Mad World

i love it when fanfic authors do the thing

alternate:

ERIC: There you are, Kyle. Sit down. KYLE: I was in the middle of a movie when you texted me Cartman. What’s this about? 

ERIC: With Bebe? KYLE: Huh? Oh.. yeah. And Wendy and Stan. ERIC: Hrm. KYLE: But you said it was important, right? What, are you worried about Wilky? ERIC: No, she’s fine… it’s about… something else.  ERIC: …I have to come clean.

KYLE: …About..? ERIC: …Well, Kyle, you know how we… always get pestered on the blog, about each other? KYLE: …Yeah… What about it?

ERIC: …They… they’re actually right… about me.

KYLE: … ERIC: … It feels weird to say that. But they are. I… you know. I have a crush on you. And I don’t know how else to say it, but I–…

KYLE: The cameras are on, aren’t they? ERIC: …Uh… yeah, they are, but–

KYLE: Ugh– I can’t believe you, dude. This again? This is exactly like what you did in 4th grade! You used that bullshit confession for your own gain infront of an entire audience. You manipulated the situation infront of all those people and now you’re doing it again!

ERIC: No, Kyle, this isn’t l– this is for real! KYLE: Oh sure. That’s why you’re recording, right? Because you wanna document your feelings or some bullcrap? KYLE: No. I know exactly what you’re doing. Anons on the blog are telling me not to be with Bebe because they’re rooting on me being your fucking crush. And since you hate Bebe, this works out completely in your favor, doesn’t it? That’s the perfect plan to keep Bebe away from the blog. All you gotta do to get rid of Bebe is tell over 2000 people that I AM your crush. They’ll be practically prying Bebe off me then!

ERIC: … KYLE: …God dammit, Cartman. You were doing so well, too. KYLE:  It’s been years since you tried to pull a stunt like this. Something this manipulative. But here you go again. KYLE:  Seriously, Cartman. The blog’s bad enough as it is without you, or anyone, trying to fuel the fire. But you yourself have gotten so much better. So, just, don’t ruin it like this.

KYLE: I’m heading back. But seriously, Cartman… Try not to do anything else to fuck up.