?â
You could feel his obvious arousal pressed against you, using his hips to move you toward the bed.
âGod, I canât wait to finally bury myself in you. Feeling you so wet and tight for me without sticking it in has been pure torture.â
His hot breath tickles your ear, his hands still working the sensitive peaks as he rolls his hips against you.
âGonna fill you up so good baby, no man ainât gonna compare to meâŚwonât need to anywayâŚgonna ruin you beyond comprehension.â
He bends you over just a bit with the upper half of his body, his hips bucking against you, which makes the tip of his clothed hardness press against your opening. The both of you filling the room with heavy pants and soft moans.
âYou're gonna let me, baby? Let me fuck that hot little pussy of yours good and slow, practically rip you apartâŚfill you up to the fucking brim.â
He quickly turns you over, capturing a nipple in his mouth. His deep groan vibrates through you as you feel him give it a deep, sensual suck. Moving away only to flick it with his tongue before giving the other the same amount of attention.
âLet me taste you, baby,â he breathes, kissing down your body and sinking to his knees. âGottaâŚfuck, I need it on my tongue for the ride.â
Just then, there was a banging at the door, making you jump. Higgs growls angrily at the disruption.
âYeah!â He yells out, clearly annoyed.
âWe got the horses ready, boss. If we gotta ride, we need to ride out now!â
âThe one time they are actually punctual,â he mutters before yelling at the man that heâs coming out. Higgs then turns back to you with a defeated sigh, but quickly moves his head, giving you a long lick from folds to clit. With an extra flick, he gets back up with a hum of satisfaction.
âThat should hold me,â his eyes were hooded, looking down at you. âNow get dressed.â
After quickly getting dressed and putting the hat on, you walked out of the shack to join him and his men. A horse was waiting right next to Higgs, one you hopped on as he handed you a bandanna.
âCover your face,â he instructs while pulling up his. It was the gangâs colors, black and dark yellow. Again, you donât argue. Pulling it up as he kicks off his horse to ride off.
This was not your first time riding a horse, but you were trained to ride in a dress. Proper, composed. This was the first time you rode freely, as if you were a part of it allâŚa part of them. It felt ratherâŚfreeing. For a brief moment, you werenât being held against your will by a gang. You were in the gang. Higgs certainly noticed, looking at you for a moment and giving you a wink. You felt your heart flutter in that momentâŚoh, if your grandfather knew what you were feeling and what this man was doing to you, he would flip his gourd!
It was about sundown when you arrived in a town, a town you did not recognize. You had to have been miles from home, you thought, far from your grandfather, your old life. You were quick to follow Higgsâ lead, mounting off the horse as he and some of the men walked toward a building. Only to feel a hand placed on your shoulder to stop you.
âYou may not want to follow him in there,â the man said as you turned around. You recognized him, but never spoke to him. Come to think of it, it had been a while since any of the other men talked to you after the incident where you were almost attacked. You looked confused, only getting a chuckle from him in reply.
âHe said you were sheltered,â he had the same drawl as Higgs, but warmer. âBut come on, you donât know a whore house when you see one?â
You could feel your heart drop as you looked back at the building. Right on cue, a rather voluminous woman came out, grabbing one of the men by the crotch. Your eyes widened, turning back to look at the man talking to you. He chuckles again, nodding his head back at the horses.
âCome on, boss man told me to take you to camp.â
You donât argue, following him until you both make it there. It looked pretty much like the camp back home, just more isolated from being up in the mountains. The man shows you where you would be staying, allowing you to put the little items you had down.
âKnowing Higgs, he wonât be there long,â the man informs you. âItâs more for the other crew to unload, so to speak.â
âThen why are you here?â You then ask, and the man chuckles again.
âNot my thing,â the man replied. You nod, going back to looking around. âIf you need anything, Iâll just be outside the door.â
âWhy are you staying outside?â You turn back to him to ask. This man was not like the others; he seemedâŚpolite.
âGot orders to keep guard until he gets here,â the man replied. âBelieve it or not, there are some bad folks out there.â
You couldnât help but laugh at the irony; the man seemed to have found it funny as well.
âIâm Buck, by the way. Most folks just call me Veteran,â he finally introduces himself. âIf you need anything, holler, and Iâll do what I can.â
âWhy do they call you Veteran?â You ask just as he was about to turn and leave. âIâm sorry, I justâŚyouâre the only other person I have talked to here other than Higgs.â
âYeah, wellâŚpretty obvious why,â Veteran replied. âI was in the war, got let go from a bad injury, and wellâŚthe government loves to get people to fight for them but never rewards those who almost lose their lives. Was working as a courier before I met Higgs, convinced me to take back what was taken from me, so here I am.â
You could only nod, looking down at your feet.
âIâm sorry,â you finally speak up. âI didnât mean to pry.â
âDonât be, I donât mind. It was a part of my life, and it made me who I am. And truth be told, itâs been a hot minute since I talked with someone with some intellect.â
You smile, feeling your nerves settle.
âThe feeling is mutual,â you let out a sigh. âWould it be too much trouble to have more of an intellectual conversation?â
Veteran looked apprehensive at first, but then he nodded.
âWhy not? You play cards?â
âI used to play Rummy a lot with my grandpa,â you reply.
âThen Rummy it is.â
You played with Veteran for what felt like hours. Having a small conversation between the two of you. You tell him about your life before the capture, and he tells you stories about his war days. It was nice, not that you didnât enjoy Higgsâ companyâŚbut being able to talk to someone else who wasnât trying to kill you or rape you was a nice change of pace. Besides, it didnât seem like Higgs was coming back anytime soonâŚa notion that gave you a sinking feeling in your stomach.
âDo theyâŚgo to those types of places often?â You suddenly ask. âThe whore houses, I mean.â
âSometimes,â Veteran replied. âLike I said, it's a way for them to let off some steam. You can only enjoy a hand for so long, hell, there have been moments of some of them going on each otherâŚnot that Iâm judging.â
âAnd Higgs? Does he goâŚoften?â
âEh bout the same. He drinks mostly or goes on some peyote kickâŚfucking whores are an afterthought.â
You nod, looking at the deck in your hand, something that did not go unnoticed by him.
âYou knowâŚHiggs wasnât the leader of this outfit to start with when I met him,â Veteran spoke up. âLooked mighty different back then, too. The leader at the time was a rough, paranoid man. Spouted nonsense about everyone being demons or something. Higgs was the manâs nephew, his right hand, and the brunt of all his rage. God, he beat him bad, so bad he could hardly move the next day, and he justâŚtook it. Eventually, Higgs had sort of aâŚmental break, so to speak. Shot him cold-blooded, used every bullet he had in both of his guns. After that, Higgs changed. At first, I was worried he was getting crazy like the old man, but he assured me he wasnât. Granted, he does have his crazy moments, takes too much pleasure in torturing folks, butâŚafter what I saw? Itâs justified.â
You look from your deck as he continued. âDespite all that, never once did I see him kidnap a girl. Shoot them in front of their daddies or husbands, yesâŚbut never take them. I suppose itâs like how pirates are, bad luck if you keep a woman around. I thought for sure he was gonna torture you, slice you up to make an example out of you, butâŚno. And when he killed that guy trying to attack youâŚit sort of reminded me of how he killed the old boss. There was feeling in those kills.â
You watch as he lays his deck down, pouring a glass of liquor in front of you.
âI guess my point isâŚyou got him feeling some type of way. And I can pretty much bet money he is doing the same to you. Otherwise, you wouldnât have gotten all quiet about the idea heâs with a whore.â
You open your mouth to protest, but quickly close it. This guy could read you like a book, it would seem.
âMy advice? Just let him fuck you. The chances of you leaving this group alive are about slim to none. Even if you do, those boys back home are not gonna to want to touch you. Youâre pretty much damaged goods.â
His brazen advice took you aback as he downed his drink.
âNow, that being said, I think itâs high time I get some shut-eye. You should too.â
You watch as he gets up, following his lead.
âThank you,â you tell him. âI hope I can talk with you some more, have a little rematch.â
âI highly doubt it, but it was a nice change nevertheless.â With that, he tilts his hat at you before stepping out. You take a breath, looking to see if you can at least wash yourself for the night.
What you didnât realize, was as soon as Veteran stepped out and closed the door, he was greeted by a knife to his throat. He lets out a huff, as if expecting it. Holding his hands up in surrender.
âYou really donât have to do that, Higgs.â
Higgs looked at him with a cold look on his face, staying painfully still.
âI give you one simple job, and I find you stepping out my door. Please, do enlighten me why I quote âdonât have to do thatâ?â
Silence hung between the two men, neither one budging.
âWe just talked and played some cards,â Veteran calmly explained. âYou can go in there and see for yourself.â
âCards, you really expect me to believe you two justâŚplayed cards like yâall are old friends?â
âShe wanted someone to talk to. And I felt bad for her,â Veteran replied.
âThen you talk to her through the god damn window,â Higgs sneered, threatening to press the blade closer. âOut of all these fucking animals, I trust you. Would take a bullet for you.â
âAnd me to you.â
âNot with what I just saw,â Higgs replied, his voice getting dangerous. âI think you saw a golden opportunity, played with my trust to finally get her alone so you can dazzle her with your fucking southern charm. Is that it? Was it worth betraying me like this?â
Veteran could only sigh, as if annoyed.
âI know that girl has got you on fire, but come on. Do you really think I would throw away years of friendship over some cooch?â
Higgsâs eyes widened in anger, pressing the blade just enough to draw blood.
âHold it, Higgs, justâŚplease listen. Believe me when I tell you, even if I was stupid enough to do that, that girl is too wrapped up about you.â
He could see Higgs taken aback, lowering the blade down.
âShe tell you that?â Higgs asked.
âDidnât have to, girl practically sulked at the thought you had some whore bent over and not her. I told her to just let you get your rocks off, do us both a favor.â
Higgs takes a deep breath, looking at the door, then back at Veteran. The other man taking it as a sign he finally calmed down.
âGood, now that we established that. Iâm gonna finally get some sleep. And for fucks sake man, if you wanna bed her, do it. If you wanna marry her, damn boy, do that too! Just donâtâŚdonât drag this for longer than it has to.â
With that, he walked off, leaving Higgs to his thoughts. He takes a shaky breath, looking at the door before putting the knife away. He then fixes himself, as if trying to make himself presentable before walking in.
You had finished your attempt at a rag bath when you heard the door. You were instantly on edge, only to find Higgs standing there. He lookedâŚconflicted. Like he had far too many emotions to process. You look at him confused at first, watching him look at the table where the cards still laid before letting out a sigh.
âYou really were just playing cards,â he spoke up before taking his hat off and placing it on a chair nearby. âGod dammit.â
You didnât say anything, just continued to watch as he rubbed a gloved hand over his weathered face. When you finally open your mouth to speak, he holds his hand out to stop you.
âHe told me that you thought I was with some whores. Is that true?â
Your eyes widen at the question. That seemed to be the answer he needed.
âI did, I tried at least,â he admitted. âI thought if IâŚfucked you out of my system I would end thisâŚfucking torture you have me in.â
Your heart sank, eyes cast down at your bare feet.
âBut they are soâŚgod damn noisy. And I kept thinkingâŚyou arenât like that. You moan pretty, like you mean it. I never hadâŚanything so sweet, and I havenât even put it in you yet. I should have, I should have rutted you a long time ago, but I-I wanted something, for once in my miserable life, to be mine and mine alone. The thought of another man even looking at you, I just wanna carve his god damn eyes out. Hell, I almost killed my only friend because I thought heâŚâ
You look back at him, instantly shaking your head in horror.
âHe didnât-â
âI know,â Higgs interrupts you. âBut in that moment I feltâŚLike, I finally have something good to touch, and now everyone wants a piece. That bothers me deeply. Knowing you have that pull on me.â
âHiggs-â
âHush,â he interrupts again. âJust let me talk. IâŚhave never had anything good in my life. My life has been nothing but death and darkness. Everything I touch ends up bloody on the floor, so much so I crave it now. I wanted to hurt youâŚso god damn badly. Make your old man suffer. Then I get one taste of youâŚAnd Iâm now consumed in the mere thought of you. And you know the worst part of it? I crave, and I break my own heart doing it. Do you have any idea how that feels for a creature like me? Who believed, his whole life, that he only had a black hole where a heart should be. Only to find out that ainât true? That it beatsâŚand yearns. Fucking yearns to see one gentle look or a smile from you?â
He takes a step forward, but you donât move.
âI keep telling myself youâre allowing me to touch you so you can save your hide. That you really donât want meâŚwho would? Iâm nothing, I am a dark, bottomless pit. I donât deserve love; hell, I donât deserve comfort. I sure as shit ainât the type thatâs gonna change and become some high member of society because Iâm not. Iâm an outlaw, a lunatic, a cold-blooded killer. I should justâŚcut my losses, let you go, and wait for the Marshalls to shoot me dead so I can fight in a blaze of glory.â
He was right, you did allow him to do those things to you because you wanted to stay alive. And maybe you were going crazyâŚbut you have caught yourself enjoying it. Enjoying him.
âBut I wonât, Iâm not gonna let you go. Especially now after what he said about you. But I need to hear it from you. I needâŚI need to hear you say it. Because if you donât.â
Suddenly, you watch as he pulls out one of his guns, aiming it at you. You could feel your heart tighten in a panic, looking at the weapon, then back at him.
âI will put a bullet in between your pretty eyes. As much as it pains meâŚI will not keep torturing myself.â
Slowly, you hold out your hand, trying to calm your own nerves.
âIâmâŚI find my feelings about you very confusing.â You speak carefully. âYou killed a hired hand, take me from my home. I spent days hardly eating or anything. And yetâŚwhen I am around youâŚI do find myself caring for you.â
You watch as Higgs lowers the gun, his lower lip trembling as if he was trying to hold himself together.
âYes, when Veteran told me where you were going when we got hereâŚI did catch myself almostâŚheartbroken. Because I clearly have never been with a man before and-and I like the way youâŚyou touch me. And I thought, with the way you spoke about me, that we were exclusive? God, I sound so silly.â
âNo, youâre not,â his voice was raw, thick with emotion. Letting out a shaky breath, he puts the gun away, and you never thought you could have felt more relieved. âItâs not silly at allâŚfar from it.â
âAm I going crazy?â You asked, more to yourself than to him. Higgs could only laugh, most manic.
âOh, thereâs no doubt about that, sweetheart,â he replied. âBut itâs been my personal experience that the best people are a bit cracked.â
You watch as he walks closer to you with purpose, cupping your face into his hands as his tall frame hovers over you.
âYou really do mean itâŚdonât you? I-Iâm not just hearing things?â
You had never seen him with so much emotion, such softness. If you were honest, that frightened you the most, knowing the violence he could easily snap back to.
âOf course I do, didâŚdid you mean it?â You asked in a small voice. A deep groan escaped him, pressing his forehead to yours.
âEvery fucking word, babydollâŚincluding me telling you Iâm taking whatâs mine once we settle.â
He quickly picks you up, carrying you to the bed on the other side of the room. You didnât have any other clothes to change into, leaving you no choice but to stay in the shirt he had you wear, with nothing underneath. A notion that wasnât lost on him, instantly spreading your legs until you were on full display.
âFuckâŚso god damn pretty,â he whispers. Ripping the gloves off his hands, he could brush his fingers against your throbbing clit.
You whimper, biting a knuckle as you feel him rub the sensitive nub with the rough pad of his thumb.
âThis is mine, you fucking hear me?â He growls. âThis is all mine; it was meant to be mine. Every fucking inch of you.â
You nod, only to welp as he slaps a hand against your wetness.
âYou better fucking say it,â he demands. âSay youâre mine.â
âIâm yours,â you breathe.
âEvery inch is mine?â
âYesâŚoh my god yes!â
âDamn fucking straight it is.â
Higgs practically rips the shirt you had on off, leaving you fully naked as he does the same to his own clothes. You couldnât help but stare at him as his naked top half was exposed to you. The man was riddled with scars, long and jagged, to bullet size. You felt compelled to sit up, brushing your fingers over his chest. This makes him stop, looking at you with his eyes blown wide with emotion. The same tattoos on his forehead were over his chest and arms, symbols you couldnât make heads or tails of. But the scarsâŚthe scars made your heart clinch. You wonder, which ones were from his own doingâŚor from his uncle.
âThey donât hurt in case youâre wondering,â Higgsâ voice pulls you from your thoughts. âJust another part of me.â
âVeteran told me aboutâŚyour uncle,â you whisper, only for him to shh at you.
âWe can get to the sappy shit later,â he told you. âDonât wanna feel anything except you right now.â
You nod, figuring now wasnât the time to talk about things that hurt. There would be plenty of time for that, you hoped. You allow him to lay you back down, keeping his eyes on you as he begins to undo his gun belt. Your eyes kept still at his movements once he placed it down, the sound of his belt unbuckling echoed so loudly before it was undone enough to slide his pants down.
He wasâŚoh sweet Jesus!
Your eyes widen, seeing his cock jump out from its clothed confines. He was so long, with a flush of pink around the head. You must have looked horrified, hearing Higgs chuckle as he grabs himself by the base.
âNow I know for a fact you never fucked a man before,â he teased. âGood thing this is the only dick youâre ever gonna see.â
You watch him stroke his cock slow, wiping the tip with his thumb to capture the pre cum pearling there. His breathing was shaky, laboured, but your eyes were glued on his assault on himself.
âReally liking the show, huh?â His voice was deep despite the tease. Your eyes finally looking up at him. âIf Iâd known thatâŚwouldnât have had to beat myself away from you like a punk.â
You could feel the heat from your ears to your cheeks. A notion not lost on him as he lets out a grunt.
âOpen wide for me, baby,â he gently instructs as he uses his other hand to spread your legs back in full display again. âThatâs itâŚfuck me, you look so good.â
You could hear the bed creak as he knelt on the bed, taking his sweet time making sure he got to touch every inch of your body. He lets out a pleased noise, holding his cock by the base as he starts teasing you with it. Rubbing it against your folds before tapping it against your clit. You whimper, biting your bottom lip as he smirks down at you.
âLike that?â He asks, not finding your voice, you nod in reply. Suddenly, you feel him press the head against you and pop into your entrance. You let out a whimper, feeling a very full sensation creeping deeper into you. Then a sharp pain, causing you to muffle a cry.
âShh shh, settle now,â he coaches. âJust gotta get used to it.â
Another sharp pain, and your hands grip him right at his shoulders. You wanted moreâŚyet wanted him to pull away. You could smell the sweat off of him, hear his whispered words of encouragement.
âI know, babyâŚmmph, god damn you feel so good.â
âH-HiggsâŚâ
âItâs okayâŚIâm not going nowhereâŚcouldnât pull me off if you tried.â
The pain finally washes away after a few small thrusts from him before fully bottoming out. You finally open your eyes, looking up at him as he gives you a smile.
âFeeling good now?â He asks, and you let out a small sigh as the answer. âTold you so.â
You couldnât help but laugh, your hands moving from his shoulders to the sides of his neck.
âP-Please move?â You finally speak, and you watch as his eyes roll back.
âOh, Iâm gonna move alright,â he warns before bucking his hips against you, causing you to cry out. Higgs moved with purpose, with one harsh thrust after another. But it didnât hurt you, quite the opposite. You feltâŚgood, really good. Your breathy moans chimed against his rough grunts. Skin slapping against skin, only adding to the erotic sounds filling the room. If words were spoken, they were brief and matched movement.
âFuck.â
âOh God.â
âAh shit!â
Higgsâ movements picked up, causing you to whine out from the delicious friction. There were even moments you felt him press a very tender spot within you, which made you let out the most wanton noises.
Your dull nails clawed down his back, which only encouraged him to the point he had you practically jerking against the bed crazily.
âGonna cumâŚgod damn baby youâŚyouâre gonna make me cum.â He grunts out, followed by animalistic sounds.
You could feel the familiar build of your orgasm, your breathing getting harsher, and with pure abandon. You didnât care if the camp heard you or not; all you knew was that you wanted to reach that peak.
âIâŚI-â
âThatâs it, baby, fuck, please cum. I needâŚneed to feel you cum.â
Then it hits, and you practically scream out as it hits you. Higgs lets out a deep moan, slipping out of you, and begins to jerk his cock roughly over you.
âGod fucking dammit!â
He roars out a moan, hot thick ropes of his cum painting across your stomach. The both of you stay like that for a moment, catching each otherâs breath from the explosive aftermath. You look at him, watching him pant harshly. His eyes were shut tight, mouth agape, before slowly forming a blissful smirk.
âNeverâŚthought Iâd cum that hardâŚgod damn.â
He finally opens his eyes to look at you, giving you a look you were almost certain lookedâŚtender.
With a happy sigh, he slowly moves to his feet. Reaching over to rinse out a rag you had used to wash with. He doesnât say anything, neither do you, you could feel the water wet your stomach as he washes his seed off of you before plopping it back in the pot.
âCome here,â he whispers. Moving back on the bed to lie back as he pulls you to lie on top of him. The two of you are sticking together from the sweat, matching each otherâs breathing. It was quiet after that, you tracing her finger along a tattoo on his left pec while you feel him kissing the top of your head.
âWhat are these?â You finally ask, and he lets out a breath.
âHieroglyphics,â he replied gently. âAncient Egyptians used them for language.â
âWhat do they say?â
âSpells mostly, for protection.â
You nod, not saying anything else. You could feel Higgs brush your hair along his fingers, a motion that almost lulled you to sleep.
âIf he finds youâŚWould you go back to him?â
He was asking about your grandfather, and god was that a loaded question.
If you were asked that several moons ago, you would have said yes in a heartbeat. NowâŚespecially the now where you are lying naked with a man he wants deadâŚyou werenât really sure.
âI canât go backâŚIâm damaged goods,â you speak up. You then feel Higgs tighten his hold on you.
âYouâre not damaged goods. You hear me? Donât you make me hear you say that again.â
âVeteran said-â
âIâm gonna fucking kill him,â Higgs muttered before pushing your face to look at him. âYouâre not, not to me. You are the purestâŚmost precious thing I ever held in my life. And Iâll kill the next son of a bitch who says otherwise.â
You look at him, hearing the truth in his words. You then lean forward, pressing your lips against his. He is still at first, then melts. Pressing his tongue to your lips before it slips and mashes against yours. You let out a whimper, clinging to him as he moves back up over you.
âYou shouldnât have done that,â he pants against your lips. âNow you fucking done itâŚâ
You look at him, confused, but he moves his lips on you. Leaving heated kisses against your jaw and neck.
âHiggs-â
âNever letting goâŚnever giving you upâŚwill fucking burn half of Texas before that old fuck gets close to youâŚâ
Then it finally dawns on you. You had never kissed him before. Him kissing your body sure, but you two never had a kiss on the lips.
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