Pip pip da doodly doo

You know what bugs me about soulmate aus? So, I’m assuming that this whole “the first thing your soulmate says to you blahblahblah” is a worldwide thing. So many of the aus I’ve read have a quote at some point that addresses how tragic it is when people have soul words that say something like “hi” or “‘sup” which makes NO SENSE! In a world where the first thing you say to people is THAT important, WHY GOD WHY would the culture still use standard greetings? Who the fuck is still saying hello at this point? Everyone in these worlds would surely develop a personalized greeting different from everybody else’s to prevent confusion. Like how no 2 racehorses can have the same racing name? The best part is that every time people met someone new for the first time, they would try to say something that no one else had said. You’d have people meeting eachother at a job intetview, they’d shake hands, smile politely, then one of them would be like “Every Tuesday, I hard even grape purple farm house sunsets too” and this would be perfectly normal. Or you’d go up to the cash register at Starbucks and instead of saying “Hello, what can i get for you today?” She’d look you right in the eye and say “I don’t know what Space Jam is” THEN ask you what you want and she’d repeat that to every customer in the line for the rest of her career. And because they live in the AU, nobody would think it was weird.

op you are forcibly opening my third eye with a crowbar and i am here for it

homosexual? oh no, you misheard me. i’m homersexual. im only attracted to the abstract concept of a collection of oral poets who can recite thousands of lines about the rage of achilles and the journeys of odysseus from memory

Oh thank God I thought you meant Simpsons porn

As a bisexual woman here is a list of all the men I find attractive:

Andy Samburg

you’re really cute and its ruining my life because i think about kissing you all the time

Unpopular opinion: Being intelligent isn’t an excuse for being unkind.

The anti Jennifer Lawrence

Shez a Scorpio lmao