hubcaps && ashtrays

“You got an extra phone charger on you? Mine’s got a short in it. I was gonna grab one from the gas station but they wanna charge me, like. Fifteen dollars.” Jude grimaces, like the cost of the cord insulted his grandma or something. “It’s outrageous, is what it is. Damn tourist towns.”

merlot: do you have any unusual fears?

jude has an irrational fear of dolls. like, he knows they won’t come to life while he’s asleep but does he really know that?

cardinal: what is the first song that made you cry?

“I would take a cave.” Arms crossed in front of him to rest his chin on, satisfied that his little tantrum got enough attention for him to get over it. “A bear would probably make a cool roommate. Imagine being known as the dude who gave up on modern life and got accepted by the bears. Shit would be sick.” Until the bears got hungry, anyway. A minor detail. “Okay, fair. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that. For a bunch of reasons. Phone calls are their own special level of hell.”

he drops into the opposite empty chair with an overly dramatic, heavy sigh. “i think if i have to answer one more email i’m just gonna delete my whole google account. we’ll all pretend i never existed and i’ll go live under the pier like a hermit.” and with that, he lays his head on the table. going still for a few moments before peeking back up to make sure his theatrics were getting adequate attention.   |   @cfjvde​ and/or @ofqu1nn​

“    don’t all girls dance around naked around a firepit  &  burn their ex’s shit when they get together?     ”      her playful intonation makes a mockery of it,    drowning any truth behind layers of rampant lunacy.   laura laughs,   her sweet as bubblegum, chidlike giggle that leaps from the back of her throat  &   holds a chunk of almond hair between expending fingers .   “    does my hair still smell like ash?   ”    @irvingstarters

“No idea. I think mine blocked me, so I can’t really ask.” The absent twisting of the ring on his finger isn’t a conscious thing, more just something that is. He doesn’t think she’d be the type to burn anything he left behind, but. Apparently he barely knew her anyway. Anyway. “I can’t smell anything from here, so if someone else says you do, I think they’re probably just weird.” He shrugged at the question, his time in town having already rendered that less than strange, in comparison.

“she’s  a  simple  person.  she  sees  a  cool  rock  ,  she  picks  it  up.”  or,  well,  gracelynn  does.  “but  now  my  pockets  are  full  of  rocks  -  and  if  i  was  to  go  swimming  with  ’em  i’d  sink  to  the  bottom.  the  fuck  do  i  do  with  all  these  rocks?” / @cfjvde​ .

“There’s this pain in my chest, recently,” the rosary dangling against her sternum is laced in between her fingers. She tugs it, fiddles with the beads, pupils huge and shivering. “A horrible pain. I don’t know if it’s my heart… Or my lungs… I don’t know where… It is. Can you tell me?” Perched upon the windowsill of a stranger’s home, the party surrounding them is encased in green light. So many bodies. The carpet is dingy and gritty. There are broken bottles across the bedroom floor. Scratches in the leather upholstery of an ancient couch. Mon takes the wrist of her company and directs them, places their palm to her chest, the space right below her collarbone. Thump-thump-thump. Against her back is nothing but cold air and a fire escape. She seems lost, here, her hair damp from sweat and sticking to her cheeks, framing her face like a portrait of a woman etched in the newspaper. Displaying her beauty, breathlessly, hoping someone will notice. “Can you feel it? My body? Has it died?”

Jude’s own cross necklace feels as if it is burning him, though he doesn’t voice this. It feels strange to speak aloud, to speak into existence and risk making his own turmoil tangible. The necklace had been a gift from his grandmother, the chain replaced frequently in his life but the pendant always the same, a cold, unyielding reminder of what he came from, what was expected of him. And here he was, dragged to some party in someone’s home by...someone. Honestly, things just happened to him at this point. He sometimes felt like throwing the damn thing away would do him some good, but. He’s still got his wedding ring on his finger, for God’s sake. Jude is not the sort to be done with things and be rid of them. He’s the sort that lingers, that wallows in his own torment and pain and almost forces himself to feel it, like that’s the form of penance he must take up to atone for whatever atrocities he committed to wind up the way he has. 

When his wife-- er, ex-wife? It still felt strange to say. When his ex-wife had formally served him with the divorce papers, Jude hadn’t known what to feel. Empty, a bit. Somewhat hurt. More relieved than he’d admit to. These were options, but were they normal? Jude, ever a child of the internet, only knew of one place to find out. He searched up what he could, looked into how long the process was going to take, common snags, the rate at which divorced people got back together, any anxiety he could think of would be shared with the Google search bar, and not another soul. They wouldn’t subpoena search histories, but if they did all they would find was that Jude was, in a word, pathetic. 

@irvingstarters​​

“Jesus, there’s really no bloody signal signal here is there?” The question wasn’t posted to anyone in particular as he glanced down at his mobile, camera slung across his shoulder. He didn’t need it but he preferred to upload his photos as he went, having had plenty of near-misses. It was still early in the day, the sun had just come up and he’d collected his gear from the car after his morning run. “Best network my arse.” He mumbled, once again, not to anyone around him which was, thankfully, few due to the hour anyway. 

irving  is  a  place  where  elijah  is  sure  that  it  could  be  the  picture  perfect  definition  of  ‘waterfront’  town  or  even  idealistic.  never  words  he’d  use  willingly,  but  the  sat’s  were  good  for  something.  the  beaches  were  the  best  part  of  it  all  (  maybe  not  the  people,  but  he  was  always  a  people  person  to  begin  with  )  and  most  of  the  residents  probably  agreed.  though  there  wasn’t  much  action  on  the  beach  today  —–  it’s  cold,  and  not  the  best  weather  for  it,  but  georgia  loves  it  and  how  can  he  resist  her  cute  face?  spoiler:  he  can’t,  actually.  it’s  like  impossible.  “you’d  be  surprised,  she’s  chewed  at  least  two  of  mine.”  only  when  she’s  alone  and  left  alone  for  longer  periods  of  time  that  he’s  not  exactly  happy  with  either.  anxiety  or  something,  maybe.  for  him.  not  for  georgia.  thinks  she’s  just  a  little  shit  in  that  case.  “where  you  headin’?”

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?

oh god, so awkward. jude was a good little southern baptist boy and waited til marriage, like he was always told to. sure, he’d fooled around before that, who hadn’t but as far as sex...him and his wife were both products of 18 years of abstinence only teaching. they knew, like, the logistics, but no one warned either of them how awkward and funny sex can be. jude totally fumbled trying to put the condom on --why did no one tell him it’s hard to keep it up in the moment?? oh god hopefully she doesn’t notice or something he’d die if she said something-- and he was so in his head he didn’t actually even finish. he’s better at it now but dear god he thought he was gonna die of embarrassment. 

💋 How many people has my muse slept with?