hello. last time i was active on here i wasn’t doing too good. actually i was doing pretty bad. bad bad. i had never reached a lower point in my life. and here i am writing this six months later feeling so much fucking better. medication has wholeheartedly saved my life. i was always so scared of the stigma around medication and never allowed myself the chance to gather my own perception on it. against my parents wishes, i took the leap and i am so much better for it. i am so fucking proud of myself. the last 10 months of my life have been hell and i’ve had to make some of the hardest decisions for my own mental well being. ones i knew were going to have backlash. i have had to watch two people very close to me part ways. that to me felt like i was going through a break up all over again. its still something i’m processing. having the hard conversations!!!!!! FUCK. i have had some of the hardest conversations of my LIFE over the past year and fuck have they changed my relationships. be honest. tell people how they made you feel. HOLD PEOPLE ACCOUNTABLE. own up to your own mistakes. take ownership. don’t point fingers. speak your truth even if it doesn’t align with someone else’s.  i finally started taking the steps to hold sexual abusers accountable. ITS A PROCESS. having to prove your innocence and someone else’s narrative going against yours is a never ending hell hole. but one thing i have learnt over this past year is to stop fucking caring. if people are going against your values, your beliefs, and your consent, you do something. you say something. you action the god damn thing. because if you don’t? then they’ll continue. and you have given yourself 0 respect in allowing it to happen. i have not been perfect and i have never claimed to be but i have owned every single mistake and i have bettered myself for it. my partner.. is one hell of a human being. the amount of times they have seen me fucking break into a million pieces and have picked me up every single time is unbelievable. i have been so honest with every single bit of my life, every single inch of my brain, and they’ve stayed. they’ve listened. they’ve cried with me. they’ve gotten angry with me. they’ve never judged me. they’ve helped me get to work safely and get home safely when the thought of leaving the house left me in a panic attack. no human being deserves to walk into a relationship and endure as much as they have had to endure. but they have stayed - and i will never find the words to describe how loved and reassured that makes me feel. a lot is happening within my inner self, my sexuality, my confidence, my career, my friendships, my goals and my priorities. but i am feeling hopeful for every single change. i obviously still struggle - and sometimes i have days where i need a mental health day and i need to self reflect and face the things i really don’t want too.  rn i am cuddling my bunny and looking at the view of the city from my home and i feel okay. and i’ve been waiting for a very long time to simply just feel okay again.