#ttcing

I know online there are always people who tend to be braver, ruder or harsher with their words than if you were there in person.

I remember before we officially started “trying to conceive” I went on a forum and asked a very innocent question. I asked, “for those trying long, what are your tips or motivation to keep on trying. I am just about to start out and want some advice since it took my sisters years of trying. I am expecting the same.”

I thought I get some great advice instead of got lots of backlash. Like “why are you writing on this forum you’re suppose to write on another group.” or “just because it’s your sisters, its not going to be you. get the fuck off this forum.” etc.

Bitter ass bitches. 

I’m not a rocket scientist here but ...

Husband aka the penis : proficient in sperm count and performs when needed.

Wife aka whirlpool : testosterone levels sometimes elevates. however subject does respond to medication w/ease as well as ovulates when tracked.

Now throw in 4.5 years of trying and “trying but not trying” ..what do you get?

No baby?! No false positive?! No slight faint hint of positive?!

Is tough. Another pregnancy announcement from a friend. Another bout of heartache. And it’s not just heartache - it’s unwarranted shame that my (our) body isn’t good enough to make a little life.

It’s been almost 2 years since I stopped using clomid. It’s a scary thing to go back on because I worked so hard to control my weight, set my mind on positive thoughts and pick up the courage to TTC again with medicine.

I know it seems like “whatever bitch that is this and that of you.” No, when you’ve been trying for almost 4 years. it’s COURAGEOUS to keep pushing, to keep from being bitter, to be happy for others pregnancy, to still love yourself for the achievements you’ve accomplished even though you rather have “pregnancy” as one..or rather pregnancy just ONCE.

But I’m hoping I’ll have some good news in the next few months whether it would be baby related or not. I want to give this a real good go before we move on to other methods.