Here are a few of my favorite things

That doing drugs makes you cool.

That being rude to your parents is okay

That being straight means you aren’t a person

That being controversial all the time is cool and will get you friends

That being blatantly rude to people to get your point across is okay

That being white makes you by default evil

That having a mental illness is cool

That cutting yourself is okay

That being a male means you are a rapist

That all men are evil, misogynistic monsters

That misandry is okay

That doxxing people’s personal information is okay if they said something you don’t like

That tumblr should be your vital source for controversial issues

That school doesn’t matter

That being narcissistic is cute

That making a minor mistake on a post will make the world hate you

Buy several hundred vacant houses. Schedule repairs for said houses with reputable contractors and make sizable down payments in advance. Get everything in writing and hang onto those deeds.

Buy a large open parcel of land that is being auctioned for development. And when I say large, I mean LARGE.

Sink millions into paying off people’s Kickstarters / college loans / medical bills / mortgages, and give generously charity organizations. That alone will carry off a lot of money.

Once you’ve got things down to a reasonable level, say $1m, buy yourself a house, furnishings, appliances, and a dependable car. Pay everything off so that you own it free and clear. Purchase about $200k worth of something easy to liquidate (i.e. gold, gems, bonds, stocks). Put the rest onto prepaid credit cards and wait for Monday to roll around.

NOW THE FUN BEGINS.

You now have commendable credit and a shining public reputation.

Fix up and flip those houses, sell them for fair market value or below to families who need them, or create non-profit homeless shelters. (After all, it’s not like you need to “make” money, this is all running on the proceeds from the property sales.)

Sell the parcel of land to developers, or donate it to public works as a park or open space. Have them name it after you.

Retire to your fully furnished home. Liquidate your extra assets, or leave them to appreciate in value for a later date. Make Christmas epic with those gift cards. Keep the extra money in the bank and keep your day job.