gwaaaa

MY LOVE SONG IS ...

LIKE ANIMALS. (yandere! lohen x female reader)

; yandere, written before lohen and snezhnaya's release, snegurochka fae (y/n), freakhen creephen yanhen you get the point, obsession, branding (in the sense that..), brief implied assault, (y/n) is a passive character because she's a fae not well-versed in human culture and fae morals differ please keep that in mind because she really just lets him do whatever, proofread to the best of my ability.

; Your glacial heels barely crossed the threshold of the Anemo Archon’s land before you found yourself your very own tour guide. Wearing a paldron and cape with an emblem on his chest, he looked the very part of a knight, even going as far as to bend down with his arm stretched and the other hidden from view, awaiting your hand. It’s rare for Mondstadt to receive a Snowland Fae like you, he had said. Let me show you around the city, Miss Snowflake. 

It has been five days since, and you’ve been ensnared by him for at least two.

Your luggage (or lack thereof) is minimal: a Cryo Vision for keeping up appearances and a hefty pouch of Mora sponsored by your mother. Two items that you can hold with just one hand, yet the gentleman who made it his personal mission to be your guide – Sir Lohen, as you’d call him after being informed of his status as a knight – insists that he holds your belongings for you while escorting you to your lodging, the Goth Grand Hotel. 

He even took your room key, claiming there’s no need for you to open your room yourself. He’ll gladly do it for you. 

Thinking that it’s part of Mondstadt’s culture to be so accommodating to visitors from afar, you agreed. You follow closely behind him, trusting his judgment and expertise as he winds through the maze-like hallways of the Goth Grand Hotel. The interchanging sounds of him chewing gum or humming a tune you’re not familiar with dominate the silence, your gloved hand fiddles with its lace scalloped edge, unsure how to approach him entirely.

lohen x afab!gn!reader

{request: for sajuu}

summary: you agreed to go on a date with the vice-captain, in order to finally make it clear to him that nothing would come of it. then the film cuts off, and you wake up in an unfamiliar place with a gun pressed against your temple. TW: DEAD DOVE!, noncon/dubcon, wound-fucking, self-harm&being mocked for it, destructive behaviour, victim blaming, mind break

topics: lohen is lovesick/yandere, nsfw (vaginal sex, thigh-fucking, blood, impact play, knife&gun play, shibari, mocking sympathy)

please note that this is a work of fiction. neither the person who requested it nor i support, condone, or endorse any of the actions depicted in it. thank you. 

i tried my best with tags, but i’m still learning how to properly do it. if i missed anything, please tell me.

english is not my first language. please correct me if i got something wrong, thank you!

For quite some time, you had been brushing Lohen off.

You thought it would be a little easier since he was the vice-captain and it would be appropriate to maintain at least some appearance of normalcy, but you were very mistaken. No matter how many times you rejected his invitations to go on dates, he always came back like some lovesick mutt. Always with the same enthusiasm.

So eventually, you couldn't take it anymore and agreed to go with him on that one damned date, just so you could finally make him understand that you would never — absolutely never — be able to like him the way he liked you.

"Our date was already nice, wasn't it?" you hear a voice say as something cold is pressed against your temple. "Now it's only going to get better."

You can probably guess already — nothing went according to your plan, and the only thing you remember is Lohen buying you another drink after you calmly rejected him, before everything went black.

You swallow hard, feeling your fingers tremble against the ropes binding them. You're sitting on something soft, but you can't see anything; your eyes are covered by a blindfold, and the only thing that comes to mind is screaming.

But you're not stupid enough to do that. You've known Lohen for too long to know that if you start screaming now, whatever he's holding against your head will simply kill you.

"L-Lohen," you whisper, your voice breaking, and you hear laughter. You feel your fear turning into anger. "What are you doing?"

"I'm playing with you, babe," he replies sweetly, dragging the object across your skin, and that's when you realize it's his gun. You don't know if it's loaded, and you don't want to find out. "I want to see how long it'll take today for you to like me back."

"Lohen," you try to sound calm. "Stop joking, please."

"Do I sound like I'm joking?" he says, amusement coloring his voice. You can almost see that irritating smile of his. "Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea how serious I am right now. Do you really think I'm just going to let you leave me? Fucking never."

He's completely lost his mind, and you know there's nothing you can do about it now. Fuck, you should have reported him for that damned stalking a long time ago, but you never took it seriously. You really thought that was just the way Lohen was. After all, he held such an important position in the Knights of Favonius — how could you doubt the Grandmaster's judgment?

"...So what are you going to do, Lohen?" you ask in a trembling voice.

As if in answer, Lohen uses his gun to lift your chin toward him. Then, with his other hand, he pulls the blindfold from your eyes. Your heart can barely keep up; it feels as though it's about to leap out of your chest.

You look into his eyes. He seems amused — almost excessively pleased. Your emotions continue to swing between fear and anger, but you remain rational. If you upset him now, things could end very badly, but... that will probably happen regardless.

"I'll make you love me."

You stare at him in shock. You also realize that you're probably in his house, in his bedroom. Looking down, you see that you're wearing only a shirt and underwear, tied up neatly like a present. And Lohen licks his lips as though he's ready to unwrap you.

Lohen leans over you. Instinctively, you try to back away, but you only press yourself harder against the wall. He chuckles at the sight and lazily slides the barrel of his pistol along your face and down to your collarbones. He notices how sharply your chest rises and falls and suspects you might be on the verge of a panic attack.

But that only encourages him.

You tremble as he drags the barrel across your nipple. It hardens, and a muffled whimper escapes your lips as Lohen casually toys with you through the fabric using the gun. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice the outline of an erection beneath his pants and swallow hard in terror.

How long had he already been aroused? What had even gotten him this excited in the first place? Revulsion washes over you. You want to scream that he's a fucking freak, but it feels as though something is lodged in your throat — an invisible gag preventing you from making the situation any worse.

Lohen moves lower, slipping the weapon beneath your shirt. You gasp pitifully as the metal glides over your skin. You also realize that he's probably controlling the temperature of the gun, making sure it remains cold. A shiver runs down your spine. He begins toying with your other nipple now, and you watch in disgust.

You don't want to look at him. You don't want to watch what he's doing. But you don't want to close your eyes either, because you're afraid something terrible will happen if you do. So you remain trapped in constant fear of whatever is coming next.

"You brought this on yourself, you know," Lohen murmurs with amusement, pressing the barrel against your nipple, and you bite your lip to keep from making a sound. "You don't wear bras, and you should. I could barely stop myself from dragging you into some dark alley just to take care of those pretty tits of yours. Your nipples always show so nicely—it drives me crazy."

You want to answer. You want to defend yourself. But suddenly Lohen yanks your shirt up, exposing your breasts, and you let out a startled squeak. He stares at them with hunger in his eyes, but somewhere in the back of your mind you have the awful suspicion that this isn't the first time he's seen them completely bare. Furious embarrassment floods your face. You feel exposed and stripped of your dignity.

Lohen notices your expression and smiles innocently. He grabs your thighs and pulls, and with a startled cry you end up flat on your back. He positions himself between your legs, looking down at you with a manic gleam in his eyes while you glare back at him.

"Awww, don't be mad at me, pretty thing," he says sweetly, tracing the pistol down your chest and toward your lower abdomen. You hold your breath. "I'll treat you right, okay? No one deserves you more than I do. I can make you feel good. You just need time to accept it, and then you'll love me back, bunny."

You tremble with anger. You can no longer stay silent while he mocks you.

"I will never love you back. You're fucking sick," you spit out furiously. Your limbs strain to shove him away, but the ropes bind you too tightly for you to move. All you can do is writhe helplessly, which only excites Lohen further.

He laughs as though you've told him a great joke. Tapping the pistol against his own head in mock disappointment, he sighs.

"Hm, you might be right, I guess," he says calmly, setting the gun beside you. You want to scream because you know he's doing it just to frustrate you further. It's within arm's reach, yet completely unattainable. "It's hard to love someone when you don't even like yourself, isn't it?" he says as his hands settle on your thighs and force them apart.

Shame washes over you again. You turn your head away while Lohen studies the fresh wounds and scars on the insides of your thighs. You feel horrible. You hate him so much that you think you could kill him if you had the chance.

You never wanted anyone to find out about this—at least not yet. It was your secret, your own problem, and Lohen is stripping away everything you wanted to hide. The worst part is that even without looking at him, you know he's even more turned on now.

"It's none of your fucking business. You don't even know what real love is," you reply bitterly.

"And you don't even know how to cut yourself properly," he bursts out laughing, running a finger along one of your fresh wounds. You bite your lip in discomfort as tears gather in your eyes. "They look more like cat scratches. So fucking cute."

"Fuck you," you say in a trembling voice as tears finally spill down your cheeks.

Lohen hums thoughtfully, tilting his head as though he sympathizes with you.

"That's later," he says with a smile, pulling a knife from his uniform. Your eyes immediately widen. "Right now, I should show you how to cut yourself correctly."

Instinctively, you try to get away, dragging yourself backward as far as you can, but Lohen's grip on your thighs is terrifyingly strong. He doesn't allow you to move even a millimeter. All you can do is watch as he licks the blade before pressing it against your skin.

"L-Lohen, please—"

A shrill scream tears from your throat as you feel the edge scrape against your skin.

Lohen cuts into your flesh without any warning, without any preparation, without any mercy.

He tears through old scars, scabs, and wounds. Hot blood runs down your trembling legs, but he doesn't stop. Your ears ring, yet even that cannot drown out Lohen's manic laughter. Your heart pounds wildly, your head spins, and you feel as though you're about to faint from the pain and overwhelming emotions.

But it's still not enough to make you lose consciousness, no matter how desperately you wish it would.

"What if I carved a little heart into you? Would you like that?" he asks, pressing his fingers into the open wound before licking the blood from them. "Or maybe my name? Even if you got rid of me, you'd still have a piece of me with you forever."

You shake your head, pleading weakly for him not to do it. But Lohen doesn't care as he sinks the knife in again, slowly drawing it along your skin. You squeal helplessly. You try to pull away, but that only makes things worse, causing the blade to twist while it's cutting straight lines. He goes back over every wound that isn't deep enough to satisfy him.

"L-Lohen, please, I c-can't take it anymore," you whimper, choking on your tears.

Lohen pauses and looks at you as though he suddenly feels sorry for you.

"You poor little thing," he says soothingly, stroking your skin and smearing the blood across your thighs. He uses his cryo while doing so, easing your pain, and at last you're able to steady your breathing. "You should have behaved."

You turn your gaze toward him, your blood boiling again as rage floods your body. You hate him so much you feel like you're about to throw up. Adrenaline surges through you, urging you to kill him. But you can't. You're trapped. You're at his mercy.

"You fucking drugged me, kidnapped me, and now you've even cut me," you say in a trembling voice, furious. "And you're seriously fucking telling me I should behave?"

Lohen smiles, amused. There is blood on his face; you don't even know when he managed to drink it so greedily. He leans over you, positioning himself between your legs, pressing his erection against your underwear. You moan in pain as it rubs against your fresh wounds.

"Yes. Do you even realize how happy you could have been with me if you'd given me a chance earlier?" He strokes your cheek, his eyes fixed on you with a sick obsession. You want to gouge them out. "But... since I love you so much... what do you say we start over, hm? I could show you how pleasantly our date would have ended if you hadn't rejected me today."

He sounds as though he truly cares about you. Lohen looks at you with love; his cheeks are flushed. If not for the circumstances, you might almost feel as though the two of you were sharing something intimate and romantic.

You take a deep breath. Maybe this is your chance to fix everything.

You nod.

Lohen seems delighted by that. He picks up his knife again and moves it toward your wrists. You're already about to scream that he's tricked you, but instead he cuts through the rope, freeing your hands. He takes one of them and places it against his cheek, enclosing it within his own fingers and stroking it tenderly, like a lover.

"See? It wasn't that ha—"

You slap him.

Though your body is weakened from blood loss, adrenaline mixed with shock and fury still courses strongly enough through your veins to strike him hard. His head snaps to the side. You take a deep breath and watch his reaction.

He's shocked — there's no hiding it. But it lasts only a second before he processes what happened, and a sick smile twists across his face.

"You fucking stupid slut," Lohen spits, turning back toward you. He brutally grabs both your wrists with one hand when you unsuccessfully try to push him away, and with the other he seizes your face, squeezing hard. "You fucked up, bunny."

Lohen strikes you across the face as well, though not with his full strength. You stammer desperate apologies, but he only looms over you.

You scream at the top of your lungs, crying and trying to achieve anything at all with it, but Lohen no longer cares. Even when he releases your hands and you hit him as hard as you can, he's too busy undoing his pants.

His erection springs free from his boxers, the manic smile never leaving his face.

However, instead of spreading your legs apart, he presses them tightly together. You watch in horror as Lohen wedges himself between your thighs and rubs against your still-bleeding wounds. A muffled scream escapes you as he begins thrusting against them.

You try to push him away — you really do, with every bit of strength you have left. But the harder you press your hands against his chest, the rougher his movements become. He grinds between your thighs, reopening every wound he just carved into you, moaning all the while. He has not the slightest trace of shame and makes no attempt to hide how much it excites him.

Lohen grabs your hands with one of his own and even helps press them against his chest, looking at you as though you are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to him. There is madness in his eyes. You could swear you hear laughter mixed in with his breathless sounds.

"You feel so fucking good, bunny," he murmurs in a low voice, speeding up. His other hand still grips your thighs possessively, refusing to let them part. "Fuck, I wonder how good your wounds must feel inside..."

You shake your head in terror, drooling as you try to beg him not to find out. You scream his name, trying desperately to form coherent sentences, but you sound delirious. He chuckles at your reaction and gently strokes your skin.

"I'm just kidding, baby," he replies softly, looking utterly smitten as he gazes at you. "Unless."

The tension in your body from pain and fear causes Lohen to climax with a loud groan. Cum and blood mix together on your thighs, and you whimper tearfully as another wave of shame crashes over you. You feel so thoroughly dehumanized that all you can think about is how desperately you want someone to hold you. You need comfort so badly that you can barely breathe anymore.

"Shhh, everything is going to be okay, baby," Lohen whispers as he parts your thighs and settles himself comfortably on top of you. He buries his face in your neck; you can feel him softening against your skin. He wraps his arms around you as though trying to comfort you. You feel like you're going to be sick. "There, there. You were so good to me, fuck. You're just so perfect for me, bunny."

Lohen strokes your hair and brushes gentle kisses along your neck until he reaches your jaw. He licks the tears from your skin, leaving sweet kisses here and there. For a brief moment you almost feel as though you're lovers, but the burning pain in your thighs says otherwise.

You truly feel like you're about to pass out. This is too much. Lohen disgusts you so deeply that you can't stop crying, even though your breathing has finally calmed.

His face rises toward yours. He kisses your lips as though rewarding you. You don't move, feeling numb in both body and mind. Your eyes are empty, but a moment later they squeeze shut in humiliation when Lohen suddenly begins kissing you forcefully.

You moan into his mouth, and he pushes his tongue deep inside. Fear twists your face once more, but he cups your cheeks in his hands and strokes them soothingly with his thumbs. You choke. You feel him hardening again against your stomach, and panic floods you. Your eyes roll upward.

But Lohen looks at you with love and adoration. He consumes you in every possible way, and no one can save you.

"My poor baby," he says with feigned sympathy when he finally pulls away. A strand of saliva still connects you. He gently wipes away your tears with his thumbs, smiling comfortingly while you sob. "Let me make you feel good."

"N-no, p-please... Lo... Lohen..." You no longer have the strength to scream, and only a weak whisper escapes your lips. You can feel him trembling.

"But I promised I'd make you love me," he replies with a charming smile, leaning back and pulling your bloodstained underwear off. "Let me love you, bunny."

You have no idea how you still have tears left, but they continue streaming down your face as you feel his tip press against your hole.

Lohen pauses for a moment, looking as though he has just remembered something.

"Oh, right. Not very lover-like of me. Let me do it properly," he says with an amused grin, pulling away and dropping to his knees beside the bed.

You suck in a sharp breath when you feel his lips against your pussy.

Lohen takes his time, as though savoring your taste, while you pull at his hair, trying to push him away. He refuses to budge and even hums contentedly at the weak pain. Your body is stained with your own blood, which only excites him more, but he focuses entirely on giving you pleasure.

You, however, feel nothing except disgust—

until Lohen pushes his tongue deeply inside you.

A moan of pleasure escapes you, making you feel even worse. You can feel him smiling against you, while a sharp ache of shame stabs through your chest. Although...

As much as you want to resist, your body betrays you, trembling with pleasure while Lohen devours you so expertly.

He works his tongue and mouth perfectly, occasionally using his teeth to gently nip at your clit. For once, he isn't trying to hurt you, treating you like a lover. He sucks at you gently, almost affectionately, savoring how wet you're becoming.

Your back arches when Lohen unexpectedly slips a finger inside you. He gently strokes your inner walls, testing your flexibility and arousal. He's attentive, so gentle that it's almost absurd. You don't know whether it's possible to hate him any more than you already do, but somehow he always proves he can be even worse.

You didn't deserve any of this. You didn't deserve to be toyed with like this simply because he couldn't accept that you didn't want him.

Lohen adds a second finger, and your cry echoes through the room. This time he moves them a little faster, his mouth never leaving your throbbing clit. Pleasure spreads through your body, and even the burning wounds on your thighs somehow intensify the sensation. You realize that, at this moment, the only thing you hate more than Lohen is yourself.

You alternate between gasps and moans. After everything that's happened, you've completely lost control of your body. You just want it all to end.

Lohen pulls away from you, drawing lightly on your clit before letting it slip free. He withdraws his fingers and shamelessly licks them clean right in front of your dazed eyes.

"I'm sorry. I should have asked if you wanted to try," he says with an apologetic smile, though you know perfectly well he's only teasing you because he's a twisted sadist. "But you just taste so delicious I couldn't help myself, my pretty thing."

You turn your head away, unwilling to look at him.

Lohen chuckles and pulls his shirt off. Out of the corner of your eye, you see that his muscular body is covered in scars. How can someone so beautiful be so disgusting and cruel?

Lohen leans over and grabs your hips, rolling you onto your stomach. You land painfully, gasping when he lifts you back up. In an instant you're held against his chest, his cock brushing against your backside. You reach for the bedframe, but it's too far away. Instinctively, your hands grasp at the arms wrapped around you beneath your breasts, and Lohen smiles in delight.

"L-Lohen... please, stop... this is enough... I... I-I can't..." you mumble weakly.

A tearful moan escapes you when he brushes against your wounds again.

"Aww, bunny. You're so sweet when you act this vulnerable," he hums. "Makes me only want to fuck you stupid."

You thought no more screams could possibly come from your raw throat today, but you were wrong. The moment Lohen thrusts into you, your nails dig into his skin and saliva spills from your mouth. If not for his grip, you would have collapsed onto the mattress.

Lohen takes you like an animal. Once again there is no mercy in him. The worst part is that your body responds despite everything. He fits you perfectly, and your body seems to fit him just as well, as though you had been made for each other.

He buries his face against your neck, biting you, and you moan louder. The line between pain and pleasure blurred long ago, and you no longer know what you're feeling anymore — only that it feels so overwhelmingly well.

"Fuuckkk, you feel so fucking good, baby," he mutters, kissing your skin. His hands tighten possessively around your body, stealing your breath. "You're taking me perfectly, and I can feel how much you love that."

"No! I-I don't!" you protest desperately, trying to hold on to your dignity. No one has the right to take that from you.

"That's strange, then," he hums dreamily. Reaching down with one hand, he touches your needy clit again. You instinctively try to pull him away, but fail. Lohen smiles with pure delight as he continues, sending even stronger sensations through your body. You throw your head back against his shoulder, struggling to keep up with your breathing. "Because you sound like you've never felt this good before."

You try to deny it, but Lohen doesn't allow you the chance, moving harder, faster, deeper. He is like a predator attacking its prey. Somehow he knows exactly where to strike to drive you to the edge of madness.

Your helpless cries fill the room, drowning out even his own sounds. It's not that you want this, you tell yourself — it's simply your body's natural reaction. You can't blame yourself for that.

Yet you can't explain why the pain in your thighs only seems to intensify everything you're feeling.

Your body tightens, and excitement builds faster than anything you've experienced before. You don't remember anyone ever bringing you this close so quickly.

Lohen would have been the perfect lover.

If only you'd known—

Fuck.

"Just admit it, bunny," he whispers into your ear, nibbling your earlobe.

You moan as your body tenses.

"You're feeling so good right now you'd cry if I pulled my cock out now."

You shake your head.

"N-never, fuck you! You're fucking disgusting!" you spit back. "I h-hate you. I hate you so fucking much. You're so fucking gross—"

The moment you feel release approaching, Lohen suddenly pulls away.

The stimulation stops. You groan in frustration as your body clenches around emptiness. Instinctively you move your hips, trying to chase that blissful sensation, but it's useless. Lohen only hums near your ear while brushing against you teasingly.

You feel like you're going to die if you don't finish. Your entire body trembles with anticipation. The tension is unbearable, but nothing comes to relieve it. Lohen remains silent.

You know exactly what he's waiting for.

Your trembling hand reaches down to your hurt clit, but Lohen immediately catches it and chuckles.

"Ah, ah, ah," he murmurs.

"L-Lohen..." escapes your lips before you even know why. Desire clouds your thoughts. "I-I..."

"Yes, bunny? What is it?" he asks softly.

You bite your lip, frustrated and humiliated once again. But finally, you give in.

"I... I n-need to..." Tears run down your face from embarrassment. "... I… I need to… c-cum…"

You've lost.

"And how do you want that, you poor thing?" he coos, taking your hand in his and kissing your temple as though comforting you.

You whimper, squeezing your eyes shut.

“On… On y-your… your cock”, you finally surrender. “P-please, f-fuck me with y-your cock, Lohen, p-please, fuck”.

You don't have to tell him twice.

 Lohen lets go of you, and you collapse onto the mattress with a loud thud as he drives into you forcefully, pressing his entire body against yours. With one hand, he pushes your head down into the mattress, while the other rests on your hip. You mumble to yourself in pleasure, gripping the mattress tightly as Lohen whispers sweet words to you, burying his face in the hollow of your neck 

"My good little bunny. I told you I could make you love me."

It doesn't take long. When you climax with a scream, your raw throat burns more than it ever has before, but you've never felt as good as you do right now. Lohen keeps thrusting into you — carelessly, quickly, chaotically, sloppily — completely devastating your small body, as if he wanted to carve his presence into you forever.

Lohen comes inside you a minute later. A wave of warmth floods into your pussy, and your eyes roll back from the overwhelming sensations. With a flash of alarm, you realize he didn't use a condom — but you're so thoroughly spent that you quickly forget about it, simply savoring how deeply and abundantly he fills you completely. 

He soothingly sucks at the skin near the back of your neck, leaving marks, but once again, you no longer care. You're in your own world — or perhaps Lohen's world — where everything simply feels so electrifyingly good that you're drooling onto the sheets, your eyes barely able to stay open, still mumbling something indistinct.

Lohen grabs you by the chin, pulling you into a wet, deep kiss. You return it, feeling your cunt flutter around his cock once again.

「Your gaze, when you looked back」

https://archiveofourown.org/works/81558441/chapters/214479756

lohen x reader x abyss!lohen

words: 2223

summary: Lohen was born with something wrong inside him. A part of abyss, clearly. And for most of his life, blood, chaos, and the thrill of a good fight were the only things keeping it from taking over completely.

Then she walked into his life with her tired eyes and her complete, infuriating refusal to be afraid of him.

Now his abyssal self wants her.

So does he. That's the problem.

warnings: obssesive behaviour, sexual content

❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆

"Isn't she truly a saint?", a low voice asked playfully. "An angel, even. Look at her, taking care of her little cadets. Oh! That one is blushing. He likes her, doesn't he? Does he know I claimed her as my prey a long time ago? Should I go there now and—"

Shut up, Lohen responded, annoyed, trying not to look at you. But although he was a man of — ironically — strong will, he couldn't stop his gaze from drifting toward your comforting smile directed at the wounded knight you were currently tending to. You were saying something in a tender tone, perhaps one of those medical but clumsy little stories meant to distract him from the painful process of disinfecting his wound. It was apparently working: the man didn't even notice when you finished dressing it and patted him on the shoulder to confirm he was free to go.

You rose from your knees, brushed the dust off yourself, and sat down heavily in the spot the cadet had just vacated. The curve of your body became more pronounced as you raised your arms, grabbed your elbow with one hand, and stretched to straighten your tired back. Lohen swallowed as the fabric across your chest pulled taut, revealing the shape of your nipples stiffened by the wind. He imagined your trembling, bare body lying in his tent on one of the coldest nights in Nordkrai, asking him to hold you as quickly as possible, to cover you with his own, larger body. 

Your pleading, humiliated, and flustered expression, which he would cup in his hands as though meaning to carve that sight permanently into his mind. He felt a twitch in his pants.

As his Lady Captain, you never asked him for anything — you never had to, because it was always enough to use your firm, cold tone, and he always listened like an obedient, faithful dog simply waiting for your command. He loved when you did that — when you weren't afraid to scold him for bad behaviour, for coming back to camp again with a deep wound, laughing that it was just a scratch. How satisfied and hard he would be at the sight of your tear-filled eyes desperately begging him to make you feel better, even though that very same morning you had sharply reprimanded him once again for breaking the expedition's rules.

Are you fucking insane?, Lohen asked, heat rushing to his face. Have some fucking shame.

"You know damn well that wasn't my thought, you fucking freak", he chuckled with satisfaction.

Lohen shook his head in frustration, cursing under his breath. God, if only he could, he would tear that part of himself right out of his own head. That corrupted, abyss-infected curse — or whatever it was — he had been born with. His fucking own shadow, which over the years had grown louder and louder instead of sinking deeper into the darkness of his mind.

"But, since we are the same person, and don’t say again that we are not, I would like to see her in that state as well. May I suggest, politely, to imagine her in—"

Shut up before I—

"Lohen."

A female, worried voice pulled him out of his battle with himself. Literally.

Lohen, who had long since mastered how to act naturally when someone yanked him out of an argument with his second voice, smiled at you with that playful gleam in his eye that never failed to give you a headache.

"Is everything alright?", you asked, stepping closer to him. His gaze dropped again to your chest, and he couldn't forget that on this particular damned day you had worn nothing underneath. As though you had deliberately set out to provoke that freak living in his head. "I hope you're not hiding a wound again? Do I have to, again, forcibly pull your shirt off to check—"

"Yes, please, fucking do that."

"My lady, everything is perfectly fine. Thank you for your concern", he replied in a warm tone, feeling a pleasant warmth spreading through his insides — a reminder of how much it meant to him that you worried about him. Sometimes he dared to dream that he was the only person who you waited for to return to camp.

You never slept — not even when he came back at ungodly hours, on the nights of his missions.

The first time, he had thought you were simply someone who preferred working at night, when he found you in the medical tent at one in the morning, having gone there to disinfect an ugly scar on his lower abdomen. The second time, when he went there for the same reason, he told himself it was a coincidence. The third time, he joked that his lady was waiting for him as eagerly as a wife waiting for her husband to come home from work. The fourth time, he felt almost shy, and in complete silence let you dress his wounds — which, for you, was a pleasant novelty, since he always teased you terribly; and once, to get back at him, you had deliberately tightened the bandage around his ribs harder than you should have, only to brutally learn never to do that again. 

The erotic sound he had made at the time haunted your nights to this day.

The fifth time — on a day when someone else was supposed to return late from a mission — he quietly crept to your medical tent, only to find you weren't there, and spent the rest of the night longing for you as though he hadn't seen you just a few hours before.

You tilted your head like a small animal encountering something very interesting and entirely unfamiliar. He loved when you did that, and a smile appeared on his face involuntarily.

"Sometimes I worry you'll drift away on those thoughts of yours somewhere too far", you replied with your arms crossed, this time in that lovely, neutral captain's tone of yours.

Me too. / "When that day comes, the first thing I'm going to do is you."

Lohen smiled even wider, his expression purely roguish. He took a step toward you and leaned down slightly. A normal person — because normal people feared Lohen and his unpredictability — would have stepped back. You, however, as always, stood completely unmoved. And that was precisely what he wanted to break in you.

"Do you promise you won't let me?", he asked in a tone that seemed like flirting, but something in his voice carried a quiet, undisguised hope.

You rolled your eyes.

"I already regret speaking to you first, you know?", you flicked him on the nose, making him recoil instinctively. Lohen let out a small laugh, head bowed, rubbing the reddening skin as though you had at least broken his nose. "But yes. Even if I have to drown doing it, I promise I won't let you, Lohen."

He straightened up instantly, as if something had just struck him, but before he could look at you, you were already walking away in the other direction, as though completely unmoved by any of it. But of course — how could you have known that every single day he was so terribly afraid to fall asleep, because what if he woke up instead? What if one day, Lohen existed only as his own voice inside someone else's head? What if, through his own eyes, he were forced to watch what those hands did — hands he could no longer control?

What if those hands closed around your throat?

"Awww, she doesn't know what she misses", abyssal voice said playfully.

He was so fucking hungry for her it made him feel sick.

"Ah, Lohen — I forgot to tell you", you turned to him, holding the flap of the tent you were about to enter. "I'm going to collect some herbs near your sweeping area. Try not to splash me with the blood of your 'poor' preys, okay?", you chuckled.

"Why would you choose to collect herbs while I'm on duty?" he asked, confused, arms crossed, looking at you with a slight grin.

"Because most of the monsters are going to be focused on some masochistic vice-captain instead of me, which makes it a perfect opportunity to collect resources in a highly dangerous area without being annoyingly picked off by them", you said with a little charm in your voice, which made his heart twitch.

"You could just say you want me to protect you, my lady", he said gallantly, placing his hand on his chest, the honourable man that he was.

"Fine. I want my dear vice-captain to protect me, as the chivalrous and strong knight he is, so I don't have to draw my weapon", you rolled your eyes.

But then, for one second — maybe not even that long — you saw his eyes darken to a crimson hue, more than usual, in an alarming way, the corners of his mouth rising ever so slightly in a manic curl. There it was.

"You really trust me, don't you, my lady?" Lohen said. "That's good. I would never let anyone touch you." His hand rose to his chin, partly covering his mouth, and he whispered so quietly you could not hear him, his voice cracking with obsession, "Besides me, of course."

You frowned, somehow paralysed by his sudden shift in demeanour. Well, perhaps not that sudden — it wasn't the first time you had noticed something strange in his behaviour. If you looked directly at Lohen, you could always catch that bizarre change. Change was what you would call it; there was no better word for it — even when you were perfectly certain that this was Lohen standing before you, flesh and bone, the same face, the same body, the same voice, something was dangerously wrong. And every time, it made sure you could feel just how hungry it was. Hungry for killing. Hungry for blood. Hungry for chaos.

Hungry for you.

"How generous of you, vice-captain", you said in your normal tone, not letting on that you knew. Had known for some time. "But I only asked you not to spill blood on me", you pointed and smirked.

"Well, as much as I hate to refuse my captain…" And there was your Lohen again. "...I cannot make such a promise, I fear", he laughed.

"If even a single drop of blood lands on me…"

"I will gladly lick it off."

"...you can be sure I won't let you into my medical tent for a week", you finished, your tone serious.

Lohen looked devastated. "No, my lady, wait—"

And you disappeared into your tent without another word. Lohen sighed. A nervous but somehow happy smile spread across his face. He really loved how easily you could tease him into actually listening to you and your requests. You had told him — a bloodthirsty fighting maniac — not to torment his opponents too much. At least this time, because you were never unconcerned about it entirely. He knew damn well that you accepted how much he yearned for a good fight, to feel the adrenaline, to indulge his sadistic ambitions.

You never told him it was disgusting. Unnecessary. Terrifying. Evil. Chaotic. Heretical, even. He had heard all of that plenty of times throughout his life.

But you never judged him.

Maybe that was the reason he had fallen in love with you. No, wait — it was because you never feared him. Well, it was almost the same reason. But the way you first showed it — when he was too bored at camp and Barbatos had forbidden him from pestering the sparring partners in your squad. It was his own fault he hadn't cared that they were scared of him. After all, everyone was, weren't they? He didn't even remember how you managed to sneak up on him, grab him by his choker, and pull his face down to yours, demanding in a furious voice that he has to leave your fresh Lightkeepers alone and find someone else to annoy — and he had felt a burning, lovestruck jolt surge through his entire body and mind.

"Fuck, that was hot", his second voice had said that day, down absolutely bad.

"Yes, it fucking was", he had agreed — for the first time in his entire life. That was the only and last time they had ever managed to be in harmony with each other.

Lohen's polearm appeared in his hand and he sighed, gazing at your tent with longing. Oh, how miserable he was.

His energy surged as he began walking toward his sweeping area. He had a job to do, and while you were still in camp, he didn't need to be careful about spilling blood across all of Nordkrai.

"That's a good boy, huh?" the voice chuckled.

And Lohen could only release a long sigh — but the moment he spotted an opponent approaching, his body lit up with frantic enthusiasm. His eyes crimsoned again and he felt his whole being ignite as he leaped at the enemy, cutting him down on the spot, blood immediately spattering across his face. And as always, it felt so good to release that restless spirit of his — knowing that you would wipe it clean for him, with the softness you hid beneath your annoyed, ethereal eyes; eyes he would love to make look only at him.

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english is not my first language and i don't have a beta reader — please be aware of that and feel open to correct me anytime. thank you!

and i want to apologize if you confuse abyss!lohen sentences with lohen — when i was writting it, I used red and blue to distinguish them. but i don't know to do that on ao3 yet, tumblr too (embarrasing, but i haven't used those sites in years), so it might be confusing and i'm really sorry for that. please let me know if it was legible after all.

i am incredibly stressed about posting this publicly. i haven't written in years, even though it used to be my whole life — but then the pandemic came and I fell into depression, and now... well, I'm in an even deeper depression following the death of my dad, but! i've gained a little will to live through, haha, Lohen. fangirling is really saving lives.

above all, I would like to thank @/8Honey_Lemonz16 and @/heartvexing, because these are the people who inspired me to post my own story. the phrase Lohen uses for the reader — "my lady" — is inspired by the first person's story in particular! and if you prefer something more on the erotic side, the second writer produces truly excellent work. highly recommend both, though I'd guess most of you may have already done so.

and about abyss!Lohen... i cannot stop thinking about him since I saw fanarts of his selfcest made by @/sailunadoods. my interpretation of him is very simple — Lohen was born with the abyss inside his body and mind, and he keeps it deeply suppressed. but every time he fights, it slips through. it wants to take control — and it has every right to, because at the end of the day, the abyss is still him.

so that made me think about my dear Seele from Honkai Impact rd3! ehat if abyss!Lohen is just someone like Veliona is to Seele? Veliona is not Seele's evil side — she simply wields the power of the Death Stigma, which appears dark and corrupted, but Veliona has no desire to hurt Seele or her friends. She do really loves Seele and she loves to fight, cause chaos, and make people fear her. dhe loves feeling needed, being let in during dangerous moments. fespite pretending otherwise, she deeply loves everyone Seele loves — Bronya most of all, in that same obsessive way Seele does, even if she'd never admit it. abyss!Lohen is the same. but unlike Seele, Lohen refuses to understand his other side — he sees him only as a threat. and abyss!Lohen doesn't mind at all. he simply smiles and reminds him that if he ever does take control, the first thing he'll do is get his hands on everything Lohen holds most dear. do you see the pararells now? because I am really excited to share this thought. if anyone will read this, even it's bad written and I don't know if anybody it interested in that concept... I can tell that I will try to expand it to more chapters! <3

yandere!lohen x fem!reader who is totally into it

CW: dirty perverted shameless smut

In which Lohen is your boyfriend, has the sex drive of a literal rabbit, and sometimes needs to take matters into his own hands (literally) to solve his..issue.

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