Dose of Vitamin Cee.

I know online there are always people who tend to be braver, ruder or harsher with their words than if you were there in person.

I remember before we officially started “trying to conceive” I went on a forum and asked a very innocent question. I asked, “for those trying long, what are your tips or motivation to keep on trying. I am just about to start out and want some advice since it took my sisters years of trying. I am expecting the same.”

I thought I get some great advice instead of got lots of backlash. Like “why are you writing on this forum you’re suppose to write on another group.” or “just because it’s your sisters, its not going to be you. get the fuck off this forum.” etc.

Bitter ass bitches. 

Currently it’s hard to keep our secret that we are pregnant. Only because these symptoms are hindering me from “acting” normal. My family just thinks I am just a lazy bum, but really don’t know I’m exhausted and feeling nauseous more often. But within 3 weeks they will they will know the truth!

And I’m excited to tell them so they get off my back. haha.

I already told my two bestie’s because..why not! lol

I’m not a rocket scientist here but ...

Husband aka the penis : proficient in sperm count and performs when needed.

Wife aka whirlpool : testosterone levels sometimes elevates. however subject does respond to medication w/ease as well as ovulates when tracked.

Now throw in 4.5 years of trying and “trying but not trying” ..what do you get?

No baby?! No false positive?! No slight faint hint of positive?!

I may or may not have been subconsciously procrastinating taking clomid. I guess between my ankle sprain causing me to miss workouts and my past experiences with clomid makes me more nervous than excited.

I know not wanting to gain weight isn’t vanity reasons. It’s a combo of working hard to get to where I’m more comfortable with my body and gaining it to only be disappointed that I’m not pregnant and needing to move to other options.

It’s been almost 2 years since I stopped using clomid. It’s a scary thing to go back on because I worked so hard to control my weight, set my mind on positive thoughts and pick up the courage to TTC again with medicine.

I know it seems like “whatever bitch that is this and that of you.” No, when you’ve been trying for almost 4 years. it’s COURAGEOUS to keep pushing, to keep from being bitter, to be happy for others pregnancy, to still love yourself for the achievements you’ve accomplished even though you rather have “pregnancy” as one..or rather pregnancy just ONCE.

But I’m hoping I’ll have some good news in the next few months whether it would be baby related or not. I want to give this a real good go before we move on to other methods.