Dear Dollie | Part thirty one
TW: A little arguing, Mentions of child abuse, Mentions of murder, Crying, Love confessions, Begging, SMUT, Dry humping,Nipple play,PIV (unprotected obv ya girls already got a bun in the oven)
Gator opens up about his childhood, His worries about having a son, Miss tries to reassure him and a moment between them leads to an oopsie 👶🏻
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You stare at him for a moment, The smirk on his lips giving him away. You smile at him, Hoping the way your heart was beating in your chest didn't give you away. Or the way your hands were made into fists at the side of you, You didn't know who to swing for first honestly. Gator or this bitch sat on the sofa.
"Dollie?" You called bringing her attention back to you "Go get changed baby" You gestured to the paint on her shirt from doing crafts at school. You watch to make sure she's out of the room before turning your attention back towards Gator, His eyes were wide now as he looked at the smile on your face.
"Well! Im so glad you got one so quickly!" You turned walking towards the sofa, The new nanny was pretty. Just like Gator liked them apparently, She was smiling sweetly as you got closer.
"W-what?" Gator stayed in place, Not expecting this kind of reaction from you.
"So, How old are you?" You asked as you looked at her, You could see the awkwardness setting into her. "Hm?"
"uh, Twenty five"
You mock gasped, turning towards Gator from your seat.
"Just your age range!" You held your thumb up towards him, Gator exhaled as he shook his head knowing you were playing him at his own game. "And he's asked you to move in, Right?"
"Y-yes" She didn't look as happy anymore, Her eyes flicking between you and Gator with a confused expression.
"How convenient!" You grinned turning back towards Gator who was looking at the floor now "You've nailed this one, Gator"
"Got a boyfriend?"
"No"
You scoffed at her answer, Shaking your head this time.
"You will have, Give it a few weeks" You sighed as you stood up from the sofa looking down at her "One last thing, He doesn't use protection" You rest your hand against your bump as you walk away from her.
"Baby.." Gator said as you walked past him towards the door, Holding onto your arm making you stop.
“No” you point your finger at him “I don’t want to hear it!”
"S'fake mama" Gator exhales, Your brows furrow as you look at him "Need ya home"
"Fake?"
Gator rubbed a hand over his face as he looked at you, Not saying anything. Expecting you to just understand, Like he did with everything in your life.
~
You sat on the sofa in your apartment, Heart heavy as the silent settled. Needed you home? Was it ever your home? You were always something disposable to him, Something he could walk away from and just forget about. But what about when your son arrived? Would he just walk away from the both of you? He never walked away from Dollie but it was different, He loved her mama. He chose her.
He wanted Dollie, a welcome addition to his life but this baby? Was it the same? He begged Dollies mama not to leave, He left you. Your chest tightened as you thought about everything that had happened between you both, You loved him. For all his flaws and everything he'd done to you but you knew you shouldn't.
You saw the stress on his face when you talked about your son, He didn't have the warm expression he did when he talked about Dollie. Would it change when he was here? Or would your baby always come second best to the one he'd had with the woman he loved. The same woman he killed.
Was he even capable of love? You saw him around Dollies mama, The love sick expression, Falling for her every word, Acting like you weren't even in the room when she was. But he killed her. Just like that, she was gone. Would that be you one day?
You exhaled placing a hand over your bump, Heart racing in your chest. You think you can trust him, He's never tried to hurt you before but you knew he had it in him.
The door knocked pulling you from your thoughts, it was late so you decided to stay still hoping they'd leave.
"Mama?" You heard him call from the door "Know yer home, Yer cars out front" He knocked again, Everything in your body told you to answer. See what he wanted but you couldn't, You weren't even sure you wanted to know.
"30 seconds pretty, Givin ya extra time cause yer all slow an tha" He scoffed, His face must be pressed flat against your door because he sounds like he's already inside how clear his voice is "Then im comin in"
You sigh, pushing up off the sofa. The last thing you need is him kicking the door down when you hadn't even lived here this long. The door kept knocking as you walked towards it, Funnily the rapid beating of your heart had calmed down at the sound of his voice.
You open it and he smiles, It wasn't his usual smug smile he looked relived to see you.
"There ya are" His hand rested against your face and you pulled away quickly "Can we talk?"
"Do I have a choice?"
Gator sighed, Shaking his head before stepping through the door into your apartment.
"Not really, Mama"
You follow him towards your sofa, Watching as he bounced down onto it like he owned it. You sit next to him, Enough space between you so you can see him but you weren't touching.
"Paid her" He mumbled looking down at the floor "Fuckin paid someone to pretend to be a nanny ta make ya jealous" He scoffed finally turning to look at you, You didn't know how it made you feel. Hurt? Relived? Both?
"Why?"
"I jus want ya home, Mama" His hand moved towards yours "Thought ya would see her an wanna come home, make sure nothin was goin on"
"I don't care what you choose to do anymore, Gator"
He looked hurt, You could see it in his eyes. Maybe you were wrong maybe he does love you he just cant show you, Maybe this is his way of showing you?
"Don't say tha" He half smiled, Like he was trying to bring the mood in the room back up. "Ya love me?"
"I do"
"Im stupid, Mama" Gators fingers looped in-between yours, Pulling your hand to his lips. He let his lips brush over the skin of your knuckles where your fingers both connected "Ive been so stupid"
"I know"
"Wanna show ya, Wanna prove I love ya"
"I don't want you to show me, I want you to tell me" You shuffled closer to him on the sofa "I mean, I want both. But right now, I need an explanation" You whisper, Big eyes meeting his as he nods slowly.
"What ya wanna know?"
"Why you keep telling me you love me, Then doing things that prove you don't"
Gator looked offended, He'd protected you from multiple people now, Yeah he fucked up with his dad but when things needed doing he got them done. He'd begged multiple times for you to come home, He'd made his home your home, Let you into his daughter's life, You knew secrets he'd never told anyone. He could feel the rage bubbling inside, but he didn't want to argue right now, he wanted to make things right.
You watched as he exhaled, Eyes moving back towards the floor before he started to talk.
"Aint really had much of a role model of what a good relationship should look like pretty girl, Not an excuse I know tha" he looked back up at you "Ya met my daddy, Ya saw what he's like with women. Said ya should be seen not heard, Keep a man happy but stay in line"
Your stomach turned as you listened to him, Wanting to but in and correct him but he was opening up finally.
"Im tryin ta move past all tha, but it sticks around sometimes an I don't know which way ta turn. I know im not him, Id never lay hands on ya" He looked over at you, Like he wanted to see if you actually believed him. You nodded slowly, his eyes softened at that.
"I fuck up, When it feels like ya get too close ta me. I wanna push ya away"
Your brows furrow as you look at him, He wasn't making sense but maybe he would by the time he'd finished.
"But it aint cause I don't want ya, Its cause im scared it'll hurt when ya go"
"So why kick me out? Why leave me?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper. His eyes closed as he listened to you, He couldn't bare to think back to what he'd done.
"Cause if I push ya away, That's my choice. I know its gonna hurt, I can deal with tha" He let go of your hand, Holding his hands together in his lap as he looked at you "But if yer the one hurtin me, I cant deal with it"
It made sense in some sort of fucked up way, He wanted control of his emotions. No nasty surprises if he was the one doing the hurting.
"You know that's not normal, right?" You asked, heart breaking a little as he nodded at you. "You can talk to people, they can help. I can help" You smile softly, Letting your hand rest on top of his. "But I will never come back to that house"
Gators chest tightened, He'd always known this would be the way it was. Too much bad had happened there, You needed a fresh start if things were ever going to work between you.
"I know" he whispered.
"And the baby, I don't feel like you're I don't know, excited?" Gators heart felt like it was breaking in his chest. God he loved that baby already, He loved the thought of having a little version of himself running around, Dollie having a little brother to introduce to star. His own Tillman boy who he'd do everything in his power to raise the right way, make him feel the love he never felt.
"I love him" Gator sighed as he looked at you "I jus.."
"Your dad?"
Gator nodded, Hands moving to cover his face as he exhaled.
"Ya didn't know me when I was still involved with him, Or when I was a kid" Your stomach turned, You'd spent most of your adult life working with children. You knew that there was parents out there who hurt kids, Parents that didn't deserve the title but the thought of Gator being one of those kids? It made you feel sick. "I- I don't wanna dump all tha shit on ya, Mama. But just trust me, Wasn't good" He shrugged his shoulders as he looked down at his hands. So vulnerable for once, You wanted more. Maybe you'd understand who Gator Tillman really was then. Was he really just the violent man you loved? Was he really just a murderer?
"I want you too, I want to know all of you" You lean forward pressing a kiss to his cheek, Gator let his head fall back against the sofa eyes up towards the ceiling as all the memories of his childhood flooded back. His skin felt like it was covered in ants, The room felt too warm all of a sudden.
You noticed the change in him straight away, The way his chest was moving rapidly, The way he kept rubbing at his face like something was irritating him.
"You don't have to, Not if you don't want" You reassured him, But he shook his head wrapping one of his arms around the back of the sofa. You shuffled into the space he'd made and you felt him relax as your head rests against him.
"Couldn't do anythin, Had ta be strong all tha time. Couldn't have a hobby unless it involved a gun" He scoffed as he said it "Wasn't allowed ta be a kid"
You let your hand rest against his chest softly, Fingertips tapping against his shirt.
"Stepped outta line? Smacked up" He shook his head "Breathed the fuckin wrong way an was smacked up"
Your stomach turned, You could hear his heart beating rapidly in his chest under your head.
"He'd hurt my mama" His voice sounded weak as he spoke, Like if he spoke any louder he wouldn't be able to keep himself together "Fuck, I couldn't stop him"
You pulled away to look up at him, The way his eyes were wild but filled with sadness broke your heart.
"All I could do was sneak in her room after the beatin and check on her.. How fuckin pathetic is tha"
"You were a child" You whisper, Pressing your hand to his cheek to try and ground him, Reminding him they were just memories.
"Then when she left, I fuckin waited, days, months, Years" He exhaled rubbing at his eyes "Thought if she really loved me shed come home eventually, Used ta do these stupid fuckin cards to give her when she got back. Fer all the birthdays of hers I missed"
Tears started to prickle in your eyes as you looked at him, In physical pain as he talked about her.
"But think I knew deep down, She was never comin back. Don't think shed be able ta even if she wanted" He squeezed your shoulder softly "The noises I heard from tha night before she left, No one would survive tha"
"Im so sorry.." You whispered as you kissed his cheek, A soft taste of salt from a tear you must have missed slip from him lingered against your lips.
"So when I think bout havin my own son, Scares me"
"You're not him, You couldn't be even if you tried" You reassured him, Letting your forehead fall against his softly.
"It's always on my mind, Will I hurt him? Will I love him? Why didn't my dad love me?" The words were coming out before he had chance to even think about them, Regretting letting them slip past his lips as he heard himself. "I love him, I wanna be the best dad fer him"
"You will be, Look at how you are with Dollie girl" You smile softly, For the first time since you'd started talking about his childhood his eyes looked alive. His baby girl, pride and joy.
"S'different with girls"
"How do you know that?"
"Cause dad was always good with tha twins, Well..Never touched em"
"Its not because you're a boy Gator, He was just.."
"I know" He sighed cutting you off, He let his nose brush against yours softly "Jus, These thoughts they jus don't leave me alone sometimes"
"You're a good man, Gator" You smiled, Letting your hand rest against his cheek softly. "Even if you are a little fucked up" You tease, His lips starting to turn up in the corners as his heart flutters away. Inhaling you, The closest you'd been to his face in weeks without crossing any boundaries.
"I am?" He asks softly, Big eyes looking into yours as you nod.
"The best" You whisper, Breath hitting his lips. He'd do anything to kiss you right now, Pull you in just that little bit closer so your lips touch his. He'd been good, He'd waited for months. Every day that passed him by it got harder to stay away from you. The moment you shared in the bathroom was the best thing that had happened to him in months, He'd lay in bed at night thinking about it. How soft your skin was, How perfect you looked to him. The sweet noises you made as he kissed your skin, The way your eyes lay heavy against him as you watched him.
How badly he wanted it to continue, How when you stopped him his heart broke. Not because he wanted to have sex with you, He did. But it was because he wanted to be close to you, To feel the connection that you both shared. He craved you, Everything about you made him feel good, Even when you were bitchy with him it sent a thrill through his body. He needed you.
"G-good" Gator whispered, You smile softly before letting your lips rest against his. A small gasp leaving Gators mouth as he parted his lips letting your tongue into his mouth, Your hand reaching round to the back of his head nails grazing the back of his neck as you kissed him.
Gators tongue softly brushed against yours, Soft groans as he kissed you back. His hands moving to pull you onto his lap properly, He couldn't think straight even if he wanted to right now, Melting into you as you rolled your hips against him.
Gators hands moved down to hold onto your hips, Stilling your movements. You pulled away from the kiss for a moment to look at him, His eyes were wild.
"What's wrong?" You whisper, Lips pressed back against his before he could answer you. The kiss was a little more urgent this time, Wet noises coming from the way your lips crashed into each other. Gator broke the kiss, Exhaling as you sat back up.
"Don't wanna push it"
"It's me pushing it" You smiled softly "I want this" Gator stared at you for a moment, Heart racing in his chest before he pulled you back into him. Chest heaving as he kissed you, Tongue dragging across your lip as he groaned into your mouth.
You let your head fall back as gators mouth connects with your neck, Sucking and kissing his way across it as his hips rolled up to meet your movements. The thick hard length of him dragging slowly across your bare pussy making your back arch. Gator sat back on the sofa, Eyes half lidded as he watched you get yourself off onto of him.
"God, Yer so perfect" Gator whispered as he watched the way your eyes fluttered shut, Biting down softly on your bottom lip as your back arched. "Cmere"
Gators hands were everywhere, But it wasn't a rush. He took his time, Soft strokes up your thighs, Fingertips sneaking under the oversized t-shirt like he was mapping you out, Like they'd never been there before.
"Need more" You sigh as you let your forehead fall against his again "Please"
Gator never had been able to tell you no, Even more so when he could feel how wet you were against his lap. He wasted no time re positioning you on his lap before slipping his arm under your legs and one round the back of you picking you up, Carrying you towards your room.
The room that contained the bed he'd never got to sleep in, The bed that was always going to be empty on one side if you and Gator couldn't work things out.
He placed you down gently, Standing in front of you as he slowly shed his clothes. You pulled the only thing you were wearing off over your head, Which happened to be the over sized tshit Gator let you sleep in before.
You lay completely bare on the bed, Cold air making your nipples harden against your swollen breasts. Gator stepped out of his pants before finally looking up at you, Mouth falling slightly open as the room fell silent.
"Look at ya" Gator whispered, Cock twitching between his thighs. You smile shyly moving your hands to try and hide your breast from his gaze. "No, Mama" Gator crawled onto the bed, Positioning himself between your thighs "Don't hide em, Been waiting" He wasn't smirking, His expression was soft, Adoring.
Gator started to press gentle kisses against your breasts, Groaning every so often like he'd never seen a pair before.
"God, Fuck, They're so full" You blushed a little at his words, Bashfulness disappearing as he took your nipple into his mouth. "Please, Pretty girl"
You gasped as his tongue dragged against your sensitive nipple, Thumb rubbing over the other one.
"P-please what?" You moaned out as he sucked your nipple into his mouth, Letting it back out with a pop before he went back down to it again tongue swirling around it.
"Please, I need ya" He groaned as he switched to your other nipple, Leaving a trail of spit behind as he moved across, Sucking your nipple up into his mouth nipping at it a little making you squirm and moan softly beneath him.
"Im right here" You smiled, He moved from your chest back up your body balancing himself carefully so he didn't put any weight on your bump. Gator licked a strip up your neck towards your ear before kissing all the way back down again.
"No, love ya so much" He groaned against the skin of your neck, Teeth catching the skin as he talked he was that close, Hard cock slotting between your folds making you moan. "Need ya back mama, Cant do it without ya"
Your chest tightens and you want to reassure him that you were his, You always had been but the pleasure building in your stomach wouldn't let you speak. One of his hands moves to cup your breast as he continues kissing your neck, The sounds you were making spurring him on.
He'd never been like this with you before, Totally obsessed with you. Not wanting to miss a single inch of you as his hands and lips made there way across every part. Pushing you right to the edge every time his lips landed in a new place, You shuddered under his touch making him pull back to look at you softly.
"This okay?" He asked letting his nose bump against yours softly "Wanna go further, Pretty"
You nod, Biting down on your lip as you watched him take his cock in his hand giving it a few strokes before letting the tip kiss your entrance.
"Ya sure mama?"
"Gator, Please.." You moaned softly, That's all it took. Gator pushed himself inside Groaning as his hips met yours as best as they could. You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him down closer as his hips start to roll.
"I love ya, I love ya so much" Gator groaned as he thrust into you, Your back arching off the bed as you listened to him babble words of love down to you "So fuckin, Tight an perfect" He groaned as he thrust in deeper, Your body was buzzing. The best it had felt in months, Gators hair was tickling your face as his lips found yours again in a heated kiss only pulling away every so often to check you were okay. "Yer mine, Aint ya mama" He groaned into your mouth, Half dirty talking half wanting to hear you say it.
"Yours" You whisper as his thrusts start to get faster, Gator bit down on his bottom lip eyes locked with yours as the tip of his cock started to hit against the perfect spot making you gasp and dig your fingers into the skin of his shoulders.
"Is - is it too much?" He asked as his hips started to slow down, You groaned at the loss of the feeling pulling his head down towards you taking him in another kiss.
"More" you moaned into his mouth.
Gator listened, Hips going back to the previous speed as he watched the way your breasts bounced from the motion. He moved the hand that was on your breast down to between your legs, Finding your clit instantly as he started to circle it with his finger. Heart racing at the wet sounds coming from you as he fucked you, He knew you were getting close he could feel it.
"Yer gonna cum, Pretty girl" He groaned, the way you were tightening around him made him feel like he was in heaven "Wanna feel ya cum on my cock, Jus like ya used to"
His dirty words sent you over the edge, Pussy fluttering around him as you cried out. Pent up frustration from the last few months finally breaking free.
"God, Yer fuckin soakin me mama" Gator whispered as he looked down at where you were both connected, Your slick covering his cock. "Fuck, fuck"
Your thighs were trembling around him, Eyes closed as you tried to piece yourself back together. Gators thrusts got even faster as he chased his own release, Eyes closed tightly as he pounded into you.
"Gonna.." You felt it before he told you, Thick ropes of warm cum coating inside. You moaned again at the feeling of it, The twitching of his cock as it all came out of him.
Gator gave one final thrust before looking down at you, Eyes widening.
"God fuck, That's so hot yer fuckin squirtin" He groaned as he looked down at you in amazement, Your heart stopped as your eyes met his. He noticed straight away, Pulling out of you.
"N-no" You shook your head as you sat up, Looking down at the soaked sheets underneath you both.
"Well, Shit. Think it’s time mama”
Baby time baby time baby time 🥹
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