Charmed Particle

“If conversation was the lyrics, laughter was the music, making time spent together a melody that could be replayed over and over without getting stale.”

“That’s how I want to be beautiful. I want love smiling in my eyes from all the bright places I’ve seen and roses blooming from my mouth from all the good and kind words I’ve said. I want a skin that’s been kissed by the sun a thousand times in this lifetime from all the beaches, cities, and islands I’ve melted with the people I love. I want tattoos that mark beautiful moments of my life like the day I first fell in love with her smile, the day my dog passes and I want to remember his happiness, the day I saw myself so confident and fulfilled, and how my body is a canvas filled with art, and I’m not afraid of having these lovely scars forever. I want a waist that’s sexy for all the dancing I’ve done when I am alone in my room because life is too precious not to celebrate it when you can. I want wrinkles when I’m an old man with an old wife because we laughed too much when we were young and in love. I want to be beautiful in such a way that it’s natural for me and not because I want to impress people. I want to be beautiful in such a way that I love who I am for everything I’ve been through.”

“It’s nice when someone remembers small details about you.”

“Please be patient with me. Sometimes when I’m quiet it’s because I need to figure myself out. It’s not because I don’t want to talk. Sometimes there are no words for my thoughts.”

“I’m slowly learning that some people aren’t good for me, no matter how much I love them.”

“I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted.”

Dear future Love,

“I pray for everything that brings me joy to be joyful – may you be worried by being so happy that your smile as big as the continent of Europe hurts your cheeks and cry tears of hope – may you be tormented by being so playful that what you love and what you work for feels like the same field you’re harvesting as a farmer of light and any suffering from now on is purposeful and bearable – may you be damned by being so free that one morning you see a smirking dove and you say to yourself, “look that’s my heart!” and may you be alone by the riverbank of trust in the goodness of your choices and may you be lost in the desert of wonder and I pray this in the name of the most high which bears the fruit of love, peace, and joy – amen & amen & amen.”

“Enjoying a milk tea with you is better than playing video games all day and wanting to avoid the madness of poetry, the piles of laundry every Tuesday nights and the tears of my shadow when she reminds me I’m not living my life to its fullest potential and how she’s got no choice but to follow me in places where I don’t belong except maybe in the Cagayan valley of your arms where she feels safe and enough and worthy of your affection and love. I want nothing more than to sit in silence with you as the trees dance for the romance of your soul which is the wind – your passion is a cold breeze – a fresh air – a natural thing for my lungs to inhale and exhale and inhale and exhale and how wonderful it is, my love – this living you give to my spirit because I don’t know what else to do every Sundays except maybe to shop books on Amazon, binge watch sitcoms on Netflix, see how you beautifully look in that yellow dress I saw at the store and maybe look back and study my favorite moments in history: The conquest of Constantinople, the age of discovery and colonization, the first monkey shot into space, but nothing else can make me happier than to kiss you for no reason at all until historians describe me some hundred years from now as the poet who loved the girl with the sunset eyes with all his heart. I’m always cheerful to know that you are my greatest adventure, my northern star that guides me, my lighthouse when I am a lone fisherman at a stormy sea and I’ll always come back to you, my love, my darling, my amor to see you smile at the milk tea shop where everything is blissful is safe is gentle courage and wisdom and serenity and everything in between and I wouldn’t miss the morning blessing of your lips on my forehead for the world.”

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; but eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hand inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past - the memories - and make peace with them.”

“I’m going to go on a grand adventure someday, this I promise myself. I’m going to see places where I’d appreciate the aesthetic beauty of life and feel so exhilaratingly lost in the process. I’m going to meet people who have different ways of existing, being, and loving that I might be able to appreciate mine more. I’m going to write letters to friends and family at home telling them I miss them while I’m starting to figure out who I am, what I love, and where in my heart is the place where there’s nothing but faith in being capable in doing my best with having a life well-lived. And I hope whoever I have become when I decide to hop inside the car, explore the open road and drive back to the city will be enough to make me see things for the better.”