(From the Perspective of Comtesse and Vampire Yvette Preux)
>I page my maid from across the house.
>I hear the pager go off in the other room a full forty seconds before I hear her heels coming down the hall.
>I tell her I want a banana from the pantry.
>She comes back with the banana and hands it to me, unpeeled.
>I tell her to peel the banana.
>She looks at me like I’m not paying her $30/hour.
>She takes the banana back and starts wiggling the stem to break the peal.
>I tell her to stop! She’s going to make the tip mushy. She needs to go get a knife to cut the stem off so she can peel it without making it mushy.
>She asks me if I’m serious. She asks me if I’m a fucking baby.
>I tell her that if I was a baby, I wouldn’t be so particular about eating mushy food, would I?
>She tells me she is not going to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get a knife.
>I flick out my switchblade (the one with the serpent design) and hand it to her.
>She asks me if we’re killing someone or peeling a banana.
>I tell her neither, apparently, because the banana is still conspicuously unpeeled.
>She finally cuts the stem off with my switchblade and starts making progress in the immensely unchallenging task I have assigned to her.
>I tell her to cut off the brown parts.
>She tells me the brown parts are fine to eat.
>I tell her that since I have lifted her out of the very bedrock of poverty she can look forward to eventually unlearning her contentment to eat rotten fruit and fucking garbage.
>She tells me the brown parts aren’t rotten, they’re how you make banana bread.
>I ask her if I’m eating banana bread, or if I’m eating a fucking banana.
>She tells me I don’t even need to eat bananas, I’m a vampire.
>I tell her she doesn’t need to eat bananas either but the vampire who keeps her getting food from the grocery store instead of the soup kitchen is telling her to cut the brown part off of this banana.
>She finally does what I’ve told her to do after making an ungracious noise.
>As much as I do love them, this is why people of lower pedigree shouldn’t do things like hold office.
theartofmadeline
baratheonpilled
annaxmalina
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
