and yet I find

I knew we would never be together

While we were watching fleabag

And the priest doesn’t choose her

And god knows, and you know,

I pretended it could work

We pretended it could work

Back then I thought it meant

You wouldn’t choose me

But in the end I will always choose him

The one I chose first

The one I love most

I can’t sit here, waiting for you to deign to let me in

Being mad at me for asking about your life

This isn’t friendship

And I didn’t do anything wrong

C:

I don’t think this is fair

First of all, you’re shit at comforting

Second of all, I’ve made it clear my emotions are nothing compared to yours

There is no eclipsing happening

I’m aware it’s worse for you and I always acknowledge it

And for the last big thing,

I didn’t share my emotions at all

So that was not fair

B:

I know it happened again

Get your shit together

V:

You are being unbelievably selfish and stupid

Why would you raise your kids to be anxious

Smarten up

M:

Why did you forget me?

And then you pretend you didn’t

Like my siblings don’t tell me things

They revealed your lies, whether they meant to or not.

Because you didn’t tell me, I don’t know if we can come

If we do, his family will have rearranged everything

Again

Like they always do.

Goddamnit let me feel my emotions

I don’t want to be corrected all the time

I don’t have the energy to talk right now

I’m not responsible for someone else’s emotions

But if you see this,

My feelings are very hurt

Trying so hard to be good

And be what you need,

To be comfort and nothing else.

Not good enough.

You’ve called me your whore and I thought it was fun.

Now I know that’s how you really view me.

And that makes me sad.

But I love you.

And you need me to be stable.

So I’ll continue to tell you

Not necessarily because I am worth it —

Trust me, I know that.

No, you would worship me because I am new

And because you are lonely.

And I know this worship will leave me feeling hollow and unsatisfied,

I know

It will not fill that hole

But I want it anyway.