#shittyhead

Hello.

I am here again, cause why not. LOL

Last day of March and here I am with my achy heart trying to make it go away doing silly things sigh. I was wondering if this will stay longer that usual or nah. The pain is tolerable at some point but the reason of it, I am not sure. It's like someone threw a dagger behind your back and it hit you really hard as it struck you from everywhere of your body and soul. OA LOL but that's how I describe whatever I feel, in a very OA way I can say. How I am end up again like this? Why am I in this position again? Why did I let it happen again? I am doing my best but it seems like it's not always you know, appreciated or seen because if it does, things will be different. But did I? Did I really did my best or so I thought? How can you say "I did my best" when I do not have any to compare it with? sigh. This story I can only write in here and cannot be said. I'm not sure where it will goes and end, all I am aware of is that my body and soul is in agony right now.

I wish this is just another OA moment of me, but this is different.

I know how it end, but there's something in me that can't do it urgh.