Charcoal Rabbit Tales Season 01 Episode 01: The Century of Sadness (Script) Part. 2
Panel 1: Clawson uses his power horns.
CLAWSON: Thereās nothing left for me now, not anymore. But Iām still incomplete.
Panel 2: Various members of Clawsonās family got physical weapons enhanced with blue
Panel 3: Clawson makes a speech about Charcoal. Gesturing with his small knife now enhanced with his blue energy mixed with red energy like the one from the pentagram he was trapped behind.
CLAWSON: Non-family, we wreak our vengeance on the one who destroyed our- my family. Tonight, we cut the cancer out of my blood!
Panel 4: Charcoalās trying to reason with them.
CHARCOAL: I donāt want to hurt anymore, at least not anymore than I already have. Please let me leave now and I can fix this.
CLAWSON: Youāre 100 years too late for that!
Panel 5: Charcoal closes his eyes hard to ignite something inside of him.
Panel 6: A flash of blue light is generated from Charcoal. Similar to Cherenkov radiation
Panel 7: Charcoal is now in his Blue Angel armor floating above the chair he was in. Cat 1 is nowhere to be seen. Then Charcoal quickly flies out of the dining room.
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): I never thought I needed push to come to shove.
Panel 8: Charcoal flies away as Clawson yells for his people to stop him.
CLAWSON: Everyone, stop him! Dead or alive!
Panel 1: Charcoal flies into the room he was in earlier and finds his spell book.
Panel 2: Charcoal took it.
Panel 3: Charcoal made a break for it.
Panel 4: Charcoal flies through the halls of Clawsonās house.
Panel 5: Charcoal enters a room to hide in.
Panel 6: Charcoal uses his spellbook to teleport out of there.
CHARCOAL: I gotta get outta here. Book, get me out of here!
Panel 7: Charcoal reappears in Sus Su Gnoma.
Panel 8: Charcoal gets a look of shock.
Panel 9: The house Charcoal had in Sus Su Gnoma has been vandalized. Spray painted on the house is, āThe Claws of Clawson were here.ā The time-traveling tank from the beginning of the story is gone.
[Play Daytime Drama By Geoff Bastow or something similar to capture this sad moment.]
Panel 1: Charcoal is on the ground crying.
Panel 2: Four shadows loom over Charcoal. Charcoal looks up to see them while still on the ground.
???: Who knew running away from home would cause so much damage?
Panel 3: Itās Kashbear, Boulder Bull, Mr. Maney, and Wayland Warthog. Not all of them are happy to see Charcoal and for good reason.
CHARCOAL: Kashbear, Boulder, Maney, and Wayland! Youāre here!
MR. MANEY: Weād come here from the past to get you back. But Kashbear wanted you to learn a lesson.
Panel 4: Charcoal tearfully embraces Kashbear. Heās not too happy.
CHARCOAL: Kashbear, Iām so sorry for stealing the tank and running away! This is the biggest mistake of my life!
Panel 1: Kashbear gives Charcoal a talking to. *13
KASHBEAR: Charcoal, youāve caused a lot of damage that ruined the lives of your family. How do we know youāre really sorry for the situation?
BOULDER: If it makes you feel better, the tankās been programmed to send clients of ourās ditching others to a bad future to teach them a lesson.
Panel 2: Charcoal says something.
CHARCOAL: Just give me another chance, when I do something wrong, I try to fix it at once!
KASHBEAR: Okay, if you want to prove that youāre sincere,
Panel 3: Kashbear whispers into Charcoalās ear.
Panel 4: Charcoal agrees.
KASHBEAR: You really want to fix everything?
CHARCOAL: Yes! Anythingās better than this world!
[End current Background Music here.]
Panel 1 (Full Page): Charcoal is dressed in a showgirl dress singing and dancing in a nightclub in Hell. Charcoal is red in the face from the embarrassment. Demons in the club are pointing and laughing at Charcoalās show. Charcoal is singing Hi-De-Ho Man by Cab Calloway or something similar.
CHARCOAL (SINGING): Hi-De-Ho, He-De-He, Oh, the Hi-De-Ho man thatās me!
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): This is how far Iāll go to make things right.
Panel 1: Back at the vandalized house, Charcoal and the Fear Demons work up a game plan.
CHARCOAL: So, how do we fix this?
KASHBEAR: One thingās for sure, you traveled 100 years into the future. We just use the tank to send you back to your time period and weāll be okay.
Panel 2: Charcoal points out that the tank is gone and holds the spellbook.
CHARCOAL: But the tank is gone.
KASHBEAR: You wouldnāt happen to have taken that spellbook with you?
CHARCOAL: Yes, for the house.
KASHBEAR: Clawson and his family mustāve used it to come and take the tank.
Panel 3: A portal opens up.
Panel 4: Cat 1 comes out of the portal.
Panel 5: Charcoal gets in a fighting stance. Cat 1 sticks out the notebook Charcoal wrote in decades ago to prove heās on his side.
CAT 1: No, no! Iām not a threat, Iām on your side, Charcoal. I read a bit of that spellbook to get here, not my fault!
CHARCOAL: How can I trust you?
Panel 6: Cat 1 has his hands on the bottom of his shirt.
CAT 1: Because Grandpaā¦
Panel 7: Cat 1 lifts up his shirt to reveal a myriad of scars and bruises on his torso.
Panel 8: Charcoal gasps at the sight of him.
Panel 1: Cat 1 asks a question. Charcoal reluctantly confesses.
CAT 1: Did you ditch your family?
CHARCOAL: Unfortunately, yes. But understand that it was an accident.
CAT 1: Why would you ditch them in the first place?
Panel 2: Charcoal explains why he ran away.
CHARCOAL: My oldest brother was gonna move in with his own family. They were gonna take my bedroom, I just wanted space for myself. The plan was to go to Sus Su Gnoma, generate a house, and link it to my Earth house with portals so they can both count as one place.
Panel 3: Cat 1 is stern with Charcoal.
CAT 1: The time travel part may be an accident, but thatās no excuse to ditch your family like that. I mean, I ditched my Grandpa just now but thatās besides the point. Your loving family didnāt deserve to have their kid ditch them.
Panel 4: Kashbear sides with Cat 1.
KASHBEAR: Heās right, if youād just live with the change, the entire family would be okay. Nothing should always be about you. Isnāt it also illegal for a Blue Angel minor to run away from his family?
CHARCOAL: Yeah, but I jumped realms which my power ring wouldnāt track to bypass the law.
Panel 1: Kashbear isnāt 100% happy but he and Charcoal make an agreement. Kashbear even acknowledges Charcoal for at least having a way to bypass that law in the first place. The two shake hands and their hands are engulfed in a demonic blacklight fire, to show that theyāre making a demon promise that Charcoal will be principally obligated to fulfill.
KASHBEAR: A loophole? Gotta give you some credit for that. Iād expect this from Clawson.
CHARCOAL: Got my power ring from an old user and the realm jumping glitch wasnāt fixed. Also thereās no taxes Sus Su Gnoma.
KASHBEAR: Promise when you get back, to update your power ring.
Panel 2: Charcoal in his Blue Angel armor, ready to resolve the problem.
CHARCOAL: Letās go clean up my mess.
CHARCOAL: By the way, I didnāt get your name.
CHARCOAL (THINKING): Sounds like a great name for a grandson.
Panel 3: An establishing shot of the Burrowvue Building. It looks like a futuristic hospital with a derelict factory behind it to show how far they came. From beers and soups to stealing blood from his family to sell to the public.
[Play Sneak Up by Gerhard Trede or something similar.]
Panel 4: Charcoal with Maxwell and the demons sneak past an unnamed Clawson relative guarding the gates.
MAXWELL (WHISPERING): By the way, Iām only doing this because Iām done with Grandpa treating us as tools rather than people.
Panel 1 (Full Page): Charcoal and Maxwell look through a window. The Time-traveling tank is in the garage. The tank is more or less intact. *14
CHARCOAL: We have our heading.
KASHBEAR: Looks like how it always did back in the day.
MAXWELL: Wow, that was the tank from your notebook?
Panel 1: Charcoal, Maxwell and the demons sneak through the garage to the tank.
Panel 2: Charcoal is at the hatch of the tank.
KASHBEAR: Youāre on your own now.
BOULDER: We canāt come with you, having more than one set of us could stir trouble for your time.
MAXWELL: Looks like this is goodbye.
Panel 3: Charcoal kneels down to Maxwellās level.
CHARCOAL: Maxy, before I go, I just want to thank you for the help. You and my pals really showed me how much I screwed up by ditching my people.
Panel 4: Maxwell hugs Charcoal.
MAXWELL: Thatās what I wanted to hear from you.
CHARCOAL: Never forget how much I love you for your help. Thanks for looking out for me.
[Fade current Background Music.]
Panel 5: Charcoal is inside of the tank activating it.
[Play Ridley/Draygon Boss Music from Super Metroid or something similar in tone and style.]
Panel 1: The tank activates as Clawsonās family enters the room.
CLAWSON: STOP THE TANK!!!
Panel 2: Clawson leaps toward the camera. With his small knife in hand.
Panel 3: Clawson grabs onto the back of the tank.
CLAWSON: Youāre not going anywhere!
Panel 4: The tank disappears.
[Fade current Background Music.]
Panel 5: Clawsonās family just stands there processing the situation.
UNNAMED RELATIVE: Damn! They went somewhere.
Panel 6: Everyone celebrates their freedom from Clawson.
[Briefly, play music celebrating Clawsonās disappearance.]
EVERYONE: NO MORE GRANDPA!
The comic pages going forward now are vertical again.
[Cut current Background Music.]
Panel 1: An earlier scene of Charcoal sneaking into Waylandās Time-Traveling tank to run away from home.
Panel 2: The tank Charcoal went back in time in hovers above Earlier Charcoal.
CHARCOAL FROM EARLIER: What the hell?
Panel 3: Crunch! The tank falls on top of Charcoal. Only Charcoalās right arm is visible.
Panel 4: Charcoal seeing the arm of his past self reaching up still alive from beneath the tank. Charcoal is holding his spellbook.
CHARCOAL: I didnāt want to have to do this.
Panel 1: Charcoal with the book in one hand sticks out the other to drain the life energy from Earlier Charcoal. Earlier Charcoalās soul flies towards Current Charcoalās fist.
CHARCOAL: Knee, knell, knuckle, knife, I will drain this mortalās life!
Panel 2: Clawson from the bad timeline stands at the edge of the shot confronting Charcoal. He stands there looking like a statue, a Greek god standing in ruins. Charcoal smugly has his arms crossed.
[Play Arnold is Back 1 By Gregor Narholz or something similar in tone and style, something dramatic and with a piano.]
CLAWSON: YOU! End of the line, Brother!
CHARCOAL: Too late, I accidentally (in a way) killed an earlier variant of myself and prevented my trip to the future from happening. Check and mate!
Panel 3: Clawson happily raises his knife enhanced with blue energy. But he doesnāt notice that heās being erased from the face of existence.
CLAWSON: Oh yeah, like thatās gonna stop me from ending your-
Panel 4: Clawsonās knife falls to the floor and starts to dematerialize.
Panel 5: Clawson looks at his disappearing arm in terror.
CLAWSON: Ahhhhhh!!! What have you done?! HELL! HELL ON YOU! YOU CANCEROUS HARE!!!
Panel 6: Clawson completely disappears.
CHARCOAL: Bye-bye, Century of Sadness.
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): Ah, ah! I said it! I said the title!
Panel 1: Charcoal uses the spellbook to shrink the tank he traveled in down to the size of a toy. The other will stay the same.
[Play a song similar in tone and feel to the Garden Overworld from Popgoes Arcade 2016.]
Panel 2: Charcoal is outside walking to the garbage bin.
Panel 3: A shot from inside the garbage bin of Charcoal looking in as the tank is shoved to the
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): If anyone finds this tank, itās their problem now.
Panel 4: Charcoal walks down a hallway in his demonsā domain. Kashbear is there with the others.
Panel 5: Charcoal happily embraces his friend in tears.
CHARCOAL: Iām so glad to see youāre okay!
KASHBEAR: Weāve only been away for 8 minutes. What happened?
CHARCOAL: Nothing, Iām just happy to be where I belong. Iāll never take my friends and family for granted again!
Panel 6: Wayland looks to Mr. Maney.
WAYLAND: Do you want to know what happened?
Panel 1: Charcoal calls his twin brother on the phone. A split-screen shot of Charcoal and Clawson on their phones persists for three panels. Charcoalās in his bed and Clawsonās hiding in a bush. Presumably to dodge the cops after the party.
CHARCOAL: I just want to let you know that youāre the best brother I ever had and Iāll never desert you even if it kills me.
CLAWSON: You must be feeling a lot better after that last phone call.
CHARCOAL: I just needed some time to assess the situation and realize my life isnāt that bad and change is inevitable.
Panel 3: Clawson promises sarcastically. He expresses love in his own way.
CHARCOAL: Also if I disappear, donāt go bad or steal peopleās blood.
Panel 4: Charcoal finishes the phone call and his demon friends look at him happy to see him accept the change in his life.
CLAWSON: I wish you the best of luck with Kris and his kids. Donāt get too much sensory overload.
CHARCOAL: Thanks, Clawson. Right back at you.
BOULDER: I knew heād drop it and grow up.
Panel 5: Charcoal is moving boxes into Benās bedroom.
NARRATION: 3 Days Laterā¦
Panel 6: Kashbear is here with the other demons.
KASHBEAR: Char, we have something we want to give you. We spent some time thinking and making it and we think youāll like it.
CHARCOAL: Hand me it and letās see if itās good.
Panel 1: Kashbear moves to the closet of the room.
KASHBEAR: Actually, itās not something you can hold in your hands.
Panel 2: Kashbear opens the closet door.
[Play a song similar in feel and tone to Super Mario 64ās Peach is Saved.]
Panel 3: Behind the closet door is another bedroom decorated to Charcoalās liking.
KASHBEAR: Itās something you can walk into.
Panel 4: Charcoal walks into the closet bedroom looking in amazement.
Panel 1 (Full Page): The inside of Charcoalās new bedroom.
CHARCOAL: Holy guacamole! This is so cool! Was this always an option for me?
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): All the Christmas and Birthday presents Iāve ever gotten pale in comparison to this!
KASHBEAR: Not exactly, I sold souls to some pocket dimension making demon, he made this to return the favor. I thought youād like this. I understand how much having your own space meant to you.
Panel 1: Boulder Bull explains the bedroom. Charcoalās a bit sheepish. Kashbear looks at him suspiciously after hearing what Charcoal said and how he said it. It seemed off to him.
BOULDER: You can access this anywhere with your heart. We signed the papers in your name and the paymentās been covered, donāt worry about your soul. The last thing we want is for you to steal the tank and accidentally go to the future.
CHARCOAL: Heh heh, we wouldnāt want that, huh?
KASHBEAR: Char, is that anything you want to tell-
Panel 2: Charcoal hugs Kashbear, Boulder, Mr. Maney, and Wayland. Charcoal means what he says and is also saying this to get out of having to reveal the little time adventure he had.
CHARCOAL: Thank you all! Youāre all the best friends Iāve ever made, mortal or otherwise!
Panel 3: Charcoal is wearing earplugs playing with Kris and Heidiās babies while Kris and Heidi are happily sitting on the couch.
CAPTION: October 21, 2022
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): In the end, things worked out. Iāve had some fun with my baby nephew and niece Colby and Pepper. Some ear coverage makes things easy. That whole future trip makes them living here seem not so bad now. Iād take this over that dark future any day.
[Fade Current Background Music.]
[Begin playing Staff Roll from Super Mario 64 or something similar in tone and feel.]
Panel 1: Charcoal, Blairy, Lois, Benedict, Kris, Heidi, Colby, and Pepper are in a group photo at a theme park. The background for the theme park is definitely NOT Disneyland.
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): Life isnāt completely the way I want it to be. But Iām grateful to be where I am. Thatās gotta count for something. This is the part where I say, āThen we lived happily ever after.ā
Panel 2: Charcoal getting his power ring updated by a circle of Blue Angel and Diablo elders. Resembles that age reversing ritual from Jim Hensonās Dark Crystal. Thereās a hologram screen showing an update status screen.
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): But I need to tie up some loose ends first. No more future time adventures for now. If you promise a demon and donāt go through with it, letās just say thereāll be consequences. Iām fulfilling it to make things right and to not possibly rip time and space apart.
Panel 3: Charcoal burying the corpse of the Charcoal variant he crushed. He isnāt scared or anything, youād have to wonder if something like this has happened before. *15
NARRATION: October 14, 2022
CHARCOAL (NARRATION): Remember, nobody knows about this adventure except for me. When the angels asked about the glitch where suddenly two of me were present then one again, I just made the excuse that the ring was old and they bought it. Clawsonās horns were updated not long after, as a similar āglitchā happened.
Thanks for reading the script, Iāve had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you had just as much if not a little bit of fun reading this. This commentary is to explain myself on how the script and ideas for the script came to be.
I was inspired by the Developerās Commentary in Valveās video games. (I.e. Half-Life 2, HL: Alyx, Portal 1, and Portal 2.)
Pretty early, I wanted Steamboat Willie to cameo somewhere to take advantage of the fact that you could do whatever with that version of Mickey Mouse because of the public domain. I just made a classic alarm clock with an image of the cartoon inside and called it a day.
Though I considered cutting the scene to make room for the first time we see Charcoal mutate to eat his pancakes in one massive gulp in page 01. But I kept it because I wanted to save that scene for the next page to make you want to go to the next page and to show that this comic isnāt your grandpaās funny animal comics like your Donald Ducks and Looney Tunes.
Iāve done a lot of research into the public domain, I see this as foreshadowing of the MythoRealms to come.
Kashbear I originally created to be an imaginary friend to an oc of myself as a human. Iāve also given him a dark backstory along with being a āfear demon.ā
Kashbear and the other fear demons associated with him were originally children who committed suicide after a tragic event in their school. (It was for a long since deleted book which was too dark and gruesome to ever be published.) They also wouldāve saved their kid from a bully by empowering the kidās punch with demonic energy which made the bully die of a heart attack with eyes, nose, and mouth bleeding.
This wouldāve traumatized the kid so bad, theyād not only leave him but erase his mind of their existence. You can see why I scrapped this backstory. The school tragedy, that canāt stay. But the child demon punch thing, I feel like maybe I could recycle it but some changes might need to be made. (Have the bully walk away with heart problems for the rest of his life. But otherwise live.) Iām only writing this down because I want to shed some light on where he originated from.
Fear Demons or Demons of Dread/Fear I conceptualized as paranormal entities from Hell that live to inject people with fears and absorb fears they conquer. Like a grim reaper but for emotions, theyāll always know where and when someoneās gonna be afraid or brave and deal with them accordingly. Some are bound to one person, others multiple, some just do whatever the hell they want. The pun was intended. Basically forces of nature.
I based Kashbearās design here on Baloo from Disneyās The Jungle Book. Because heās jovial and kind, but can be serious and throw fists when he needs to.
Cut a good chunk of panels before this one for time and pacing. When re-reading the story after this draft was written, I felt like it was going on for too long before Charcoal introduced himself. He brushed his teeth, got dressed, and said bye to his mom. I cut all that out to get into the story quickly. Iām sure the readers can fill in the blanks for themselves. Chances are, they have to prepare themselves in the morning too.
The reason I made Charcoal and Clawson genetically modified is because I want to separate them from other characters. Since theyāre cartoon characters, I want to give them something to allow them to shapeshift to something equal to their mass and bend at odd angles. Also to make them not easy to kill or hurt badly with typical weaponry. To give myself and the artist liberty to bend Charcoal and Clawson in weird ways. But only when needed for a story. I donāt have or use model sheets for my characters, I just draw. So it can be excused in comics why they donāt always look consistent. Iām also an old Spongebob fan, but I steer clear of the modern episodes because the animationās too expressive and over-the-top for my liking. I believe sometimes itās best to do less and take it down.
Iāve written Kashbear with his true demon form being a spider bear. 4 extra legs on the back, 8 red glowing eyes, and sharp teeth. His main two eyes become pentagrams. I didnāt draw it there, but heāll also have four horns on his head.
More on Coyoyo in another episode, heāll be a recurring bad kid in Charcoalās high school years. His full name is Coyoyo R. Appy, a pun on you know what word.
I originally wrote him to be a bad guy/bully whoāll get killed off gruesomely in every episode like Kenny from South Park. Like Kenny, heāll always magically come back and retain memories of what happened. Basically try to scare him into being a good person, despite the efforts proving fruitless.
Iāve written an old comic where Kashbear and his fear demon friends murders Coyoyo and his goons working with him, even puts his head in a present to give to his girlfriend just to add a cherry on top of the Terrifier sundae. Iāve since decided to take a few steps back because I want this comic series to be suitable for a Shonen Jump audience, teens to young adults.
Needless to say, that concept had to go. Especially since South Park stopped killing Kenny all the time because they ran out of ideas.
The biblically accurate angel I wanted to use in something to show people that angels arenāt always immortal dead people with wings like many movies and books would lead you to believe.
Iāll elaborate on the Blue Angels and Diablos at another time. Iāve written a lot of backstory for the comic universe or the MythoRealms. Like how the Blue Angels and Diablos came to be, Charcoalās family, and where they fit in the cosmology of the MythoRealms.
But the shared universe isnāt important, yet. One good story before you can make it. The angelās not important to the comics, yet. Theyāll be in another episode. Iām only showing him now to put things into some context.
Iāve really crammed a lot into this page. Going with pushing the word limit and pushing 7 panels into one page. Basically 2 pages in 1. Since Iāve rewritten this from my first draft and added different scenes, I have to use my imagination to picture what itād look like.
While weāre here, Charcoal narrating the story has been a plan since day one. I wanted him to be like Malcolm Wilkinson (Malcolm in the Middle), Deadpool, or Sheldon Cooper (ala Young Sheldon). In the sense that he talks to the readers, it also helps that I tend to write my days down into a notebook whichāll give this story an autobiographical feel. This story was based on my brother and his kids moving in with me, mom, and my siblings. (I also had to ask him for his blessing to use them in my comic which they agreed to.) Iāve written this comic to be a slice-of-life, comedy, fantasy but with emphasis on slice-of-life. The narrations helped cement the slice-of-life part for me. I also had to learn how to write narrations without getting in the way of the art or going off on large tangents like Iād do a lot as an autistic person. Exposition if done wrong can stop a story dead in its tracks. Since this isnāt a novel, I canāt just go off on long tangents whenever I want. The panel to word division system I used when writing this script helped me break that habit. (More on how I wrote this later.)
These flashbacks show why Charcoal is against sharing a bedroom again because he shared a bedroom with his younger brother and it isnāt always good. In real life, I had to share a room with my younger brother for years back in my hometown.
The only times where I donāt have to share a bedroom with him is when I visit my dadās place or go to visit my relatives out of state from my hometown. Those are the times where I can escape the noise my siblings make for a while.
As an autistic, listening to the sounds of young kids crying day in and day out can just be mentally draining for me. Where Iād rather be anywhere else than deal with the sounds. Iām also not a fan of loud noises and anything that causes loud noises. I donāt have a problem with music because thereās an order and rhythm to it that makes it enjoyable.
I also added a 6th panel to the page to show a flashback of Charcoal and Clawson sleeping happily together to put into perspective how much Charcoal doesnāt like the news, that heās only okay sharing space with Clawson, and that Charcoalās the only reason why Clawson isnāt a supervillain.
This scene was originally written with the consequences of time travel in mind which ties into how Charcoal does something to mess things up.
Charcoal didnāt mention time travel so I changed it to demons bending reality with mass mind control. Theoretically speaking, Kashbear and co. could do what Charcoal wants.
But itāll take a whole lot of demons, red tape to cut, and work to make it happen so thatās a no go. One of the challenges of working with magic is patching up easy fixes to situations to make stories work.
For example, if someone could always do something to fix everything, how come we had to go on a large adventure when we couldāve just taken the easy way out to begin with? Theyāre either too weak, donāt have enough power, or itās too challenging to do on their own. In the MythoRealms, magic wonāt always wash all your troubles away.
For this draft, Iāve changed a bit of the story from the original version. I wanted to give Charcoal some redeemability by making him go to the future and the stuff to come more of an accident. He didnāt have any malice and didnāt intend for what happened in the future to happen. His plan was to just build a house on land where he doesnāt have to pay for so he can have a place to call his own. Also have portals bridging this house to his momās house so itād be like he never left. Also heās exploiting a loophole in his power ring. Basically bending the rules, not necessarily breaking them directly.
Sus Su Gnoma or the dragon realm is more old-fashioned than the real world. Like a medieval land with no kingdoms around for miles. He doesnāt actually intend on ditching his family.
Sus Su Gnoma is the reverse for Among Us Sus, I only went with this because I thought it looked cool backwards. Charcoal chose to go here because they have more relaxed and lenient laws despite what the idea of a dragon realm might lead you to believe.
I imagine this place like Dragon Land from the Dragon Tales animated show with a side of the Skylands from Skylanders and the Spyro Reignited games. In the MythoRealms, dragons wonāt be bad people, at least not as bad as many writers and artists like to build them up to be. There are some bad and mean dragons out there, but a good chunk of dragonkind are actually quite benevolent.
Something I had a hard time with was how to pace this episode of the comic. I initially went into this with the self-imposed rule of 14 to 64 pages for an episode. For an episode of a TV show, itās either 8-22 minutes. Or 52 minutes if you wanted a long episode. Iām trying to write this with an episode of a cartoon show. Think something like Spongebob. 2 segments per episode or 1 for a 20 minute episode. Or an animated sitcom model with Family Guy, Rick and Morty, and Futurama with 3 acts in 20 minutes.
I try for 210 words per page maximum and divide that by the number of panels. For example, 210/5=42 words per panel.
According to readmanga.cool, the average reading time for 20 pages of manga is about 8 minutes. 20/8= 2.5 pages per minute. So theoretically, 20 minutes of reading time ā¢ 2.5 pages would be about 50 pages. Though this isnāt guaranteed.
While weāre here, an anime episode adapts 1-3 chapters of manga itās based on. Depending on how long.
I cut some scenes as I wanted to get into the story and not take too long. I even considered making this a 2-parter. But since I capped at 38 pages instead of the initial 52, I let this stand at one part. Not a perfect length, but your imagination can fill in the blanks between panels. It all just depends on how you read it rather than how I read it.
I also counted words per page to pace the comic. I try to avoid going over my panel limits to avoid cluttering the page and overshadowing the art. But sometimes when the pageās total words aren't much and small enough to reasonably combine with another page without too much clutter, I let them stand.
Words per panel (Itās a balance to make sure the art is observable and doesnāt get overshadowed by the text)
<40 Words best for clarity and balance.
40-50 Words is acceptable but itāll squeeze the art.
50+ Words will dominate the panel and break the balance of the page.
A general ideas I have for comic pacing are these:
The more words, the slower and vice versa.
The more detail in the art, the slower and vice versa.
The more panels or smaller panels, the faster and vice versa.
The horizontal comic pages were also planned from the start. I was inspired by that one time Rob Liefeld tried to do horizontal pages on DCās Hawk and Dove but was refused and he got fired because of it. I got this from Mattttās video. This will be thematic to the story to show that in the future, the world and Charcoalās family have gone sideways. I draw better with horizontal canvas rather than vertical, just like Charcoal, Iām also bending the rules.
I originally had a scene in mind where Clawson uses dark magic mixed with his Blue Diablo horns to summon apparitions of his family to shame Charcoal. Graphite, the gray rabbit girl wouldāve also had a cameo. But I cut her and the scene as it didnāt feel like itād impact the story in a meaningful way for me and kinda went against the principles of being a Blue Diablo (cheating death) so I decided to cut it from the comic.
I also wanted Clawsonās demon friends to appear here. But I couldnāt find a way to include them that felt right. I wanted to include them so youād know theyād exist for the next episode. But I couldnāt find a way to include them that felt right. So I just cut them from the episode. For all you know, they couldāve parted ways with him because the Burrowvues took him in and wouldnāt allow visitors. These demons are more delinquent and mean but they help Clawson and Charcoal out of trouble when they need it. They gave up when it was clear they couldnāt reach Clawson or rescue him from his dark situation and that his family was a lost cause.
Clawson was abused by the Burrowvues. I added this to give him a more understandable reason why he hates Charcoal in this dark future. He waited for his favorite brother for so long but he never came. So he resents him for not being there when he needs him. Him using his horns to sense Charcoalās disappearance and track him will explain how he knew he came back.
Even after Clawson goes free. He continues to stay at the Burrowvues place but uses them for his business as itās the only life he has left. Draining his relativesā blood to sell to the public as revenge for the years of abuse. He basically becomes his grandparents. Even changes his last name from Rabbit to Burrowvue to seal his fate.
I added a flashback of him messing up their factory and a reason why to explain that even back then, the Burrowvues and Clawson have always had a toxic relationship.
Iāve added the bit where they knew Charcoal went to the future but didnāt do anything until now. They couldāve gone to the future and brought him home back then, but didnāt do that in the name of teaching him a lesson. Theyāre immortal as demons so they have all the time in the world to wait.
Make clear that just because theyāre his friends and are demons, that doesnāt mean they do whatever Charcoal wants. They want to teach him responsibility and good.
Boulderās explanation of the tank going to the future was to imply that as demons, they have a history of making deals with people where they send them to dark futures.
This could be seen as a monkeyās paw situation where you made the wish without knowing the negative side effects. Charcoal didnāt mean for the bad future to happen. As if reality hinged on what choices you made. Makes me think about that Star Trek: Strange New Worlds episode āA Quality of Mercy.ā (my favorite episode of the show)
My inspirations were DCās Flashpoint and the Futurama episode The Late Philip J. Fry. Iām doing a Marvel Comics approach of treating every comic like the first comic but still naturally progressing the story so you can jump in at any time without any background knowledge needed. The episodes will bring up past events if needed. Chances are, this comic could be someoneās first comic.
Also the dancing in Hell dressed as a showgirl, was there to show how far theyāll go to teach Charcoal a lesson. Theyāll never physically abuse him, but they can embarrass him into never wanting to repeat a bad action again. I was also a fan of two of Cab Calloway's songs at the time thanks to the Fleischer Cartoons.
When I was trimming down the comic for time, I considered folding this full 1-panel page to the page before since not many words were counted in the dialogue. But I decided against it since I already chopped it from 52 to 38 pages. Not a perfect comic issue number of pages, but itās close enough. This felt lean enough as is, so I let the full page with the tank stand. I feel like this could be my money shot, the best looking image of the comic to make it stand out.
I still want some time for the reader to slow down and take scenes in.
From the start, I knew where I wanted this comic to end, with Charcoal burying a dead version of himself in the backyard. This idea was ripped from the Rick and Morty episode Morty Potion No. 9 and the Futurama episode The Late Philip J. Fry.
While weāre here, Iād like to mention that in an early version of the story that I wanted Charcoal going back in time to leave behind a message to his grieving parents before they died in this dark timeline. So I could have a poignant moment but cut it since they were gonna die anyway and it didnāt add to the story in a meaningful way. If Charcoal did send that message, would Clawson have known?
