Heartbreak: overwhelming distress

I wish I could go back because I would’ve kissed you more. I would’ve held you longer and pulled you closer. I would’ve stared into your eyes more to remember every color and pattern. and damnit I would’ve never screwed it up. I want you back so bad it physically hurts. I wish I would’ve done so many things different.

I hope you love him. I hope you really understand what you’re holding. Because you don’t know it but you’ve got my whole world in your hands. The one thing that means the most to me, is all yours. I can’t feel the warmth of his touch or listen to his laugh anymore. I hope you squeeze him tight and enjoy every laugh. The eyes you look into are the ones I dream about every night. So I hope you don’t take a single moment with him for granted. Because somewhere in this world, my tears fall for him. He’s all yours but at one time he was all mine. I hope you love him more than you’ve ever loved anything because I know I do. But he’s yours now. Take care of him for me, someone needs to.

every time I move through this house, your hand slips from mine. I struggle to grip onto the person that i knew. now, I only see you as a silhouette. all the things I remember, and no longer the person that you are. I prefer not to know who you are now. because I would rather love your memory than love the person that you are now. i’ll miss you, but it is time to go. i’ll hold your memory close to me under the sheets tonight. I hope to see you in my dreams.

you came into my life at a time when I was broken and everything was dark. I thought things weren’t going to get any better. but then you stepped in at the darkest time and helped me get through it. and then you protected me and you saved me. I was having the worst year of my life and you showed up and made it better for just a little bit of time. you kept my head above water and kept me from drowning. you came along whenever I needed you most. I was the happiest I had ever been by your side. and I just wish I could go back to that happiness. but you’re gone now. and i’m having to learn how to do this on my own. I have no one to turn to and i’m alone. but I made it through before and i can do it again. just this time it’s without you. you came along and you saved me, but then you had to go. I know you had a purpose in my life, I just wish you could have stayed.

forever scares me. let me rephrase that, the term “never again” scares me. because what if I never see you again. what if we never talk again. what about when I can never get you back again. things will never again be the same. everything as i’ve known it is gone. i’m scared for you to be my never again, because i’m not sure what life is like without you anymore. I don’t want to be without you again, never again.

Don’t try to move on if you’re not ready. it’s a constant cycle of breaking. you use someone to try and get over someone else and all you do is end up being the breaker instead of the broken. if you aren’t ready to love her, then don’t. do not lead her on and make her believe she’s someone special when really she’s not the person you have on your mind. you cannot take another girl and do all the things with her you did before and pretend she’s someone else. you’ll end up breaking her heart. and then she’ll never understand why she wasn’t good enough. so don’t say those lies through that sly grin and make her believe there’s a future if you know there’s not. don’t tell her you love her and pinky promise that you’ll never break her heart just to tell her the next day that you’re not over your ex. you can ruin someone that way. so if you’re not ready to move on, don’t force it. because you may cause the same pain to someone else.

don’t ever take the time you have with someone for granted. because one day you could be waking up next to them and the next day you don’t even speak. people in your life are like a revolving door and each one is there to teach you a lesson. some, they stay longer than others. but there usually isn’t enough time spent with anyone. you could spend every day with someone for their whole life and still miss them the second they leave. so enjoy the memories while they last. don’t get mad over something so little it won’t matter tomorrow, because they might not even be there. make sure everyone knows how you feel about them. if you love someone, tell them. because they may never know. make good memories and don’t reminisce on the bad times, remember the good with everyone. and just be glad you had someone in your life when you did.

My life is no longer about me waiting for you to come back. Now, I’m just learning how to live without you. Now, missing you is a normal pain that I have learnt to deal with.

time without you has gone by a lot faster than the time with you ever did.