Insects: Name something your muse finds gross or annoying: Changmin absolutely cannot stand other people making someone uncomfortable, to the point he will get in fights over it.
Dolls: Has your muse ever collected something?: Stuffed animals and plushies, he has so many they completely take up a side of his bed and has a hammock for them on his ceiling that is absolutely full.
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11. How would your character court the person of their dreams?: Changmin is a bit of a hopeless romantic, and although he doesn't believe someone could love a person as broken as him, he would try his hardest, bringing them flowers whenever he had the chance or knew that the last bouquet was about to wither and die, bring them gifts he knows they'd very much enjoy after he learned more about them, take them on very cheesy but romantic dates until he finally can steal their heart.
21. How do they display affection?: He's very physical with his affection, unsure how else to display it. Changmin is very touch starved after years of absolutely no human contact, so he wants to be close to everyone he loves and make sure they know he cares.
31. Are they superstitious about anything?: Not really, he knows bad things happen without anything else showing that they will.
41. Are they comfortable with technology?: Changmin is pretty comfortable with it, although it took about a year for him to learn how to use it properly.
51. If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today?: Spend time with his family, hands down. He loves them more than the world, and absolutely would want to spend every last second with them.
61. Does your character prefer adventure or safety and security?: With Changmin, it's a bit of a mixed bag. He wants to do fun things that he never got to do before, things that could be considered dangerous, but also appreciates the safety of his home and family.
71. How kind is your character?: Refusing to be anything like his parents, Changmin tries his hardest to be the kindest person he can to those who deserve it. He'll give the last dollar he has to someone who needs it, buy whatever another person may need, save whoever he can in whatever way they need it.
81. Is your character religious?: No, he believes that if there was a higher power, there is no way they'd let the things that happened to him to occur.
91. What type of music does your character like?: For the most part, he gravitates towards angry rock music and sad songs that help him get out his feelings. He'll sing along to the songs with every emotion it makes him feel.
100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about?: Good dreams are extremely rare for him, although the few times he has them, they're about his family and spending time with them. However for the most part, he has nightmares about his past that haunt him in the morning. Due to that, he tries to stay awake as long as he can, despite it making him exhausted nearly all the time, though he wont show it.
5. Are they in good health?: For the most part, Changmin is pretty healthy. He's a bit underweight, mostly due to the fact that he forgets to eat for days at a time, and getting in fights often has him hurt in some way. Other than that, he's doing really well.
15. Are they most likely to get in a fights with their fists or their tongue?: His fists, absolutely. Changmin may throw a few insults, but none too clever. He enjoys getting in fights, and he'll take whatever pain he's given.
25. What do they consider beautiful in others personality-wise?: Changmin finds it incredible when someone is strong, yet has the ability to be vulnerable around others still. As someone with a lot of pain himself, he knows how much it is needed to be vulnerable sometimes, and strong when it is required.
35. What is the most important rule your character lives by?: Due to his past, Changmin fully believes in not hurting the innocent. He refuses to get in fights with anyone who doesn't deserve it and will make absolutely sure whoever he gets in a fight with is someone who is causing trouble or discomfort for another.
45. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?: Changmin suffers from night terrors and sleep paralysis from his mental state and his past, but other than that, no.
55. Is your character an introvert or extrovert?: Neither really, he's more of an omnivert. Changmin does need people to interact with, but after a few days of being social, he needs time to recharge. For the most part however, he leans more towards being an extrovert.
5. Is your character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer?: Changmin has never considered himself a leader, and he much prefers to follow. He doesn't have nearly enough confidence to lead anybody, not even himself.
75. Is your character ticklish?: Very ticklish. If someone even brushes their fingers against his side, he'll end up jolting away and giggling.
85. Describe your character in three words: Compassionate, emotional, hypercritical (only of himself).
95. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to do: Despite his inability to cook, Changmin is an excellent baker; he can make any sweet thing you could throw at him. He is also incredibly good at pole dancing, a skill he took classes to learn, and while not being too strong, he is able to do many advanced moves. Another thing is that he can speak fluent Russian, taught by his grandmother until he was 8 years old.
Luci left the brushes to dry by the kitchen sink and grabbed the canvas bag with the picnic essentials on it, he threw in the first aid kit in there just to be sure. âAre you ready to go?â he asked, offering his hand for Changmin to take.
Changmin bit his bottom lip, the urge to cry growing deep inside him like a dark seed of sadness planted long ago. Sometimes the alcohol would do this to him, betray him and rob him of the happiness it usually would give, and now that he knew he was in a safe place, with someone safe, the urge grew stronger and stronger. Normally, Changmin could push it down into a little box and ignore it, but tonight that just.. Wasnât going to work.
He allowed himself to get pulled into the studio, somewhere he had adored since Luci had first brought him here; it was a place he could get out all his emotions through his one healthy coping skill, drawing and painting. Changmin never considered himself a good artist, at least not to the skill set that his brother was at, however it was the best way he could get his trauma and emotions out onto something more permanent that wasnât his own mind.Â
âI know that wonât take too long, I guess Iâm just a bit restless right now.â Changmin spoke softly as he took a seat, somewhat zoning out on the painting Luci was currently working on. He didnât want to pay attention to the thoughts zooming about his head, some angry at himself for pulling his brother away from his work, a few trying to fight the anger by telling him that Luci wouldnât have it any other way, and many that were just deeply painful reminders of his past.
When Luci spoke, it snapped Changmin out of his daze. âNo I.. I didnât get in any fights tonight. I only have a couple bruises on my hips from running into the bar stools and pool table, and a couple cuts on my hand from the glass of a cup I dropped while tripping. Nothing to worry about.â While heâd never admit it, Changmin truly enjoyed the pain he got from any fights heâd get into, the pain bringing him back to earth sometimes, pain he chose to have, not what was inflicted on him without him wanting it.
However, tonight he didnât want any pain, the anniversary of his grandmother dying and everything bad in his life beginning was approaching within the next few days, something he hadnât yet mentioned to his brother or his family despite the seven years heâd been with them, something that would probably spill out tonight even if he didnât feel ready to say it. Changmin was once again pulled away from his thoughts by Luciâs hand in front of him, a soft voice asking if he was ready to go. He nodded and stood up, taking his brothers hand and holding it tightly as they headed out the door.
hansol: â you deserve every good thing in the world . â
Changmin had a very trying night, being a sex worker could be exhausting, his clients often asked for things that normally would require aftercare or some self care, however that wasnât a part of the job description. He often had to just move onto the next client, not able to get much rest in between. It was nights like those that once he returned home, Changmin retreated to Hansolâs room to climb into his bed, waking his often sleeping brother doing so.Â
âIt was another bad night...â Heâd mumble, worming his way into Hansolâs arms as his sore body relaxed. His brother was usually half awake when Changmin did so, but he didnât mind, all he wanted was to be held and close to someone. However, Hansol always gave him that bright smile of his, and made sure to cuddle closer. Changmin never had to explain much, his brother had made it clear to him over the years that he could come in whenever he needed for comfort.Â
âHey, Minnie, guess what.â Hansol said sleepily, his fingers gently running through Changminâs hair. âYou deserve every good thing in the world. You know that right?â Changmin didnât respond, pretending to be asleep already. He honestly didnât believe it, but they were still comforting words to hear. Hansol was one of the few rays of sunlight in his life, and Changmin absolutely refused to dim that bright smile, despite how much he wanted to say what was on his mind when Hansol said such things to him.
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Disease - What does your muse do on a sick day?: Changmin usually ends up laying in bed for hours on end, forgetting to eat unless someone brings him something, but binge watching his favorite comfort movies until he eventually passes out while in the middle of his 5th movie in a row. He prefers ones with more happy storylines.
Noise - Name one sound your muse finds absolutely unbearable: Changmin absolutely cannot stand the sound of chewing or lip smacking. He'll try to handle it as long as possible before snapping at the person doing it, telling them to either chew quieter or leave the room
â youâre so much more than the mistakes youâve made . â
The day had been long for Changmin, his mind fighting between convincing him to feel guilty for what he had done to escape his parents house and telling him he did what he had to do to survive. His head fell to rest in his hands as he sat on the couch in his safe place, his home he found with the di Sorianos. Changminâs head ached from crying, his body in pain from the fight he had gotten in the day before. There was other ways werenât there? He thought as his mind continued to try to start a war with himself. No.. Nobody ever noticed. There wasnât. Was there?
The crying had started up again, a mix of self disgust and regret washing over him like a violent wave from the sea as he stood on the shoreline, soaking him in emotions he didnât want to feel. Changmin hadnât been able to numb himself since the day he ran away from that burning building, and oh god how he missed it sometimes. Now the feelings and emotions would just overtake him, making it hard to get through to the next day. He wouldnât try to kill himself, no, that didnât work the last time he tried and things were different now. He had a loving family, people who actually cared about him and his life.
That didnât stop him from being as reckless as he was, didnât stop him from getting in fights with people who would obviously win even if he was stronger than he was. However he tried, he really tried to find peace in the fact he had his family now, how he had people that truly loved him. Changmin heard the soft jingle of keys and the lock click as it was turned, the sound of the door opening. He couldnât bring himself to look up to see who had come home, couldnât stop the crying even though he wanted to. Iâve put everyone through enough of this, yet here I am again, bothering them with another crying fit. Another wave of self disgust hit him, making the crying worse. He just couldnât stop it.
Changmin felt the couch next to him move as someone sat next to him, felt arms wrap around him and bring him into a hug. âIl mio topolino, whatâs wrong?â It was Angelo, the man he chose to call dad, the one who deserved the title and brought him into his home, adopted him, claimed him as his own. He spilled all the thoughts running through his mind to the older male, how he wanted to regret what he had done and how he knew he did what he needed to do, how bad his self disgust had become today, how he wished there was another way and how he knew there wasnât. Changmin let out everything, managing the words between sobs as Angelo ran his fingers through the younger males hair, listening to every word until Changmin was finished.
âHey, look at me.â Angelo spoke softly, in such a calming way that made Changmin take a deep breath and look up at him. âYou are so much more than the mistakes you have made. You can regret what you did, but know you did it because you had to. None of us blame you for it or hate you for it. What you did brought you home. Somewhere you are loved and never have to worry about a thing. We love you il mio topolino, despite what you have done. Youâre one of us now, and we will protect you till the end of time.â
Luciano smiled down at his brother and pulled him in his arms again, âIf you want to talk about it, Iâm just here to listen okay? Hyung is always here for you.â
âThe river sounds nice, and we can do the picnic as long as its far away from anybody else. I feel like I might cry and you know I just.. Donât like anybody seeing me cry.â He wasnât usually so open about his feelings to much of anyone, however Luci could easily read his expressions from across the room and know if something was up, so Changmin never tried to hide anything from him, there was no point to it.Â
Even then, he wouldnât want to hide anything from his brother at all. Luci was the one Changmin went to for everything that bothered him, the one he went to after every bad fight he got himself into. He sighed softly, turning his head to the side as he closed his eyes, not wanting to pull away from the hug quite yet. âI.. donât know if I want to talk about it. Maybe... Todayâs just been really hard.â
Finally bringing himself to let go, Changmin stepped back from the hug and scratched the back of his head nervously, the alcohol in his system was never particularly helpful on the anxiety front. He wasnât even sure why his anxiety was acting up, but these sort of things never made much sense. âYou donât have much to wrap up do you? I just.. I want to go as soon as possible. The sounds of the river are calming.â
there are days where luci finds himself locked up in his studio to rush a commissioned painting or even a piece for an exhibit that a museum curator asked him to do. during those days, the man would be hard to get a hold of. the only people who could break him out of it would be his father and of course his siblings. just one message from them and heâd drop the paint brush and rush over to them
the ancient grandfather clock that was left in his studio by the former owner chimed, signalling the change of the day and at the same time, lucianoâs phone lit up and he saw a few messages from his brother, changmin, and hyungi. how could he let an entire day pass by without even checking on his family? he sent a quick message to the group chat and waited outside the studio for changmin and hyungi to arrive.Â
as soon as he saw a taxi nearing the location, luci stood up and smiled at the pair. âthank you for accompanying changmin here,â he bade the younger man goodbye. âso what do you want to do, minnie? do you want to go somewhere or do you just want some cuddles, hm?â
The day had been exhausting for Changmin, memories flooding his mind as if a dam had broken, though he was somewhat used to the dam of emotions breaking. He didn't have many ways to cope, for the most part it was only making art, getting in fights, or drinking. The male had never intended to start drinking, not with how his mother was, how she drank every day and became angry with him, would scream at him for not cleaning to her expectations. However Changmin found it was one of the only ways for him to become happy again, for him to forget what had happened to him for eight years of his life.
Changmin was forever grateful to Hyungi for being willing to pick him up wherever he was, whenever he could, and spend time with him when he needed, but tonight was one of the worse nights, and he needed his big brother. The one who was able to calm him at the worst of times, who he trusted more than anyone he knew. They arrived at Luci's studio fairly quickly; Changmin gave Hyungi a big hug and thanked him for picking him up, and closed the taxi door after getting out.
Greeted by a smile from his hyung, Changmin immediately went in for a hug, stumbling a little as he made his way over to the other male. He had quite a bit of tequila before leaving the bar, so his movements weren't easily made. Burying his face in Luci's chest, he mumbled softly.
"Is there any way we could do both? Just.. Go somewhere pretty and calming and cuddle and talk for a while? We can talk about anything you want, I don't mind..."
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â itâs okay , iâm here . iâll always be here . â
Words Changmin heard from Luci quite often, words that would comfort him late at night, when things were always at their worst in his mind. Scrambled, buzzing, quick thoughts that didn't make much sense until they all weaved through each other to form one mass of deafening and pained noise. Some threads of thoughts would be memories, floating along and poisoning everything they grazed by. Some thoughts were of self hatred, a truly endless cycle as it set ablaze what was near it, burning thoughts to ashes while those that burned were setting other threads on fire as well.
Fire, the thing that ended everything bad and painful in Changmin's life, the burning heat that began everything good in his life. The bad.. the pain was all he was able to focus on, the things that were done to him when he was only a child. A child who had done nothing to deserve what was done to him. He was an innocent child, at least until the self hatred came in to torch that thread of thought. No, he did deserve it, he wasn't good enough for them, he was useless, he couldn't-
"It's okay, I'm here. I'll always be here Minnie."
Those words would snap Changmin back to reality, back to the present where he belonged, where the only thing that felt like heat were the tears rolling down his cheeks and the pleasant warmth of his hyung beside him. The present where he was loved, the reality where his big brother Luci was holding him, humming as he'd run his fingers through Changmin's hair, gently working out any small knots he would find.
The threads would begin to detangle, the thoughts would slow down and take a breath, the buzzing reduced to a low and steady hum. The fire of his self hatred being put out by the gentle floodwaters of his brothers love, the good memories he had made with his family working as an antidote to the poison.
"Listen to me. It's okay, I'm here and I pinky promise I will always be here."
His big brother was here, in the present, holding him, protecting him, and the present is where Changmin would stay.
The day Changmin ran from the blazing home he set on fire was the day he met the first person he could finally and fully truly trust. Soka, the name he remembered calling her when they were younger. had opened the door for him and let him in, his face covered in soot and soaked with tears, his old and ratty clothes smelling of gasoline and no shoes to be found on his feet, his body aching and a painful hunger causing his stomach to cramp up to the point he was nearly bent over from it. He stumbled into the home he remembered from when he was younger, it had been about three years since he last saw it. He remembered Sokaâs father, a man he had mostly avoided, and a kind eyed older brother, though the voices and faces of the two had faded in his memory, however Soka and those kind eyes of the older brother had not gone anywhere.
Soka hadnât really asked any questions yet, not that Changmin would be willing or be able to answer them at that point, and guided him to the couch in their living room. He knew Soka, even then it had been quite a few years since they had last seen each other, since he had last escaped to her house. The man with the kind eyes walked into the room soon after that, asking who had showed up before his eyes quickly darted to Changmin, and immediately left, bringing him back clothing that was much to big for the younger male, telling him to go take a bath that he had already drawn for him, directing him to where the bathroom was.
Changmin, still in his trance, obeyed and made his way slowly to the bathroom. Once he was in there, he got in the bath that was drawn for him, turning on the hot water, throwing all his dirty clothes on the floor and climbing in the burning hot bath. He stayed in there for a while, hearing voices whisper, what he assumed was Soka, the kind-eyed man, and Sokaâs father. There didnât seem to be anyone else there, which gave Changmin some sort of comfort. The fiery hot bath pulled him out of his haze, only slowly starting to realize exactly what he had done, what horrors heâd been through now that it was all over. No, no, he wasnât ready to feel anything yet. It would be too much for him to handle alone.
Changmin had thrown on the clothes that he essentially drowned in, trying his hardest not to think, not to feel. He walked past the three in the kitchen, helping the kind-eyed man make something that smelled incredible, the hunger pains coming back from when he had first arrived at their place. He had been in too much of a catatonic state to truly notice them much before, but now that Changmin had been pulled from that state, he only just then realized exactly how hungry he actually was. The kindhearted older brother, he had since learned that his name was Luci, took his hand and gently guided him to their dining room table.
Changmin realized only then how he had lost time sitting on that couch, all the food they made being ready on the table by the time he was sat down. The boy had asked Luci many times if he was absolutely sure Changmin could eat as much as he wanted, and he was reassured each time with patience in the older mans voice that it was completely fine. After about the fifth or sixth time he asked and was comforted and told that it was okay, Changmin took something from every dish, putting as much as he could of each one on his plate and quickly ate all of it, however trying to be slow enough as to not make himself sick. He hadnât had a homemade meal like this since he lived with his grandmother until he was eight, each bite better than the last.Â
Once Changmin had eaten his fill, he immediately returned to the couch in the living room, his nerves acting up once more. The three were whispering again for a few seconds before the voices stopped. Angelo, Sokaâs father, approached him at first, though Changmin was instantly terrified as his fear of any sort of father figure frightened him kicked in. The older male could see it on his face, and instantly backed away towards the kitchen again.
âHeâs scared of Dad. Luci, you go. I doubt heâll tell me anything, he wouldnât when we were younger.âÂ
Changmin recognized that as Sokaâs voice, although the trance he was in before was starting to act up again. He didnât want to feel anything, and it was sending him back into that catatonic state once again. He barely noticed the kind-eyed brother, Luci, approaching him until he sat down next to the older male and slowly, gently placed a hand on his back, causing Changmin to flinch away at first, until he realized it wasnât meant to hurt him, however snapping him out of his daze.
âWhat.. happened exactly?âÂ
Changmin shook his head and glanced at Soka and Angelo listening in from the kitchen, Luci realizing what he meant and waved the other two off. Once they had left, the younger male started explaining, in a monotone, emotionless voice at first, starting from the beginning. Saying out loud for the first time, he spoke of his grandmother, of his father and mother and their addictions, how they forced him to clean up everything after their fights, or his fathers drug induced tantrums. When the beatings started, how they became worse over time. The nights he was locked in the small closet. As his story continued, the more emotions started flooding out. Before Changmin realized, he was sobbing however still able to get the words out, Luciâs arms wrapped around him in a tight hug.
Trying to get his emotions under control and failing, Changmin was only able to get the end of the story out, how his father broke four fingers on his left hand, how he stole money from his parents, how he drenched them and the house in gasoline, how he lit it all up and danced, crying and laughing in the street in front of the house until he could hear the sirens and ran. Luci never said a word the whole time he spoke, only saying something once Changmin didnât say anymore.Â
âItâs okay, no one can hurt you now. Hyungs got you, they canât hurt you now. Youâre safe now.â
It was then that Changmin broke completely, painful sobs wracking his body with such force that he wasnât able to do much except lean on Luci who still had his arms around him tightly, and eventually curling into a ball so tight all he could do was lay his head on the older mans lap, crying his eyes out so hard they burned, the not broken fingers gripping tightly to Luciâs shirt as he sobbed into it. At some point he managed through the sobs that the older man could tell Soka and Angelo, but he could not handle speaking of it again. Eventually he managed to cry himself to sleep, still on Luciâs lap, sleeping so deeply he had no dreams, at least that he could remember in the morning, finally feeling safe.
Many years had past since that day, and since then Changmins trust for Luci had only grown since then. The many nights Luci had spent holding him as he cried, never minding when the younger male woke him up at any hour of the night to talk to him about his nightmares, his sleep paralysis, or just memories that came flooding back to him and horrified him. The times he had called his hyung to pick him up from a bar when Changmin was too drunk, or after he had gotten into a fight and was too exhausted or too beat up to get home himself.Â
The older man meant the world to him, and although heâd never admit it, Changmin trusted him with anything, more so than he did with Angelo, who was a very close second, Soka and Hansol who were tied for third. He had told Luci the story about every scar, at least the ones he could remember, every reason he got in a fight. He shared with his hyung all the anger he held inside him, shared every bit of sadness and terror with him. Changmin showed him the terrible drawings he had made to express what he couldnât say, and Luci had allowed him and only him into his art studio, teaching him what paints looked like what and what each brush did.Â
Changmin would create paintings, with Luciâs help at first, abstract art that he tried to show every feeling through and how his mind worked, using every color he could connect with. His hyung spent hours with him and no matter what they were doing, Changmin always felt safe with him. He could sleep just fine when he was in Luciâs arms, despite having nightmares nearly every night, reminding him about what happened to him. He had a key to Luciâs house, and would often walk himself over there just to sleep next to the older man, just to feel safe again.
It wasnât like he didnât feel safe at home, however Luci was the only one who could truly stop the nightmares, who had felt like home since the beginning. The one he told everything to first, the person who had given him all the patience in the world, never gotten mad at him, who always promised to protect him. While Changmin was afraid of Luci breaking his trust, the fear was small, barely there. He truly believed with all of his heart that he could always trust in his hyung, always know he would be protected, always knew that he would keep him safe to the best of his ability.
All Changmin had ever wanted, he found in Luci, in his new family, his true family. He wanted to feel safe, to be safe. His older brother was the one who showed him precisely what family was supposed to be, what it meant to care for someone and protect them with all their heart. Because of Luci, Changmin learned what the true meaning of family was. Because of him, he was able to trust in others again. Because of his hyung, he learned how to feel safe for the first time in his life. The words Luci spoke the day he ran from his burning past will stick with him forever, particularly the last sentence.
đđđđ / đđđđ đđđ  ⥠ đđđđđđđđ đđđđđđđđ
  change any gendered language to your needs.  âĄ
â  you donât have to hide your tears from me .  â
â  youâre doing great ,  okay ??  i mean it .  â
â  you are so strong .  â
â  please donât ever give up .  â
â  i will always believe in you .  â
â  why do you always think you have to do everything on your own ??  â
â  itâs okay ,  iâm here .  iâll always be here .  â
â  youâve always been strong for me .  let me return the favor .  â
â  just listen to my heartbeat ,  okay ??  â
â  come on ,  take a deep breath .  itâs gonna be alright .  â
â  please ,  just hold me .  â
â  you always meant the world to me .  iâm sorry i let you forget that .  â
â  i never stopped loving you .  â
â  youâll feel better if you talk about it .  iâm here to listen .  â
â  youâre so much more than the mistakes youâve made . â
â  i forgive you .  â
â  you are so fucking powerful .  â
â  iâm not leaving you here .  â
â  i trust you more than anyone else in this universe .  â
â  itâs okay to be confused .  nobody has all the answers .  â
â  iâm so ,  so sorry .  you didnât deserve that .  â
â  healing is not linear ,  but itâs always moving forward .  â
â  you can admit that youâre hurting .  itâs okay to not be okay .  â
â  hold my hand ??  â
â  you are my home .  â
â  no matter what anyone else says ,  you are so important to me .  â
â  donât worry .  iâll protect you .  â
â  shh ,  it was just a nightmare .  youâre safe .  â
â  donât talk about yourself like that .  â
â  just say the word .  you know iâd do anything for you .  â
â  you are loved .  â
â  i just need a hug .  â
â  iâll destroy anything that so much as thinks of harming you .  â
â  donât ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are .  â
â  youâre not alone .  youâre stuck with me forever .  sorry .  â
â  well ,  hello sleeping beauty .  you fell asleep on me .  â
â  if you donât take your butt back to bed ,  i will carry you there myself .  â
â  iâm sorry to wake you up ,  but i really need someone to talk to .  â
â  i hate seeing you like this  âŚÂ  please , let me help .  â
â  you are  &  always will be precious to me .  â
â  i canât believe that asshole said that to you .  itâs not true ,  you know .   â
â  you want me to punch him in the face ??  â
â  you deserve every good thing in the world .  â
â  you know i always have your back .  â
â  you donât have to worry about anything ,  as long as iâm around .  â
â  stop apologizing ,  okay ??  iâve already told you iâve forgiven you a hundred times now .  â
â  donât beat yourself up over this .  be kind to yourself ,  itâs not your fault .  â
Send one (or a few) to my muse and theyâll answer:Â
Spiders: Does your muse squish bugs or put them outside?
The Dark: Did your muse sleep with a nightlight as a child?
Snakes: Would your muse ever keep an unusual/exotic pet?
Blood: Whatâs the worst injury your muse has ever had?
Clowns: Does your muse prefer comedy? Or horror?
Mirrors: What is your museâs least favorite thing about their appearance?
Tight Space: Does your muse ever feel that theyâre not living up to their own potential?
Closet Monsters: Does your muse hide any aspects of their personality/life from others?
Crowds: What does your muse think of big cities?
Death: Name one thing your muse has lost that they wish they could get back.
Ghosts: Has your muse ever seen something they couldnât explain?
Needles: Does your muse have a strong stomach?
Curses: Does your muse believe in good/bad luck? How about karma?
Heights: Is your muse a risk-taker?
Solitude: Name 3 things your muse couldnât live without.
Fire: Would your muse rather be very cold, or very hot?
Failure: Has your muse ever given up on an important dream?
Abandonment: How would your muse win back someone who left them?
The Unknown: Is your muse a philosophical person?
Boogeyman: What position does your muse sleep in?
Falling: What does your muse think about falling in love or commitment?Â
Change: What was a turning point in your museâs life?
Disease: What does your muse do on a sick day?
Number 13: Does your muse believe any superstitions?Â
Noise: Name one sound your muse finds absolutely unbearable.
Insects: Name something your muse finds gross or annoying.Â
Dolls: Has your muse ever collected something?
Getting Old: Would your muse rather live 50 years loved, or 200 years alone?
Social Phobia: Does your muse consider themselves an outgoing person?
001. When is their birthday?
002. Do they do anything to celebrate their birthday?
003. Does your character like coffee better, or tea?
004. Do they prefer being alone or with others?
005. Are they in good health?
006. What sense do they most rely on?
007. Is your character an optimist or a pessimist?
008. What is their favorite fairy tale?
009. Do they believe in happy endings?
010. Do they believe in love at first sight?
011. How would your character court the person of their dreams?
012. What makes your character embarrassed?
013. Have they ever been bullied or teased?
014. Detail one secret shame your character feels.
015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?
016. What is their choice of weapon?
017. When does your character think that violence is justified or deserved?
018. Your character wakes up to find that war has been declared. What do they do?
019. If they could have a superpower, what would they choose?
020. What are their hobbies?
021. How do they display affection?
022. What is the most beautiful thing theyâve ever seen?
023. What do they consider beautiful in others physically?
024. What do they consider ugly in others physically?
025. What do they consider beautiful in others personality-wise?
026. What do they consider ugly in others personality-wise?
027. What is their idea of perfect happiness?
028. What makes them laugh out loud?
029. What sort of sense of humor does your character have?
030. Do they believe in the afterlife?
031. Are they superstitious about anything?
032. Does your character believe in ghosts?
033. Do they keep their promises?
034. Whatâs their view of lying?
035. What is the most important rule your character lives by?
036. How honorable is your character?
037. If your character saw someone drop a large sum of money and knew that they could probably take it without anyone noticing, what would they do?
038. What bad habits do they have?
039. What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?
040. What is their obsession?
041. Are they comfortable with technology?
042. What is their greatest achievement?
043. What will they stand up for?
044. What disgusts them?
045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?
046. How do they handle getting sick?
047. What was the last medical problem your character had?
048. Do they have any allergies?
049. How does your character feel about growing old?
050. How does your character feel about their own mortality?
051. If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today?
052. What is your characterâs worst flaw?
053. What is your characterâs greatest strength?
054. Does your character want power or authority of any kind?
055. Is your character an introvert or an extrovert?
056. Has your character ever struck someone in anger?
057. Has your character ever killed anyone?
058. What is your characterâs idea of a perfect day?
059. List several phrases your character is fond of uttering. Where did they pick them up?
060. What is your characterâs attitude toward education and learning?
061. Does your character prefer adventure or safety and security?
062. What sort of legacy does your character wish to leave behind?
063. How well does your character handle difficult people?
064. In what ways does your character annoy others?
065. Is your character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer?
066. Does your character prefer city life or being out in nature?
067. Does your character believe in fate or destiny?
068. How strong is your characterâs sense of responsibility? What kinds of things trigger it?
069. What about your character is heroic?
070. What about your character is cowardly?
071. How kind is your character?
072. In a Dungeons & Dragons game, which class would your character be? (wizard, fighter, bard, priest, ranger, etc.)
073. In a novel, what plot role would your character fill? (hero, anti-hero, sidekick, villain, etc.)
074. What is your characterâs favorite game?
075. Is your character ticklish?
076. How do they express anger?
077. How often do they cry? Over what?
078. How emotionally stable is your character?
079. How easy is it for them to read the emotions of others?
080. How easy is it for others to read your characterâs emotions?
081. Is your character religious?
082. What are your characterâs sleeping preferences?
083. What is the first thing they say and/or do when they wake up?
084. Describe your character in one word.
085. Describe your character in three words.
086. How would your character describe themself in one word?
087. How would your character describe themself in three words?
088. Is your character quiet or loud?
089. How vocally expressive is your character?
090. How bodily expressive is your character?
091. What type of music does your character like?
092. What emotion does your character evoke in others?
093. What is your characterâs goal in life?
094. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to know.
095. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to do.
096. How do they move and carry themselves? What energy do they project?
097. How well do they adapt to change?
098. Does your character like animals?
099. Do they talk to inanimate objects?
100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about?
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The first time Changmin called Angelo dad, he panicked. It was a slip of the tongue, despite him meaning it with all his heart. He had never called even his birth father dad, the bastard didnât deserve that title. The man wasnât even a father, if Changmin spoke of him it was by his first name, a name he so desperately wanted to forget.
Changmin was barely 18, two years after he had run to Soka and Angelo after burning down what was his past. Angelo had only reached for something that Changmin couldnât, and he let out a simple âThanks dad.â The item dropped out of his hands, he couldnât really remember what it was, and the panic set in. His legs carried him before he could even think, running him to his room where he slammed the door shut and locked it. A slip of the tongue, one he meant, one he was scared of. His grandmother was the only blood family he had, that he recognized, but he had lost her so young and was forced to go back with his horrible parents.Â
But that was the past, he knew Angelo was nothing like either of them, he knew that this was his true family. Yet why was he so scared, terrified of what he had called Angelo? Changmin threw his body into his bed, loud, painful sobs came out of him as he nearly screamed them into his pillow, absolutely horrified by what heâd said. It wasnât long before there was a knock at the door, scaring him out of his crying fit. He stopped immediately, an instinct he had developed after being beaten many times for crying, and sat up on his bed, a pathetic and broken voice leaving him as he asked who it was. A silly question, he knew it had to be Angelo. The words spoken to him went like this:
"Hey, it's okay kid. I'm not mad, I'm not offended and I'm not weirded out or anything of the sort. If that's what you want to call me, that's okay. If you don't, I understand, but if you do, that's fine. I already see you as my child, so it doesn't bother me any."
Changmin took in a shuddering breath, he wasn't sure what he expected, but for some reason he definitely wasn't expecting a response like that. The crying continued once again, but this time it was more tears of relief than anything else. He barely managed to get off his bed, the fear still active and making Changmin unsteady and shaky, but despite all that he made his way over to the door, unlocked it, opened it quickly, and wrapped his arms around Angelo. The sobbing broke out once again, this time into the older mans chest instead of Changmin's pillows, as he let out a soft, trembling voice saying:
"You are my dad, I want to call you that. You've long since earned it."
This was the man who saved him from getting arrested, who erased his name off the suspect list from the incident he caused, the man who held him as he cried nearly every night the first year staying with him, the one who lost many hours of sleep just trying to comfort Changmin. He learned how a dad was supposed to be, someone who helped him to smile and laugh more, things that seemed like a distant dream. Someone who guides him to do what he should, gently, someone who doesnât yell and scream and beat him if he makes a mistake. He finally felt comfortable at home, home, a word Changmin never though heâd use. At home with the man who deserved to be called dad, and whether he admitted it or not, he was the dad Changmin deserved.