i

A dreamer, dreaming of not having to dream.

Because everything she ever wished for

was already hers.

Sirens roaring by my empty apartment

Serene music playing out of the computer my parents bought for me

On a bed, in a room, all my meaningless little knick knacks, all taken care of for me.

Independence has always been something I yearned for.

To be away, but why?

To color in the pages my way,

To live, my way.

But i've come to notice, I don’t need to run to find.

Discovery doesn’t have to be loopholes and a plan.

It can be a small walk, in a rose filled garden

Smelling and admiring each bundle of buds

To find the water, and returning home.

I find that the more I am alone,

The tendency to think and stress amplifies it self like clockwork.

mainly, currently, the energy is towards school or driving

Even though its summer and I should be resting

I still find it to be utterly exhausting.

But whether now it will be high school, in a few years it’ll be college

Then the start of a new career, so on.

Clarity comes from acceptance.

Accept stresses will replace itself, not disappear.

Accept how great the moment is, don’t dissociate from it.

Accept this is how you were born,

Accept you were meant to overcome this.

Acceptance is clarity.

Oh for once,

Let me be known.

Only a mere picture was I,

To the gaze of yours

to be loved, is to be known and

You never loved me.

Thinking of opal haze

Oh but thinking is merely thought!

oh i want to feel, to touch

Oh for I have been far too patient.

Send me a knight

Cold yet loving.

Clearheaded yet blue.

Did i dream it so

mad?

Give me your hand

Bury me

A lantern, slaughtered youth

for here lies

beauty

full of light.

Lightening before death

no power, not conquered

crimson lips, blooded sheets

What more favor can I do?

To be his paramour?

here, here I will remain.

“I am busy,”

“You’re just sitting there.”

Nothing to everyone

you were the darkest night

cold and blue

no emotions came out of you

sly as the greatest gatspy

and as silently as the stars that sleep

and i’m as bright as the clementines

shine in the light

wishing for you to give me a sign

of love at first sight

and a pretty blue intelligent mystery

pushing me away

         in the snow array

in the horizon of New York City

city lights beaming before our eyes

as we talk about our pasts and our presents

too afraid to talk about our future.

I find myself turning little things in to so much more

turning sweet nothings to forever stories

For myself and I to dream of

and my forever someone and I

My inspiration comes from the things around me

I draw patterns, flowers

and I eventually write about them

Success

come to me blessed

As an insecure, scared form finds comfort in the optimistic

and comfort of not being mentally lonely

Not being alone shows all the possibilities I hope to successfully get

Successfully get confidence

Successfully find love

Successful life will be thoughtful and be enough I’ll be able to ponder about for hours

-

I hate missed opportunities. God they drive me crazy. How can I be so stupid.

I pity myself for causing it on myself

How could I.

Who am I.

Please get out of my head.

-

You say you want to find all my secrets

But I still haven’t figured them out

Place your bets

I won’t be able to survive without you with me.

Out in the real world

With no possible guidance

But my thoughts

But they’re not real.

I need the real you.

The real you comforting me not just a fragment of dreams

A real one who I can sob to

Who I can kiss

Who I have to support me

The real me

The loose roses on the edge of a mountain

Who a single wind can push them off

Falling, oh so fast, falling where the grave was dug but the people are there

Composure fast.

Think about how after life will be peaceful.

A long way from now but it’s going by fast

I know someday I’ll hopefully gain the peace I hopefully earned

Have a family with you in what it feels like the clouds

House filled with art, greenery, history

Your intellect saving us like always

God I’m grateful.

-

Let me have my nostalgia already

Let me thrive knowing i soon wont have to deal with this

Let me have the love of my life

Come and save me from misery

Just let me get tf out of school so i can live

Cried on the first week

really thought.

Still have hope