Charming Crozier

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

you can't get out that way!

that's not very helpful.

maybe the open window will help.

try the open window instead.

idioms are always funnier in languages you do not understand, especially when a native speaker is struggling to explain and actively digesting how ridiculous it is in real time

Miss Piggy tied to the mast while Statler and Waldorf heckle her from the sea

But who is the single human cast member in this tale? Who gets to put in an Oscar-worthy performance alongside the Muppets and what role are they to play?

There’s no single human, everyone is a Muppet except for one scene. Circe, played by Janice, turns Odysseus’s crew into humans who still behave animalistic and are all played by Academy Award winning actors.

lemon is so so so fucking good in sweet food and savory food and spicy food and salty food and drinks. she has it all

Felix: look Merlin. I know you're in your feelings about being stuck in a robot while your human body has developed its own personality basically exactly like you but. just so you know I have two hands

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

For all its faults Tumblr has truly ruined all other social media for me because my friends all have Instagram and are all trying to get me on Instagram more but every time I open Instagram there are like fifteen things screaming for my attention and when I get over myself long enough to start scrolling it's like. Where is my chronological dash. Where is the following-only option. Who are these people. Why are there so many videos. Everyone is screaming at me. And then before I know it I'm thirty minutes into scrolling and I haven't seen a single thing that I actually care about. At least on Tumblr when I see stuff I don't care about I know someone I follow has found a new interest.