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Everything I care, I love falls apart in front of me and I can't do anything about it but to watch.

Everything gets blurry and and black. I just wanted to get better and uhm.. get out in this situation but I don't know how...

I wish to find the answer sooner as I can get, I am drowning with my own misery the worst part is it's not only me who I drag to this mess. The people I care and love are too.

Hays, nagugutom ako pero di ko gusto kumain sa bahay, gusto kong kumain ng masarap sa labas kaya lang dahil sa dami kong binbayaran dahil sa kagagahan ko hindi manlang ako makabili kahit yumburger.

Nagcecrave ako ng ramen ilang linggo na huhu. Nagcecrave ako makagala manlang kahit Tagaytay. Tapos magbday pa ko pero wala ko kahit piso, imagine.

Tapos sakit pa ko sa ulo ng mga taong mahal ko. Bigat na bigat na silang dalhin ako. Burden na din tingin ko sa sarili ko, I understand na burden na din ako sa panangin nila pero wala akong magawa. Naiyak nalang ako kase di ko maiahon yung sarili ko para gumaan ulit lahat sa paligid ko e. Hindi ko na alam talaga inaasa ko nalang lahat sa utang tapos di ko naman din nababayaran lahat ng ayos.

Yow!

Things are getting rough and rough lately, pero di ako dapat sumuko wala akong karapatang sumuko. Patutunayan ko na phase lang ito at malalagpasan ko rin. Sobrang nagpapasalamat ako sa tulong at suporta sakin ng partner ko, kahit sa pinaka lowest point ng buhay ko, yes matuturing kong lowest point ng buhay ko sa ngayon ang nangyayare saken. Babawi ako sa kanya, sa lahat ng ginagawa niya para sa akin at ng pamilya niya.

Sobrang grateful ako sa kanila.

In the quiet night, you drift away,

While shadows linger, and hearts sway.

Resentment brews, anger finds its way,

Why can you sleep when we’re not okay?

Love’s a puzzle, a haunting refrain,

Are we bound by choice, or shackled by pain?

In the silence, questions softly arise,

Is this the truth, or just a disguise?

Was it love that made you stay,

Or fate’s cruel hand that led you astray?

In the depths of our tangled embrace,

I search for answers in this empty space.

So while you rest, I ponder and pray,

For clarity’s light to guide us someday.

In the shadows where our hearts lay bare,

Love should never bring you pain,

It's a gentle sun, not a pouring rain.

It’s a smile that lights up the darkest day,

A warm embrace that chases gray away.

It’s laughter shared in the softest night,

A spark of joy, a feeling so right.

Not the weight of sorrow, nor tears that fall,

But a sweet melody that echoes through all.

So let love be the warmth that you seek,

A tender whisper when life feels bleak.

For love is a treasure, a radiant art,

Hello.

I am here again, cause why not. LOL

Last day of March and here I am with my achy heart trying to make it go away doing silly things sigh. I was wondering if this will stay longer that usual or nah. The pain is tolerable at some point but the reason of it, I am not sure. It's like someone threw a dagger behind your back and it hit you really hard as it struck you from everywhere of your body and soul. OA LOL but that's how I describe whatever I feel, in a very OA way I can say. How I am end up again like this? Why am I in this position again? Why did I let it happen again? I am doing my best but it seems like it's not always you know, appreciated or seen because if it does, things will be different. But did I? Did I really did my best or so I thought? How can you say "I did my best" when I do not have any to compare it with? sigh. This story I can only write in here and cannot be said. I'm not sure where it will goes and end, all I am aware of is that my body and soul is in agony right now.

I wish this is just another OA moment of me, but this is different.

I know how it end, but there's something in me that can't do it urgh.