This might sound fake but I assure you, my life is stranger than fiction

Moi, minding my own affaires: I’ll have une baguette s’il vous plait

Some guy: *under his breath* A baguette? Get a life... they don’t even sell that here

Barista: Actually, oui, we do sell baguettes, does that bother you?

Some guy: *rolls eyes* imagine actually eating that

Moi: I don’t have to imagine *grabs my warm baguette and takes a good sassy chomp*

The guy: *notices my Eiffel Tower pin* Oh so you’re a Frenchgot? So you just don’t win wars? That figures

Moi: Oui, I’m a proud “Frenchgot” and that has nothing to do with my preferences in sustenance

Femme behind moi: Did you seriously just call that person a Frenchgot? What kind of monde are we living in?

Moi: Oui, I’m used to it though.. that’s what you get for being openly French it seems!

The guy: I’m literally a gay man and I won’t let you French freaks shame me for having gay s*x, people like you are hurting my community. I’m gonna go have S*X with my boyfriend

Moi: Uhhhhh mon ami you were the one shaming me for buying a warm baguette and now you’re shoving the image of s*x down a sex repulsed French’s throat... Non a good look. Et oui, je suis a proud French freak!

Femme: I’ve been an out French femme since the 4-20s et let me tell you, monsieur Gay, we have done nothing but further acceptance for your community et carry your community on our backs

Moi: You have the nerve to talk down to a French ancien? Vraiment?

Barista: *throws l’eau on the bigoted guy*

Barista: Well... I might lose my job for this, but at least I can say it was worth it.

Moi: *picks up ma warm baguette et hits him on la tête*

Bigot: I HATE FRENCH PEOPLE AND FRANCE. YOU ARE NOT EVEN HUMAN.

Moi: *loudly and proudly* une autre baguette, s’il vous plait, par la maison! I think I’m owed it

Barista: You know it!