wait, what?

The path to a "normal life" is expected to be the same for everyone. You'd enter primary, then elementary, graduate high school, and get a college degree. Maybe a masters' too, a doctorate, a PhD even. Get a job, start a family, send your kids through the same process as you, and then you eventually die. 

And maybe it's because I'm young, that I long for adventure and travels instead of that fixed road. For when you'd ask me of my plans for the future, you'll receive numerous twists and turns that even I, myself would be nauseous from. I'm undecided, unfortunately. Even from my childhood I dreamt of becoming anything possible, and now I want to go anywhere I could possibly go. But then there's this series of "what if's" after all, just as any adult would say, I need to get my head out of the clouds and be practical. "Wouldn't you want a stable job, a family?" 

I never meant those things wouldn't bring me happiness, but rather the content I heed. But that's just me over thinking. I just wish I'd overthinked this the moment I entered high school. You would not believe the amount of stress and anxiety I go through every second the moment of graduation comes closer and closer. Hearing your classmates' stories of entrance exams and excitement while you haven't taken any. The eyes of your parents as you tell them you haven't submitted any application forms. The thing is, I haven't felt this kind of "lost" before and it completely scares me. 

 So am I ready for college? Obviously not. But do I have the guts to keep going? Indeed I do. I'll always do. I just know I'll get to a decision somehow, some way.

You were almost always perceived by others as a tad bit mad. Despite for how somewhat true that was, for I always found you telling me of how much you hated a lot of things, (now I know where I get it from) you loved us, esp your grandkids, very much. Not to mention your fixed grumpy face just made your smile all the more precious. I miss you lola, we miss you so much.

I don’t know if you like it, but you’re with lolo woody now, I imagine you throwing whatever you can find up there at him hahaha jk pero kasama niyo naman na po yung mga lola rin nila ezra, ty, razel. Sana friends kayo dyan lahat.

It hurt so bad knowing you're gone. It’s so hard knowing I won’t be able to eat your meals, or hear you rant anymore.

But you’ll always be here with us, in heart and in memory. I’m so happy you get to breath properly again. Di ka na po naghihirap lala, yay! Sayang po di ko kayo nakitang gising nung nasa ospital kayo, ayaw niyo pong gumising nun eh. Pinagdasal ko nun na makita kayong maayos uli, manunuod pa sana tayong forevermore. Dibale, kwentuhan ko na lang kayo ng ending.