Poetic chaos

A few months in of texting we've graduated to flirting,

Kissyface, Heart, and smiley emojis, enjoying our little games

We both dance around the unspoken, we want to but it's fun to keep the lighthearted games going

I know I feel it but I'm to scared to say what I really want too.

Instead my excessive use of emojis has become the unspoken between us.

Neither of us will say it, at least not for a while, there's still hurdles we both need to get through.

Kissyface, Heart, and Smiley face but the words between us are hush hush.

I know if you saw this you would immediately crack the code

So for now instead of saying what I want it's kissyface, Heart and smiley face.

You are my path and I'm choosing to go down this long narrow dirt road.

So I'll wait and I'll fight because your damn worth the chase.

Kissyface, heart, smiley face

Kissyface, heart, smiley face

Kissyface, heart, smiley face

Psst, can you guess my secret? Bet you already know.

Running amuck causing mischief

He loves marching to the beat

Of his own drum and playing sheriff

He thinks he's in charge at only 2

Strong, determined and fiesty,

Little does he know how much growing he has to do,

Little man is small but boy is he mighty.

He may not be my blood but he is still mine.

And he calls me his.

I'd do anything to protect him and cross any line.

He's not mine but in many ways he is.

I see his daddy in his smile

And I love him to bits and pieces,

I'll be sticking around for them both for a while.

They make my life sweeter like a Reese's.

I will step up for him anytime,

And hold him close to my heart,

To walk away would be a terrible crime,

I can't imagine ever being apart.

For he is my 2 little feet with his daddy's smile,

Hes not mine by blood but he is mine,

And for my boy I will go through any trial.

And be happy to cross any line.

I don't want to hear the name that's carved in my heart forever with a knife,

I don't want to see your face, the one I used to admire and look at so lovingly, I won't.

I don't want to cry myself to sleep one more night begging God to take my life.

The sad part is if I see you, hear your voice I'll go spiraling back.

I'll be ripped to shreds again just barley holding on.

I used to think love could conquer all, but I know now nothing can fix this broken crack.

Please don't come back around. I'm already gone.

My celestial light, my orb of night,

You make me shine to my fullest self,

I'm the star and I'm burning so bright,

For you I'd do just about anything, my celestial light,

When the moon and a star collide it will destroy so much,

But have you ever seen a moon and a star collide,

I can't help but think it would create something beautiful in the rush,

They've stolen everything from me and I can’t seem to escape my own mental asylum.

Walls built 10 ft tall and my own sword covered with a sheath,

I'm a danger to myself and see others as a threat, yet in one day, you come breaking down titanium.

Maybe your crazy or maybe you just like playing with danger as well,

Truth be told I'm better at hiding my demons then you,

But my demons fell in love with yours a long time ago in case you couldn’t tell.

And today they finally danced side by side synced shoe by shoe.

Tell me love how did you break the walls I built so carefully over so many seasons?

Day by day ensuring nobody got in,

And how is it that you seemed to grab ahold of me so we were dancing alongside our demons?

I don't know but you did and I don't want it to end.

So promise me more tomorrow's and I will promise you more then a friend.

They say a dog is man/woman's best friend but she was more than that,

Best friend, family, a protector, nature, love. She earned love from everyone when by their feet she sat.

My girl was the best girl and filled people with joy,

Well behaved for the most part and when she found one she liked, it was HER toy.

She crossed Rainbow Bridge last week and she took a piece of me with her,

Sleep well my baby I already miss your soft fur,

My Sadie bug, my Sadie bug,

Have fun playing in heaven and sleeping on the softest of rugs.

My angel and light,

Thank you for being my girl and knowing how to make things right.

You were my very first birthday wish,

Sleep well sweet girl you'll be missed.

The world is so loud its hard to breathe

It's hard to not just get up and leave

It can make you a little crazy

And things can get pretty hazy

But don't you give up sunflower

Don't you ever stop reaching towards the sky

Don't you dare give them power little sunflower

Keep dreaming big dreams and aiming high

If you could see my thoughts, I'm sure you'd have a lot to say.

If you could see my thoughts, I'm quite sure you would run away.

You would see darkness, pain, and hurt on the surface.

You'd see my deepest, most inner thoughts all scrambled in a mess.

But if you dug a little deeper, I'm positive that you would find,

a bit of compassion and love, buried within my mind,

The darkness is a shield, to protect my fragile heart,

It protects me from caring to much, about those who will eventually part.

I use the darkness so nobody gets to close,

I'm like the thorns on a fresh cut rose,

Because once I open up and let them see my beauty they leave,

And that's why I worked so hard not to wear my heart on my sleeve,

So if you could see my thoughts, you'd definitely have a lot to say,

If you could see my thoughts I just know you'd run away.

Is it my fault you chose the easy way out,

Was there something I could have said to make you stay,

Why did you leave me here with all these confronting people,

All trying to convince me it's gonna be ok,

There all peering through a looking glass,

And it's really lonely when nobody can hear your cries,

Unchain my wings so I can fly free.

And I'll join you in the sunset where we won't ever have to say goodbyes.

I miss you more then ever,

Why didn't you let me know,

I cared about you more then that,

You didn't have to go.

But this is my promise to you, to my family,

I won't go until it's my time, until I am good and ready,

I will live on in your memory and honor,

Get ready, get steady,

Breathe

Am I so stupid to think you mean it when you say forever is for always?

Am I going to fall for your silly stupid little grin every time you look at me?

Am I going to get in deeper looking into your sparkling eyes no matter the kind of day?

Am I such a fool to believe you truly love me and that we can always be?

The answer is yes. A million times yes. At least... I want to... I will, someday. Maybe I already do believe it deep down.

So maybe I'll be stupid, or a fool, or in over my head. But thats the best kind of love there is. Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Just keep being patient. Hold me close. Love me. And whatever you do, just don't go leaving me to drown.

And I will get the message. I'm already starting to get messages from your dove.

I send him back for now, but one day, that dove's job will be done... And both that dove and I will be set free.

I want to be yours, now, forever, for always.

Hold me close and never ever let me go,

And I'll make you smile for the rest of your days.

Hold me close and always know,

I am forever and for always yours.

They say I over react, so I tone it down a level...

But my level isn't there level and suddenly it's not enough.

So I bring it back up, just a bit but still not quite up to par,

A little more,

NO STOP! DOWN DOWN DOWN!

The anxiety it eats at me.

Every turn every breath.

And you, at first it was a comfort. Your words I wasn't alone.

I felt just right for bit... Like I could make it work and feel like home.

We steadily got closer because I cared to much but then once again STOP... TOO MUCH!!!

Now back too square one.

No! No! No! This isn't right its all wrong. I'm going to fall,

I want to be loved for my too much or too little. For it all,

I want to be someones just right.