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Things I Have Learned Writing Smut:
1. There is a Goldilocks zone, or “sweet spot” if you will, for writing smut. On one end of the spectrum is Purple Prose. This is where you get laughable euphemisms like “polishing her pearl” and “love lance” and stuff like that. On the other end is Too Raunchy, where the author violently yanks you out of the narrative by slapping you in the face with someone using butter for lube, or going from anal penetration to some other hole with no concern for bacteria. Personally I like to err on the side of Raunchy, because the dirtier it is the more exciting! The problem is that everyone’s Nope limit is different, so your Goldilocks zone might be much bigger than your reader. This is getting into Your Milage May Vary and Your Kink Is Not My Kink/Dead Dove Do Not Eat territory, which is why fanfiction authors try so hard to tag appropriately. Professional authors, however, tend to err on the side of Purple Prose, or write repulsive/sad sex scenes like Ryan Boyd how mentions above.
2. You are writing an action scene. Only instead of throwing punches you are trying to find synonyms for thrust and groan without sounding like a thesaurus. How specific do you need to be in describing body and limb position for your audience to effectively visualize what’s happening? Can your audience infer that there was lube in the bedside table, or do you need to specifically mention somebody got it out of the drawer so the audience does not think the lube magically appeared? Is your pacing too slow because you are including these details? No one knows!
3. Speaking of synonyms, you only get about a dozen words for genitals. That’s it. You get penis, dick, cock, balls, sac, clitoris, labia, vagina, pussy, cunt, anus, and asshole. Any others are Forbidden because they sound ridiculous (Purlple Prose territory) or as unsexy (twat is Too Raunchy), both of which ruin the mood. Exceptions to this rule are regional or period appropriate words. For example, the U.K. get to add prick and arse to the list. If you are writing a period piece, you can get away with slang from that time period, like cunny. Then once you have been allotted your ration of words for genitals you must strategically place them throughout your narrative. Because you don’t want to sound like you are deliberately trying to use a different term each time, because it becomes noticeable and jarring. But you don’t want to use the same terms over and over, because the repetition will be noticeable and jarring. *screams*
In conclusion, the enjoyment derived from reading smut is equal and opposite to the frustration of writing smut.
