rage against the dying light.

“Be with somebody who makes you forget what it felt like to be sad.”

the difference between you and me is that I free my time to talk to you while you talk to me in your free time.

Self reminder

All you ever fucking did was lie to me. Every word that came it of your mouth was a lie. I should’ve never believed any of it. I should’ve seen it from the start that it was all a lie. I was nothing to you but I was to fucking blind to notice that I never meant anything to you. And now i can’t go a day without you crossing my mind and every time you do I’m filled with a type of hate and anger that I can never escape because your words have been cut into my brain and now there’s a scar over every single one of them that will never fade away. Your words that once gave me a feeling of love and care now bring hatred and an unbearable realization that none of what you said ever meant anything to you. You were just reciting lines while I was taking in every bit of it. I should’ve never trusted you or anything that came out of your mouth. I should’ve never let myself get that far from the truth. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be so blinded but the false sentences you spewed at me to the point where all I had left was a small opening that only you could fill. I regret everything about you and everything I ever did with you. I regret every lie I let myself believe. I regret ever letting myself go. I regret being so desperate to feel something that I allowed my life to be taken over by that false claim of love you gave me when all I ever was to you was a source of entertainment when no one would pay attention to you anymore. 6 months of my life I was blinded by your words and even now I still come across a picture or song that takes me back to the hundreds of memories of you and feel that if I was different we could’ve actually had something good. But then I remember all you ever fucking did was lie to me.

I don’t like who I am and I miss who I use to be…

I want to be beautiful, pure and real. I want to be stripped down to my weakest self, to my bare soul; no cover ups, just the truth, and I don’t need to be loved, I just want to be accepted. In my rawest form. In my very own truth. Maybe I want to be loved and to heal. They say some need time to heal… But I think I just want to be loved to heal. And I know it will take every ounce of courage to let that happen. Because we all put up walls, dress up our souls, and create something that doesn’t really exist. It’s so much easier that way. But I accept not being perfect… And I hope with all my heart, that I will be breathtaking… A dream… So I am ready to undress my soul… And let you in, for the last time.