Aeri

hii🩷

This is a strictly 18+ space, please DNI if you’re a minor.

This is honestly just a vent blog for me.

I project feelings onto fiction, so I do write fanfiction where i’m just projecting onto a victim (usually my favorite character, so sorry). so maybe I’ll post drabbles? Who knows…

Otherwise, this is just a vent blog. For myself, and also you if you happen to come across this blog and find yourself relating to my experiences.

TW: I will be talking about SA, abuse, religious trauma, generally pretty heavy topics so please don’t interact if that makes you uncomfortable. trigger warnings in tags.

This is an open space to share any similar experiences, advice, or literally anything else you’d wanna chat about in my asks.

if you do find this blog, please don’t use the r-word in reference to me. for yourself or others, it’s alright. but just not for me, please. SA, assault, stuff that beats around the bush is okay. Thank you.

Interests: kpop (particularly 2-4 gen groups), books, anime, manhwas, genshin impact, k dramas

my bsf’s mother always makes 삼겹살 but i’ve yet to try it even tho they all insist it’s so good and i’ll love it. i can’t tell if im just being a picky eater or if somewhere deep down, im still letting islam dictate my life.

it kinda bothers me how long deconstructing religion takes. a lot of muslims talk about how ex muslims make it their entire personality but like, duh? it’ll take years and years to fully free yourself. of course we still talk about islam. it still affects us.

choosing freedom isn’t an easy one minute task. it takes years of deliberation and then years of deconstructing. and even then, it’s still there somehow.

i found nothing but proof it was man made. i believe in a god i think, i don’t know. it’s comforting thinking you’re not alone. but islam? that cannot be the truth.

i was muslim. i’m still surrounded by islam because my parents’ country was taken over by it. it’s deeply engrained into my culture and i can never escape it.

i know islam because i’ve lived it and learned it. and through all of that, i realized just how evil religion in general is. not just abrahamic faiths, all organized religion.

my own beliefs right now are personal. they don’t require eyes watching me perform rituals to seem like a good person. they don’t require sacrifice and the belief that i have to be miserable on earth because this life is a prison for the believer. they don’t steal from me or others. they just exist. and i can change my belief system whenever it doesn’t work for me anymore. it’s freedom.

that’s what religious beliefs should be. having belief in something or not is deeply personal.

the religions dominating the planet make the world worse.

because there is no “between you and allah” with them.

it’s between you and the community you live in.

you don’t perform well enough, you’re socially punished for it. your family’s honor rests on your shoulders.

there’s no personal aspect to organized religion. it just exists to control the masses.

i think maybe a higher being created us. but i don’t think that higher being is judge, jury, and executioner.

i kinda see it like in supernatural where god just sorta created the earth and then left.

maybe those beliefs will change later on. maybe they won’t.

but there’s no shame or fear in questioning the world around me.

once you leave the culture of religion, you learn a lot about how manipulative the environment you were in is.

find spirituality, find atheism, find antitheism, find whatever means something to you.

not your neighbor, your country, your family.

you.

a child born to christian parents in the united states will be christian.

a child born to hindu parents in nepal will be hindu.

it’s imperative to learn who and what you are outside of that context.

how much of it do you truly believe and how much are you performing?

i realized i was performing all of it. i still am.

i’m a child born to muslim parents and to everyone in the world i am muslim.

but i’m not.

religion is political. it’s a protected or oppressed class depending on where you are and what you are.

in its context in the world, it exists as a classifier, not a set of beliefs.

i’m classified as muslim even though i don’t believe in it because it’d be unsafe for me to say otherwise.

so i despise muslims who try to minimize the experience of ex muslims. you won’t be killed for existing as you are because you fit into the box.

it’s dangerous to admit your deviance from islam and to take the bravery of an outspoken ex muslim and claim they’re lying is pathetic at best, evil and cruel at worst.

you’ll do anything to defend your beliefs, even step on other people.

at what point is this a matter “between you and allah”?

at what point of the verbal harassment, physical harassment toward ex muslims and non muslims do you stop and realize what this is?

you’re angry because islam isn’t a belief set. it’s a system of control. and to see someone outside of it challenges your entire worldview. because why do you ascribe to these beliefs while others don’t have to?

it’s not fair. you justify it to yourself again and again how you’re right, how they’re wrong. and you insult them, harass them, get happy at the thought of them burning and suffering for eternity while you get paradise for being right.

where in that do you see islam as just a set of beliefs?

when will you realize it twists how you exist and how you view others?

if you need everyone on the planet to submit to your worldview to have confidence in your beliefs, well then it isn’t just a way of life “between you and allah”

it’s control.

if a primary teaching of your religion is to create more like you, what does that tell you honestly?

that it’s the truth? or that it’s easy to manipulate people if you hold their faith in your hands.

why do you think we start indoctrinating children young? it’s easy to frighten them.

fear allah. he’ll punish you. he’ll make your life miserable on earth and then throw you in hell. obey.

obey.

obey.

obedience is the most important part of faith.

because apparently it’s a sin to abandon family.

???

ur “family” likes little girls, that doesn’t bother you?

guess it wouldn’t.

if you’re happy in this world, there’s no reason for you to want anything the next one offers.

music and dancing are the most innate biological aspects of human life. hell, babies’ first instinct when hearing a beat is to move their bodies. islam removed that, introduced the quran being recited melodically and prayer rituals that involve the movement of your body.

the only way to supplement that loss of music and dance is by getting deeper into religion.

you must restrict your body with your clothing, you mustn’t interact with the opposite gender, you mustn’t indulge in your desires, you exist to get married and reproduce.

watching tv is haram.

drawing is haram.

performing is haram.

posting on social media is haram.

speaking in public is haram.

singing haram.

existing haram.

they built a whole system of control around the basis that “this world is a prison for the believers and paradise for the disbelievers”.

because only a prisoner would dream of freedom.

who would be desperate enough to chase sunlight than a person who’d never been allowed to bask in its warmth?

take away life’s joys and you have people willing to do anything for the bare minimum.

not even the bare minimum. they’re willing to kill themselves over a fantasy. intangible happiness.

tell these people who know nothing but suffering that they have to follow these specific rules and worship this specific man and his god and if they do that, they’re guaranteed all their heart’s desire.

but they can’t get it in their one and only life, they have to strive for happiness in a gamble. these people dangle the possibility of an afterlife over their heads and they’re too busy trying to reach that, they don’t realize the powerful gain more power and the rich get richer and they are complicit in their own suffering.

why would a poor man want better when this life is just temporary?

why would they go against the status quo when they have heaven for eternity?

what is 70 years of suffering in comparison to a forever paradise full of humanly desires.

gold, wine, mansions, servants.

heaven could’ve been anything, but it’s just a reflection of human desire from the fifteenth century.

what is the point of gold in heaven? a random rock humans gave value to?

being served? living large? that’s what the people in control have already. they want you to believe you can never get that here. they have it. they’re living your heaven and selling you the lie that you can’t obtain it unless you’re dead.

name one rich muslim woman that veils?

islam is not a belief in the divine. something greater. a purpose for your life.

islam is deception.

you’ve fallen for a scheme.

believe in god, a higher power, multiple deities, nothing and everything at the same time. whatever you find yourself aligning with.

don’t believe in any organized religion.

they’re not what you think they are.

look at religions and notice their rules and beliefs reflect the culture they originated from. notice how societal norms of their originating eras are woven into their holy teachings.

notice how nothing divine has occurred in centuries, why did god only intervene in the past?

he used to flood the world, do all of these magnificent things.

but for all of modern history, he’s taken a step back?

you have free will and yet god used to kill people who pissed him off.

ordered a man to kill his own son to prove his faith.

he doesn’t do that anymore?

each story has a lesson that concludes with blind devotion and control for a reason.

they kept urging me to move back home and i came back reluctantly bc i have no choice until i get my freedom back in september.

my mother is over here waking me up for fajr and making me pray, do tasbees, etc.

literally for what? focus on yourself.

the constant islam talk. i’m so so so fed up.

the whole house’s atmosphere is grim. her and my father are constantly yelling, always angry.

it’s muhurram right now so we aren’t even allowed to show any happiness at all until after ashura.

bro why?? forgive me for my lack of empathy, but those people died a long time ago. why am i not allowed to leave the house, laugh, have fun, because some people i don’t know died a million years ago?

we didn’t even mourn like this when my dad’s father died.

and then they go to this mosque where men and young boys start hitting themselves with knives and stuff (my mom isn’t even shia btw).

WHY? are they doing that????

and also how convenient is it that muhummad is the last prophet?

and to be a muslim, you have to believe in god and him too.

shouldn’t the requirements be belief in god only? not god plus this human being?

everything he does is perfect, we should all strive to be like him.

oh but he had sex slaves and married his son’s wife, committed genocide, destroyed historical sites and built his own stuff on top of them, encouraged killing people who left his religion.

you know what this sounds like to me?

a power hungry man who created a whole belief system, except he wasn’t creative enough to make up his own so he stole from the other abrahamic faiths and zoroastrianism, as a way to get power.

why should i pray?