Chaotic Collagen | An EDS Life |

Denying yourself food

Denying yourself sleep

Denying yourself going to the bathroom, basic hygene and other forms of self-maintainence.

Intentionally not going to the doctor/dentist/psychiatrist when you’re not well. 

Intentionally Exposing yourself to media that wil trigger yourself or otherwise aggravate your mental health issues.  This includes: Hate-following people, reading articles you know will piss you off, exposing yourself to the news more than is safe for you to ‘stay aware’, watching TV shows that are too violent for you, and starting fights on the internet.

Picking at your skin/re-opeinging cuts/pulling your hair out/over-grooming: this is basically cutting without the blade.

Intentionally Eating foods you know will make you ill: eating foods your’e allergic too, drinking milk when lactose intolerant, etc.

Substance abuse like excessive drinking or drug abuse

Intentionally taking excessively risky behaviors, justin in case an ‘accident’ happens: driving while tried, going out during thunderstorms, jaywalking on busy roads.

Intentionally spending time with/emotional effort on people who are not good for you: Going back to/not breaking up with someone who doesn’t treat you right, spending time with abusive family, following people you hate on social media etc.

Talking down about yourself: “Im such a fuck-up” “I don’t deserve to be alive” “I should just kill myself” etc.

Basically- If it’d be a form of violence if someone else did this to you, it’s self-harm when you do it to yourself.

Teen With Epilepsy Has A Seizure When Her Service Dog Is Distracted

I have no income and we’re doing a lot of owner training (classes are upcoming, they were supposed to be two months ago, but I got really sick...luckily PetSmart rolled over the fee when we mentioned a hospital trip, and will give us the classes anyway...and they know we’re prepping for service work). We also have a traveling trainer that understands service training stopping by to do an evaluation, but I’m afraid of the prices (and it’s a bit of a mess that we contacted her, when we didn’t know PetSmart would still honor the classes).

My girl is usually SO good and focused on me, and has done PA practice for socialization and to learn to not get distracted by places (my state allows this for SDiTs, PA is allowed for dogs that “have been or are being” trained for to mitigate disabilities as working dogs, and mine has alert and response tasks I want her to learn to do in public). She has aced PA practice every time, and I wanted her to have that experience for more socialization training, and to transfer her alert and response skills out of the house to different environments (tricky, as I’m agoraphobic...luckily the law has helped us BOTH get out, because she’s a great dog and well-behaved). And she always has a bandanna on, that says she’s in training, and a leash wrap as well (because I don’t want to misrepresent her, she’s about a year and a half out from an SD if things work out).

She has always ignored other dogs, like the ones on BOTH sides of the house, that bark at her when she shits🙄 But after doing well at PetSmart several times,Target, the mall twice, my doctor, a Starbucks (her first time in a place with people food smells), she barked at another dog at a pet-friendly store she’s been to before (she ignored it first, I praised her, but then this little angry dog was getting closer and louder, and my SDiT went bananas with the barking and pulling with my BF). We had to leave because NO WAY was I having that, but I’ve never even seen it before (she’s 10 mos, got her at 6mos.) She also barked at other dogs a bit after this, where she INITIATED it (WHAT??? Never before), but we moved her away with some mega NOs, and she was back to acting like an SDiT again. Then this SAME AWFUL DOG followed us to the second pet store (I wanted to end on a high note and went to Petco after leaving the PetSmart ), and started barking at my girl again, this mean, nasty bark even though it was a little shih-tzu.

My Mikka stopped after the NO and walking away much easier, but I was in double panic!! Like with OMG WILL SHE WASH, I NEED HER, she alerts to my migraines, presyncope, saves me from these attacks (will attach video if it works), and panic attacks when I’m crying, that I want to shape for BEFORW I’m crying...she makes my quality of life SO MUCH BETTER, and I’m her person, she’s my best friend in a VERY lonely, hard life. I know that dogs even without the perfect initial temperament have been shaped into full, successful SDs...but I’m panicking at this ONE day out of four months, like no one’s business.😰

Wondering if there’s a second fear period? Or what could have happened...the last time I yelled NO at her she stopped, but looked DEAD at me, like she was SUPER, genuinely confused with her head cocked, when I said NO!! (And she KNOWS what no means). I’m wondering if she thinks she was protecting me...? But I need this to stop, she otherwise does things on her own without training that have been remarkable (like automatically doing a down-stay at my feet at home, licking me out of a POTS attack when I overheated on an early walk when we had her two weeks...I got to the couch, and she was sniffing, watching, licking me, then would go to get water and coming back to do it again, like a babysitter rushing back 😂 Her nose is amazing, and she’s learned other stuff so well, like peeing on a bath mat-sized area of artificial turf, for when I can’t get out (like if it’s raining...I use a powerchair).

I will be crushed if this happens again, or at least maybe it will be an opportunity to teach her NOT to, because it wasn’t an issue before (though, oddly, occasionally with dogs on TV...maybe that can be used as practice? Anyone know until I see my trainers?) But you know what somehow made me feel even worse? “BF” that “forgets” a lot of my important things, put her in her new vest (which we just got after several access attempts went well, but was maybe her third time wearing it, didn’t want an issue at the doctor we’d stopped at beforehand)...and FORGOT HER BANDANNA. I was like WHERE IS IT?!?, really f*ckin pissed, from the outset of the trip. She’s always had the bandanna, even with this new vest...like, ESPECIALLY with the new vest, to not mislabel her.

Even though the little leash wrap says “in training,” AND we were in a pet-friendly store, I felt like on top of the MASSIVE heartbreaking panic of her maybe somehow changing and being a wash instead of my lifeline to the world, that people would think that she was a goddamned “fake service dog,” because of his lack of attention to goddamned detail, and her missing bandanna (getting a larger leash wrap when I can afford it, and probably going to keep it with ME so it’s not “FORGOTTEN”)...I have to double check EVERYTHING and it’s exhausting, I can’t always do it...and he always forgets the most important thing, and REFUSES to follow the checklists that soothe my Aspie brain. I was almost in tears thinking that someone might have seen that short bit of the day and been recording her, saying she was a “fake service dog,” when she’s the reason I’m still here right now 😩

My name is Danielle I’m 23 years old

I have been fighting since 2013 to find a tumor in my head ,that I knew I had all along .and no one believed me.

. In 2019 my endocrinologist told me “it was always there since 2016 “ yet the reports show that it grew 8mm and it was not always there. My old records said I had nothing till now.it grew super quick .

The last mri before this one prior my endocrinologist told me I was fine and nothing was there .

Now all the sudden he said it was always there ...

He has told me to get mental help until now .

I am being tested for cyclical Cushings ,which is a tumor that secrets enough stress hormone for 7 ppl, then it drops and u can barley get out of bed ..

I struggled with extreme weakness

•infections or cold/flu at least once every month

•minor convulsions

•extreme weak gain-> extreme weight loss

•nausea

•vomiting alot

•extreme fatigue —> extreme energy (want to do everything )

•my mental state is terrible now

(I have had 4 suicidal trips to the hospital since I have had this terrible diease take my life .

•I can have days where I’m panicking all day and no amount of Ativan would help

•Dizziness

•gullstones

•gerd

•terrible hair loss

•exhaustion

•Brian fog

•constant unitination

•I’ve lost so much bone mass I trying to find doctors that can repair them because they’re so small and weak

*blurry vision

•dissociation

(This has caused my mental state to be absolutely insane)

I feel I go insane once a month

•I have extreme depression

•extreme anxiety

•Terrible mood swings

•terrible body pain and aches

•exhausted I can barley do anything

No amount of anti psychotics work they make me worse as do mood stabilizers

Adderal seems to help and Ativan

(Some times **)

I cannot work because of all my ailments. I feel horrid.i use to be so strong and determined.i feel like a shell of who I was

Listen when I say this isn’t me. I don’t act like this . Fk .I don’t even tell people my problems . I’m ranting right now beside I have suffered too fucking long with all these stupid doctors and just now ,June 15th my doctor tells me ,”you could have somthing in ur tumor that’s killing u“ ie cancer .i have lost 15+ lbs in the past month and a half .im so scared .my tests came back posative for somthing that indicates cancer ,I now have to wait till July to see what he says . I also could possibly have somthing called a pheochromocytoma. Which is an adrenal disease

(I’ll insert pics here -TRIGGER WARNING FOR PEOPLE WHO STRUGGLE WITH AN EATING DISORDER OR BODY ISSUES)

After so long I told him I felt I was dying .(I am losing weight rapidly and I now have a bump growing that hurts.i told the doctor yeaturday and I’m getting an MRI tomorrow -hopefully it’s nothing )

(I do not have it on my left side )

My mother is schizophrenic and she runs off every few years ,she ran away to god knows where ,to live on the streets . She leaves me and my sister like we’re nothing .but I know it’s cuz she’s sick . The cops tell us every few months where she’s seen .and usually because she’s arrested for drugs or some shit.i was last told she was in Montreal (we live in Ontario )

My dad is an alcoholic and I live with him right now . I’m on welfare trying to help him pay the house (we need to be moved out within two weeks and he can’t afford anything ) but he is my abuser and someone I do not want to live with .for many many many gross reasons (dm if u want to know)

I’m stressed out of my mind trying to get us a place . I want to be in Halifax with my gf but I legally can’t rn , and I can’t afford two places on welfare.

So I have to wait ,in the mean time I have to pay off my rent in Halifax so she can move ,and wait for my tests to be done.i really need a house ASAP .

My girlfriend and I have a ...sticky relationship. The cops got called last time and she got charged with a domestic abuse charge . I love her and I didn’t want that (that’s a whole different story) . I’m also still trying to pay rent for the house I have down there in Halifax.(which she is going to have to leave soon because I can’t afford it.)

I’m not really allowed too many friends in Toronto ,on top of which no one really gets what I’m going through . When I was in Halifax last I went to the hospital for self harm and I owe 700$ for the ambulance when the police told me they would drive me due to my money situation.

I’m absolutely stressed out of my mind .i don’t really have a support group or a family minus my sister .

If you read this all thank you(each person has a story ^^)

I’m asking for donations right now ,

•One- to pay off my stupid ambulance fee

•Two- to pay the rest of the rent for my gf to live in with her mom and leave the appartment

•And three to help my dad pay his first months rent for this house we need to be moved into within two weeks

😓😓

I’m so depressed more then I have ever been , I have separation anxiety to the extreme and I sit in a room all day going up and down up and down

Panic attacks -hysterical

Then suddenly I’m ok and I can live one normal day and be fine

I’m just so fed up with all these doctors telling me bullshit

And I feel like I have absolutely no where to go in life

I hate being a beggar but it’s worth a shot

Every dollar counts

Thank u guys for reading -much love ❣️💜❣️💜❣️

Every dollar counts

My pay pal

Www.paypal.me/DeeTor

Sincerely, Someone who sleeps with a stuffed penguin, and has brought them to 5 different countries, AND to several islands on cruises 😂